Long story short, they don’t. It’s a trick. Ever since I was a kid, I simply nodded along to the cliché that good girls fall for the bad boys. Even after learning about the Red Pill and observing the dating culture, on the surface there does seem to be some truth to it. It wasn’t until recently that I started to question, “If you fall for a bad boy, are you really good?”
There’s important reasons as to why I’m writing this. 1) It’s insulting to the women who really are good. 2) It encourages men to be “bad boys”. 3) “Boring” is being used as a label, more than an adjective, which I think is a deceptive trick to pressure men into prioritizing what women want over being responsible and 4) I think it’s just one more thing people use to justify their bad behavior and foolish choices. As in…“Hey! It’s out of my hands. I’m good so I got no control over myself but to fall for the bad boy!”
You see it in movies and TV shows. There’s the good, honest, wholesome girl who ends up being enticed, manipulated, and turned away from her virtuous values by the Bad Boy. Sometimes, it’s depicted as a good thing. Often, the girl is being oppressed by her religiously strict parents or their rigid traditions that were always holding her back from what she really wanted.
“Nah-uh, Rock! Don’t even start! Alladin was not a bad boy! He was a good guy with a heart of gold! He only stole to survive. He only lied about being a prince because he really wanted to get with Jasmine! That doesn’t make him a ‘bad boy’.”
When it comes to real life situations where a woman was cheated on, abandoned as a single mother, abused, disrespected, and taken for granted by men who took advantage of their love and affection…for the longest time, I only blamed the toxic males and felt sorry for the Women. I saw those bad boys as the predators and the women as helpless victims who were preyed upon.
That was, until I saw this clip from a Youtuber I’ve never seen before, named Donald. He presented the argument that “Good Girls” DO NOT fall for the Bad Guys. If you do fall for the Bad Guy, you were never really good.
Honestly, when I heard his argument…it’s like a light bulb went off. He’s making some good points, particularly about how some women were “raised to be good” and others had to go through some tough experiences before they became good. I get it! Even I wasn’t a “Good Man” straight out of high school. It took a lot of bad experiences, a lot of healing, a lot of forgiveness, and the grace of God to draw me close through his word the Bible to help me become “Good.”
“Why? Who cares who’s good or who’s bad. That’s for God to decide! Why are you so quick to want to lump people in categories or place labels on people?! That’s very judgmental.”
I’m glad you asked! First off, remember your point about placing labels on people, because we’re going to get to that. The reason why this is important to me is 1) to encourage people who are good to keep being good and resist temptation and 2) to illustrate for those who think they’re good, how bad they really are…which may lead to repentance before it’s too late. This is actually a big deal.
Because here’s what I think is happening. With the mainstream culture doing its best to remove God and the Bible from our lives over the past 50-60 years, it’s made it easier for humans to stop caring what God thinks about their choices and how they live. Instead, they put more trust in things like social movements, horoscopes, or influencers like Beyonce, Kim Kardashian, Cardi B, Elon Musk, etc.
I believe popular myths like “Good Girls fall for Bad Boys” are used by my generation to justify indulging in their baser instincts, like “I’m behaving this way because I’m a Scorpio.” …They can just blame it on something or someone else, or say it’s just in their nature.
Men are guilty of it too. Just yesterday, I saw this clip where a Red Pill Speaker who’s clearly a Chad who sleeps around and doesn’t believe in Monogomy…he’s adamant in his belief that most if not all men cheat, even the men who stayed married for decades. He suggested to a woman that her father who’s been married to her mother for over 30 years probably cheated on her and she just didn’t know it because the man “respected” the family enough to keep the affair a secret. This is what he believes.
Young Men who don’t know any better as susceptible to agreeing with guys like this, which in turn, leads to them perpetuating a cycle of adultery and sexual immorality. We’ve all seen this legendary performance where Eddie Murphy strongly asserts before a live audience and millions who watched around the world that it’s in a Men’s nature to have sex with as many women as they can. ALL MEN CHEAT!
And I know Red Pill speakers like to say, “well, the exception doesn’t make the rule.” which is sad because I’d follow up with, “well, why aren’t we encouraging men to be exceptional? Why are we encouraging them to just keep following the herd right off the cliff?”
“So, what are you saying? Are you saying that Good Men never cheat? Martin Luther King Jr. cheated on his wife. Are you saying he wasn’t a good person?“
Right, so I know some are going to be disappointed, but I won’t go into details and lay out defining parameters about what is good or bad. For the purpose of this essay, I’m targeting those who claim to be Christians. To us, a good man/woman is one who’s striving to live by Bible Standards.
The keyword there is “striving”. None of us are perfect. We all fall short, as did David when he slept with Bathsheba, as did Martin Luther King Jr. if it’s true that he cheated on his wife. Sometimes good people do in fact do bad things. On this, we can all agree. What makes them good, I’d argue, is their contrition, their repentance, and even atonement for the bad things they’ve done. Meaning, if I truly repented from a life of one-night stands…I wouldn’t keep having one-night stands. (Repent means turn away)
“Well, maybe those good girls simply fell short when they fell for the bad boys! That doesn’t make them bad girls overall.”
That’s fair. Let’s talk about it.
Good Girls Go for the GOOD GUYS:
Consider this: Why do we even have the cliché statement of “Good Girls fall for Bad Boys?” Are good girls the ONLY ones who fall for bad boys? Because I’ve seen plenty of bad girls with bad boys. So, if ALL the girls go for the bad boys, then what’s the point of even mentioning whether or not those girls were “good”? I mean…they ALL do.
I do believe that Opposites may attract, but not to the point of a good girl with moral values going after a bad boy who could care less about all that. Because think about what happens when a bad boy actually does meet a good girl? Ladies, if y’all don’t know, peep this.
If a Bad Boy thinks the Good Girl is attractive, he may try his luck with her and try to holler. But if she sticks to her morals and doesn’t give into him, the bad boy will eventually stop coming after her and then warns his other boys. He’ll say, “Hey fellas, don’t even waste your time with that one. She don’t put out.” Fellas, am I wrong? I’ve seen it. I’ve heard it.
These are also the type of girls who are mocked and teased in movies for being prudes because they won’t “go all the way”. Other girls will call her uppity and self-righteous. And maybe she is. I know I’ve been called judgmental for the umpteenth time.
This is why Good Girls go after good guys who are like them, displaying moral virtues, resisting temptation, hard-working, responsible, and building together. A woman like this isn’t going to waste time ignoring the red flags and throwing caution to the wind with someone who’ll run the risk of impregnating her and half the neighborhood.
I think the whole notion of “Opposites Attract,” is about personality types. Not so much whether they have different values or whether one is good and the other’s bad. That’s why husbands and wives usually “compliment” each other. The husband has qualities that his wife lacks and vice versa. A quiet, passive person might go for a more assertive personality. Etc. Etc.
Seriously, forget what you see in the movies. I don’t care how good-looking Leo was, ain’t no way Rose was leaving her rich fiancé for the good-looking guy in steerage. Not in 2022.
Now, to be fair, a Good Woman might be sexually attracted and enamored by the Bad Boy for the same reason everyone’s intrigued by the new kid in class. It’s new. There’s a novelty…meaning, and this is a theory of mine, but when it comes to beauty, you can get used to being around a beautiful person if you’re around it every day. But if a “new” beautiful person enters the scene, just for a time, their beauty seems to be superior to everyone else’s when really, it’s not. It’s just new.
I believe it’s the same way with a bad boy to a good girl. Their behavior and carefree disregard for rules may be new to the girl so it’s intriguing, entertaining, and she finds him interesting. However, that novelty of being allured by the Bad Boy wears off and she eventually sees him as rude, inconsiderate, selfish or irresponsible. The strange and unfamiliar behavior gets old and even though she may have feelings at first, the good girl doesn’t act on them because her conscience is stronger.
A bit off topic, but as predicted, more and more Women are coming out on social media claiming to be God-fearing Christians…basically Good Girls….yet they’re struggling to find a good God-fearing man. Even public figures like Lolo Jones and Venus Williams are complaining about being single and childless and they’re blaming the fellas. They’re saying Men don’t want to accept their Christian lifestyles and wait until marriage to have sex. And of course, the thing these ladies have in common is that they’re usually over the age of 35 or they’re overweight. Meaning, women under 30, single, childless, and in shape…don’t seem to be complaining about this.
Not gonna lie, this bothers me quite a bit. Mainly because, as a 35-year-old Virgin myself who’s waiting until marriage…I would LOVE IT to meet someone like a Lolo Jones or Venus Williams who also believes in waiting until marriage to have sex…when they were in their prime, more fertile childbearing years.
I’m sorry, maybe I’m a bit jaded, but I have a hard time believing fit and beautiful women like Venus Williams and Lolo Jones never came across nice, eligible Christian men in their younger years who would’ve made great husbands. Instead, I suspect their situations were a lot like this woman below who cried about not being able to find a man…but turns out, she openly admits later on that her career is more important than being with a man…which I suspect was the case with star athletes like Lolo Jones and Venus. If the relationship got in the way of their careers, these ladies chased their careers.
“What does this have to do with Good Girls?”
The lack of accountability. The whole point of this essay is to hold a mirror to those who think they are good, but somehow struggle understand why they’re in a bad situation. It’d be one thing if they said something along the lines of “I made my choice. I knew the risk and I’m living with the consequences, happy that if I endure to the end, doing what’s good in God’s eyes, married or not, I have the hope of everlasting life in paradise”.
I’d respect that. God bless them. But no… it’s men’s fault. Which, once again, it goes on to teach younger Christian women that they can keep choosing to sacrifice their child-bearing years in favor of the career, and when they’re past their prime and still don’t have a husband…it’s those dastardly Men, especially if those men are going for women 20-30 years younger.
Truth is, I have met several beautiful women in their 20s who claim to be Christians…but they weren’t virgins and I’m pretty sure they were turned-off by the fact that I was. Remember that question of, “Well, maybe those good girls simply fell short when they fell for the bad boys! That doesn’t make them bad over all!”
I agree. If a woman(anyone) repents to Christ and turns away from their former lifestyle…yeah, they’re good and they’re no longer as bad as they used to be.
The problem with today’s culture is that a lot of Ladies seem to be taking the span of their prime years and making life-altering mistakes (getting pregnant) with the Bad Boys before they become good. Like this 43-year-old who talks to Kevin Samuels about it.
I know the below meme is extremely brutal, but that’s how dire the situation is now. Men have more time than ladies to get right. With women, they have a fertility window that is irreversible when it comes to the value Men see in them if these men want families. It’s not related to their overall value as a person…but towards their value in being able to give these men sons and daughters.
Honestly, the most important thing is that they have indeed repented, and they’re now striving to live life by Christ’s standards. That’s the most important thing in the world. But the road ahead is tough, and it didn’t need to be. That’s one of the main reasons why I’m writing this essay. To help young ladies see the truth before it’s too late.
Bad Girls Fall for Bad Guys:
Of the ladies who have repented, I’m pretty sure they can back me up on this one. Good Girls DO NOT fall for Bad Boys. Bad Girls fall for Bad Boys. The Good Women who have repented and used to fall for the Bad Boy, if they are honest, they’d admit that they used to be Bad. But don’t worry. I’ve thought this through and think I figured why this is happening. Brace yourself!
First off, we’ve heard all the popular reasons. Bad boys are fun and exciting! They’re charismatic! They’re strong and assertive, so they give off a sense of security and protection that make you feel safe around them? They go after what they want! They don’t care what anyone else thinks! They’re rebels! They’re free!…Sure, sure. But of course…We all know, Good Men can do all this as well. Except, at the very least, we care what God thinks. And therein lies the rub.
I’d argue…that the main essential reason why Bad Girls “fall” for the Bad Boys because the Bad Boys won’t judge you…unless you’re good.
Winter Knight recently pointed out a Pastor’s observation of the decline in the marriage rate, that “if a man has definite, defensible views on moral or spiritual issues, that is bad, because that means that he is strict, judgmental and boring.”
Certain stereotypes are bubbling to the surface about the genders. For instance, one stereotype is that women simply hate Rejection. Men hate it too, but I’m guessing we can handle it better? Like, we get over rejection quicker and heal faster? Maybe?
Another stereotype about Women is that they absolutely HATE being judged. Like, any criticism at all! It’s not just from men, but even from other women. There’s a female Youtuber (KendraG) who called out her viewers because they clapped at back at her for providing constructive criticism of women, saying things like, “That’s not cool! Why are you trying to put women down!” But those same women had no problem when she was criticizing the men.
“What about you, Rock! How would you feel if someone was always criticizing and judging you? Pointing out things that you were doing wrong?”
I admit, it may not fun at first. But at least with me, ever since I was a kid…even if I hated what someone else was telling me, I was really good about considering the fact that they might be right. Seriously, when I was 12, my dad called me “selfish” because I didn’t want to leave the movie theater to take my little brother to the bathroom. That ate at my conscience for months. If the criticism is true, I work on these shortcomings to improve. If they’re wrong, I come to a conclusion and stick to my guns so that when I hear that same criticism again, I already have my reasons and I’m cool with who I am, ready to accept the consequences.
I’m now 35. You gotta figure, I’ve been judged and criticized by people who care about me and those who hate me. When you get to a certain point in your life…being judged and criticized is no longer a problem, because you’ve already heard it all! However, if you haven’t heard it all and you’re used to people just telling you what you want to hear (lying to you)…I imagine being criticized can be a bit daunting.
Brief Aside about those who “Hate Being Judged”
This is going to sound bad…but with the exception of recent cases like the Amber Heard/Johnny Depp trial…I don’t want to go so far as to say women have had free rein to do whatever they want under the guise of “our turn”…but mainstream society has seem to be reluctant to call out women or bad female behavior the way they have with men.
For years, Men have been talked down to by the mainstream media. We’ve seen Women’s Marches and MeToo movements where 98% of the good men are lumped in with the 2% criminals. We’ve been told to “Step up and Shut up” by Sen. Mazie Hirono. We’ve been told “Do Better” by Michelle Obama.
Meanwhile, we’ve had #BelieveAllWomen…which is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard of. The Body Positivity and No Shaming movements have enabled women to live free and if anyone criticizes (judges), they’re shamed. We’ve had Hot Girl Summer, online dating, and social media sites that have essentially pedestalized women from all walks of life, no matter your race, no matter your lifestyle, as long as you’re a woman or look like a woman, there’s a market out there where someone will feed you validation, compliments, and maybe even worship you.
These might sound like complaints as if I’m saying Women have it so much better…but really, there’s something nefarious going on that’s really detrimental to women while beneficial to men. Consider this…if you had two kids, a son and a daughter. And to your son, you’re always on him to be better. But to your daughter, other than encouraging her to “outperform her brother,” you tell her that she’s good the way she is. Every choice she makes is praised for being bold. She can do no wrong. She can eat whatever she wants. Sleep with whoever she wants. She deserves the best. She deserves praise. She deserves love. And she’s told that she’s strong and empowered regardless of any real accomplishments.
Of this son and daughter, who’s more likely to grow up and strive on their own? Who’s more likely to be the harder worker, to be truly strong and self-sufficient?
The point of this illustration is that being judged, being shamed, getting that criticism regardless of how brutal it is, or how bad it sounds…these can be good, productive motivators that push people to grow, mature, and overcome. Yeah, they can also beat you down to the point where depression and harmful thoughts kick in…but I’d argue such disappointments are just a part of life. The more you experience them while you’re younger, the stronger more mature you become as an adult when it comes to overcoming life’s challenges.
Back to the Point:
With a bad boy, women can embrace all their own impulsive bad behavior and ride out the waves of positive (and negative) emotions. It’s sort of like how people who like to get drunk love hanging around others who like to drink, while getting mad when you got that one person who’s drinking water or something healthy. My point being, a big reason why girls find the bad boys fun and exciting is because that girl may want to indulge in the same behavior herself and being around him enables her/emboldens her to break free and do so.
As I mentioned in my essay about “Self-Love”…a lot of times, people are looking to go out with someone who’s just as messed up as they are. I think the reason why “Good Girls go for Bad Boys” is a popular myth, is because a lot of bad girls simply have a good girl image. They don’t even realize how bad they are.
While talking to my dad about this, he mentioned the example of Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown in the late 80s and it was PERFECT!
Correct me if I’m wrong, but in the 1980s, while you had singers like Madonna, Cyndi Lauper, Janet Jackson, and Paula Abdul cultivating this sexy bad girl image…meanwhile Whitney was portrayed as this shy, innocent type with a powerful voice. Whitney had the good girl image.
Then came along Bobby Brown, the bad boy. Brown kicked out/or quit New Edition. His first number one hit was “My Perogative” which was essentially about how “I’m gonna do whatever I want to do.” Brown was from the projects. He did drugs. He danced provocatively. He was the bad boy that the supposedly good girl fell for.
The thing was, Whitney really wasn’t so good, sad to say. She was dealing with a lot of problems. She was allegedly abused sexually as a child. Throughout the 80s, she had her brothers getting drugs for her. And when she got with Bobby, I’d argue that she essentially used him to liberate herself from that “good girl” image to finally just be her bad self.
“But Rock! You saw the clip. They said that Bobby Brown was fun and made her feel good. Don’t you think that’s what’s really important, more so than his bad qualities?”
I have heard this before. Even male Red Pill Speakers tell their followers, “the worse thing you can be to a woman is boring.” Let’s talk about it.
IS THE GOOD GUY BORING?:
Alright, so without further ado, allow me to be the first to tell ya that if you think someone/anyone is boring…that’s a YOU problem. If you go out to the mountains and you find that it’s boring, is that the mountain’s fault or is it yours? What’s boring to you, might be entertaining to someone else.
But I get it. The word “Boring” exists for a reason. Right? How else would you describe something or someone that isn’t interesting to you? The problem I have, is that “boring” is not just being used as an adjective…it’s being used as a label. Good Men are boring, they say. Which prompts the question, if a person’s boring then does that mean he’s good? Of course, not.
I could go into detail about how some people are addicted to the drama, conflict, and uncertainty, the rollercoaster of pain and emotions that some people think they need in a relationship in order to work, in order to feel love…but I won’t. As talented as I am as an author, I simply can’t fathom the irrational need for such chaos. The most I got is some people come from households so dysfunctional to the point that arguing and fights is a normal expression
So instead, let’s tackle the reason why Women are so quick to attach a label like “Boring, Lame, Uninteresting, No Personality” to the Good Guy in the first place. Let’s not deny it. People don’t say “I was bored with him” or “I got bored” while describing their dates anymore. They’ll straight up tell their friends “he/she’s boring”. It’s the other person’s fault!
When you’re able to label the other person as the problem, you’re now able to dodge accountability. We’ve already established how some women hate being judged and criticized, but awareness is catching up. More and more people are finally putting the responsibility on the ladies for 1) hooking up with players and getting cheated on, 2) having babies with dudes outside of wedlock and, 3) staying in years-long relationships with a guy who won’t marry you…etc, etc. Women are responsible for the toxic men they CHOOSE to date, marry, and procreate with.
For years, decades even, Men took most of the blame when it came to things like failed relationships, single-parenthood. Even when the Woman cheats on HIM! It’s usually, “Well, what did you do wrong that caused your woman to cheat?”
Now…not so much anymore. The reason why ladies are quick to label the good guy as “boring/lame/uninteresting/no personality” is to avoid the CRITICISM of having passed over a good, viable, take care of all your needs, never cheat on you, love, protect, and provide for you kind of guy. “Where are all the good men at!?” HE WAS RIGHT THERE!!! (there’s a whole host of memes about this)
So now, when a lot of guys hear a woman call us “boring” we take it as a euphemism for: “Stable, Responsible, No Drama, and has His Life Together.” All of which can be a bit intimidating and causes an un-welcomed nervousness in ladies who DO NOT have their life together, are prone to drama, and struggle do much of anything responsibly, like save up, work out, and look to the future of their welfare, mentally, physically, or even spiritually.
In the Black Community, particularly…as I’ve argued in other essays, there’s not a lot of mainstream representation when it comes the diversity of our personalities. Meaning, if a black man doesn’t fit into your pre-conceived notion (stereotype) of how you think he should act based on the narrow-minded culture familiar with (BET, VH1, rap and R&B), he runs the risk of being called lame, corny, or having no personality or confidence (which is really slang for having no swag). This video recently went viral and it’s a clear example of what I’m talking about.
Others in the comments section pointed out that this may have been a case of “this guy makes me feel inferior”. Ms Sara Lena mentions this in one of her videos where she opines that some women go for “ain’t shit” dudes so they can keep feeling superior to them. This “need” to feel equal or superior, is a huge problem with black culture as I pointed out in my last essay about “strong and independent” women.
Also, I want to point out that just like it’s a tactic to label the good guy as boring…it’s also a mental gymnastic move to label the “Bad Boy” with positive labels like, “fun, strong, masculine, charismatic, makes me feel safe”.
“But Rock! Don’t you believe on taking a chance on people? How are you able to help someone and teach them to be good if you’re always avoiding them and not even giving them a chance.”
Right, so the point is about “Falling” for the other person. Developing crushes. Falling in love. Allowing yourself to date and become intimate with this other person. I can be buddies with people all day. Doesn’t matter what walk of life you’re from. Doesn’t matter what your lifestyle is. If we can talk and have a civil conversation, I’ll engage you with good cheer and levity. But when it comes to allowing myself to “fall” for the person…no.
“But Rock, don’t you think that sometimes that’s out of your control?”
I can tell you that in my twenties, for a good four years I was madly in love with my Colombian Paramour who still sits as THE MOST beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. But during that first year, I knew she was bad for me. She’s very loose with her sexuality and adamantly did not want children to the point that if I even brought it up, she’d threaten to walk away.
We were never boyfriend and girlfriends, but we had a love-hate relationship during these four years and not once did I ever give into her. We knew how we felt about each other, gone out a couple of times and even agreed that we’re both too stubborn, equal but opposites. I hated how much I loved her. When I reconnected to God, I prayed. I asked God to either give her to me (have her change to be good) or send her away. Soon, I had this newfound strength to delete her number. And months later, she moved back to her home state and out of my life.
My point being, EVEN IF it’s true that you can’t control who you’re attracted to. You can still control your own actions and what you do. It may be tough. Love is pain. But you’re good. The integrity and will to be a good person overrides the stupid hormones and illicit desires. Again, I’m not saying we’re perfect and never stumble. But when I do stumble. I acknowledge that it was bad. I was not good.
“Well, what if the Good Girl actually sees something good and endearing in the bad boy? Maybe she can change him?”
Listen. We’re all free to do what we want. Personally, I see Instagram videos of experts swimming with Great White Sharks and cuddling up next to lions and tigers. They’re amazing. It’s incredible to see. And as safe as I’m sure those trainers seem to be with a lion hugging all over her…it’s still an effing lion.
You can take a chance on the bad boy if you want. I just hope you take some accountability if things go wrong, instead of blaming everyone else.
And for kicks, here’s a friendly compilation of Women openly admitting that they’d rather be treated like trash and go after the Bad Boys. I’m willing to bet these ladies know they aren’t good girls. That’s one of the trendy things to do now, right? Calling yourself a “bad bish?” I dunno, man. It’s weird out here.