With this one, I want to make it clear that I’m not trying to hurt anyone’s feelings or bash anyone…but it’s something I’ve been in denial about for a long time.
Ever since I was a kid, I’ve been picked on, shamed, and made to feel bad for being attracted to white girls. And, shamed to say, I’ve struggled when it comes to finding the average black woman attractive. I’m not saying anyone’s ugly. I’m just saying that very often the attraction is not there. I wish it was, but it’s not. Brace yourself. I don’t hold anything back with this one.
I wasn’t going to make a post about this video I recorded, but after reading one of the responses, I felt I had to dive deeper.
In the Caption, I say “I want to make it clear that I don’t speak for All Black People in this video…at the same time, I hate it when people who have the spotlight…THEY speak for all black people as if we all agree, as if we all feel the same. We don’t.”
As expected, there were a lot of people who saw the title of the video and just jumped to conclusions and posted comments without having actually watched the video. Which is alright. That seems to be the way of things. Not to mention, I think it brings a smirk to the faces of those who did watch the video and know I addressed a point the commenter was trying to make.
The whole point of me doing my videos, or writing my essays with a particular angle is to bring to light an opinion I haven’t seen presented on a greater scale. For instance, I didn’t post anything about the Will Smith slap for months because already I’ve seen it being covered. However, when it comes to the dreaded “N-word” and the controversy surrounding BYU and the Duke Volleyball player…I felt it was time to say something.
Recently, the comedian Aries Spears made some jokes about Lizzo’s weight and appearance. Lizzo and her fans fought back where one of their arguments were, “But he’s fat too!”
As one who used to weigh 378lbs, I believe I have every right to speak on the subject. And I hope you can tell from my tone in the video that I really am coming from a place of love. This isn’t to mock or slight anyone.
Can Men Talk about Women’s Bodies? – @1:14
Should You Hate Yourself If You’re Fat – @3:11
My Inspiration to Lose Weight – @5:40
I Tried to Help a Friend Lose Weight – @7:15
Will You Still be Body “Positive” in your 50s? – @10:11
How I Got Up to 378 pounds – @12:01
I Was So Fat I Got Stuck in the Closet – @17:28
How I Felt When I Reached My Weight-loss Goal – @22:29
Expounding on this notion of, “But he’s fat too”…I don’t think I’ve ever respected this argument. I’m talking about the notion of, “You have no right to talk about a subject if you’re failing in the subject too.”
We need to talk about what’s happening between Black Men and Black Women. I’m noticing that there seems to be a growing rift between the genders, a great deal of resentment and hostility that’s getting out of control. But don’t worry, I have solutions!
The issues have been going on for years and it’s getting progressively worse. From the “Color Purple” to “What’s Love Got to Do with it” and even in the 2000s with Tyler Perry’s Madea films…it appears we black men are simply not acting right. We’re players. We’re dusty. We hump everything that moves. We’re not making 6 figures. We’re not keeping up with the education and professional careers of women. We shirk out on our responsibilities, making a whole bunch of babies and never sticking around to take care of them. We’re told to do better, do better, do better! And of course, one of the worst things black men do that provokes all kinds of ire…is date and marry women of another race.
Is it true that Black Men have “abandoned the church”? Clearly, there are still black men going to church. It’s not like you’ll walk into one and NOT see a black guy.
But from watching the pastors on Jason Whitlock’s show and hearing Kevin Samuels over the past few years, there does seem to be this perception that “black men have given up on the churches”. I thought this was strange. And personally, I’d have no way of knowing whether any of this is true…because *chuckles nervously* as a black guy, I don’t go to church.
First off, I want to make it clear that I don’t think churches, religious assemblies, and congregations are bad. I truly believe church and congregations are great and amazing events. The Old Testament taught that God loves assemblies. So, being that I’m a Christian…why don’t I go to one?
The issues I’m going to bring up may be reasons why other men have stopped going and we’re just too embarrassed to admit it. I haven’t seen anyone else address or mention the MAIN reason why I personally don’t go…So here goes…
THE CHURCH HAS CAVED TO MODERN WOKE IDEOLOGY –
Let’s begin by addressing the common reasons I heard about why Black Men have stopped going to the church. Mainly, the sentiment is that the message, the pastors and ministers, have stopped preaching the Truth. Instead, the “Truth” is being watered down to walk lock-step with today’s woke ideologies. And in turn, they’re catering to women, telling women what they want to hear, instead of what the Bible actually says.
I apologize if the title sounds insulting. But I promise you…what I’m about to reveal is a bunch of embarrassing insights that speaks more to our weaknesses as Men.
Couple of things to keep in mind. I don’t speak for ALL men. However, if you are proud of being strong and independent and you’re wondering why a certain kind of man isn’t going for you, perhaps this might explain why. And lastly…there are a lot of women who claim to be “strong and independent” the same way a lot of people claim to be “Christians”. If you’re not, you’re not. We’re going to be honest today.
Allow me to begin by suggesting there are different types of strengths and weaknesses. An example mentioned in other essays (and by a late Christian Apologetic): Men generally have greater physical strength, but a woman may have greater emotional strength. When you have a sick dying child, the father may need to get up and leave the room because his emotions are too much, while the mother will have the strength stay by the child’s side.
What prompted this essay, though the topic’s been on my mind for a while, was when a speaker suggested that a “Woman’s strength is in the façade of her weakness.” He used it to explain why a lot of men might not be as interested in marriage and long-term relationships as the men of prior generations. I thought it was weird and dismissed it at first…but lately, I’m beginning to understand.
More and more ladies are openly asking, “What’s the point of a man?” There’s a famous clip of Cher where she’s asked, “Do You Think Men Are Important?” She answers, “for what?”.
I know words like “controversial” and misogynistic are thrown around when it comes to Kevin Samuels. He blew up thanks to WorldStarHipHop because he told a 35-year-old black single mother that she was going to die alone. Of course, if you don’t know the context of this conversation, sounds like a horrible thing to say. Even with the proper context, it still sounds horrible.
But sometimes, the truth is horrible. Yes, Kevin did give a lot of opinions…but he also provided facts. Such as facts about fatherless households, or that being a single mother isn’t as pleasant and glorified as the media makes it out to be…or that a lot of people have been lied to by Feminism. Because he holds men and women accountable and calls the Black Community out on their BS, if you go to Twitter right now, you’ll find a slew of tweets celebrating and mocking the death of Kevin Samuels. He was 56.
When I heard about Kevin’s death today, my heart sank. As a Christian, there were some things Samuels said that was disappointing. For instance, he seemed to advocate the hook-up culture. He promoted the “high value male” lifestyle when, really, our priorities should be putting God first and doing what’s good in his eyes.
That being said, Kevin Samuels was doing a world of good when it comes to exposing the truth, hypocrisies and double standards within the Black Community. For years, for decades even…it seems like Black Women have gone unchecked in a sense. I know that sentence alone makes me sound like a misogynists, which is why Kevin Samuels was so valuable. Samuels and men like him were able to openly have conversations and say things that a lot of us men are actually thinking, what we want to say about black women and black culture, but we’d risk our jobs, careers, and reputations. (this essay was written on the fly. Not really edited to filter out inappropriate thoughts that might be deemed insensitive. So enter at your own discretion)
Recently, news broke about a 63-year-old Pastor out of Iowa who married an 18-year-old woman after her birthday. People are outraged. They’re saying this is wrong. And yet…something seems odd here. For some reason, I find the reactions more interesting than the Pastor and his young Bride.
Don’t worry, this isn’t a long essay. I’ll be brief.
A lot of people are sharing their thoughts on Derrick Jaxn…I have some too. I first found out about this guy from one of my relatives a couple of years ago. I can’t remember which cousin or aunt posted his videos, but when I first heard him speak…I was impressed.
As a guy who believes in treating women right, regardless of race, I liked Derrick Jaxn’s message. He was basically telling men how they should be treating women with respect, honoring their wives, to stop cheating. All good things. But one thing I started to notice rather quickly…was that’s all he did. Bash men. It seemed like women could do no wrong, it’s never a woman’s fault. It’s always the men who are doing wrong to women. Men are bad. Men are dogs. And understandably…this created a huge swath of men, on Youtube and the Real World, who began to hate Derrick Jaxn. It was like he was throwing men under the bus and making himself holier than thou.
This was years ago. Since then, his following has grown. Mostly female followers. Almost every comment from his female fans was praise towards Jaxn and hate and spite towards men. There was almost no accountability towards the women, and when he did post a video encouraging women to get better, it was usually followed up with more men bashing. As in, women could do well…if only men weren’t so bad. Particularly, black men.