4 comments on “Why Men Don’t Care about “Strong and Independent”

  1. “y’all are just intimidated by a strong woman.”

    Replace “intimidated” with “annoyed” and they got it right! If I was single, it would be a huge red flag if a woman self-identified as “strong and independent.”

    Liked by 3 people

  2. For the most part, I agree with what you’ve written here. I think women do themselves a grave disservice by getting caught up in the facade of independence. A good marriage is rooted interdependence. He needs her, and she needs him. Once any one of the two parties decides that they don’t need their spouse, that’s a death knell.

    I would offer one little quibble here, and it’s a mistake that many conservative thinking people make.

    However, I believe my generation has been so influenced by social media and advertising that a lot of Millennials have a heighten expectation/entitlement/demand about the kind of lifestyle they think they should live. Our parents and grandparents raised 6-9 children on one income. Are we really supposed to believe my generation can’t raise a few on two 5-figure incomes?

    I agree that two five-figure incomes should suffice for most families, the issue today is that there are a few new wrinkles that didn’t exist when our grandparents were raising their kids.

    Besides the natural inclination -I believe God given- for women to feel more secure with a man who can provide for her, we live in a totally different era than our grandparents, or even your parents.

    One of the reasons why families in previous eras were able to get by on one income (although I would argue that this has only become true for a select subset of black families since the 1980s), is because they were able to comfortably send their kids off to school.

    It’s glaringly obvious to just about every sane parent today, but my husband and I figured out more than a decade ago that as Christian parents, we would be laying a competing and disastrous foundation for our children if we sent them off to government school. Once they reached middle school age (we exclusively homeschooled through elementary), this meant a brand new way of approaching our finances because we had to supplement their education with a larger cash outlay.

    That’s just one area to consider, but there are actually many others that account for why it is not nearly as easy to live on one income today as it was 30 or 50 years ago.

    Our family is different in that I have been at home the entirety of our marriage I think my husband -48 years old- developed this mindset because he saw so many black women having to work so hard and so many of white friends’ moms were able to stay home. He wanted his wife to be able to nurse and rick our babies rather than hand them over to someone else. Be able to volunteer at their school go on field trips, etc.

    But even we used public school. Our oldest girl is 27, and she went all the way through and graduated. Biut our youngest two (now 14 and 15), have never set foot in a public school classroom. That motivated him to work harder.

    By the way, I talked to him this morning about your article. His suggestion is that even without a wife, it would do young men well to cultivate a level of responsibility that would encourage them to work hard (whether the extra work adds extra income or not). It would be preparation for making the shift to working harder for more money when its needed for a wife and kids.

    Thanks for letting me ranble.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Nice! Yep, I like your perspective. I think the main thing I wanted to get across was the concept of living within our means. I think most couples make it work and so would I with whoever I ended up with…so essentially…let’s not worry so much about that. (or rather, if you do, don’t hate me if I don’t.)

      I liked your husband’s advice and I believe I lived that way through most of my 20s and early 30s. But now…and this is just me, but I’ve found that working so hard as if you have that responsibility, or as if you’re going to find your wife and family any day now, it can be depressing. It’s like pushing yourself as if the carrot is at the end of the stick, or as if you’re being prodded from behind, but there is no prod and there is no carrot. I guess you could say “money” is the carrot…but even there, if your backpack’s already full of carrots, how’s one more at the end of the stick gonna motivate me.

      And it’s interesting. One of the biggest criticisms I get from people is that I lack balance between my work and fun life. When I try to tell them, “I like working because it is fun” they don’t get it. Now, I don’t at my job as if I have that responsibility. I work because it feels good to help out my team and known that my bosses can’t depend on me as one of the go-to guys.

      When I hear about you and your family, it is an inspiration. I know people like to give me advice like, “if you just do this” or “if you just take this route”…honestly, I think sometimes people are blessed in different ways and I believe it’s for a purpose that best serves God according to our strengths as individuals. I was telling my brother, that I don’t think I’d be as intelligent as I am, know the Bible as well as I do, or have produced as many essays and videos if I started a family years ago.

      Here, I’m reminded of Paul’s words to Single people at 1 Corinthians Chapter 7:32 “32 I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord.”

      Like

  3. I know people like to give me advice like, “if you just do this” or “if you just take this route”…honestly, I think sometimes people are blessed in different ways and I believe it’s for a purpose that best serves God according to our strengths as individuals. I was telling my brother, that I don’t think I’d be as intelligent as I am, know the Bible as well as I do, or have produced as many essays and videos if I started a family years ago.

    I actually agree with this, as we long ago concluded that my husband needed the burden of a family young in order to focus his energies and get on the right track. Big differene between a young man who is already in the faith, and one who wasn’t. Unlike many Internet trad folk, I do think 1 Corinthians has something to offer, especially in an era such as this one.

    I hope I didn’t seem to be offering advice. I try very hard not to do that online. Learned the hard way. I read your siter because I find that you, too, are inspirational.

    Liked by 1 person

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