This is inspired by a video I watched from a Christian Youtuber where she talks about “Bad Christian Advice For Singles” when it comes to dating, from a woman’s perspective. I listened and thought that was cool. So, this list is from a man’s perspective.
Because here’s the thing. I’ve seen comments and complaints from women who say that there’s not enough Christian men out there. Or “good men don’t want them because they’re “too Christian.” This list might give you some greater insight on all that. These are my Top 3 Things That May Cause Me to Lose Interest in a Woman Who Claims to be Christian.
1. They Don’t Take Their Looks Seriously and Believe You Shouldn’t Either
It’s what’s on the inside that counts, right?
I have compassion with this one so I’m going to try and be delicate. If you’re a good Christian woman endeavoring to do what’s good in God’s eyes, why should you be concerned with your beauty? If you’re doing what’s good in God’s eyes and men aren’t attracted to you, then clearly those men must not love God, right?
I’m sorry, but I don’t think that’s the case. I’ve met of plenty of Christian women who have the glow of Christ on them. I love these women as my spiritual sisters. But sadly, a lot of the ones that come to mind are very overweight. I’m not talking about thick, I’m talking about obese. (this is a long one, might want to book-mark)
“Well, Rock. Maybe they’re happy with who they are. And they’re not out here trying to impress men like you. Also, some men like big women!”
How many single good Christian men do you know who’s number one choice is overweight? What are the odds? Not to mention, which is it? You’re happy with who you are, or you’re looking for a man who likes big women? I think the answer is acceptance, right? We can sit here and debate the whole issue but it doesn’t change the fact that it causes men like me to lose interest.
But don’t worry. I’m going to explain. Society would have you believe men like me are just shallow, but its deeper than that. I know obesity could also be a medical issue, but from what I’ve seen, it’s mostly either a lack of wisdom or discipline.
Again…I do have compassion here because I used to weight 378lbs myself. I weighed that much because I lacked the discipline to stop eating what’s in front of me and I didn’t have the wisdom to try and stay in shape when I was in a place that gave me the best opportunity to meet more potential mates, college.
It took years to get down to 225 but I did it through hard work and exercise. And I didn’t realize it until recently, but while I may be proud of how far I’ve come, when I tell others about it, especially females…surprisingly they sometimes lose interest in me.
This is just a theory, but after I watched this video around 6:43, it suddenly dawned on me why a lot of women my own age don’t go for me. Older women love me. Women who are four years and younger than me go for me. But it’s rare for a woman in my same age group. And I think that’s because I intimidate them. Not in the scary, domestic abuse way. But more so…because the culture has done its damnest to push this idea that we’re all equals, and anything a man can do a woman can do…men like me inadvertently make them feel inferior. And a lot of Millennials, men and women, just can’t handle that. So instead of building themselves up, they’d rather break you down.
It’s like, if you stood next to Dwayne “the Rock” Johnson…you’d know you’re not his equal just by looking. You’re not stronger than him, you’re not faster, not as successful. But it wouldn’t bother you so much because he’s not in your age group. You can tell yourself he’s older, he’s had more time to get right, he’s lived in a different era that allowed him to do better than you. However, if he was the same age as you, working in your department, and he’s just random swole dude who takes fitness seriously…let’s be honest, you’d be intimidated.
And as a defense mechanism, you’d tell yourself that the person’s a douchebag, arrogant and conceited for having pride in his accomplishments. When you get around other co-workers, you’d grumble about how he’s always talking about staying in shape and you can’t stand it. But why? He’s not calling you fat or verbally making you feel like crap for being out of shape. But his very presence alone is a testament of what you could be doing with your life.
In that video, Sara talks about how a lot of women don’t want “good men”. They prefer men who lack ambition, goals, or a good job, because they want to feel superior over their men. Or at the very least, they don’t want to be with a man who’s so accomplished that makes them feel inferior. This isn’t the first time I heard a woman say that. There was another female writer who said the same thing. That she’s afraid of being with a man who has his life together, because it forces her to feel inferior about her own life. That’s why I think a lot of men emasculate themselves, hiding their ambitions and belittling their own accomplishments as if it’s no big deal…just to make others feel comfortable around them.
Which is a bit strange. I wonder if every generation was like this, or is it just ours. Because I’d like to think a Christian woman, not a modern Christian woman, but a traditional Christian woman would actually want a man who’s stronger, more assertive, and gifted in all the ways they are not. Just like I’d want a woman who’s sweeter, more nurturing, caring, and thoughtful than I am. We’re supposed to compliment each other, not compete.
With me in particular…I’m not super rich, I don’t drive a fast car, or live in a big house. But I’ve succeeded in a lot of way that apparently put other Millennials to shame. For instance, in my 20s, a lot of my peers would have a great time on the weekends, getting drunk, going out dancing, and partying on boats. And I’d smile, telling them that’s awesome. Truly, I’m glad they had fun.
However, when they asked me what I did over the weekend, I had to get out of the habit of telling them I just finished writing a chapter for a book I’m working on. Or that I spent an entire Sunday sending query letters to agents to get that book published. I don’t think they wanted to hear that…a man spending his free time trying to better himself.
I finally stopped wearing my accomplishments on my sleeve. I don’t even tell people I’m an author anymore. But if you just talk to me and ask me questions about what I do, how I live, or what I think, it becomes apparent that I’m an intellectual. That shouldn’t be a bad thing. I promise, I’m good-natured. Furthermore, I know the truth. I’ve read the entire Bible and believe in it. And when some ladies find out that I went from 378lbs to a 6’3 225-pounder who’s still getting in the gym…they may still be attracted to me, but they certainly start to think I’m unattainable.
That’s unfortunate. Because my standard of beauty really isn’t that high. If you’ve seen some of the women I’ve fallen for in my 20s, you’d be shocked. Honestly, nothing about their looks really stand out. Like, they don’t have striking features or are what most men would call perfect 10s on the level of some model in a music video. But they were pretty. Usually in the eyes and their smile. I tend to go for the ones who project purity and innocence. The girl-next-door types. But they were in shape and they took care of their appearance.
Honestly, if all men were blind, that would be better, right? But even if I was blind, I’d still take my own physical fitness seriously. What would that do to an overweight woman’s self-esteem to constantly see me hitting the gym, watching what I eat, boxing like Daredevil in classes.
And if your answer is that it could inspire others to do the same…Believe me. I’ve tried that. I tried to help a Christian woman who I saw potential in…but in the end, it just wasn’t in her. She bought into this notion of, “I want to lose weight to improve my lifestyle, not to attract a man.” As if it’s a shameful un-Christian thing to want to be seen as beautiful by men.
Honestly, she stressed that point a lot when I tried to talk to her about motivation to get in the gym. My motivation when I was overweight was women and improving my chances of attracting a mate. I think society’s tricked women like my friend into thinking they simply shouldn’t care what men want.
And it made me sad because over the years she’s actually gained more weight and reminded me of my own mother. I guess, that’s another deep reason why I can’t be with someone who’s overweight. I love my mother. But it hurts my heart knowing that she can’t do things the way she used to because of her weight. I blame it on her weight, not her age, because I’m surrounded by older friends in their 60s and 70s who are still out here enjoying life as if they were my age.
Isaac’s wife Rebekah was described as beautiful. Esther was described as beautiful. The Song of Solomon is perhaps one of the most romantic books ever written about a woman and her beauty. It is a gift. It is a blessing. All you have to do is maintain it. And if you need motivation…I really don’t think it’s an unholy thing to consider increasing your chances of finding a future husband.
Read my essay about Anytime Fitness. I started small. It was tough, but I stuck to it. You can too. I mean…it’s not like I’m better than you.
https://www.biblestudytools.com/topical-verses/bible-verses-about-womens-beauty/ – Page full of Bible verses about beauty.
2. Too Easily Influenced By Worldly Movements
A woman who’s always jumping on the bandwagon of what’s going on in pop culture, regurgitating the talking points of celebrities when you know they themselves don’t care…or they wouldn’t care if celebrities didn’t use guilt trips and high school tactics to make them care. People like this are doing it because they want to be a part of something. They want to be involved. However, if you asked them whether their willing to stand by their opinions in the face of death…
Let me put it this way…my beliefs, all the essays I’ve written about religion, relationships, and culture…I stand by my words. They come straight from my heart. When judgment day comes and I stand before God to answer for my actions and my conscience, I’ll have no fear. I won’t blame what I’ve done on some misunderstanding or claim I was misled. It’s genuine. It’s 100% Rock.
This is conviction. I respect this out of any true activist whether I agree with them on the issues or not.
What I don’t respect however…is a person who only gets involved in some social movement or issue because it’s become popular. This is the kind of person who starts ranting and preaching about what’s wrong with the world as if wickedness and evil is this brand new thing. Then they’ll say things like “we’re finally fed up” to justify how silent they’ve been this whole time. But I’m not buying that. Especially when I’ve known you for years and not once have you ever mentioned an important issue that didn’t have anything to do with you personally.
I remember when I was in college and learning about the people of North Korea. I ranted about the dictatorship to a female love interest and she flat out told me, “Who cares? This isn’t North Korea.”
She had a point. And I wasn’t mad. But what that showed me is that a lot of people don’t care about things that don’t affect them personally. I do. Since I was 21, in almost every one of my works, I’ve addressed some social issue or exposed a world or a type of person that’s not represented in the mainstream. This is the consistency I’m talking about.
And more closer to home, every year I post articles about the black on black violence, shootings that happen in major cities over holiday weekends. No one engages in the article. Not so much as a like or even a frowning face. It “looks” like no one cares.
But let the mainstream media give 90% of their coverage to a black person being killed by a white cop and suddenly everyone cares as if they personally knew the victim. Celebrities post about the injustice and because the cool kids are involved, the fans get involved.
This is the herd mentality. And I get it. I understand that, historically speaking, it’s important for women to be protected by the village. There’s a saying that men benefit from competition and women benefit from cooperation. A man can get kicked out of the village and still succeed, if not, do better than if he was with the herd. However, if a woman gets kicked out, the chances of her survival alone is tough.
These are generalizations, mind you. My point being, is that I recognize how it’s tougher for women to go against the current, disagree with popular opinion, and face ostracism from her social group. Thus, she’s more likely to go along with the trends, movements, behaviors and lifestyles that society’s telling them they should be more accepting and tolerant of.
For example, I know a Christian black woman who once talk to me about being pressured into joining her department’s gay-pride community at work. She said she felt uncomfortable, but went along with it anyway. I didn’t make her feel bad. I empathized and directed her to the scriptures to give her strength. But this is what I’m talking about.
Again, I get it. It’s tough call, especially when it comes to work. Sometimes your involvement in social activities has a hand in your promotion or whether you’re the one on the chopping block when it comes to layoffs. I do take that into consideration.
However, when it comes to a Christian woman who eagerly and actively wants to participate in those kinds of events, condoning and encouraging all behaviors and lifestyles with the mantra of “I just want everyone to be happy…”
I’m sorry, but I don’t want a woman like that raising my children. I don’t want my children to get a trophy just for participating. I want them to enjoy the fruits of receiving what he or she has earned through hard work and dedication. And more importantly, I want them to enjoy everlasting life in the Kingdom of Heaven. We can’t serve two masters. You can choose to do what you want because it makes you happy…or you can choose to obey God and pray that he helps mold your heart so that doing what God wants makes you happy too.
It’s not that I don’t want everyone to be happy. I have associates who are homosexuals. I have an ex-step-brother who’s gay. I care about them deeply and if they hung out with me, I’d embrace them, we’ll have a good time, laugh and enjoy good cheer. But you’d never see me compliment or congratulate them for anything I believe God disapproves of. If they asked me about my opinions, out of love, I’ll direct them to the Scriptures so they can see how God feels about it. If they keep pushing with things like, “I don’t care what the Bible says, I want to know what you think!”
I’ll tell them, I endeavor to do what’s good in God’s eyes. If that’s how God feels, which you just read with your own eyes, (1st Corinthians 6:9-11) why would I condone and encourage what God doesn’t approve of? If I’m your friend and love you as Christ tells us to love our neighbors, what kind of man actively sees his friend walking towards a tiger trap, without grabbing that friend and telling him, “hey, I know you can do what you want. It’s your choice. But I have to tell you at least once, the path you’re on, it’s leading to danger and destruction. Please, take my hand and follow me!”
It takes strength and courage to openly take this stance, because let’s be honest, Satan has his claws so deep in this world. Anyone who openly takes the side of God over popular opinion, which has become its own religion, we risk our jobs, our careers, our reputations and livelihoods.
Thus, when a Christian woman I’m interested in actively participates in worldly activities and shows support for lifestyles that go against what God approves of…I very much lose interest. Not just in potential mates, but also close friends. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll always treat everyone as a friend with respect and kindness…but the ones I invest my time and energy with, the ones close to the vest are Christians who suffer like me.
It’s like…soldiers, new recruits training, working your ass off with others in your unit. It’s tough. You’re sweating. You feel the aches in your bones and you want to quit, you want to take it easy, but you keep pushing because you believe in the one who got you there. You believe in what will happen if you endure till the end. You look to your left and to your right. There are others with you. These are the ones suffering with you. These are the ones you trust in a fight. That’s why there’s such strong comradery within units. You’re looking out for each other. You’re facing the same danger, taking the same risks.
If a person will quit in training, how do you know that person won’t quit on you when you get out in the field? I think I have this kind of mentality when it comes to a spouse. If she’s so swayed and given to peer pressure when she’s just a girlfriend, how do you know she won’t be swayed by pressure when you are married.
The divorce rate in this country is abysmal. It is my firm belief that Christians only get divorced when one or both of the spouses have stopped putting God first in their lives.
This video clip at 8:30 sums up what I want to say. So you know it’s not just me saying these things.
When I’m referring to the ways of the world, it’s not just things that go against Christian principles…but also…and this may be me being a bit too selective…but it really is such a turn-off when I see women jump on the bandwagon of movements…Basically, I appreciate independent thought.
Recently, with the death of George Floyd, there was a beautiful black Christian women I’ve had my eye on for some time. We’ve been communicating through Instagram. She has a gorgeous smile and I love that she’s not shy about proclaiming her love for Christ. But when the George Floyd incident happened, she was quick to jump aboard the activism and pro-black movement.
There’s nothing wrong with that, right?
Maybe. However, and this is just me, but as a Christian, I choose to put my faith in God. Not humanity. So when I see horrible things happening in the world, I know it’s going according to God’s will. He creates the good days and the bad days. If it’s beyond my control, I’m not going to get involved and join the movement just for the sake of “being a part of something”. Because it is enticing. It is appealing to take part in these movements, especially if that’s what all the cool kids (celebrities) are doing.
It’s about consistency. If you really care about the issues, it’d go beyond a mere social media post. It wouldn’t fade just because the media and celebrities stopped talking about it. Men like me see this and find it difficult to believe in people like that. I suppose, because I have the courage to go against the current when I believe I’m doing what’s right…I admire those who have the courage to do the same.
“But, Rock. What if that Christian girl you were digging was just being herself when she showed her support for Black Lives Matter?”
Well…I haven’t completely written her off. She’s still gorgeous and I don’t think she’s any less of a Christian. But I confess, it did cause me to lose interest.
*bonus, this video just came out – July 7th 2020 which addresses exactly what I’m talking about.
3. Sexual Promiscuity
This one is a tough one for women these days because I think there’s a tremendous amount of pressure on them. I’m talking about good women. It’s not the 1950s anymore where modesty is seen as a virtue. But rather, its stigmatized that you’re boring and not fun.
There’s a pressure that if you don’t “put out,” if you’re not willing to have sex with the man, you might lose him to another woman who’s more willing.
In a recent online debate, a female was adamant about her argument of, “But MEN DON’T WANT GOOD WOMEN!”
I told her, “Then those men aren’t good. Good men will want good women.”
She responded with, “Well, there aren’t enough good men. All the good men are taken.”
“Even if that is the case…So what? You should still be good, right?”
That’s why this point about Sexual Promiscuity is a mix between the first point about a woman’s beauty, and the second point about being too easily swayed by worldly influences. If you want a man, and see that every other female is getting it because they’re showing off their bodies and giving themselves up so easily on a one-night stand or after a couple of dates…you may very well think you have to do the same or else face crippling, abysmal loneliness. Getting hooked on antidepressants and drinking your nights away with a bottle of wine.
The Sexual Revolution, Feminism, the Hook-up Culture, and the MeToo Movement really has hurt Christian women in more ways than one. I say that because, for all the women out there screaming about where all the good men are at…we’re right in front of you.
A good man is a man who’s aware of what’s going on in the world. We’re intelligent. We learn from the mistakes of others. And as many times as my peers called me arrogant in my 20s for daring to have lofty goals, I think true arrogance would be to see another man’s life destroyed by a false allegation and think to himself, “that wouldn’t happen to me. I’m different!”
Ladies, we really are right in front of you. The only problem is that the things we used to do to approach you, the culture has ruined it. When I was growing up, I was taught by my old-school mother to gather my courage and approach a woman who I thought was beautiful, come with respect, say something nice, and ask for her number or ask her out.
In 2011, I did that. I got the girl’s number but she told me, “I already have a boyfriend but you can call me anyway.”
I never called her. She had a boyfriend. And out of retaliation or just for kicks, she told all of my co-workers during a post-Super Bowl party that I stalked her out to her car and begged for her number and that she was creaped out by me. It tarnished my reputation. But hey, it’s okay, right? Just keep trying? Right?
In 2014, there was a cat-calling video that basically demonized men for trying to “holla” at this attractive girl walking the streets of New York. Did some go overboard? Absolutely. But not all. The media latched onto that video and basically ruined the concept of approaching a beautiful stranger on the street and asking for her number.
Where else are we supposed to meet women? We can’t risk our jobs with a sexual harassment allegation in the workplace. We risk making the gym uncomfortable if you take your shot and she rejects you there. It’s either the bar, club, or some social event or online dating. If you’re a good Christian woman looking for a single good Christian man, how likely are you to find your mate there? It is possible. But what are the odds?
I’m not saying all this to be disparaging. But to make you aware that long gone are the days where you can play hard to get, be shy, show no interest, or say no and still expect a good man to keep coming after you. The women I entered relationships with post-2011 were women who made the first move and made it abundantly clear that they wanted me. I know that’s not what a lot of women want to hear. They’ve been taught that men chase and a man who doesn’t chase isn’t worth you because you’re the prize.
Here’s the truth. All men are hunters, yes. But not all men enjoy the thrill of the hunt. We hunt because we need to. A beautiful strong woman is something all men want and desire. But it’s not something we “think” we need. The truth is, a lot of us are builders and creators. We don’t go chasing for women who like to be chased. Instead, we fall for the women who’s right there with us, helping us build something from nothing. Those are the women we come to depend on. They’re around us so much, bringing us good cheer and brightening up our days that eventually…it gets to the point where we do “think” we need them. Those are the women we marry.
From a Christian man’s perspective there’s nothing sexier than a woman who keeps herself in shape, carries herself with respect, and cares more about doing what’s good in God’s eyes and not the eyes of man.
“Rock, how can you tell all that just by looking at a woman?”
The easiest way to describe it, is a woman who already lives like she’s in a respectable marriage. They’re sweet and kind to everyone without overdoing their sexuality or acting weird around others because they’re already in a secure relationship. This relationship is their devotion to Christ. A woman like this knows she doesn’t have to sleep around. A woman like this has principles and morality. If the culture encourages a woman to have sex with a man to keep him around, a Christian woman devoted to God will faithfully choose to resist all that because she knows Christ would not approve of it. This is strength. This is class.
A Christian man will appreciate this. Because just like in my analogy about army troops going through the suffering of basic training, we recognize that this woman is just like us. We’re gravitate to women like this because we know not many will understand men like us. Understanding is huge. Empathy is not enough for a relationship to last a lifetime. We have to understand each other.
So when it comes to that female friend who said, “men don’t want good women…”
Her response shows her true nature. There used to be a thing called “integrity” where you do the right thing not out of the promise of some reward or because someone was looking, but because simply it’s the right thing to do.
Men and women who lack integrity are the ones who are more likely to cheat or commit adultery. The void where integrity should be is now filled with justifications they’ve made up to facilitate their betrayal. We’ve all heard the excuses.
“I thought you were seeing someone else.”
“You’re never around.”
“You weren’t treating me right.”
“It just happened.”
“He/she came onto me.”
“I got drunk.”
Etcetera. A good Christian woman with integrity wouldn’t use any of those excuses. I’m not saying she’s impervious to lust and crushes. I’m saying her love for Christ and integrity gives her the strength to overcome those temptations.
But it’s tough. If weeks, months, and years go by without a good man crossing your path, you begin to ask yourself what are the benefits of being a virtuous Christian woman? You ask yourself, is pleasing God worth it? What’s the point of being alive if you’re miserable? Right? These are all valid questions.
I remember this was the argument when a gay acquaintance asked me, “what else am I going to do? If I’m gay and a Christian, am I supposed to just live the rest of my life alone, without being in a romantic relationship with someone who loves and cares about you?”
That’s a powerful question. I took it seriously out of compassion. My answer to him, as it is to other men and women who want to be in a romantic relationship and get married to someone, not just homosexuals, but if they find themselves attracted to a bad boy, an abuser, a non-believer, a drunkard, a killer, a thug, or a man who’s demanding sex or else he’ll leave you.
First off, you should know that God sees all of this and he truly does love you. You have a choice. You could do what you want and embrace your desires…or you could deny your heart’s desire in favor of putting God first in your life. It takes me back to Adam and Eve. Would we have sin, sickness, and death if Adam had chosen to obey God? Instead of doing what Adam wanted to do for himself?
Trust me, I know all of this sounds easier said than done. I’m a 33-year-old virgin and I’m not exactly ugly. When I was 21, I made a vow to God that I would remain a virgin until I get married and I fully intend on keeping it. That’s twelve years of remaining celibate. You don’t think I’ve had my share of temptations? That I haven’t had the same dilemma of either having sex with her (which God knows I wanted so badly) or faced losing her to the next dude who wouldn’t hesitate to bed her down?
It is extremely difficult but I’ve prevailed thanks to the strength God’s blessed me with.
“Well, Rock. Not everyone’s a strong as you!”
Takes me back to your original complaint. There’s not enough good men, you say. Is that really the case?
MIGUEL – R.A.N.
To date, I’ve lost three exceptionally beautiful ladies because of that vow of waiting till marriage. Does this mean I’m only going to marry a virgin? Probably not. My longest lasting relationship was with a woman who was not a virgin by any means, but she knew what I was and respected it. We cuddled, and kissed, slept in the same bed, and I gave her all kinds of affection but I never had sex with her.
And when I tell people that (I have had to explain because some ladies think that waiting till marriage means you can’t even touch me), they ask, “How could you sleep in the same bed with her and not have sex?”
Discipline. I think that’s one of the reasons why I’m turned off by sexual promiscuity. Even on Instagram, I follow some of the most beautiful women I’ve ever seen, because beauty inspires me to keep hitting the gym and bettering myself. But the moment they start pussy-popping and twerking, where it goes from swimsuit model to pornographic model, I unfollow.
I’ve had arguments there that they’re all the same thing. I disagree, which should give you some hope if you think that by sexual promiscuity, I’m talking about every woman who so much as flaunts her midriff or cleavage. I’m not an idiot. We’re humans. I’m a man. Every animal on the planet has mechanisms by which they use to draw in a mate. For some its pheromones, others it’s displays of masculinity like beating the crap out of other male suitors (horses, lions, rams)…we have peacocks, birds who put on dances.
And yes…there are animals where males and females are attracted to the opposite sex with the best-looking physical feature. For males, we’re visual creatures. So I get that even a Christian woman might accentuate or flaunt her most attractive feature to attract a mate. But when that same female starts making more sexual suggestive poses, like sticking a banana down her throat or pulling down on her bikini…that’s what I’m talking about. That might turn on a lot of men. But for me, it causes me to lose interest.
Because honestly, what it tells me is that you’re looking for a man to have sex with right away. Even if it’s not true. It’s suggestive. And for a man who’s committed to waiting till marriage to have sex, why would I even think about taking a chance on a woman like that? The dating courtship can take months before we get to the point that I’m ready to bend the knee. Can a woman making poses like that truly go so long without having sex if she’s already had it and enjoys it so much?
And when it comes to missing out, the struggle of not having enough good men in your vicinity…there is salvation in knowing God sees our struggle. Remember the scriptures where Jesus talks about God providing for birds of the air and beasts in the fields…how much more so would he provide for the creatures made in his own image.
Not only that, Apostle Paul encourages us in Romans 5:3-5 to “rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, 4 and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, 5 and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.”
Those might just sound like pleasant words, but I think there’s wisdom in it. Imagine how faithful we’ll be to our future spouses, knowing how far we’ve come, how long we’ve waited.
We may think we’re missing out on so much by trusting in God…but how about the fact that you may have been spared. I can’t tell you how many of those Investigational Discovery shows I’ve seen where a man or woman enters a relationship that was doomed from the start, but they were so blinded by what they think is love, it inevitably got them killed.
I would say that’s just the extreme…but I’m of the opinion that it’s tougher to be alive than it is to be dead. In the black community single-motherhood has sky-rocketed since the 60s. Do you think those women had it easy? The countless sleepless nights, the gut churning anxiety about child support or welfare coming in on time to pay rent or get groceries.
And even if you do land a man for a moment…just because he sleeps with you, it doesn’t mean he’ll commit to you. Once you have a child by a man, your likelihood of finding another high-value man who’s willing to settle down with you decreases dramatically. And usually if you do find a man who’s willing to accept that, it’s not the man you would’ve wanted because your choices are limited. That’s how you get these single mothers with five children with four different men.
Future is a rapper right now…if you check out his Wikipedia page, the dude has six different children with six different baby-mamas. We’re talking some of the most beautiful women in the world, one of them being Ciara.
So I guess if I had to explain my discipline, to impart it onto someone else, it would be because of a strong desire not to perpetuate the stereotype as a black man. My parents divorced when I was six and growing under two conflicting tyrannical regimes is not something I want to put my own children through. I’m actually very serious about this one. I’ve heard a lot of horror stories about wives divorcing their husbands for reasons as trivial as irreconcilable differences. I don’t care as much about the money or the house or taking half my things. What matters more to me is the pain, instability, and hardships it would put our children through.
UPDATE – 7/8/2020 – Another way you can be spared the hardship is when you commit to and marry a man who’s not a Christian. Just today, I found out about a close friend, a female boxer who got married last year. She’s a Georgia girl with a Christian upbringing, but the man she married wasn’t all that “religious.”
She’s around my age, 31. So when she got married last year, she did it with the mindset of having children fairly soon because she knows her window of opportunity will start to decrease. Turns out the man she married lied to her about his intentions of having children. She wants children, but he doesn’t. So now it seems like she’s stuck in a marriage with this man. She could get a divorce, but as Christians, we’re taught how God feels about divorce.
My vow to remain a virgin until marriage should give the woman I’m with some sense of security. It should tell her that my refusal to have sex with her has nothing with a lack of desire or because she isn’t sexy. I don’t want to get too detailed her here, but I know how to make a woman feel like she’s wanted.
On top of that, knowing that I’ve remained celibate all this time despite looking the way I do, should tell you that I’m a faithful man. I remember my first girlfriend back in high school telling me, “Rock, if you’re going to cheat on me, please just let me know before you do it.”
And that blew my mind. First off, I know I would never cheat on anyone. But that she was willing to think that I would and would accept it…I had to ask, “what kind of man do you think I am?”
Sorry. Sounds like I’m rambling. This point was supposed to be about sexual promiscuity and how it causes me to lose interest…but I ended up telling you how men like me think. I suppose I wrote this not so much to lay out my complaints about women who claim to be Christian, but to encourage women who want to be good Christians.
Not saying, that I alone have the blueprints of a good Christian, or if you disagree with me then you must not be a good Christian. I’m not saying that at all.
This is just one man’s perspective. And I really do hope it answers a lot of questions.