So…came across one of Melanie King’s videos where, once again, a lady’s confirming what a lot of guys have been saying about the dating culture these days. But don’t worry. I’m also going to hit at Male Leadership and why we as Christians need to stand firm.
In the beginning of the video, the soon-to-be divorced woman says, “you can’t dress a certain way and you can’t post sexy pictures on social media. But I dressed a certain way when I first met you!”…she says this to complain that her husband was “controlling”.
Couple of thoughts here. First, you could say that this is just who she is, sexual and sensual, and a man has no right to change her. “WOMEN AREN’T DRESSED TO IMPRESS YOU! WE DRESS LIKE THIS BECAUSE IT MAKES US HAPPY!”
Right, if you’re in that camp, this essay ain’t for you. I’m talking to the real ones out here who respect straight-forward honesty. I’m talking to the ladies who know they dress a certain way and posts pictures WITH THE INTENT of getting attention, attracting a mate. This doesn’t have to mean slutty or half-naked pictures…but come on. I’ve seen many of sistahs fully clothed in dresses that tell me everything I need to know and I’m like…
Recently, news broke about a 63-year-old Pastor out of Iowa who married an 18-year-old woman after her birthday. People are outraged. They’re saying this is wrong. And yet…something seems odd here. For some reason, I find the reactions more interesting than the Pastor and his young Bride.
I’m not afraid to die alone. When most people hear about how long I’ve been single, it’s easy to assume I’m just a man “going my own way” (MGTOW). I’m not. I’m glad I discovered Sigmas...because I’ve concluded a majority of people just don’t understand. And when they don’t understand you…clearly, there’s something wrong with you.
After about 3 months of starting online dating again…I learned that not much has changed since I tried the last time back in 2014. Except the sites cost more. But this isn’t to complain about the dating culture in general. At this point, it’s about as pointless as complaining about water being wet.
What I’m about to say…I’m speaking on behalf of myself. I don’t know if other 35-year-old single men are like me. But here goes.
Ever since I was young, my father taught me to set goals for myself and to accomplish whatever I said I’m going to do. I love that. I’m great at that and derive an incredible boost of confidence and self-worth from my ability to accomplish those goals. That being said…I don’t like to make goals in which my success depends too much on another person. In this case, my getting married and having children depends on another person wanting to commit to me.
Here is where you’ll have all the Red Pill voices, all the dating coaches, all the playas and Old-School Macks chime in about how you CAN have a great deal of control in how others perceive you. I’ve heard it all. Focus on your money, career, and success and you’ll attract a mate. Focus on hitting the gym and making yourself physically attractive and you’ll attract a mate. Focus on your social skills, build up the confidence and ability to spit game and you’ll attract a mate. Focus on going out and attending events where hot women go and you’ll attract a mate. We’ve heard it all ever since high school.
And I’m not saying any of that’s wrong. There’s a great deal of truth in all of that advice. What I question is the emphasis placed on “attracting a mate”. As if that should be our number one goal in life, above things like doing what’s good in God’s eyes. And more importantly, what if none of that just isn’t you? Are these men who don’t have those goals simply out of luck? I don’t think so.
When I was in high school, I went the first three years without a girlfriend. It wasn’t until my Senior Year that a green-eyed blonde made it known that she was attracted to me. She was my first official girlfriend. Age 18.
This was in a place called Augusta, Georgia in 2004…aka the Dirty South, circa Outkast’s “Hey Ya” and Usher’s “Yeah.”. My point in mentioning this, is that I’m black. My first official girlfriend was white. No, no one gave me grief about this (not to my face). But I do remember something interesting happening.
While I was “going out” with said Green-Eyed Beauty, she and I were walking back to classes from the cafeteria, and a black girl tapped me. I looked over my shoulder to see her gesturing towards her friend, a gorgeous black girl who had to be a junior. I didn’t know her, but we had locked eyes before in passing. She was tall, in-shape, had a gentle smile…the type I would’ve undoubtedly said yes to. But I was already with someone. So I smiled and declined apologetically. Remember this incident for later…
Sounds silly to lament being invited to parties…but here goes. First and foremost, I want to say that it’s not lost on me, the honor it is that people want to be around me, that people want me to attend these functions and social events, that they enjoy my company. *bows humbly *
Recently, there was a party for my Boss’s Radio network where fans and personalities came out and had fun. As a co-host, I was invited but declined. When a Woman asked, “Rock, you don’t like to socialize?”
I answered, “No. Not really.”
That’s the truth. But as always, there’s more to it than that. And when I try to explain to people how I’m different, they tend to struggle with comprehension or, flat out just don’t want to believe me. So…for the love of all I hold dear, here’s the Top 4 Reasons Why Social Events are Not for Me. It comes replete with funny memes, followed by the remedy, conditions that would actually make me want to attend.
REASON 1. SOCIALIZING BECOMES A PERFORMANCE:
When I answered the question of “socializing” and said “no, not really…” this is true. But here’s the thing. I can and do socialize all the time. I’m actually pretty good at it. And one of the coolest compliments I get is that I’m fun and easy to talk to. The question was, “do I like it?”
In the context of a party or large gathering, the answer is a resounding “no.” Why? Because I have to watch what I say. Because you’re likely to deal with an audience. It’s not just a conversation between you and a few individuals, but between you and whoever’s within earshot, which could be ten to twenty.
Not to mention the countless curious eyes staring from afar at the big black dude who seems to be center of attention. Being the center of attention is another thing I don’t like. I’m 6’3, 225lbs. In high school, they called it stage presence. I was told I should just get used to it, but when you get to my “Reason Number 3,” you’ll understand why I hate it in a party setting.
“Hang on, Rock? What exactly do you talk about at parties? It’s supposed to be fun. Why are you talking about these deep controversial things?”
So…let’s back it up, for a sec. What’s the point of a party or get together? To socialize, right? To network. To have fun. To catch up. To lay back, drink a beer, dance, and be entertained. Right? Why go to a party if you’re not planning on having a good time?
What if I told you that none of those things are fun to me? Click to watch video below if you’d rather listen than read.
I suspect the only men not affected by this are those who are already in a committed relationship, men who don’t care how others see them, or men who don’t know what’s going on in the world. For the rest of us, it really is like… “What did you expect?”
Kezia Noble
If anyone “feels offended” or “feels uncomfortable” by something you did or said, it can be used as a weapon against you, regardless of intent. By now, most men who have witnessed the MeToo Movement and the Kavanaugh debacle should be aware of this. No, those situations weren’t just about feeling uncomfortable, but involved more serious allegations…but enough’s enough.
Most recent examples are Jim Carey flirting with a female interviewer, when she says, “is there anything you haven’t done.” and he says, “Just you. That’s it. We’re all done.” They went after him for that.
Lavar Ball was giving a live interview where a female interviewer says, “Alright, lets switch gears” and Lavar says, “You can switch gears with me anytime.” They went after him for that. If she never made that awkward eye gesture, this wouldn’t even be a thing.
Chris Matthews recently resigned from over 30 years of television for, among comparing a Nazi comparison, telling a GQ columnist in 2016, “why haven’t I fallen in love with you yet” as she was getting her makeup done.
We’ve seen this go on for years. If the answer is “just don’t watch the news,” the question becomes, “then why are they showing it to us in the first place?” Are there real scumbags and sexual perpetrators out there. Absolutely. I can’t stand them. The guilty ones deserve all the jail time they get. F**k em. But you know what happens when the wave of outrage gets washed over the innocent men…We adapt and overcome.
“How is it getting washed over innocent men, Rock?” Continue Reading
Let me begin by saying this is just a theory…I’m open to the fact that I may be wrong. You’re more than welcome to tell me how ignorant or clueless I am. At the very least, it’ll cheer you up if you’re alone on Valentine’s Day!
It is my opinion that we as human beings have an ability to sense how others are feeling. It’s called empathy. We can tell when someone else is happy, or sad, or when they’re afraid or angry…And I also think that without even saying a word, we can sense when another person is attracted to you. It’s an electricity that flashes at first sight and usually takes a few seconds of acclimation before we can hold a conversation without sounding like gushing children.
The Dark Side of Sexual Tension – A Theory By Rock Kitaro Date – February 13, 2020
But that attraction is still there until something kills it…like me saying something stupid or doing something disturbing. I think when we’re younger, this skill isn’t so refined. We have a general sense, but it can be misconstrued with someone just being nice or kind to you. It takes years or experience to hone and refine it.
But once you’ve stumbled and been through enough trial and errors, you’re good. People will try to gas-light you and say it’s all in your head, that nobody’s thinking about you or call you self-centered or narcissistic…and it may be true depending on who you are, because the skill level varies from person to person. But once you’re confident in your ability, you have to stay strong in your confidence. You have to know you’re good so when people doubt you, it doesn’t even make you mad or cause you to second-guess yourself.
You know the truth. Just keep it to yourself. Because if others find out that you know…well, there’s the reason why we have blinds and closed doors. They want their privacy. And even if they’re not so good at containing their emotions or subduing the tells that giveaway their feelings for you, they still value their privacy.
All that said…he’s my theory: Sometimes, People will mentally make an enemy and hold animosity towards another person they’re attracted to, due to a personal conflict in which it’s a problem to be attracted to that person. They either deny the attraction. Secretly entertain the idea of indulging in scenarios they never talk about. Or they self-project, as if it’s the other person who’s sending out all the signals while they themselves are innocent…almost like a defense mechanism. The self-projection is either to protect their self-esteem, their goals, their own sexuality (such as same-sex attraction), or to protect the relationship they’re already in. Maybe even more. All because they haven’t come to terms with how they feel about the other person.
Recently I saw an old crush who had let herself go. I remember how beautiful she used to be. I was planning on hitting the gym that night…but honestly felt a bit discouraged after that. I thought to myself, “what’s the point”?
Brace yourself…I’m going to say a lot of things that’s not exactly nice to hear. But it’s a reality I think a lot of people either deny or ignore.
For the past few years, men have taken a beating thanks to assholes in Hollywood like Harvey Weinstein. I think the only men not affected wave of outrage are ones who were already married or don’t watch the news. For years, we’ve been hearing it, “Men need to get right. Men need to step up!”
In one of my last essays, I wrote about how “Godly Men Don’t Care About Money”. But we still love women. They are one of my main sources of motivation. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t need a beautiful woman to want to better myself. But it’s like the train was already on the tracks, moving non-stop, and the idea of being with a beautiful woman served as coal to the flames to crank it up full-steam ahead.
Beautiful…That’s the key. Or rather it used to be before pop culture started trying to make us feel bad for putting so much value on a woman’s looks. Shallow. Superficial, we’re called. However, from what I’ve seen, women openly praise other women for their looks, even more than they compliment men unless it’s a man that every other woman has already complimented and deemed to be “hot.” It’s all about encouragement that they’re feeding each other. And that’s cool to an extent.
But if I want to be an Olympic sprinter and I spend all my time eating junk food and playing video games…are people really helping me by saying things like, “Yeah, you’re on track! You’re gonna get gold! Good for you!” without pointing out that I should probably get out and practice running?
I know Hollywood and society’s trying so hard to have us believe your beauty shouldn’t matter. That we should care more about your degree, your job, or how much money you make. However, courtship is a selection process. Your beauty is one of the main answers to the question of, “Why you?” Continue Reading
Last month, I read an article where men were blamed for the decline of the marriage rate. Aside from the plethora of reasons raised over the past five years about how horrible we men are, this one had me taken aback…The complaint of the day is that “Men are not economically attractive.”
Godly Men Don’t Care About Money – A Theocratic Essay By Rock Kitaro Date – October 14th, 2019
And I know what you’re thinking…
“There are rich, Godly men out here. I’m Christian, and I care about money. I’m God-fearing and I care about money, so what’s good?”
Don’t worry. I’m going to get into it. We live in a society. We all need money to live comfortably. However, I encourage you to consider Proverbs 30: 8-9, and then watch this video to see what I’m talking about.
It really does make me smirk because I get it. If you’re a woman, you have every right to seek men of equal or greater economic value. Everyone has a right to their sexual preference. Go for it. Why not?
Just one question though…if you’re one of those women who were taught to put so much emphasis on your education to get that high paying job, then you battled it out for years to attain said job, and now you’re out here making that high five-figure or even a six-figure salary…what are the odds of you actually finding someone of equal or greater economic value…who also happens to be single, of good moral fortitude, and interested in someone like you? I say that with affection, I assure you. I’ve had to ask myself the same questions, given my own circumstances.
“Yeah? Well, maybe men simply need to get right. Men need to step it up.”
“Why should they?”
Honestly, if a man is loving life with his 40k salary, why should he “step it up” to make himself have equal or greater value just because someone else seems to care more about having a higher salary than him? Even when I was 27, my ex would constantly be on me to apply for other jobs in my company because they paid more. And when I’d tell her, “No, I love what I’m doing. I don’t think I’d be happy with those role.” she’d seem disappointed.
“Well, Rock. Maybe she’s thinking about a family and knows that you’ll need as much money as you can to raise them!“
That’s a valid argument. Truly, it is. I don’t blame her for making those kind suggestions when it came to my career growth. In fact, my own parents will tell you that it’s been my philosophy to work as hard as I could in my 20s to create a stable financial foundation for my future family…
But a lots changed in the past five years. My priorities have shifted. I picked up the Bible and cultivated a strong relationship with God. I learned the Truth that I feel compelled to share with you. But first things first…I got to get you thinking. If you’re not used to thinking, it’s alright. Take your time. There’s nothing to be ashamed of when you’ve been told your whole life what to think and how to think it. Baby steps. You’re reading the words of a rebel, the path I walk is narrow.
…
Have you ever stopped to consider why you’re doing anything that you’re doing? What’s the point? What are you getting in return? Why put yourself through such an ordeal? For what? I get that sometimes you have to do what you don’t want to do in order to succeed, but is it worth your peace and happiness? You only get 60-80 years and that’s it. We’re only tenants on this earth. When we die, we take nothing with us, except the deeds by which we will all be judged.
What I think it boils down to, is that women like the ones addressed in that video, are disappointed not because men are “poorer,” but because men don’t value the same things the women value. This should make sense because men and women are different, but alas…this is the reality the mainstream media is trying so hard to deny. And if they’re wrong about this…what else are they wrong about? If they’re wrong, then who’s right? Continue Reading
Half of all marriages end in divorce, they say. Are they justified? Who decides? Jesus had some thoughts on the subject. It wasn’t until recently that I finally understood. lol, we humans think we’re so slick.
The Truth About Adultery and Divorce – A Theocratic Essay By Rock Kitaro Sept 1st 2019
MIKA – HAPPY ENDING
Remember who is the father of the lie. Keep in mind that lies are enticing because sometimes they tell us what we want to hear. The truth can be painful because it exposes what some of us wish to hide. But to God…there is no hiding. Even if you lie to others, even if you lie to yourself, He can see your deepest intent, he knows what’s in your heart. There is no fooling him.
So when you divorce your spouse because “you’re just not happy anymore” or because “he’s not the same person you once knew” or because “you don’t deserve to live the rest of your life in an abusive relationship.”…it’s in your best interest to acknowledge that God knows the truth. These are all convenient excuses our modern society accepts for ending marriages.
But how does God feel about it? What did Jesus say about it? Do you want to know? Or are you just content with how humans view it…especially if they’re telling you what you want to hear?
During Jesus’s famous Sermon on the Mount, he told the people, “Everyone divorcing his wife, except on account of sexual immorality, makes her a subject for adultery. And whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.” (Matt. 5:32)
What? I’ve read that scripture so many times, and I confess, I never truly understood it. How is it that a man who marries a divorced woman, commits adultery? How does a husband subject his wife to adultery by divorcing her? It didn’t make sense. Continue Reading
Stage In The Sky 