This narrative was written after I graduated college and when I was beginning to fully embrace myself as a writer. Granted it was written when I was 22 years old, and some of my opinions have changed, I’m not going to alter this document. The passion I convey…I was on fire that night. Everytime I come back to read this, my inspiration is restored. I remember why I’ve sacrificed so much
By Rock Kitaro
Date: July 3, 2009
How many writers do you know? And when I mean writers, I’m talking about intellectual thinkers who cleverly develop their thoughts and theories into a story. People who dumb it down for the general public to digest it as entertainment.
I’m writing this primarily for myself, as to never forget the fire that passionately burns within me. That phrase is used a lot, I know. It’s put into songs that sing of despair. It’s put into the dialogue of that intense drama starring your favorite talents. But I tell you now, the real artist who use that phrase are the ones who either suffer or have suffered.
I’m now ending the final stretch of my 22nd year. This year was probably the most enlightening one yet. Along with my writing, I’ve come to gain more than just a broader imagination. But through my characters, I come to understand what it’s like to be in their shoes. This understanding is what allows my acceptance of other’s cultures and customs. I want to share this understanding with the world.
I was raised by Jehovah’s Witnesses. An organization that believes we are living in the last days. Only the meek will inherit the world. All wickedness will be washed away. According to them and my understanding of what they teach, only those who accept god in their lives, and repent for their sins will be saved.
What about everyone else? And what I mean by that, is what about those who acknowledge that there is one all powerful god. But just don’t take it as seriously as you do. You can be as kind, polite and respectful as possible, but unless you devote yourself, you will not be saved? If you’re not with Jehovah in all respects, you’re with Satan and this world.
That idea bothers me more than any physical pain I’ve ever endured. Blessed with free will, but stuck in a world where it’s either one or the other. It’s bullcrap! It’s a false dilemma fallacy that not only Jehovah’s Witnesses, but many other religions teach.
If I truly were to believe that, I kid you not, I would not be alive. I would most likely join the army, with suicidal motives. Why live, if not to prosper? Why love, if not to cherish? All aspirations are wasted with the idea, that it’s all useless. You, all of us, will be destroyed if we live for anyone but god.
This is why I strongly refuse to join any religion. God knows my heart. Religious fanatics constantly contradict themselves when they take the life of another in the name of god. If god wanted someone dead, wouldn’t he would do it himself? Does he really need any of his creations to do his work?
Why can’t people see this? I believe what it all boils down to, is not the blind love they have for their religion, but the masked love they have for themselves. Instead of living to convert or change ones mind, they’d rather kill another or themselves, thinking they’ll be remembered for the love they have of that religion.
It sickens me. It saddens me. I cry for the deaths of my fellow brothers and sisters. Countless acts of mass murder, In the name of god. I walk alone physically, because I walk alone mentally. It breaks my heart to hear of any premature death. This is just the love I have for human beings. My fellow neighbors.
I do love god. I truly do. I love god, because I know, the countless murders in his name are not of his design. How could I feel love for him if it were true, and that this is what god wants? How could anyone feel? To know that you have to devote yourself to a god, who wants all non-believers to die. Some nonbelievers may be the most peaceful people on the planet. But that doesn’t matter.
They say, “Rock, we know you love to write. But it’s gonna be hard to make it on just being a writer.”
I say, I couldn’t give a damn how hard it is. I take mere words over missiles any day of the week.
They say, “Rock, what do you do for fun? You don’t drink or do drugs or go out and party. What do you do?”
I say, I’ll have fun when I’ve completed what I set out to do. I refuse to sit back and let things go with the belief that things are the way they are. Screw that nonsense! Nothing changes because most people just aren’t aware. How could they be? People don’t walk around with monitors of themselves, so they can see how they act? It has to be made known.
The news is suppose to convey these messages. But alas! And I’m sure there are others who have picked up on this, but the news is a form of entertainment. There may be a small segment about one major heroic deed, but rarely as a headliner. We don’t hear about the millions of random acts of kindness. There isn’t an Oscar award ceremony for the friendliest, down to earth person on the planet. It doesn’t make headlines, and because it won’t sell. “It’s not what the people want!” is what producers would say.
Actors and Actresses are paid millions to stand in front of a camera and lie. While construction workers bust their ass in the scorching heat, trying to put food on the table. Parents are bringing children into this world, not ready for the responsibility it holds. This is just to name a few, and it’s all been going on for years.
The bombings and killings that are happening in modern times, pail in comparison to the massacres of Edo era Japan or ancient China. The foreclosures, and economic collapses don’t even stack up against the Native American’s who were all but completely wiped from their homes. They say things are getting worse with the newer generations. I think they only say that because of advances in technology that can broadcast what’s going on today. Can you imagine what the world would be like if the news broadcasted the Egyptians building pyramids. Why can’t people just look in the mirror if they want to find fault. Or better yet, don’t worry about whose fault it is. Simply, identify the problem, fix it, and move on.
I do say this lightly. As I am an African American, and my race has been persecuted for over 400 years. But it’s different for me. After years of being persecuted by my own race more so than any other race, I see things differently. We’re always talking about inequality and how if it weren’t for affirmative action, black people wouldn’t be where we are today. And to some extent, I agree with that.
But I think if we’re to expect equality, we should show it. After 9/11, so many Arabs and Middle Easterners were persecuted because of what a select few of the same race committed themselves to do. As African American’s I feel that we should have been the first ones to give a helping hand because we know what it’s like. But alas, some of us, I will even go so far as to say most of us, joined in on the persecuting, and discrimination, using them as a step to prop ourselves up to finally be on the same level as whites.
None of that matters to me. No matter the race. If someone thinks they are born better than me, then why not let them? I’ve always said, even in my younger years, every man has a right to his own opinion. It’s only when they act on their negative opinions do I have a problem.
Not to mention, I and not only I, but this topic was discussed with many other of my black college classmates one day. But We can’t stand it when our unofficial black leaders throw out the race card to mere remarks. Mere words, that are opinions and not facts. Mere words that change nothing legally, or financially. My classmates agreed that this behavior really does shame us. It’s as though we are overly sensitive to the whole world when we’re not.
And all we do is promote more war and destruction all in the name of, who suppose to be a non-confusing, merciful, peaceful god. I shake my head and stressfully massage my face at the thought.
Writing just isn’t something I want to do. It’s not just something I love doing. It’s not just something I’m good at. It’s something that I believe must be done. The bible says everyone should be Christ like. He sacrificed his only human life for the sake of others. Allow me to do the same. At 22, I’m still a virgin, I don’t drink, I don’t smoke, I don’t go to clubs or bars. I’m sacrificing my life to deliver a message.
That message is loud and clear. It’s for everyone to put their personal opinions aside to look at the bigger picture I beg you. Everyone, all of us. We only have one life to live. One chance to grow from a child to an adult. One chance to grow from a young adult to a mature adult. One chance to get married and have a family. Once lifetime to experience such emotions like love, joy, and happiness. Don’t waste that life with the faith of living in another one that may or may not come after death. Enjoy what you have now, and cherish it.
It’s through my characters do I experience the loss of a brother. The loss of a sister. The loss of a mother. The loss of a father. It’s painful. Tears are in my eyes even now as I write this.
The sad thing is… While I named some emotions we experience as humans. I didn’t mention the bad ones, such as hate.
I sigh. I understand I got off subject there, but I stand by it. I honestly haven’t read a lot of books. I’m sure other authors have touch note on what I’m trying to say. But not even authors but ordinary people who are like me, and have that rare sense of understanding. The originality isn’t important. Only the message itself is what counts.
No writing isn’t just something I like to do. It’s something I have to do. If you never tell anyone of what you’ve been through. How will they ever know?