Apparently Women Want Tall Men…Just Not Me
Don’t worry, this is gonna be lighthearted and easy. Feel free to comment and poke fun. It goes out to all the tall guys out there who went their whole lives not knowing that being tall was something Women liked about you.
Women like tall men…Is that a myth? Or is it true? The subject came up during a Youtube discussion where I said that I can’t do the “Cold Approach” and mentioned that I’m 6’3, 235lbs (among many other reasons).
A Commenter asked, “You can’t cold approach because you think your size intimidates women?”
Another one followed up with, “I am 5’9.5 being 6’3 is a plus in the dating market.”
This isn’t the first time I’ve been met with such skepticism. Nowadays, it’s out in the open. More and more women are upfront and honest about their desire for tall guys. It’s on their dating profiles. They put it in the comments section. Everyone wants it. They’re looking for men six feet or taller.
So…maybe it’s just me. Maybe it’s just my rotten luck in life. Maybe it’s because I’m so ugly that it cancels out the fact that I am indeed taller than most men. But for the life of me, I never knew my height was such a desirable thing until a few years ago. And I’m 35.
Now, before I get into the dating side of it, allow me to share what it was like growing up as one of the tallest dudes in the room. In the above picture, I was already the tallest in my family when I was 15.
“Wow, you’re really tall!” is what I used to hear from other kids and adults. It didn’t inflate my ego or offend me in any way…but let’s just say, 8th grade was particularly hell for me. When you have about a foot over everyone else, you start to feel out of place. Like a mutant. Couldn’t wait to get to high school. And when I did get to high school, maybe because it’s Georgia, there were a lot of guys around that 6-foot range, so I didn’t feel advantageous about my height then either. It was just, whatever.
From the age of 18-28, I won’t go so far as to say I “hated” being big and tall, but I often saw it as a hinderance. I know that might sound like I’m humble bragging. May even sound annoying if you always wished you were taller. But what if you don’t like being watched? What if, height aside, you already felt awkward and different from most of your peers and your height was just one more thing that made you stand apart.
When I was a college intern, I worked with the late NBA player Dwayne Schintzius. This dude was 7’2 and notorious for an incident at Florida college, where a kid asked him, “What’s the weather like up there!?”
Dwayne said, “It’s raining” and spit on him. Hahaha! I know that sounds bad, but Dwayne’s mannerisms and the way he told the story was super funny. We had so many conversations about how he couldn’t stand people staring at him everywhere he went (and it wasn’t just for the mullet).
“So y’all mad because y’all don’t like being watched?”
When you grow up and get more comfortable being in your own skin, it’s not so bad. But when you’re young, dealing with a lot of insecurity, not knowing whether you’re attractive or how you fit in with your peers…it’s not so fun.
“But still though. People are looking at tall people because they’re in awe! We admire you.”
It doesn’t come off as “awe and admiration” when you’re a stranger from afar, watching us from the corner of your eye and shying away when we turn to make eye contact. It comes off like we got throw-up on our shirts and you don’t want to be caught staring.
When you’re constantly being watched and having people stare at you, there’s this pressure to always be “on”. We can’t just slip in and out of a room without being noticed. We can’t have a bad day without someone noticing. We can’t flirt with a girl in public without having other girls notice. And if we fail, get rejected, or embarrassed, that’s it. Every other woman saw that. Every other woman observed that another woman was your first choice and now they’re pissed (or pretend to be pissed) if you even look their way.
I’m used to all that now. But again…when you’re younger…it can be a bit of a hinderance when people’s perspective of you can affect things like your career and reputation.
“Seriously, Rock. I think you might be overanalyzing. This happens to shorter people too.”
Alright, moving on…There are, of course, a bunch of perks to being tall. For one, people tend to go above and beyond to avoid offending me (not online, but in real life). Even when I was younger. People didn’t try me the way they did other kids. I ended a lot of altercations by simply getting up out of my seat and, suddenly, everyone calms down.
So yeah…overall I do love being tall. Or rather, I’m confident with being who I am. But when it comes to Women and this notion that they love and go for the tall guys…I’m sorry, but for most of my life, I just didn’t experience that.
This is what I told those Youtube Commenters who alluded to being tall as this “plus” in the dating market:
“Let me put it this way…I didn’t know my height was “desirable” until I was in my late 20s. Now, in all fairness, it could be that my face is just ugly as sin, and at one point I did weigh 378lbs, so I was also fat. But even in middle school and high school, I don’t remember girls complimenting me on my height. And when I was lost all that weight to get down to 225, still ladies never mentioned it.”
“So what, you expect a girl to just come up to you and be like, ‘hi, I love how tall you are!’”
All I’m saying is that, until the past few years, I didn’t experience or see any indication that led me to believe my “height” was a factor. It’s sort of like how you can tell women clearly admire men for their cars, the way they dress, or for their profession by the way they openly gush over those things. Maybe because of online dating and profile preferences, women have no choice but to openly admit their want for tall men?
“Nah, Rock. It’s always been a thing…”
Alright, so then…because I’m asking myself, how the hell didn’t I know? Why didn’t anyone tell me? It wasn’t in the TV shows that I used to watch growing up. We didn’t have social media or dating sites. My friends and family didn’t mention it…so it leaves me to come up with some theories. Brace yourself, all of this is going to sound extremely vain and ignorant. But whatever. We’re having fun here. Feel free to share your own.
WHY WOMEN DON’T COMPLIMENT MEN…
From what I’ve observed, for some effed-up reason, ladies of our generation (or all generations) are really reluctant to share what they think is attractive about you. The most we’ll get as men is “handsome” and that’s usually from family members and friends who are like family to you.
They’ll say what’s attractive about men in general, but hardly say what they like about you specifically unless it’s something other women, especially other POPULAR WOMEN, have already openly mentioned about you. Think Denzel Washington, Drake, or Michael B. Jordan. Think of the “popular” guys you went to high school with. Clearly there are more handsome men out there, but because the popular girls are open about their attraction to these men, it’s like it grants everyone else a license to openly admit that they like them too.
Ladies may compliment you to others behind your back. But rarely to your face. And if on the off-chance you get around to asking them what they said about you, they may deny it for a whole host of reasons stemming from protecting their own self-esteem, keeping you from thinking you’re superior in any way, or to defend their own ego to avoid letting on that they like you more than you like them.
A prime example of this was when I was 27 and a woman courted me by asking me to work out with her. After a couple of sessions, she asked, “Rock, did you think that by my asking to work out with you, I was coming on to you?”
“Oh no. Hahaha! It’s not like that, Rock. I just really admired how you were able to get in shape and wanted to join you.”
This was BS. She really did dote on me as I found out later. Problem was, she was friends with another woman I romantically pursued. And even though it didn’t work out, I still cared about that woman. So, I wasn’t about to go dating one of her friends so soon after. I know guys would chime in here how a women wouldn’t offer me the same courtesy…but that’s alright. Can’t control everyone else. Only myself.
Speaking of “friends,” the sisterhood looks out for the sisterhood. It’s not likely that a woman will betray the trust of another and tell a man, “hey, you know she thinks you’re hot, right.”
That’s mainly because of the sisterhood, but also, I suspect it may be out of jealous concern. If Jennifer learns that Brandy is attracted to Paul, Jennifer might not tell Paul if, secretly, Jennifer is also attracted to Paul. In some cases, Jennifer will even go so far as to make up rumors and spread lies about Paul just to get other girls to keep from going after the same guy she likes.
I believe I was the “Paul” in this scenario on more than one occasions.
The INTIMIDATION FACTOR –
People will often SAY they want something, but then their actions demonstrate how they’ll go for something else. Like something more convenient, easier, faster, safer…rather than what’s difficult, comes with conditions or requires work and patience. Thus…even if Women say they like tall men, there may be an intimidation factor.
It’s similar to men when it comes to being attracted to a woman who’s so ridiculously hot that she seems out of his league. Even if we’re attracted to that, because we don’t think we’re good enough or have the slightest shot at getting with her…we’re not even gonna try unless our confidence is up to par. I believe it may be the same with women when they’re attracted to a guy who’s really tall.
To date, I’ve had 3 ladies lend weight to this “intimidating factor” theory. One was a good friend about two years older than me, married, Colombian. Another was my ex-girlfriend. Not Alice, but another young beauty (black, about five years younger than me). After we broke up, we were still friendly. Both ladies mentioned that they could see how women would be a little intimidated by me.
And back during my senior year of high school, there was a smoking hot girl who joined me and a friend on a double-date of sorts. The whole night, she was insulting and treating me like crap but when we got back to school, she revealed in a love letter that she had the biggest crush on me. I couldn’t believe it. I mean, compared to me, I thought this girl was hot enough to be in music videos.
When I asked why she treated me like crap, she legit said. “I didn’t think you’d like me. I thought you were out of my league.”
Don’t worry…this never went to my head or overinflated my ego. Because honestly…in my 35-years of life, I can count on one hand how many times things like this have happened to me.
I don’t think y’all hear me. 35-years is a long time for a man to go and be able to count on one hand the amount of times he’s received or experienced anything remotely ego-boosting in terms of his looks and physical attractiveness. Thankfully, God’s blessed me with a strong memory and alternatives to validation to make up for the scarcity of it.
“But Rock! Sometimes, ladies speak with their actions. She may not come out and tell you that she likes this or that about you. But her actions will show!”
…her actions…Whatever! Actions may indeed speak louder than words, but actions can be misinterpreted. That’s why you need words to back them up. I’ll never forget the paramour from my twenties. One day she came into work and gave me a cheeseburger slider. I thought to myself, “Wow! She must like me. I might have a shot!”
And then when I got up to use the restroom, I saw that she had given the same slider to every other guy in the office. For a good hour, I was on cloud nine thinking she liked me by this kind gesture. I was foolish. I don’t like feeling foolish. I don’t like surprises. I don’t like guessing games. I value transparency.
We’re not kids, for f**ks sake. I already have enough going on in my mind that I now have to add deciphering all these stupid body language clues? AND PEOPLE LIE! Like the girl who asked to work out with me. So even when you do come to all the right conclusions based on “her actions,” if she’s insecure, unsure, or flakes under pressure she’ll deny everything and tell you some effed up gaslighting shit, as if it’s all in your head. Screw that nonsense! We’re adults! We’re gonna talk!
And then there’s this common saying…“It’s only sexual harassment if you hit on a girl and she’s not attracted to you.”
Right? How many times have we heard this? Is it true? Meaning, if a guy approached a girl in public and tried to hit on her, unless she’s attracted to him too, she’ll likely find it creepy, weird and feel sexually harassed. Ladies, feel free to chime in on this one.
If this IS TRUE…then bruh…it makes all the sense in the world, why an “apparently” desirable men like myself would have low confidence in his appearance and think that he is unattractive to most women. I have been accused of sexual harassment. I have had ladies look at me like I was a creep even when I wasn’t hitting on them. I just asked a flipping question. My height did NOTHING for me! NOTHING in those situations. I’m smiling as I type all this now. But it was rough and brutal back then.
“But, Rock. Sometimes when you catch people off guard, shock and fear is the first expression they’ll flash.”
Doesn’t matter. It’s not all women who do this. Anyways…to wrap all this up, when I hear people, mainly other men, talk about my height and how I should feel lucky to be so tall…I do feel fortunate…just wish I knew sooner.
“What would you have done differently if you knew?”
First off, it would make up for the fact that I really did think I was ugly. I think I’m decent enough now, but when you hardly ever get complimented on your looks and women falsely accuse you of sexual harassment, what was I supposed to think? In case you’re wondering why I keep in mentioning this in my essays, there’s a moral to that. If society wants Men to continue to “approach” and make the “first move,” then be careful about calling them creeps and labeling the mere attempt as sexual harassment.
Truth is, as much as my peers used to call me arrogant, I really did feel inferior to most of them. Thought everyone else was doing better in life because they were normal and did normal things (hung out with friends, went out to clubs, events, and partied on the weekends).
They say, “fake the confidence and it’ll come”…but it didn’t for me. Not when it comes to my looks. By the time I hit 30, my confidence came not from my height, but from my relationship with God. I don’t want to get too religious on ya, but my intelligence, my mental and emotional strength, as well as my astute ability to overcome…I think when you have a tremendous amount of faith in God, you really start to care less about your place in this world. Your eyes are on a better one.
That right there gives you the confidence to keep your chin up and smile despite what’s going on, despite whatever you think you lack. I’m not saying I don’t care what other people think. I do. I love and have compassion for humans. It’s human nature to want to be loved and admired. I just care more about what God thinks because, big picture, there’s nothing more important.
“But, Rock! You still need things like swag and style. You can’t be all tall, yet goofy and always talking about deep crap nobody cares about.”
“And, Rock. I really think you should still go out, cold approach women, shoot your shot and…”