First off, I want you to know that I in no way take these labels too seriously. You’re about to read about personalities, stereotypes, Feminism, and Red Pill Philosophy that may sound offensive, as if I’m saying one is better than the other. I’m not. Different does not mean better.
Discovering the Sigma Male – We’re Not All Betas and Alphas
Growing up in my teens, one of the biggest frustrations was that my own peers had a difficult time understanding me. This is important to any youth…because we barely understand ourselves. When everyone around you seems to behave similarly, fitting in with the culture and trends, where everyone seems to have their own little clique except for you…you begin to think, “Maybe there’s something wrong with me.”
In fact, most people used to describe me as happy and friendly, always smiling and laughing. They’re not wrong. At the same time, they had no idea about the amount of anger and resentment I had pent up. Every year, I had a different best friend. If I wanted (needed) to, I could blend in with whatever scene I was part of. Whether it was hood/goths/ anime geeks/Save By the Bell pranksters/or Drama Club techies.
I never wanted to shoot up the school or anything like that. Just always had a chip on my shoulder to graduate and get the fuck up out of my parent’s house as soon as possible. I love my parents now, but back then…let’s just say it takes mental effort to fight back all the hate and focus on the good times. Back then, leaving the nest was my number one goal. My focused mission…And if you read my essay about the time my mom tried to have me arrested, it should sum it up.
Growing up in my twenties, things didn’t change much when it comes to my peers misunderstanding of me. Except by now…I liked who I’d become. And the more I resisted peer pressure, the more I was challenged by others. Of those challengers, invariably, they tended to fall into one of two categories.
The first are those who make it their damnest to try mold you into the kind of person they think you should be. They’re doing this because they think they’re trying to help, they want you to be happy, which implies deep down they think you aren’t, or not as happy as you could be. So they try to get you out. They try to get you laid, drunk, or buzzed. They want you to have fun! They just want to help.
The second are the kind of people who appear to be your buddy, but without realizing it, become adversarial because they want, they need to prove they’re either better than you, or your equal. These are the kind of people who will smile at you for the sake of being polite…but they absolutely loathe anyone who appears “too happy and upbeat” or worse, “proud of themselves.” That’s why you hear them give more criticism than compliments. To bring you down to their level. Instead of bringing themselves up to yours. I think this varies based on what part of the country you’re living in.
For instance, you win at a game and just smile with pride, they’ll say something like, “Okay, don’t let it go to your head.” …because God forbid you think you’re good at something…These are often the kind of people who expect you to see them as your equal without working for it. No different from those who want respect without earning it.
Takes me to the topic at hand. Sigmas. What is a Sigma Male? Until 2 weeks ago, I never even knew the concept existed. I have to thank this website for linking one of my posts to his website, otherwise it probably would’ve taken me longer to discover it. I encourage you to check him out. But this video explains a lot.
I’m not even sure I’m a “Sigma” by other people’s standards. All I know is that this video describes me 100%. It was like hearing an investigator inside my head calling out patterns he saw. It was awesome to know that I’m not this over complicated mystery that’s impossible to figure out. Sort of like when I discovered the Red Pill Community. The sentiment of, “I thought I was the only one” comes to mind.
“Give me a break, Rock. You’re not the only person who does that/feels that way.”
Name another person you know who’s similar.
Usually, they’re at a loss of words. Or they’ll say something like, “I like to go on dates by myself too” without fully grasping the big picture of what’s being conveyed. I believe people are saying this to keep us conformed to the mindset that we’re nothing special, and just like everyone else. Because that’s how they feel…like they’re nothing special. Which is…kind of wretched to be honest. I remember hearing that when I was in middle school, “Oh you think you all that!”
And I’m like…Am I supposed to say no? Of course, what they mean is that they want you to fall in line. Tone it down. Stop being different. Stop being the oddball out. All of which indicates that I am different. I am the oddball out. But that doesn’t mean I’m this impossible enigma. I don’t even think I’m alone. We’re just elusive. As this Youtuber/Blogger explains.
Sarah Reynolds also has a video for Sigma Females for those who are interested. What I really love about her video, is that she points out the purpose that Sigmas feel, that they have this need to serve a greater good. I really don’t want to be the one in charge, and don’t mind falling back if another Alpha is keen to take lead, especially if that Alpha has a good moral compass.
The fact that I write so many essays is an attempt to serve a greater good (aside from helping loved ones understand me better). Most of my essays have been on the truth about Christianity you may not hear in church, or the truth about what’s going on behind Society’s guise of “social justice,” or the truth about human behavior that most people are afraid to admit. It’s sort of like all these movements. All it takes is for one person to say what’s happened to them before others miraculously find the courage to admit it.
Another thing I want to point out…Mrs. Sarah is a gorgeous woman. But the world’s full of beautiful women. I’ve never met Mrs. Sarah, but I’m willing to bet I’d fall for her after just one conversation. Why? Because she demonstrates that she understands.
A lot of people claim that they understand this or that, but their actions or the words they choose to say show differently. Because Sigmas are elusive, I believe it’s rare to have another human understand us. Thus, it’s unique, precious. If I thought a woman was pretty when I first meet her, I have no doubt my attraction will increase drastically overnight if she demonstrates that she understands.
My ex-girlfriend was like that. We broke up when I was 27, but three years later, we started talking again. And while I told myself I wouldn’t cross that bridge again, I noticed there was something about hanging out with someone who simply understands who and why you are the way you are…it’s very addictive.
It’s like the first video where he talked about being exhausted after social interaction. However, when you’re talking to someone who understands, it doesn’t feel so exhausting. It feels like vacation. Freedom. And better yet, when they accept you…you don’t have to pretend or dull down who you are just to make them feel comfortable around you. It’s like talking to everyone else is a performance. You’re being you but you’re being who you have to be to accomplish the goal.
And there’s a difference between “need” and “want”. I don’t believe there’s anyone on earth who doesn’t “want” to have someone to love or be loved by someone. Humans are social creatures. Even the most solitary person needs a companion, even if that companion is a dog, a horse, or a volleyball.
However, there is the argument that Sigma Males are really just Beta Males in Denial. Again, this Youtuber responds.
Now here’s the thing…Whether you think I’m a Beta, or an Alpha, or a Sigma, or whatever…you’re welcome to your opinion, but honestly, why would I give a shit what you think? Sometimes when people read my essays, they think that I just spit this out to everyone I come in contact with physically. I don’t. Writing is literally how I breathe. I see. I observe. But unless someone asks, I find it quite cruel to ruin their illusion of reality unless I see them heading towards a tiger pit…like obesity, getting involved with unstable individuals, or becoming a drug addict.
The labels really shouldn’t even matter that much? In some of the comments to the videos posted above, I’ve seen some heated arguments about what a Sigma us or who is or isn’t a Beta. Why?!
Perhaps it’s all this talk about the “Sexual Marketplace Value.” The perpetuating of the stereotype that all women go for the Alphas. First off, I don’t believe all women “go for” the Alphas. It may be that all women are “attracted” to the alpha. They may be even attracted to the Sigmas. But from what I’ve seen, more often than naught, people, not just women, but people will go for what’s easier, as opposed to difficult. Mainly because of their own self-respect. Meaning, they’ll sometimes give up on the idea of going for an Alpha they find attractive because they don’t think they have a chance.
Alphas and Sigmas may be desirable, but if a Beta male is throwing themselves at you, and they seem cute, and you can tolerate their quirks and you’re tired of being alone…chances are you’ll take a chance on a Beta, rather than wait and/or chase after a Sigma, working hard to peel back their layers, fending off other women going for them or trying to pry their focus from their goals to focus on you.
Not to mention, a lot of my Millennial female peers have bought into the Woke Feminist narrative that’s all about abolishing traditional gender norms. They see so many masculine qualities as toxic…like being competitive or dominant. These women may be sexual attracted to Alphas and Sigmas, but I’m willing to bet they’re more likely to marry passionate Betas who doesn’t mind submitting to her, letting her lead and/or wear the pants in the relationship. And I’m not saying any of this is bad. It’s just the times we’re living in and if it’s who you are, then go for it.
To date, I know several couples where the guy is softer than a bag of wet noodles, a straight up geek who’s too timid to look another man in the eye when he walks by, but this dude is married to a beautiful strong-willed woman. I’m like…Yep. That relationship makes sense. I can’t/won’t/don’t judge that. I will say, if you believe in Red Pill philosophy, that men like this run the higher risk of getting cheating on, I say with reluctance and of course, I hope I’m wrong.
Bottom line, the main reason why I’m all happy about the Sigmas is because it feels good to be understood. It’s sort of like when I took one of those personality quizzes a few years back and the answer was, “You Embody the Pursuit of Truth.”
Yes, I could fall into the category of, “Oh, you’re just seeking validation and looking for people to tell you what you want to hear.”
That’s very well possible. But I don’t think so. You see…regardless of what philosophy, concept, theory or movement I learn about…none of it will ever trump the supreme authority of the Bible Principles in my life. And believe me, the Bible sometimes gives harsh truths that I don’t want to hear. Such as Paul’s suggestions that marriage isn’t for everyone. Or when Jesus Christ talked about the resurrection in Mark Chapter 12, and how when people are resurrected, “neither marry nor are they given into marriage.”
In Sarah Reynold’s video around the 8:30 mark, she mentions that Sigmas don’t have this desire to get married based on societal norms…she also says that while Alpha Males fall in love the most frequently, Sigma males fall in love the most deeply.
True words. Which might sound contradicting. That a Sigma male wouldn’t get married based on societal norms, but also fall in love the most deeply. I don’t know how other Sigma males are…but when I get married, I won’t be thinking about society. I’ll be thinking about an unbreakable vow made before God. If you don’t know God or believe in the faith, it’s difficult to convey how I don’t just see God as this far-distant authority figure who wrote a rule book and sits on a throne from on high just waiting to judge and mete out punishment.
I see God as a father figure. His words reside in my heart and I can debate the Bible’s wisdom and practical application to modern life with the best of them. In fact, I dare say the Bible is the original Red Pill. It outlines gender roles and explains who we are. The main difference between Red Pill Philosophy and the Bible is that the Bible has a strong code of morality, what’s right and wrong. Whereas the Red Pill community believes in human nature and accepting/encouraging those who give in to their baser instincts. But that’s open for debate.
“If the Bible explains who you are, then why are you all happy about discovering Sigmas?”
Because I have my flaws just like every other man on earth. I wrestle with eternal conflicts that would make Homer’s “Iliad” look like a nursery rhyme. I am a sinner, just like you. The Bible explains the what, why, and how? Learning about Sigmas merely explain which kind.
“How can you be a Sigma and a Christian? I thought Sigmas go their own way?”
Well…this might sound a bit offensive to most Christians…but unlike most, I didn’t merely inherit my belief. It was passed down to me, but I took it upon myself to read the Bible from cover to cover. Let’s put it this way…Christianity is a gift that many people have…as in, they have it on their coffee table that they pass by every day. Where as I actually opened it up, saw what was in it, and take it with me everywhere I go, every day. And I know that might make me sound like I live a strict monkish lifestyle, but I don’t. Might surprise you to know a lot of the religious practices and strict lifestyles…were made up by man based their own interpretations.
I am a Christian, but if you asked me which denomination, I couldn’t tell you. Because I don’t belong to any of them. I was baptized as a Baptist at six, forced to study with Jehovah’s Witnesses from eleven until I left the nest at eighteen, at which point I renounced all religions, I hated it so much.
At 23, however, I found myself studying with Scientologists (thanks to acting classes), rejected it because I thought it was form of idolatry and at the age of 28, I picked up the Bible to read for myself what was in it. It took two years to read it cover to cover and now I know. I know the truth about God’s character, how Jesus saved our lives, what’s going to happen in the future and more importantly, I know which traditions were made up by humans.
I have acquaintances who are Baptists, Catholics, Lutherans, and yes, even Jehovah’s Witnesses. But as of yet, I haven’t found one in which I agree with everything enough to confine myself to it.
The Bible is my compass. In Romans 14, it teaches us that we will all be judged by our own convictions as individuals. It’s in that conviction, that I’m ready to stand before God wholeheartedly and accept his judgment on whether I was right or wrong in my interpretation of his Word the Bible…I don’t know. I just don’t see that as Beta.
And don’t get me wrong. All this talk about Alphas and Betas…I really don’t think it should have much bearing in our lives in determining how we should live it. There’s nothing wrong with being a Beta or an Alpha if that’s who you truly are. I’m not even saying Sigmas are the best. There’s a price to pay with everything.
I can be surrounded by others, smile and blend in, and yet I used to feel abysmal for wishing that deep down, I was more like the rest of them. Three years back, I had a panic attack in front of an auditorium of my co-workers. It was during a Toastmaster’s Meeting where, “stepping out of my comfort zone” I took a chance and agreed to be my department’s first president of the damn thing. I talk about it more here. There were a lot of factors that triggered this panic attack, the main one was me being pissed at myself for not sticking to my guns when I told the department head that I wanted nothing to do with Toastmasters. It just wasn’t for me.
One more point I want to mention, I don’t believe a lot of Sigmas are born Sigma. Even if you’re a dormant sigma, chances are you were an alpha or a beta at first and then, depending on your circumstance and the kind of mindset you have…if you’re like me, you adapt and overcome. I believe Betas just accept what life has given them, accept what they’re told, and submit to the trends.
Again, there’s nothing wrong with that if that’s who you are. Honestly, you’re going to be depressed trying to do, trying to be something you aren’t. Trust me. I tried it for years.
And oddly enough…if mainstream culture continues on the way it has, I suspect more and more men will become Sigmas. Or at least, they’ll try to. I can deal with the isolation and going my own way because one, I’m an author. My passion involves being alone to get projects done. And two, as long as I’m endeavoring to do what’s in God’s eyes, I’m never alone. He’s always there. Every time I choose to do what’s good instead of giving into primal impulses, I’m scoring bonus points in his eyes. The Lord is my rock, my refuge, my salvation.
And this is what the mainstream culture doesn’t get. I think Stefan Molyneux said it best. “Men benefit from competition. Women benefit from cooperation. A man can be ostracized from the herd and still survive, if not, do even better.”
That isn’t to say women can’t survive alone. I’ve seen plenty, like the ladies appearing in those NatGeo shows who choose to live the frontier life in Alaska.
But I don’t think the same could be said for most women. Which is why a lot of women vote, support, and are in favor of more government playing a role in their lives and less freedom. They’re dependent on government because that freedom would mean ruin. But that’s for another topic.