For those who don’t know, “Body Count” in modern terms refers to how many sexual partners you’ve had in the past. Recently, I’ve seen a lot of videos pop up from men and women debating how important or unimportant this issue is, but I haven’t seen anyone provide the perspective I’m about to give…so here goes.
From the women, what I’ve heard is that a woman’s Body Count A) is a very private issue and nobody’s business. B) If a man asks, then it must mean he’s insecure and C) It shouldn’t be an issue because if men can sleep around, then women can too. Check out this video below to hear it from their own mouths. (this is one of many videos I’ve seen)
From the Man’s Perspective…years ago, I learned about the notion of “Pair Bonding.” Pair Bonding relates to the emotional attachment a person has to someone else, the ability to stay connected to this other person for a monogamous relationship. Keep in mind, these are just theories.
Stefan Molyneaux opined that a woman’s ability to Pair Bond with a man diminishes with the amount of different sexual partners she has over time. He used Velcro to describe it. The first time you use a strip of Velcro, its ability to stick and stay connected is strong. But if you keep pulling Velcro apart and putting it together time and time again, it’s ability to stay connected weakens and eventually the Velcro is useless because it can’t stay connected.
The point is, the more sexual partners a woman has, her ability to stay faithfully connected to a man in a monogamous relationship weakens and it increases the likelihood for her to either want to cheat, breakup or divorce you. And while this is just a theory, sad to say, there are some stats to lend weight to it.
There are other reasons why Men care about a Woman’s sexual past, but for us who are marriage-minded, divorce is probably the biggest one. For a lot of men, knowing a woman’s had a lot of sexual partners is unsettling. There’s an unpopular saying that, “a key that can unlock any door is a useful key. But a lock that’s been opened by many keys is pointless.”
I know a lot of women want to believe that anything a man can do, a woman can do, but biologically we’re just different. Not to mention, be honest. If you’re a woman, regardless of what he looks like, would you rather be with a 25-year-old virgin or a 25-year-old who knows what he’s doing in bed? Most men are likely to have a different answer from the women.
This is a funny video from Mediocre Tutorial and Reviews illustrating why a lot of men care so much about their woman’s sexual past.
Should a Man Come out and Ask Her about Her Body Count?
I don’t think so. While I wouldn’t go so far as to say it’s a mark of how “insecure” he is, I do think it’s indicative of his lack of experience. And I don’t say that to be negative. If you’re barely eighteen or fresh out of high school, it makes sense that you wouldn’t have a lot of experience.
And I’m not talking about sexual experience. I’m talking about experiences in life and with people. I’m talking about the lessons that lead to greater maturity, critical thinking skills, and his ability to accurately assess the situation and the people around him. I’m talking about the trial and errors where he’s been wrong enough times to reign in his abilities and trust when he is right.
Part of trusting when you are right is acknowledging what you see with your own two eyes. If it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck…you know the rest. I know modern culture is trying to trick people into being “open minded” and to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. To which, I’d say, if you do, then it makes sense why a woman would be upset with you for asking. Because your behavior is inconsistent. This is why it pays to have standards and live by them.
Even if you do ask her for her Body Count…guess what…
Women Can Lie About It –
Once you get past the preceding argument of her slighting you for caring so much…she’s probably going to lie, especially if she’s had a lot of sexual partners. The mere fact that a woman WOULD lie should also demonstrate that deep down, they either know it’s shameful or that men disapprove.
On that note, let’s talk about this idea of, “if men can do it, women can too.”
This is like as saying, “if they can steal, then we can steal too!” No. Stealing is wrong for everyone. If you call yourself a Christian and you’re having sex outside of marriage, you’re engaging in worldly sinful behavior (1 Corinthian 6:9-11) That being said…I understand that most of my generation doesn’t believe in the Bible…so I’m going to try and keep this as grounded as I can.
There’s a reason why playboys and libertines throughout history like Lord Byron, Casanova, and John Wilmot were secretly admired by men. Even fictional characters like Shaft and James Bond are admired for their ability to swoon the most attractive women. It’s difficult! Not just anyone can do it. For most men, it takes a lot of time, energy, and effort to get with the hottest woman in the room, especially when he’s got competition. So, a lot of men view this as an accomplishment.
Men typically don’t see women in the same light. For instance, check out this meme of Kendall Jenner.
For Kendall to be able to get with these men, most guys don’t see this as some difficult feat or accomplishment. Kendall is beautiful. Regardless of the work she’s done behind the scenes or what she did to put herself in a space where she could get these basketball players, most guys will see it as, “she was born with good genetics, kept herself in shape, and that was it. Easy.”
KNOWING HER BODY COUNT ISN’T IMPORTANT TO ME…
So, here’s where I want to make it clear that I’m not speaking for most men. Personally, you will never hear me ask my girlfriend, wife, or fiancé about her body count. It’s the same way you’ll never hear me ask them about what they bring “to the table.”
For me to commit myself to an exclusive relationship with a woman, it’s highly likely that I’ve already thought about her Body Count and don’t care. Easy…allow me to explain.
For starters…I’m very judgmental and selective. I’ll smile in your face and treat everyone with love and kindness, but whether I choose to hang out or draw close to you, there, I exercise a great deal of discretion.
Secondly, I vet the hell out of every woman I’ve been attracted to. If I can see that she has a lot of promiscuous behavior from the get-go, I won’t even pursue her. If I pull up her Instagram, and there’s a whole lot of twerking and photos that leave little to the imagination, no thank you.
During this vetting process, I ask deep targeted questions. I do it casually, mind you. It’s not an interrogation. But I’m listening. I remember what you said. I give leeway to mistakes and certain inaccuracies, but what I’m really paying attention to is not just what you’re telling me…but what you’re not telling me.
Classic example. In this essay, I talk about an impromptu debate I had with an older “Christian” woman. During this debate, I mentioned that I was a virgin who’s waiting till marriage to have sex and I listened. I anticipated a response that did not happen. She didn’t commend or praise me. She didn’t say “that’s good, Rock. Wow, I should’ve done that.”
Nope. She just glossed over it and a few minutes later, she was talking about how she’s been to gay bars and doesn’t see anything wrong with it. Ladies and gentlemen, I’m not trying to say I’m some kind of Sherlock Holmes…but damn I’m good. Her lack of praise or follow up about my virginity spoke volumes to me. When the subject of my virginity comes up with most people, there’s usually some kind of reaction, whether it’s shock, disbelief, or praise. For there to be nothing, I suspected she disapproved and there was a reason why.
I don’t want to get too off topic, but just trust me when I say there’s a lot you can tell about a person from how they respond. Even if they willingly choose not to respond, there’s a reason why. If you leave room for speculation, I will speculate.
“Well, Rock. How would you feel if a woman treated you like that and asked you all these deep invasive questions about your life and goals from the very start?”
I’d LOVE that! Every girlfriend I’ve ever had did it and I love them for it. It shows that you’re interested. It gives me the opportunity to be upfront and honest, which is my style. Thus, we don’t have to waste each other’s time if we don’t see eye to eye on key issues like headship or what kind of family we want.
I know all this might sound “bad” in today’s modern culture…but it’s better than me asking for your Body Count isn’t it?
Also, the fact that I am highly selective should come off as a compliment to the woman I’m with. It’s real easy to look at the single man and think yourself, “oh, he’s single because nobody wants him.” When really, it’s more like he’s single because he didn’t want anyone, until he found you.
Her Body Count Has Molded Her to My Liking –
What I’m about to say goes against the logic of Pair Bonding and the likelihood of divorce, so in no way am I talking about most people in this situation.
But sometimes…just sometimes, a woman’s sexual experience, her history of relationships, whether they were good or bad has helped to forge her into the kind of woman who would appreciate, respect, and follow a man like me. Not only that…but sometimes, her experience has molded her personality to have the best chemistry with my own. To date, I’ve met two who were like that.
I acknowledge that it is not easy to be with a man like me. I am a Christian. I do my best to live by Bible standards, a lot of which, goes against today’s modern culture. This is tough for a lot of women who are very much dependent on the community and the herd lifestyle. I may live in a city, surrounded by a lot of people, but I live a very solitary lifestyle.
Most of my hobbies and passions aren’t group activities. There’s room for one more and a couple of kids, but for the most part, I’m not a “get together with the gang on Friday night” kind of guy. You’ll most likely catch me doing something productive, or at the gym or working on literature like this. (no lie, I wrote this on Thanksgiving afternoon. It’s been on my mind).
My point being…when I was in my twenties, I read an article that prompted men to ask this question, “If you had a camera follow you wherever you went for a day, ask yourself, if someone was watching that, why would they want to be a part of your life?”
“What does this have to do with women and their Body Counts?”
Well, it’s not lost on me that our modern culture views sex as this casual thing, like it’s no big deal. When I meet an attractive lady, by default, I’m likely going to assume that she’s had sex before. That’s not a dealbreaker for me. It’s the world we live in.
But if she gets with me, and we start dating, she’s going to need to understand that sex is off the table until we get married. Not many ladies can do this. But some can. Especially ladies who have had more sex than they know what to do with and finally realize that it’s brought them little to no happiness.
Some ladies have racked up a high body count, they’ve traveled the world and immersed themselves in that fast-pace Hot Girl Summer lifestyle where they’ve been cheated on, they’ve been ghosted, they’ve been abused, and neglected for so long that they’ve finally realized that the lifestyle really just benefits a small minority of individuals who already damaged.
Not sure if y’all noticed, but Hollywood seems to collect these people. And, like demons tempting others to go down their path of rejecting God, these entertainers are doing the same to young people by enticing them with sex and all the “fun” they can handle.
A lot of young women reluctantly or inquisitively go along with the current trends, lacking the strength or courage to fight against the flow until they run into something like…psh, I dunno, a Rock, something that’s strong, stable, and grounded in place.
I want to make it clear that this isn’t ideal. And I’m not saying that all or most women are like this. I don’t know. But we have to face it. The chances of us finding a woman who is 1) young, in-shape, and beautiful, 2) has a low to zero Body Count, 3) happens to be single, 4) happens to be childless, 5) happens to be Christian and 6) also happens to be attracted to me of all people? It’s not likely that this person exists, and I have to accept that.
Thus…what’s more important to me than her past is her present. What is she like now? Is she ready for a strong male leader? Is she content with a stable life with little to no drama? Does she embrace the fact that we’re not equals, but different by nature, and actually appreciates that I am stronger and more intelligent in ways that she is not? Is our chemistry good? Do we get along? Can we talk to each other? Is she fun and pleasant to be around? Is she fascinated by what I have to say and actually wants to be around me? Can I trust her? Is she kind and empathetic? Does she understand me? Is she willing to learn?
If I can say yes about the woman I’m with when it comes to all those questions, I don’t care about her Body Count. Some ladies acquire those qualities at a young age, and with others, it takes tough time and adversity to change.
One of my exes was a single mother. I call her Alice for the purpose of these essays. My chemistry with Alice was off the charts. She was everything I wanted in a wife and the mother of my children. Problem was, she already had a child of her own.
And even though that led to us breaking up, she will always have my love and respect. Alice was one of the smartest women I’ve ever met. But I don’t think she’d have the charm and personality I was drawn to, had it not been for her becoming a single mother at the age of seventeen.
Years later, we even talked about it, and she admitted it. If she hadn’t become a single mother so early in age, while she may have been attracted to me physically, she’d likely have gone for the thugs, dealers, and bad boys. Having to care for her daughter forced her to change her priorities and to seek out men with qualities like mine.
That’s why even my mom was upset when we broke up. I’ll never forget the first words out of her mouth when I told my mother was, “Aww…you would’ve been good for her.” That sounds like I’m bragging, but if you heard my mom’s tone, you’d know she was more upset with me…as if I wronged her.
“But Rock. Dating someone with a high body count still leaves you open to the high rate of divorce or STDs. Even if she says she’s willing to wait till marriage, how will you know she isn’t just getting bedded down behind your back? Trust me, bruh. If you ain’t tapping that, someone else is.”
That leads me to my last heading…
THE BENEFITS OF BEING A VIRGIN –
One of the perks of being a Virgin is that sex won’t blind or distract me from the red flags. Right now, there are millions of people in abusive/toxic relationships, millions of people giving the best years of their lives, the best years of their beauty to someone who will one day leave them and the only reason why they’re still in a relationship with the person is because of the sex.
Until we get married, no woman will ever have that kind of power over me. And it’s the same with women. A lot of women are in these abusive relationships because they’re afraid they’ll never find another guy who can “put it down” the way they like it. That’s tough.
I’m not saying that being a virgin makes me impervious to being cheated on, but it increases my chances of catching it before I put a ring on her finger. What do I mean?
Well…with keen insight and observation, one truth prevails.
Anyone who enters my world and gets close to me, I am like a bloodhound when it comes to detecting anomalies. The best way to describe it, is overtime, I establish a baseline with individuals when it comes to their behavior, their reactions, what irks them, what makes them happy, etc. I don’t go out of my way to do this…it really is just naturally the kind of guy I am.
Any deviation from this baseline when you’re around me, I’ll detect it. And before you think that’s creepy, I’m pretty sure my friends appreciate about that me. Not sure if anyone else has noticed, but one of the things that suck so much about my generation is our lack of praise, encouragement, and support for each other. If you tell me you’re trying to accomplish anything great, I’m going to ask about it, I’m going to congratulate you, and if you start to give up, I’m gonna tell you to keep fighting.
For instance…if a friend is sad, even if they try to hide it, I can sense something’s wrong and try to help, even if it’s just a listening ear. They actually appreciate this because most people don’t like to just walk into a room and pour out their pain and suffering. Especially men. Most men have been led to believe that people don’t care about their emotional problems. It’s an emasculating feeling to open up to someone who dismisses your feelings as if it’s no big deal. Especially when they’re talking to women. Take this 20-second gem.
In the above video, a guy is asked about his last relationship. He’s open and honest when it comes to revealing how he was cheated on, and she immediately pressed a buzzer to eliminate him as a potential. When asked, why she eliminated him for a date, she legit said, “How many times did he ask me about myself?”
In the video, the producer tells the woman, “Mmm…good point.” Because you know…fuck em and his feelings. Yeah…I’d take a kind, compassionate, and understanding woman with a high body count over the self-centered lady above. Sorry, fellas. That’s just me.
When people establish a baseline with me, whether you go up or down in terms of being happy, sad, or stressed out, I can sense it. It’s very difficult to keep secrets from me. If your behavior changes, I’ll notice. I might not call it out or address it right away, but I’ll remember.
“Wow, Rock? Arrogant much? You’re basically portraying yourself to be some kind of genius detective or egotistical…”
I mentioned earlier that Alice was one of the smartest women I’ve ever met. Well, you ever heard the saying “You attract what you are?” I didn’t roll out of bed and boom, all the sudden I’m intelligent. Just like any woman who’s gone through hardships and adversity, some brought about by their high Body Count…I acquired my intelligence through years of trial and error. I’ve failed spectacularly and publicly on so many occasions.
Seriously, when people put in their two weeks’ notice and are asked, “What’s the most memorable thing about your time with the company?” They usually turn and point to some incident involving me. Hahaha! That’s alright.
So, to conclude!
Long-story short, I won’t need to ask about her Body Count, because sometimes a woman’s experience has developed her into the kind of Woman a guy like me can get along with. And I won’t need to “ask” because 1) I love God more than I love women, 2) I’m already ridiculously selective (judgmental), 3) my observation skills are impeccable, and 4), Sex won’t blur my vision of the red flags before marriage.