Stage In The Sky

Creepy – How Use of this Word Can Ruin Relationships

 

Creepy – Adj. : Causing an unpleasant feeling of fear or unease.

Synonyms: frightening, eerie, disturbing, sinister.

This is something I know a lot of guys have been wanting to get out there, and to take one for the team, allow me. In the year 2015 and really for probably the past decade, we guys get it. Ladies, we truly do. There are a lot of douchebags, jerks, and game-spittin playas bringing us down and giving us “good guys” a bad name. Statistically speaking, I believe its reasonable to say that men are most likely to sexually abuse or take advantage of women, than women sexually abusing and taking advantage of men (minus gold-diggers).

That being said, we understand the caution at the beginning of a relationship. We understand the insulting premonitions you launch at us when we ask you out on a first day or just out in general. We understand if you want to meet in a public place, or if you want to bring your friends along, or if it takes five to six dates before you finally get comfortable enough to be alone with us. We get it. Take all the time you need. We (good guys) don’t want you to feel uncomfortable and we don’t want you to do anything you don’t want to.

Now, there’s something you need to understand. Not just you, as in our pursued love interests, but also your friends, your family, males and females alike. When you call a guy creepy…or when you say that his actions or something he did is creepy…There’s a high probability that the guy will more or less back the fuck off. And if you’re thinking to yourself, “why isn’t he still coming after me…” it’s because you just threw a roadblock in his path and the ball is now in your hands to see if he should continue with the play or walk off the court. And because you don’t realize this, or worst, live in a fantasy world where you think romance is just like a Nicholas Sparks novel…that relationship will never manifest and if he has a shred of self-respect, he’s probably moving on.

Why is this an issue? Why are you writing about this Rock? Have girls called you creepy? It’s not even that serious.

Google, “overuse of creepy” and you’ll find out how serious it is. And yes actually. Yes they have. Apparently in today’s society, compliments are creepy. Apparently, I had no business looking at a girl’s flashy earrings or noticing when she changed up her hairstyle. Also, if I lock eyes with someone of the opposite sex, saying hello is also creepy unless I know the person. That hello can be misconstrued as a catcall.

And on one particular instance, I told a woman I knew that I thought she was pretty and asked for her number. She smiled and gave it to me. No it wasn’t a fake number, but I found out later that she went spreading rumors behind my back that she thought it was “creepy of me.” This is odd if you personally know me, because it’s not like me to spend my precious time going after someone who can’t stand the sight of me. For instance:

1. I don’t play hard to get. Vice versa, if a girl is playing hard to get, she’s not going to get gotten by me. I understand that with my generation, there’s the popular opinion that guys and girls live for the chase and I’m not knocking that. I’m all for pursuing the woman I want and I too see the fun in it. It’s stimulating and its makes both parties feel good about themselves. You know, like they’re worth a damn. However, if the chase is a bit one-sided where the female is always running with the only indication that she may be interested in you consisting of a shy smile… Actions speak louder than words, sure. But actions can also be misinterpreted. If you don’t back up your actions with articulating how you feel, it takes a huge amount of self-confidence and a dash of conceit to assume that the “shy smile” means a girl want to be with you. Misinterpreting it could end friendships or make things extremely awkward.

2. I’m a 6’3 African American male coming from a well-blended (multiple ethnicity) family. That being said, I don’t date exclusively within one race. I see beauty in all races, which sounds nice, but is actually very difficult if the girl of my affections still lives with or gives heavy consideration towards the opinions of her racist close family members. Thanks to O.J. Simpson, Mike Tyson and a plethora of Black celebrities beating their spouses, African-American males have a dented reputation that comes with a caution sign. Even if the girl I’m pursuing isn’t racist, because she considers the opinions of those closest to her, it eventually becomes a problem.

3. This one is very revealing for me, but I’m posting it just in case someone else out there has gone through it. Half of the things I post are in the off chance of reaching out to others and letting them know they’re not alone. I used to weigh 378lbs and because of that, I had a complex where I assume I’m a grotesque behemoth and everyone either thought I was ugly or was afraid of me. By the time I was 25, I’ve lost 168lbs and by several accounts, I am considered a fairly handsome man. I’m not bragging, here. Because even as I type this, I confess, that I still have a hard time believing that I’m good-looking. The confidence over the years has gradually increased, but personally when I hear a woman or girl describes me as “creepy,” I secretly want to hide my face, scurry to a dark stone-walled corner in the castle and weep the words, “I…Am…Ugly….”

4. I don’t believe in the “friendzone,” just like I don’t believe in Santa Claus. I believe people have created this concept and are desperately fighting to push it into existence and for the life of me…I still don’t understand why. If I have feelings for a girl who happens to be a friend of mine, I either act on my feelings or they eventually dissipate on their own, which means the feelings weren’t that strong. If I act on my feelings and reveal them to my female friend and she doesn’t reciprocate…Whelp…I’m sorry but we can’t be friends anymore. And I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. Thus, if a girl I revealed my feelings to thinks she put me in a friendzone, it’s truly a one-sided relationship because I don’t see that person as my friend. She’s not my enemy. I don’t hate her, I’ll always care from a safe distance, but I can’t have her in my world. So I walk away.

5. “Walking away? So what, you’re not willing to fight for the girl you love?” No…No I am not. Why? Because I don’t fight for what isn’t mine. This isn’t me being possessive or turning women into possessions. The “mine” I’m referring to, is the relationship itself. I’m one of those old school romantics who isn’t down for this new school of dating where a person can date so many individuals before deciding to be “exclusive.” When I commit myself and she to me, you bet your ass I’ll fight to for her and protect what we have. Until my lovely and I have made such a commitment for each other, she’s free do what she wants. At the same time, it would be foolish to assume I’m a toy that’s still lying where you last finished playing with me.

Women have so much power and they outnumber us men. I truly believe they have the potential to rule the world. And if they did, I know, knights such as myself would gladly give our lives to defend and fight for them. In some fronts, this is actually already happening.

But mark my words, the mob mentality of people slamming those who speak out against the popular opinion will eventually be countered by a new wave of resentment and contempt. People will have no choice but to think for themselves, instead of regurgitating some misconceived logic they read on a forum about a culture that does not pertain to their own individual worlds.

And if we, both men and women continue down this stupid path of following some social “girl code” and “guy code” rules instead of doing and saying exactly what you feel in your individual hearts, then the next generation will surpass and mock us. I believe online dating will still exists, but the relationships forged out of those online communities will be forged out of lies, leases, and pre-planned thoughts of betrayal and breakups. Hearts will be broken and people will come out with more stupid twitter slogans to launch more ephemeral inspiration movements that will once again, be analyzed and broken down with a new formula created by men to exploit the weak-minded and take advantage of women who have fallen.

The overabundance and misuse of the word “creepy” is but one of the problems with today’s relationships or lack there of, but it’s an easy fix. Expand your vocabulary to describe people with more precise accuracy and you’ll do fine. Use words like “inappropriate, excessive, overbearing, too serious, odd, strange, even weird.”

All of those words can adequately describe a person without making them feel like they’re in the same category as pedophiles, rapists and stalkers.