Easy, this is just food for thought. But it relates to relationship follies and even the characters, stories, and scripts that are written by female writers…that quite frankly, either don’t make sense or it’s not realistic.
Plainly put, the definition of Empathy is the Ability to “understand and share the feelings of another”. It’s your awareness of what the other person is feeling and why they have those feelings.
At the age of 38-years-old…I don’t think a lot of people have this ability. Not just women, but people in general. But as per the point of this essay, I think it’s an inaccurate stereotype to associate this ability with Women.
In my opinion…I’ve found that a lot of women from my generation seem to struggle to understand why or how another person is feeling what they’re feeling, unless (and only if) they’ve personally experienced that situation for themselves.
First off, I apologize for the click-baity title, because I can’t entirely say the Manosphere has “ruined” the way Millennials date…in so much as it’s changed the way we date. Make no mistake, there are some great things that’s come from the rise of the Manosphere. But when experience is passed down with the absence of Godly wisdom, it can also be destructive and do more harm than good.
Here, I expound on the sixth of eight main points I’ve personally observed to help explain how one thing after another has sabotaged (ruined) dating for my generation. And at the end of each section, I’ll try my best to provide a solution because, I know…these sound like excuses. But I haven’t given up. I still have faith.
The rise of the Manosphere was a reaction to how Gynocentric the mainstream culture has become. It’s the counterculture, the result of Men adapting to a society that’s shown them no love, no appreciation, and little to no reward for the hard work, sacrifices, or very the essence of who they are.
Ladies! This is a huge one. This is a big reason why a lot of people will not get married or have the traditional families our parents and grandparents had. Because of the issues I’m about to discuss, a lot of Millennials are stuck in that perennial high school dance where the boys are on one side and the girls are on the other, but nobody is making a move to approach. Once upon a time, the onus was on men to go and approach the ladies. But because of these issues, the men simply are refusing to do this.
Here, I expound on the third of eight main points I’ve personally observed to help explain how one thing after another has sabotaged (ruined) my generation. And at the end of each section, I’ll try my best to provide a solution because, I know…these sound like excuses. But I haven’t given up. I still have faith.
Back in 2014, almost every media outlet and social forum was talking about that Cat-Calling video. It was the beginning of a campaign that eventually demonize what many believe to be “toxic” male behavior. It was the beginning of acceptance towards open misandry, which many felt was justified due to what they perceived as years of open and accepted misogyny. (because apparently two wrongs do make it right)
In the video, a woman walks through parts of New York and is filmed while a multitude of men are greeting her, complimenting her, wolf-whistling and trying to hit on her. Some were rude and disrespectful, absolutely. But not all of them. The problem is, all of it was deemed cat-calling and sparked a nationwide debate about the terrible harassment women have to face from men who behave like this.
As soon as I saw that video and the reaction it produced, I knew…My first thought was, “Well, damn. Now, how are we gonna talk to women?”
Here’s some questions for you. Does God forgive Satan? Does Jesus Christ love Satan, just as he commanded us to love our enemies? These questions came to mind after a live debate I had with a woman at my gym.
The above were my immediate thoughts following a debate I had with an elderly woman (late 60s) at my gym. It wasn’t planned, but we struck it up and sat in the lobby to hash it out. I didn’t know much about her past prior to this conversation other than she claimed to be Christian. But she’s cool, a gym regular and past a certain age, so I’ve been able to have random chats with her without worrying about “making her feel uncomfortable”.
It began with her inquiring about my being a bachelor (a common topic of fascination). I gave her some details and she said, “Rock. Instead of looking for a wife, maybe you should look for a friend first? Just someone to get along with.”
I smiled and explained, “Yes ma’am. That’s the plan. When I say I’m looking for a wife, that’s just the end goal. It’s really my way of saying that I’m not part of today’s hook-up culture. A lot of my peers do want to get married, but first, they want to get laid. Whereas with me, marriage comes before sex.”
Kevin Samuels used to say, “Y’all want a Boaz, but y’all not Ruth!” After reading the Book of Ruth for the 3rd time and taking the criticism into consideration, I had some thoughts here.
Points Discussed:
What Happens when People Do What’s Good in their Own Eyes
The Levite’s Concubine (Gibeah’s Crime) and how Women were Treated
Boaz as a Role Model for Men
Ruth as a Role Model for Women
Marriage and Divorce
A Biblical High-Value Man
Ruth MADE THE FIRST MOVE!
As always, I encourage everyone to read the Bible for themselves. Don’t just rely on the pastor or what someone told you the Bible says. Go to the source. Read it for yourself. Use your own mind to make conclusions about what you believe. God bless!
Long story short, they don’t. It’s a trick. Ever since I was a kid, I simply nodded along to the cliché that good girls fall for the bad boys. Even after learning about the Red Pill and observing the dating culture, on the surface there does seem to be some truth to it. It wasn’t until recently that I started to question, “If you fall for a bad boy, are you really good?”
There’s important reasons as to why I’m writing this. 1) It’s insulting to the women who really are good. 2) It encourages men to be “bad boys”. 3) “Boring” is being used as a label, more than an adjective, which I think is a deceptive trick to pressure men into prioritizing what women want over being responsible and 4) I think it’s just one more thing people use to justify their bad behavior and foolish choices. As in…“Hey! It’s out of my hands. I’m good so I got no control over myself but to fall for the bad boy!”
You see it in movies and TV shows. There’s the good, honest, wholesome girl who ends up being enticed, manipulated, and turned away from her virtuous values by the Bad Boy. Sometimes, it’s depicted as a good thing. Often, the girl is being oppressed by her religiously strict parents or their rigid traditions that were always holding her back from what she really wanted.
“Nah-uh, Rock! Don’t even start! Alladin was not a bad boy! He was a good guy with a heart of gold! He only stole to survive. He only lied about being a prince because he really wanted to get with Jasmine! That doesn’t make him a ‘bad boy’.”
I apologize if the title sounds insulting. But I promise you…what I’m about to reveal is a bunch of embarrassing insights that speaks more to our weaknesses as Men.
Couple of things to keep in mind. I don’t speak for ALL men. However, if you are proud of being strong and independent and you’re wondering why a certain kind of man isn’t going for you, perhaps this might explain why. And lastly…there are a lot of women who claim to be “strong and independent” the same way a lot of people claim to be “Christians”. If you’re not, you’re not. We’re going to be honest today.
Allow me to begin by suggesting there are different types of strengths and weaknesses. An example mentioned in other essays (and by a late Christian Apologetic): Men generally have greater physical strength, but a woman may have greater emotional strength. When you have a sick dying child, the father may need to get up and leave the room because his emotions are too much, while the mother will have the strength stay by the child’s side.
What prompted this essay, though the topic’s been on my mind for a while, was when a speaker suggested that a “Woman’s strength is in the façade of her weakness.” He used it to explain why a lot of men might not be as interested in marriage and long-term relationships as the men of prior generations. I thought it was weird and dismissed it at first…but lately, I’m beginning to understand.
More and more ladies are openly asking, “What’s the point of a man?” There’s a famous clip of Cher where she’s asked, “Do You Think Men Are Important?” She answers, “for what?”.
To love someone, you must first love yourself. Because if you don’t love yourself, how could you ever love someone else? Sounds like a profound question. In fact, the notion of loving yourself sounds all good and proper. And yet, through mere observation…something seems off.
The first time I heard about this notion of “loving yourself” was when I was 23-years-old, back in January 2010. It was by a Scientologist from my acting class, an older Venezuelan singer in his mid-30s. I remember that night. He spotted me on the treadmill while driving by the gym. I ended my work-out and we talked for hours about philosophy, love, and life. I remember his name. Jessy Leros!
This guy, who was signed by Sony and went on to star in NCIS New Orleans, was kind enough to school me, turning on my critical thinking skills, teaching me that just because two ways are presented to you, it doesn’t mean you can’t create a third. And it was him who told me, “in order to love someone, you must first love yourself.”
He said this because, back then…I was still about 312lbs and had a crush on one of the girls in our acting class. I confided in him about my lack of confidence. She was gorgeous and I really was this big, fat, ugly black dude. You can tell just by looking at Jessy that it’s hard to believe he ever had that problem. But still, he insisted the key was for me to focus on myself. To love myself. Be confident in myself. To have greater respect for myself.
Even before talking to Jessy, there were other Scientologists in the class imparting a similar philosophy. The emphasis on “self” was one of their main talking points. They had a very enticing concept that was, “What’s true for you is true for you…” which is tantamount to self-acceptance. It’s a shortened quote from L.Ron Hubbard, the founder of Scientology, who says, “What is true for you is what you have observed yourself. And when you lose that, you have lost everything.”
I’m not afraid to die alone. When most people hear about how long I’ve been single, it’s easy to assume I’m just a man “going my own way” (MGTOW). I’m not. I’m glad I discovered Sigmas...because I’ve concluded a majority of people just don’t understand. And when they don’t understand you…clearly, there’s something wrong with you.
After about 3 months of starting online dating again…I learned that not much has changed since I tried the last time back in 2014. Except the sites cost more. But this isn’t to complain about the dating culture in general. At this point, it’s about as pointless as complaining about water being wet.
What I’m about to say…I’m speaking on behalf of myself. I don’t know if other 35-year-old single men are like me. But here goes.
Ever since I was young, my father taught me to set goals for myself and to accomplish whatever I said I’m going to do. I love that. I’m great at that and derive an incredible boost of confidence and self-worth from my ability to accomplish those goals. That being said…I don’t like to make goals in which my success depends too much on another person. In this case, my getting married and having children depends on another person wanting to commit to me.
Here is where you’ll have all the Red Pill voices, all the dating coaches, all the playas and Old-School Macks chime in about how you CAN have a great deal of control in how others perceive you. I’ve heard it all. Focus on your money, career, and success and you’ll attract a mate. Focus on hitting the gym and making yourself physically attractive and you’ll attract a mate. Focus on your social skills, build up the confidence and ability to spit game and you’ll attract a mate. Focus on going out and attending events where hot women go and you’ll attract a mate. We’ve heard it all ever since high school.
And I’m not saying any of that’s wrong. There’s a great deal of truth in all of that advice. What I question is the emphasis placed on “attracting a mate”. As if that should be our number one goal in life, above things like doing what’s good in God’s eyes. And more importantly, what if none of that just isn’t you? Are these men who don’t have those goals simply out of luck? I don’t think so.
First off, I want you to know that I in no way take these labels too seriously. You’re about to read about personalities, stereotypes, Feminism, and Red Pill Philosophy that may sound offensive, as if I’m saying one is better than the other. I’m not. Different does not mean better.
Discovering the Sigma Male – We’re Not All Betas and Alphas
Growing up in my teens, one of the biggest frustrations was that my own peers had a difficult time understanding me. This is important to any youth…because we barely understand ourselves. When everyone around you seems to behave similarly, fitting in with the culture and trends, where everyone seems to have their own little clique except for you…you begin to think, “Maybe there’s something wrong with me.”
In fact, most people used to describe me as happy and friendly, always smiling and laughing. They’re not wrong. At the same time, they had no idea about the amount of anger and resentment I had pent up. Every year, I had a different best friend. If I wanted (needed) to, I could blend in with whatever scene I was part of. Whether it was hood/goths/ anime geeks/Save By the Bell pranksters/or Drama Club techies.
I never wanted to shoot up the school or anything like that. Just always had a chip on my shoulder to graduate and get the fuck up out of my parent’s house as soon as possible. I love my parents now, but back then…let’s just say it takes mental effort to fight back all the hate and focus on the good times. Back then, leaving the nest was my number one goal. My focused mission…And if you read my essay about the time my mom tried to have me arrested, it should sum it up.
Stage In The Sky 