Stage In The Sky

She Hates You Because She Likes You – A Romantic Theory
By Rock Kitaro

Before you get the wrong idea and think that this is dating advice, let me clarify that it’s not. The following is yet another observational theory in which I explain a romantic phenomenon that’s been told since antiquity.

Also, warning! This is one of those blue-pill, red-pill moments. Once you read this, your thought process will probably never be the same. Your eyes will be opened and there’s no going back.

This is an idea that I came up with back when I was 21. I’ve said it to several friends but I had no idea the concept would apply to senior citizens. When my grandmother heard it just yesterday. She told me, “I gotta give it to you, Rock. You really are one smart dude.”

Let me explain.

My grandmother, in her late-70s, was telling me about a pastor at her church who seems to despise her. Always making backhanded statements and displaying a bitter attitude. She goes to shake his hand, and he doesn’t even make eye contact with her. He talks about her behind her back and even goes so far as to make esoteric statements in the middle of service, insults directed solely to her.

As she revealed her agitations, I couldn’t help but smirk. This is what I told her.

“If a person who’s attracted to you can’t receive your love…then they’ll settle for your hate. Because whether you love or hate the person, the thing they both have in common is that you got your object of affection thinking about you. And sometimes, that’s all we really want. All we really need is to know that our crush is thinking about us. So we’ll piss you off to the extent that you’re so angry you’re venting to others about us. Thus, mission accomplished.”

To be honest, it’s kind of why I get irritated (jealous) when girls I’m interested in complain about other dudes. I’m thinking to myself… “Come on, missy. That guy isn’t worth your thoughts.”

When I told my grandmother this, you could hear how impressed she was. Not just from the compliments but by her laughter. She was genuinely thrilled and proud of me for making such a revelation. No doubt, she’s heard the cliché of people “antagonizing those they actually have crushes on”…but in her long life of knowledge and experience, I don’t think she’s ever heard anyone explain why it’s like this.

This theory doesn’t apply to everyone, especially if you’re mature, content, of self-confident. However, everyone is susceptible of being on the receiving end of such abuse where you’re like, “damn dude. What did I do to her?”

Think back to when you were a kid. The plot of so many TV programs always showed it. From “The Rugrats” to “Charlie Brown” to freaking “Hey Arnold.” These TV shows had at least one or two episodes showing a girl or guy making fun or antagonizing another character who turns out to actually be in love with their victim. Is this healthy? Is it normal? I don’t know. Maybe I was just one of the lucky ones where the girls who liked me were intrepid enough to lash out and make me feel like was an evil monster that needed to be slayed, for the sake of the towns folk who were our peers and classmates.

So let me take you back to when I was a six. My first crush, I don’t remember her name, only that she had Mariah Carey’s hair and skin tone from the “Vision of Love” music video. On the playground, we were friends and used to chase each other…that was until she found favor with my friend, Phillip.

My memory is so sharp. I still grin at the life lessons I should’ve taken to heart at such an early age. I remember plain as day sitting with the two at the lunch table. Phillip told her, “Shut up!” as if she was worthless and had nothing good to say.

And then I was like, “Oooh…He told you to shut up!”

…you know…Cause I thought it was rude and disrespectful….

But my crush… She just scoffed and said, “So?” as if it was no big deal.

I thought that was so odd that she didn’t get offended or taken aback. I don’t anymore.

After that incident, I remember as a child taking great pleasure in taunting her on the playground. You know…the usual. Sand in her hair, hogging her favorite swing seat, calling her names and scribbling in her books. She used to get so mad. And I got slapped  a lot. But even after she hit me, she’d still be so mad and angry with me, staring me down like she wish she could drive a stake through my heart.

And for some reason…that made me happy.

Why? Why did this make me so happy? I didn’t know. That trend would continue well past my elementary years and into middle school. Although, in my defense, by the time I was in middle school, I was on the receiving end of such campaigns.

And still. I could not figure it out. One of the most memorable examples was when I was in my senior year of high school. I went on a double date with my bestfriend and two girls. One of these girls, we’ll call her Rosario…kept giving me crap all night. First she criticized my clothes, my hat, and the way I talked. On the way to the movies, then at dinner, she kept making me feel stupid, as if all of my opinions were lame and I didn’t know squat about anything.

Then when she got up to go to the bathroom with her friend, Rosario revealed how she had a massive crush on me. She liked my clothes and especially the way I talked. I didn’t find any of this out until the next school day and it baffled me. My mind exploded.

Rosario was very attractive. She had a hot body, a lovely smile and was relatively nice to people. So why on earth was she acting like a total bitch? When I asked her about it, she said she was worried because she thought I was out of her league. I’m not making this up. She literally told me that she thought there was no way I’d go out with her.

I couldn’t believe it. I think I’m kind of a good looking guy now, but back when I was in high school, my self-esteem was pathetic. I only put on the air of arrogance because people kept casting that judgment upon me. But I was 280lbs, had this jerhi curl fro. I had man-boobs and worked at KFC. Where as she was ridiculously good-looking. The kind of girl you’d find as the lead actresses teenage best friend on CW.

So…it only raised more questions. Why did she treat me like crap?

And of course, I’ll never forget that same year. We’ll call her Michelle. I had actually asked her out the year prior (11th grade) and she rejected, but was kind enough to show the love letter I wrote to all her friends. So when I became a senior, I ended up dating someone else who was also my first official girlfriend. And I’m telling you, I cannot make this stuff up.

That very same day that I got my first girlfriend, Michelle was in the auditorium (I was in the Drama club). She sat there in the audience while I was working on building the set on stage. And she glared at me with this evil tearful composure. Maybe something else had happened that wrecked her whole day? But still…she was glaring at me! And I ish you not, she attacked and belittled me all year. Every chance she got to make my life a living hell, she did. So much so, that I was about ready to leave a practice early until my girlfriend calmed me down.

The understanding of what was happening came at the age of 21, while I was in college and in a relationship with a girl, we’ll call Annie. This girl…I learned so many lessons from her. She’s married now and has children. But back then, she was childish, petty and immature (as was I, for all the cynics out there). But as much as she was petty, she had an equal or greater abundance of affection.

When I say affection, I’m not talking about the longing or devotion towards another. I’m talking about an obvious display of care given to others. Even when she cursed me out, you could tell that there was deep emotional reason as to why she was flipping out. She had large brown eyes and easily conveyed her facial expressions. I truly thank god for meeting her. Because even though she never came out and admitted that she loved me…I was cool with it because I simply knew.

How did I know?

It was obvious! Haha! She’s not a sensitive person. She was slightly overweight and used to being called names. But she was the type who simply rolled with the punches and dished out her own share of sharp-witted sarcasm and insults. But when I threw a joke her way, however harmless or light-hearted she took great offense and spare no expense in calling me every curse-word in the book.

An example was when…this is bad on my part… But if you heard the tone by which I said it, you wouldn’t be throwing stern glares my way. But I thought Annie was really cute one day. She has a huggable, cuddly type demeanor which I absolutely adore. And for some reason, I felt free enough to say, “You’re so cute and pudgy.”

Damn! Had I known the hell that would follow for weeks for such as statement, I would’ve never said it. But at the same time, I was able to learn so much from it.

She eventually forgave me and we went back and forth with our relationships, ups and downs. But it was with her that I was able to sit back and fully analyze our dynamics.

“If a person who’s attracted to you can’t receive your love…then they’ll settle for your hate. Because whether you love or hate the person, the thing they both have in common is that you got your object of affection thinking about you. And sometimes, that’s all we really want. All we really need is to know that our crush is thinking about us. So we’ll piss you off to the extent that you’re so angry you’re venting to others about us. Thus, mission accomplished.”

“Really Rock? Is being in the person’s thoughts really so important?”

Well think about it. What does it mean to be loved? What’s the point of it? Forget the sex, kisses, and cuddles, in its essential root, how is one able to feel that they are loved? Why do people go out of their way to make someone feel jealous? Why do people want to be famous? Why do people want to be “wanted”? Yes, it’s a vain thought and most people will never just come out and admit it, but simply knowing that someone else is thinking about you is a fulfilling sensation.

I’m sure I’m not alone in picking up on the sexual tension between two rivals of an opposite sex in TV shows. Even with my flagship story “The Three Kings of Ybor,” its easy to see how readers can look at Eliza Christie and Braden Pierce and predict that one day they’ll get together after years of fighting each other and foiling each others plans. Of course that won’t happen because I never want to be that cliché, but it’s predicable and a lot of writers have it that way. I think this is because on a deep subconscious level, the reader or viewer finds some pleasure in it.

Ah!

Probably the most elementary example of this happens on your birthday.

On your birthday… on your modern birthday, before (Facebook watered down the sentiment with empty platitudes) dozens, if not hundreds, of people reach out to you to simply wish you a happy birthday. Sure, you can get mad at that, doubting how many of those people really care. But I think even if you do…there’s some satisfaction you receive along with the annoyance.

Why?

Because no matter how small or brief or insignificant the generic “happy birthday” is, it’s a guaranteed fact that another person is thinking about you. Just as it’s a guarantee that these words are in your head right now by simply reading them. It’s an honest to goodness fact that someone else out there has you in their minds. On any other day, you can sit and wonder about it all day. But on your birthday, when someone reaches out to you, you don’t have to wonder. You just know.

Even when you are in a committed relationship with another person as mature as you are. We still go out of our ways to toss out gestures that can be as grand as a dinner reservation at the hottest spot in town, to a simple rose left on her desk at work. We find pleasure in not only making those people happy, but knowing that with that smile, they have you in mind.

This was originally written on March 10, 2014.

Now that it’s August 28th, 2019…I have one more theory as to why she (or he) hates you because she loves you…This goes out to the guys and girls who don’t care about trends or what’s fashionable to do…The problem is, the one crushing on you wishes you did care. They wish you were different from what you are. Some guys wish you were more loose with your virtues. Some girls are the same way.

I say this, because sometimes I’m guilty of wishing my crushes behaved a certain way too.

In my experience, (I’m now 33), I’ve found that a lot of ire directed at me by good-looking women, is that I don’t behave the way they wish I did. I look like a young MMA fighter but I live like an elderly scholar, as one who’s already lived an adventurous life and now longs for tranquility through simplicity. I don’t care about moneys, cars, and cash, and thangs. I don’t have a need to travel or attend festivals and go all those special events you see others going to from their Facebook wall. I am boring to a certain class of women. And more importantly, I don’t buy into all these stupid messages the media’s trying to push on Millennials like: self-love, no shaming, white privilege, the breakdown of gender roles, and the promulgation of fear that comes with Political Correctness.

I believe in the Word of God. I believe those old traditional gender roles make sense so I embrace my masculinity and I seek feminine women who aren’t trying to be my competition, but one in which we can compliment each other.

When you ask me what I like to do for fun, I say, “work.” I love working, doing something productive, accomplishing things. Honestly, the work I do is fulfilling and I enjoy it on so many levels. I can show you how amazing it is if you listen and dare to believe that the world is much bigger than what we can see and touch.

Put it this way, if we crash landed alone on an island with just the food, shelter, and water, would you be happy? Or would you be miserable, longing for all the other things we lacked. I’d be happy, making the most of it, and finding ways to entertain ourselves until we get rescued or died in peace. I know that sounds extreme, but in the end, that is what I’d like in a spouse. Where, if something breaks down, it’d be a bummer, but with our attitudes and knowing we had each other no matter what, we’d be alright.

P.s. I just Google’d “Hates You because she loves you…”

There’s an article written by someone else where the author says, “She hates that you strung her along…”

For the love of God, take some responsibility. Holy ish. Stop blaming people for your choices! Honestly, between that and someone else talking about how their ego made them do this…No. You made you do this. Not some detached feeling prodding you with a pitch fork. It was you. Damn…