Long story short, they don’t. It’s a trick. Ever since I was a kid, I simply nodded along to the cliché that good girls fall for the bad boys. Even after learning about the Red Pill and observing the dating culture, on the surface there does seem to be some truth to it. It wasn’t until recently that I started to question, “If you fall for a bad boy, are you really good?”
There’s important reasons as to why I’m writing this. 1) It’s insulting to the women who really are good. 2) It encourages men to be “bad boys”. 3) “Boring” is being used as a label, more than an adjective, which I think is a deceptive trick to pressure men into prioritizing what women want over being responsible and 4) I think it’s just one more thing people use to justify their bad behavior and foolish choices. As in…“Hey! It’s out of my hands. I’m good so I got no control over myself but to fall for the bad boy!”
You see it in movies and TV shows. There’s the good, honest, wholesome girl who ends up being enticed, manipulated, and turned away from her virtuous values by the Bad Boy. Sometimes, it’s depicted as a good thing. Often, the girl is being oppressed by her religiously strict parents or their rigid traditions that were always holding her back from what she really wanted.
“Nah-uh, Rock! Don’t even start! Alladin was not a bad boy! He was a good guy with a heart of gold! He only stole to survive. He only lied about being a prince because he really wanted to get with Jasmine! That doesn’t make him a ‘bad boy’.”
I apologize if the title sounds insulting. But I promise you…what I’m about to reveal is a bunch of embarrassing insights that speaks more to our weaknesses as Men.
Couple of things to keep in mind. I don’t speak for ALL men. However, if you are proud of being strong and independent and you’re wondering why a certain kind of man isn’t going for you, perhaps this might explain why. And lastly…there are a lot of women who claim to be “strong and independent” the same way a lot of people claim to be “Christians”. If you’re not, you’re not. We’re going to be honest today.
Allow me to begin by suggesting there are different types of strengths and weaknesses. An example mentioned in other essays (and by a late Christian Apologetic): Men generally have greater physical strength, but a woman may have greater emotional strength. When you have a sick dying child, the father may need to get up and leave the room because his emotions are too much, while the mother will have the strength stay by the child’s side.
What prompted this essay, though the topic’s been on my mind for a while, was when a speaker suggested that a “Woman’s strength is in the façade of her weakness.” He used it to explain why a lot of men might not be as interested in marriage and long-term relationships as the men of prior generations. I thought it was weird and dismissed it at first…but lately, I’m beginning to understand.
More and more ladies are openly asking, “What’s the point of a man?” There’s a famous clip of Cher where she’s asked, “Do You Think Men Are Important?” She answers, “for what?”.
So…came across one of Melanie King’s videos where, once again, a lady’s confirming what a lot of guys have been saying about the dating culture these days. But don’t worry. I’m also going to hit at Male Leadership and why we as Christians need to stand firm.
In the beginning of the video, the soon-to-be divorced woman says, “you can’t dress a certain way and you can’t post sexy pictures on social media. But I dressed a certain way when I first met you!”…she says this to complain that her husband was “controlling”.
Couple of thoughts here. First, you could say that this is just who she is, sexual and sensual, and a man has no right to change her. “WOMEN AREN’T DRESSED TO IMPRESS YOU! WE DRESS LIKE THIS BECAUSE IT MAKES US HAPPY!”
Right, if you’re in that camp, this essay ain’t for you. I’m talking to the real ones out here who respect straight-forward honesty. I’m talking to the ladies who know they dress a certain way and posts pictures WITH THE INTENT of getting attention, attracting a mate. This doesn’t have to mean slutty or half-naked pictures…but come on. I’ve seen many of sistahs fully clothed in dresses that tell me everything I need to know and I’m like…
This one goes out to my Dad, the already married folks, and the old-school generation who have no clue what the dating culture is like these days. Because I feel bad for him every time he asks about my dating. I know he wants a grandchild so bad. But this world is so bad…I have to be selective. I have to be wise and discerning.
In this essay, I’ve included plenty of Youtube videos so you can see that it’s not just me saying this. And it’s not just Men recognizing the issues, but more and more Women are speaking up, because it affects them too. However, for us men, we have to be careful with providing our perspective because we run the risk of being called a misogynist. God knows I love women. I credit beautiful women as one of my greatest sources of motivation. Beautiful women inspired me to hit the gym and lose 178lbs. Women inspired me to want to make something of myself, becoming a published author and excelling in life.
And to the ladies reading this…One thing you’ll notice is that I don’t make any demands of women. You won’t hear me say things like women need to change, step up, or be better. Mostly because, despite the many examples you’ll see, it hasn’t warped the fact that I know there are already good, beautiful, God-fearing women who don’t shy away from the Scriptures. But finding these ladies, connecting with them, how to approach them…it’s not like the old days. My generation has ruined that.
In reading the Bible cover to cover, the biggest change of my life is that it freed me from this world. Life is so much more fulfilling now…now that I know my purpose and the blessings that’ll come from simply enduring until the end.
My relationship with human beings…it’s a love/hate relationship. I have so much compassion for them as my brethren and God’s created children. But I also feel the same indignation any brother would feel when you see them walking down a path of destruction, especially when you know what our parents told us. And just like any brother when everyone’s all grown up, you have to accept that your siblings are free to make their own decisions, they’re own choices.
Imagine this…Everyone’s on the Titanic and we’re told the ship is going to sink at some point. You look around and everyone’s having a good time but because you heard the captain, you know the Titanic is going to get hit by an iceberg. You don’t know when. So you’re told to remain awake. If you accept the captain’s orders and do what you’re told, your place is reserved on the lifeboats. But everyone else…they’re going down with the ship.
It hasn’t happened yet. And because it hasn’t happened, despite being told to stay awake for so long…the people lack faith. They stop believing. They say the captain’s orders don’t make sense. They begin to think they know better than the captain. They criticize and make fun of you for following the captain’s orders instead of indulging in the fun inebriation they lose themselves in. Even the ones who believed in the beginning start to fall away. They see everyone else having a good ole’ time, sleeping and partying, so they think to themselves that maybe the ship won’t sink after all. They stop following orders. They ignore the captain.
Then the inevitable happens. The ship hits an iceberg. The massive Titanic that everyone had so much faith in, that they believed was unsinkable…it begins to list. Chaos and panic ensues. Just as the captain warned, the only ones who will be saved on the lifeboats are the ones who obeyed his commands until the end.
Jesus Christ teaches us to love our brothers and sisters, to love our fellow neighbors as we would ourselves. If I was in one of those lifeboats watching as the ship went down…I imagine I’d be clenching my teeth in grief and frustration. I’d wish I didn’t care…but God knows I do. Those are my brothers and sisters on that ship.
This is inspired by a video I watched from a Christian Youtuber where she talks about “Bad Christian Advice For Singles” when it comes to dating, from a woman’s perspective. I listened and thought that was cool. So, this list is from a man’s perspective.
Because here’s the thing. I’ve seen comments and complaints from women who say that there’s not enough Christian men out there. Or “good men don’t want them because they’re “too Christian.” This list might give you some greater insight on all that. These are my Top 3 Things That May Cause Me to Lose Interest in a Woman Who Claims to be Christian.
1. They Don’t Take Their Looks Seriously and Believe You Shouldn’t Either
It’s what’s on the inside that counts, right?
I have compassion with this one so I’m going to try and be delicate. If you’re a good Christian woman endeavoring to do what’s good in God’s eyes, why should you be concerned with your beauty? If you’re doing what’s good in God’s eyes and men aren’t attracted to you, then clearly those men must not love God, right?