So…came across one of Melanie King’s videos where, once again, a lady’s confirming what a lot of guys have been saying about the dating culture these days. But don’t worry. I’m also going to hit at Male Leadership and why we as Christians need to stand firm.
In the beginning of the video, the soon-to-be divorced woman says, “you can’t dress a certain way and you can’t post sexy pictures on social media. But I dressed a certain way when I first met you!”…she says this to complain that her husband was “controlling”.
Couple of thoughts here. First, you could say that this is just who she is, sexual and sensual, and a man has no right to change her. “WOMEN AREN’T DRESSED TO IMPRESS YOU! WE DRESS LIKE THIS BECAUSE IT MAKES US HAPPY!”
Right, if you’re in that camp, this essay ain’t for you. I’m talking to the real ones out here who respect straight-forward honesty. I’m talking to the ladies who know they dress a certain way and posts pictures WITH THE INTENT of getting attention, attracting a mate. This doesn’t have to mean slutty or half-naked pictures…but come on. I’ve seen many of sistahs fully clothed in dresses that tell me everything I need to know and I’m like…
I think it makes perfect sense to advertise yourself. However, once you’re married, if you’re still advertising yourself to other men or the public at large, it does raise the question of “why?”
I won’t make the leap to say all women are like the one in the video…but for the purpose of this essay, I am going to focus on those who are. Because, as many of the video’s comments surmised, the lady does give off the vibe that she wants to be married, but still do whatever she wants as if she’s living the single life.
And me being the Christian, I can’t help but see similarities in the way many self-proclaimed Christians are like, “Yeah, I believe in Jesus Christ and want to go to heaven”…but also, I want to live life any way I want. Or as Hannah Brown once put it, “I had sex and Jesus loves me!”
Going back to the first lady, the main reason why I think this is a big problem, especially with my generation, is because it explains why a lot of Women end up hooking up with the Pookies and Ray-Rays (having children outside of wedlock) while ignoring the “Good Man” they claim they want.
They’ll say things like, “Where are all the good men at!?” Meanwhile us Good Men are witnessing what’s going on, like Kevin Samuels interviewing this single mother who said, “I believe there’s someone out there for everyone.”
Kevin asked, “Okay, so, why did you give a baby to another man?”
This is a very good question. If you want a good man, why are you with the “bad men”? Even if she got pregnant by accident, was having sex accidental too? You often hear the excuse of “people make mistakes” and “I was young, I didn’t know what I was doing”…but thanks to the decline of decency, people like this next lady have no shame in being open and honest with it.
On mainstream TV, this woman openly says to Steve Harvey, “I’m ready to have a child, but I don’t necessarily want to be married. And I know that I’m financially capable of taking care of a child on my own. So my question is, would it be selfish of me to enter into an agreement with a guy just for his sperm and I maintain legal rights to the child.” …bruh…
So when I hear reputed matchmaker Rebecca Lynn Pope claim that the challenge Black Women face when it comes to becoming a wife is that there aren’t enough eligible Black men…I can’t help but doubt that. Instead, I suspect the main reason why a lot of women don’t want to get married (or stay married)…is because they don’t want the conditions that come along with it. What conditions, you ask?
Well…a couple of weeks ago, my mother (a woman who’s been married for over 20 years) complained to me about the decline of male leadership. Ever since, I’ve had that complaint at the forefront of my mind as I witnessed what’s going on in the world. My mother’s right. Men are supposed to be leaders. I’m not saying women can’t be leaders! But men, in general, are supposed to be leading.
Part of being a good leader is knowing when to tell your followers “no.” It means standing firm in the face of complaints and ultimatums (being accused of sexism, misogyny). It means leading your followers away from danger even if they themselves don’t see the danger, they can’t understand the danger, or flat out don’t believe you. They’ll hate you and call you every name in the book, but we as leaders must stand firm.
In the Books of Exodus and Numbers we find strong lessons about leadership. Moses had to deal with all kinds of complaints from a population where a lot of Israelites liked God’s protection, but still wanted to live however they wanted, as if they were still in Egypt (as if they were still single).
Let’s start with this massive fail. In Exodus Chapter 32, the assembly of Israel had just passed through the Red Sea and their prophet Moses went up Mt. Sinai. Leadership of the people was left in the hands of his brother, the high priest, Aaron.
Aaron was hit with tremendous pressure from the people because Moses had been gone for a long time. Thus, the people wanted to build a god in place of Moses. Instead of Aaron telling them “NO!…” he caved in, collected their gold, and melted it down to form a Golden Calf.
When Moses comes down and confronts Aaron as to why he let this happen, Aaron says in Verse 22, “Let not the anger of my lord burn hot. You know the people, that they are set on evil.”
Aaron tries to blame the people. This is not good leadership. My brothers…This is where we should be saying “NO!” when the people we’re supposed to be leading are hellbent on doing what is bad in God’s eyes. The results of Aaron’s bad leadership are that God contemplated wiping out all of Israel and starting a new nation with just Moses. Instead, Moses was able to assuage God’s wrath and had men take up the sword to kill 3,000 offenders.
Later on, in Numbers Chapter 16, there was a terrible incident where a follower named Korah rose to challenge Moses’s authority and the fact that Moses was God’s chosen leader. The results of Korah’s Rebellion ended with him being swallowed up by the ground while thousands perished by fire and the plague.
What’s bittersweet about this situation is that those wicked followers were punished almost right away. Can you imagine how horrible it would’ve been for Moses, or how many people would have been corrupted if Korah and his rebellion had continued for a long time. The Bible notes there were 250 chiefs involved. With time, it could have been 500 chiefs. It’s like what King Solomon said at Eccl 8:11, because execution for a bad deed isn’t carried out speedily, the hearts of men are emboldened to do what is bad.
It’s bittersweet because when I look at modern mainstream culture…it feels like we’re living in a time where Korah’s Rebellion has gone on for generations. And because we don’t see the people who have turned away from Christ’s teachings being punished right away, more and more people are emboldened to let go of what God says and join up with those in rebellion.
It’s not easy to be a good leader, especially when your followers are wicked and corrupt. I keep using “Corrupt,” because that’s what it is. Corruption is “something that’s changed from its original purpose to that which is erroneous or debased.”
Ladies and Gents…any ideology that teaches you to do the opposite of what God says through his word the Bible is corrupt. As men…we’re instructed by God to be the leaders of our households…which is why we should choose our followers (wives) wisely.
Thus, a Good Man is likely going to tell you “No” if you want to fly out with your single promiscuous girlfriends on that trip to Tahiti. He’s probably going to encourage you to get back inside and cover up if you’re showing too much skin. He’s going to be opposed to inviting just anyone into your home if they’re openly practicing wicked and immoral lifestyles and you have children to protect.
No, this doesn’t mean men should be tyrants and treat you like subordinates. 1 Peter 3:7 tells us to live with our wives in an understanding way. But there’s conditions to the benefits of being married to a good man.
“Oh really?! What benefits? I already have my own career and can pay and provide for myself!”
Well, I keep hearing calls that, “Men need to protect us!” and I agree. Men should protect their women. I was raised with that mentality and believe in it with my life. Now then! Where is your man?
“Oh. I’m not married and I don’t have a boyfriend.”
In that paragraph where I gave some examples of men saying “no” to things…believe it or not, stopping you from doing what you want to do is a form of protection if we see the danger in it. For instance, if you fly out with your single girlfriends to that trip to Tahiti, you run the risk of behaving like them. They’re single. If you’re out dancing with some stranger, things heat up and you commit adultery, it would ruin our marriage and destroy our kids if we get divorced. That’s just one example of a man trying to steer you away from danger.
I’m not saying a husband ALWAYS knows what’s best or that being a man makes us automatically wiser or more Christian than women. That’s ridiculous. The point is “conditions”. If you want the protection of a man, it comes with conditions, like being married to him. It was supposed to be the same with us men. If we want children, we have to marry the girl. But thanks to stupid society, the hook-up culture, welfare system, and all this tolerance and acceptance…Men no longer need to marry you to get what they want. Remember this lady?
And I really do believe many self-proclaimed Christians are suffering from the same crisis. These are the ones who think that God’s salvation is unconditional, that all you need to do is “say” you have faith, “say” you believe Jesus Christ died for our sins and that’s it…you’re saved no matter what you do.
Ladies and Gents…This is a dangerous game to be playing with your lives and the lives of your loved ones. Throughout the Bible, the word “IF” is constantly used when it comes to the benefits of God’s love and salvation. IF you follow me, IF you put your trust in me, IF you follow my commandments. These are conditions! If you want this, then do that. Too many people want “this” but reject the idea that they have to do “that”.
Deuteronomy Chapter 28 flat out gives a list of benefits that come IF you obey God’s commandments, and all the bad things that will happen if you disobey. And this website provides plenty of Scriptural Evidence to back up the conditions in the New Testament.
But Rock! What about Romans 10:9 that says, “9 because, if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.”
I’ll let Pastor John MacArthur explain from his ESV Study Bible. He says, “This is not a simple acknowledgment that he is the Lord of the Universe, since even demons acknowledge it to be true (James 2:19). This is the deep personal conviction, without reservation, that Jesus is that person’s own master or sovereign. This phrase includes repenting from sin, trusting in Jesus for salvation, and submitting to him as Lord.”
Put it this way. How would you feel if I stood before the altar and “confessed” before God and the entire congregation that I would love you forever and forsake all others till my dying day. But two weeks later, I started up seeing a side chick behind your back, a woman I’ve been seeing since before we were married. Were my words true? Did my confession mean anything? I mean…I confessed, so I guess we’re cool right?
Our faith in Christ as our lord and savior is demonstrated by the way we live our lives. If you want the benefits…you have to accept the conditions. And too many simply do not. It’s a personal thing with me, because if a woman claims to be Christian but she’s getting drunk at music festivals, hanging out with strippers, all while screaming “I think everyone should do whatever they want if it makes them happy”…
It should be the same if you’re a good woman looking for a good Christian man. When Rebecca Lynn Pope said that there aren’t enough eligible black men, she said this while using “education, finances, and business owners” as the values of what it means to be “eligible”. Yes…those things are important…but allow me to illustrate.
In this video, a “Business Coach and influencer” named Anton Daniels openly says, if you’re a man who’s not making 6-figures, then you don’t deserve a woman’s submission.
“MEN ARE SUPPOSED TO BE PROVIDERS!!!”
“Convenient Christians” (people who use the scriptures only when it suits them) use that quote to make men feel bad if they aren’t providing…but really, we know what that means. It means they’re not providing “enough” in her eyes. And the comments to the video do a good job of pointing out how funny it is that it was “enough” for their mothers and grandmothers…but not enough for the ladies of today. Strange, no?
Remember the Israelites in the Wilderness? After having just been delivered from slavery and seen the extraordinary plagues God unleashed, they started grumbling about the wilderness (their living conditions). They grumbled about having to eat manna when they wanted the meat they were accustomed to in Egypt. And they grumbled about Moses’ leadership, the special status he had as God’s chosen prophet…which is similar to the complaints about God’s instructions that men are to be the leaders of their households.
The point is, God provided everything the Israelites needed. It may not have been the finest luxury, comfort, and all the fun experiences they felt entitled to…but God was a provider. Any man who’s bringing home food, paying the mortgage, and making sure their kids have clothes on their backs are providers as well. But thanks to Satan’s influence through social media, advertising, and influencers, the followers have been convinced that it’s not enough.
My dad often tells me that I’m too negative and that I should take more chances with people…but all due respect, my dad is also in his fourth marriage. The whole point of reading the Bible is not just to learn about God’s conditions to salvation or the benefits that come along with it, but to learn from the lessons of men far better, far greater, far wiser than myself.
I have no shame in admitting I am judgmental. And while some women might be turned off by that (because they often know they’re doing wrong and want to be with someone who’ll make them feel good about their bad decisions) I think a wise woman would appreciate having a man who can see the red flags. She may be more optimistic and trusting than I am, so it would benefit her to be with a man who’ll keep an eye on that plumber we let in to fix the sink. Or to keep track of that questionable neighbor who just moved in with the prison tattoos that she thinks is just an innocent expression of his individuality.
“Wow, Rock. Sounds like you think women are really stupid.”
I’m sorry if it sounds that way. Truth is, it makes me upset to see how badly women are targeted by this Satanic world to turn away from Christ’s teachings. I’ve matched with some of the most beautiful women through online dating who “claim” to be Christians. But from the way they live, you can see how corrupted they are. They say things like, “I believe everyone should do whatever they want if it makes them happy.”
Between men and women, women seem to be more dependent on the herd/village/societal congregations than men, so it makes sense that they’d be more susceptible to being led astray by the pressures of the herd. And because men love women more than society gives us credit for, we’ll often follow women to the depths of hell, than cling to the ladder of salvation…
Just typing that paragraph made me sadder than you could possibly imagine. If you read Numbers Chapter 25, you’ll find the men of Israel were seduced by the women of Moab to turning away from God and worshiping the false god Baal of Peor. This was deliberate. A false prophet named Balaam suggested using women to entice the men away from God and the tactic worked. Because of this, the chiefs were hanged, God sent a plague to wipe out 24,000, and later on in Chapter 31, God commanded Moses to avenge Israel by striking at the Midianites (in Moab).
You can see how much Men love Women in Chapter 31, because when the soldiers warred against the Midianites, they killed all the men but brought the women back. An angry Moses had to tell the soldiers to go back out and kill all the women except the young girls who didn’t lie with men.
That’s why it’s important to put the love of God first, even before the love of your wife. If don’t…you fail as a leader, just like Aaron who built the Golden Calf and then blamed the people. We’re the leaders. The responsibility is ours. We can’t serve two masters.
The world tells us to pursue money, status, and resources..God tells us not to pursue money and riches, but to store up our treasures in heaven where the thieves can’t come in and steal it. The world tells women to be “strong and independent,” be a boss babe, and never submit to any man. God tells wives to submit to their husbands, to be kind, self-controlled, and pure.
If you “confess” with your mouth that Jesus is your lord…prove it by the way you live your life. If you think you can get away with doing things that are bad in God’s eyes, while saying you trust and believe in Jesus…again…it’s a dangerous game.
This last video I just wanted to share for the ladies, because I get it. Contrary to popular belief that it’s us oppressive men holding you down…a lot of the corruption seems to be coming from other women. And to be honest, I’m seeing some interesting theories pop up as to why. Like subconscious sabotage, older women who have failed and want to see the younger ladies fail too to keep from becoming competition.
I’ve even seen theories related to younger women being corrupted by their single parent mothers because they have no man, basically grooming their daughters to grow up and take care of them for their rest of their lives. They’re just theories, mind you. Perhaps, we’re overthinking it. I’m sure it’s the dream of every single mother to raise a daughter to get up out of their house and have their own family where their world revolves around their husband and children.
I agree with you that people who are truly Christians will live a life that manifest it. It is not simply about making a confession and claiming to believe but living any kind of way we want.
That said, I believe as you said it, it is wise for a man to make a wise decision in the wife he chooses. It is about people following God so the woman is wise to marry a man who is fully submitted to God and as he submits himself to God, he sets godly examples.
Too many men want a stripper type lady that is beautiful on the outside then wants to marry her and change her into what he wants her to be. This is foolish and likely will not work.
I’m not sure about men’s authentic love for women being common, but I know that men generally have a weakness for women and it has a lot to do with lust.
Driven by their passion, sometimes they comply with women who lead them astray, but I’m not sure I would call this love.
So yes, men claiming to be men of God even in the Bible were turned astray by strange women because of that lust issue.
We cannot change people and a man probably won’t be able to change a beautiful woman who is not a godly woman. Best not to marry her and try to force it. We are told not to be unequally yoked for a reason. The goal is to go for a woman who hopefully he is attracted to and yet she is a godly woman. Being the godly woman is most important.
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So, I’m gonna push back just a little here with the notion that “too many men want a stripper type lady”…From a man’s perspective, a woman’s beauty is very important to us, even as Christians. It’s not the number one most important thing, as I’ve illustrated that I have no problem walking away from a beautiful woman if she isn’t living by Christ’s standards. But we do need to find her attractive. I think it’d be unwise for women to think that just because a man’s attracted to how beautiful she looks, that’s a bad thing and he’s too into his lust.
Truth is, a man does need to see her as beautiful on the outside. If we don’t, we may care about her as loving friends…but not likely a wife. We have to keep in mind, that Men and Women are different in what we value in each other. Which is why I don’t think in terms of “equally yoked”…Too many people equate equal to “same”. Instead, I like to specify that men and women are “equal in value, but different by nature”.
Also, I don’t think I’m in the camp of “we cannot change people.” I know there’s the saying of “the only one who can change you is you” and that’s true to an extent..but sometimes people are able to influence others into wanting to change, which to me, means that we can indeed change people. It’s one of the reasons why we write these essays. Once upon a time, I wasn’t Godly. But from the influence of others and by the grace of God, I was able to change. Same here. The essays are an attempt to minister, to help others change.
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Yes. I did already acknowledge that he should find her attractive. I do believe men are even more visual than women. Absolutely.
Believe it or not, women desire men who are attractive as well, but sometimes a woman may change her mind after she gets to know him, even if she wasn’t initially super attracted to him.
But there has to be attraction for a woman also. But the most important thing is that a person should be godly.
Since the Bible says don’t be unequally yoked with unbelievers, that goes for men and women, which is why I said hopefully he finds her attractive AND she’s a godly woman.
We see in the Bible that men’s hearts were turned from God by women who were not godly, but were likely very beautiful.
Going only for a woman’s outward beauty has messed up a lot of men and continues to do so is all I was saying.
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lol, I gotcha. I was curious about that “unequally yoked” quote in the Bible, so i looked up at 2 Corinthians 6:14. I was a bit thrown off, because the scripture seems to be talking about not fellowshiping (being yoked) with idolators and nonbelievers. I’ve seen people use “equally yoked” to talk about both partners bringing equal stuff to the relationship, the 50/50 partnerships type stuff. truth be told, it kinda drives me up the wall. If I meet my future wife, whether we’re equals or “what she brings to the table” won’t even be a thought in my mind. Even if I’m doing more, if I love her and appreciate the value she adds to my life…I could care less about whether something’s equal.
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Wow. Lol. I never knew any other context than the context of being equally yoked in 2nd Corinthians 6:14. Never heard of it used the other way.
Aww Sis…I’ve seen so many ladies use it out of context. the next time I see a clip, I’ll send it your way.
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I agree with you Rock, that a man wants a physically attractive woman, and I do not think that there is ANYTHING wrong with that. Not at all!
But I do know men who married for beauty only to recognize that he had a woman full of folly and vanity for a wife.
Women often do likewise; marry in the throes of sexual passion and then lament that they married a man who seems to need a mother more than a wife.
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Agreed. My dad doesn’t seem to understand that. He calls me “selective” and shames me for looking too much at the negatives when I see that “folly” you speak of. That’s another reason why I appreciated Samuels. The world’s full of men like my dad who either has no clue as to what’s really going on, he cares more about having a grandson than me having to pay child-support to a divorced wife, or he just doesn’t take the institution of marriage seriously. For the life of me, I do.
There used to be some old fairy tales about the horrors of children who never grow up, but we never hear those anymore. We don’t need those fairy tales because now we have real life examples!
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‘But Rock! What about Romans 10:9 that says, “9 because, if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.”’
I’ve noticed that the people who use this verse as a defense are typically the ones who live their life as though the verse says “believe in your MIND” instead of “believe in your HEART”.
One’s easy. The other…not so much.
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