This is the first of eight posts explaining how my generation of dating is not our father’s or grandfather’s generation.
Why am I doing this? First off, you should know that there are millennials who are fortunate enough to find their partners and get married. These Millennials are blessed and likely have no idea what’s going on…which also means they probably don’t care and have a “sucks to be you” mentality…until they’re single again and are hit with the same reality rest of us have to deal with.
Secondly, this is for the ladies who are still surprised about things like how men have stopped “making the first move”. Or why we don’t approach like we used to. They’ll say things like, “where have all the good men gone?” or “Whatever happened to chivalry” as if no one’s been watching the news for the past ten-fifteen years.
And lastly, this is for the Older Generation, the Boomers, the Gen-Xers, and even some Millennials who are so far removed from commons folk, like Sen. Josh Hawley here, talking about how Men need to step up and marry these girls. Again, it’s like they have no idea about what’s been going on.
All of this, I confess, is frustrating to hear. I already believe in being responsible, the leader of my future family, to provide and protect…but first, we have to find, date, and court someone from a generation that’s been raised in a system that’s designed to prevent male headship, to demean and slight traditional values, and to make the men and women who truly are good and decent out to be the undesirables?
Here, I expound on the first of eight main points I’ve personally observed to help explain how one thing after another has utterly sabotaged (ruined) my generation. And at the end of each section, I try my best to suggest solutions because, I know…these sound like excuses. But I haven’t given up. I still have faith.
1. The Hook-Up Culture (Non-Monogamous Dating)
2. Tinder (Dating Apps)
3. Cat-Calling and False Accusations
4. Gynocentrism – The Worship of Women
5. Brett Kavanaugh and Weaponizing Women
6. The Rise of the Manosphere
7. The Sisterhood
8. Leaving Christianity at the Door
1. The Hook-Up Culture (Non-Monogamous Dating)
In 2011, I was 24 years old when I first heard about the Hook-Up Culture…which should go to show that not all of us are entrenched in filth before we even graduated high school. Some of us really did come from good upbringings. It’s just unfortunate that our parents prepared us for a world that no longer exists.
Back then, an older black male, a former Athlete who was good-looking and had no issues getting women, he schooled me on what was going on in the dating scene. He knew I had a crush on my Colombian paramour, and he told me this:
“Yeah, but you know, people aren’t exclusive to one person. When you’re just dating, you’re dating multiple people at the same time until you figure out which one you want to commit to.”
I was like, “Hang on. You mean to tell me that people are actually dating different people at the same time? And the person they’re dating is aware of it and they’re cool with that?”
He said, “In most cases, yeah. This has been going on for years.”
I asked, “Don’t people get jealous? Wouldn’t you be upset if you found out the person you’re on a date with is talking to other guys?”
He said, “No. Because I’m doing the same thing. I’m talking to other women. You shouldn’t get bogged down with just one woman. You can’t put women up on a pedestal. You need to play the field and find out which one you like before you ever call yourself exclusive to that one person.”
He didn’t come out and call this the “hook-up culture,” but that’s what he was talking about. And even back then, as inexperienced and naïve as I was, I knew…I knew this was the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. But I couldn’t explain why. It was just a feeling of chaos, that it disrupted something. I couldn’t place my finger on what.
And worse still…if everyone’s supposedly “cool” with it and it’s just me who thinks it’s dumb, then maybe there’s something wrong with me. Right? Maybe, I’m the “hater.” Maybe I just need to get with the times.
Here’s the thing, when I was growing up, my parents taught me that sex was for marriage. They taught me that “dating” was to prepare you for marriage. It’s not just about having fun. It’s about seeing if you’re compatible with one person, to see if you can trust them enough to spend the rest of your life with them. For some reason, I took these lessons to heart. This was back before I was religious, way back before I read the entire Bible. What my parents taught me simply made sense.
My parents were truly “old school” because the hook-up culture isn’t exactly new. Going back to the late 60s, there was the “Sexual Revolution”. From Playboy, to the Free Love generation, rolling into the wave of pornographic films and even mainstream movies like Shaft and Bond, casual sex was on the rise.
Thanks to the Sexual Revolution…while it may have been that most men had a higher body count and they were known for sleeping around, now…the tables have turned and it’s women who have higher body counts. I’d be willing to bet there are more male virgins than female virgins over the age of 15. And I suspect this, because on TikTok, ladies are telling on themselves. For those who don’t know, “body count” refers to how many different sexual partners you’ve had in your lifetime.
Yes, you could say that casual sex has always been a thing, going back to since the dawn of antiquity. Off the top of my head, I’ve read about Casanova and Lord Byron. And even on the female side, Andrew Tate gave a recent interview where he said along the lines of “no woman in history has ever been respected for having sex with other men” but I don’t think that’s not entirely true. Again, off the top of my head, Marlyn Monroe, Pamela Anderson, Mata Hari, Cleopatra, Catherine the Great come to mind.
The difference between my generation and the past is the acceptance, condoning, and widespread encouragement of casual sex. Once upon a time, there was shame associated with men and women who whored themselves around. People were hush-hush about it in respectable societies. People cared about how others perceived them.
With my generation…they still care about how they’re perceived. They just want you to change your perception of right and wrong. They love the gray area and hate those who see it as otherwise. And if you’re a good man or a good woman, or anyone saving yourself for marriage or living by a standard, like a religion…the hook-up culture hurts you tremendously. It’s a horrible temptation, prompting you to either stick to your morals or pray that you find someone who’s willing to wait.
“Nah uh, Rock. Just because you have sex before marriage, it doesn’t mean you’re a bad person.”
Quick question, do you want to be good? It’s a serious question. Then you’d have to ask, “What is good or bad? Who decides?” Because I’m willing to bet you care less about being a good person and more about not wanting to be “judged”. No one likes to be judged, sure. But when you know you’re doing the right thing, I don’t know about you guys, but I kinda want to be judged.
It’s like the student who worked hard and did their homework. That student isn’t worried about the teacher calling for the assignments the next morning. She can’t wait to turn it in and get graded. It’s better than doing all that work for nothing.
So, here’s how the Hook-Up Culture is disrupting society.
Once upon a time, a Woman, her family, and society required the Man to get married to a woman if he wanted to have sex with her. The man’s exclusive commitment to her through marriage used to take him off the dating market. This means he was no longer available to other women. He was no longer an “option” to other women.
It’s like if you had a classroom with 20 students, 10 boys and 10 girls. We tell them, these are your only options. There aren’t any more classrooms. The 10 girls will probably want the top 2 hottest guys, sure. But once the top 2 are taken, the other 8 will have no choice but to go for the remaining 8 boys who are still single.
In a hook-up culture, because commitment is no longer a requirement for sex, those top two or three guys are having sex with all ten girls almost on rotation. The rest of the seven boys are out of luck. People aren’t getting married. Children are born out of wedlock. And it all takes a toll on society because it leads to the decline of families.
“Well, maybe those seven should work harder to make themselves more appealing to be one of the top three.”
Maybe…But you’re missing the point. Ask yourself, what do Women want from Men when it comes to relationships? Is it really just sex? Or is it something more? What do women complain about when it comes to dating? Isn’t it something about how “all men are trash”? That they’re tired of being used, and pump-and-dumped?
I can’t tell you how many TikTok videos I’ve seen where a woman’s complaint goes like:
Myron Gaines from the Fresh and Fit podcast is constantly bringing up how Women are willing to share one man if they think he’s a High Value guy. This means they know, THEY KNOW he’s sleeping around on her, but as long as she isn’t embarrassed (she and other people don’t find out) she’s fine with it. When I see this picture of the rapper Jay Fizzle and all 14 of his baby-mommas congregated as if all is well and normal…it doesn’t look good.
I already detailed the “Truth about Single Mothers” but it goes without saying, the Hook-Up Culture is arguably the leading cause of it. Recently, it came out that Naomi Osaka is about to give birth out of wedlock. Some don’t see an issue with it. It’s nobody’s business but hers, right?
The Hook-Up Culture is everywhere. Movies, Music. TV shows. In almost every hour-long show, regardless of the genre, casual sex is expected, almost obligatory. Like, it doesn’t even make sense why the characters are having sex other than, “We’re here, so let’s do it.” And in most cases, it’s all consequence free.
Conversely, shame is heaped on those who still believe in traditional standards. Don’t Slut Shame. Don’t Body Shame. Body Positivity. Sex Positivity. Shame has silenced a lot of people from speaking up and giving good advice, advice that my generation sorely needs. Without it, we’re only getting worse.
Recently, I came across this video where a woman attempts to make a convincing argument about why having a “low body” is no better than a woman with a high body count. In the video above, the woman says, “you can still get STDs from just one sexual encounter,” and women with low body counts are just trying to “flex on other women” who have the higher body count.
Basically, what she’s saying is “we have every right to shame women with a low body count because those women are shaming us sluts when they talk about being responsible.”
Which is all so dumb. That’s like saying, you shouldn’t talk about being sober because you’re actually shaming those who like to get drunk and wasted.
In my late 20s, I conversed with a modest friend who you’d never expect of being promiscuous or having a high body count. But she told me, “You know, Rock…having sex before you get married is important. Because what if you marry someone who doesn’t do it for you in bed? Now you’re stuck with him.”
And it was astonishing…like, the commonsense answer was written on the wall. If you’re a virgin until marriage, how would you know whether he’s good or bad? Seriously, as a virgin myself, how on earth would I know whether the sex is “good” after I get married? I’d have no other experience to compare it to.
I’d like to think that when we get married, we can spend the rest of our lives practicing and getting better, especially with my imagination. But if you have a high body count with all kinds of experiences, and all kinds of dudes…I imagine you’re probably going to be perpetually disappointed, which contributes to reasons why people cheat and get divorced.
“Well, shouldn’t we focus on the men? If more men married the women they were sleeping with and stop having sex with other girls, this wouldn’t be a problem.”
I’ve heard that before. That the main problem are those dastardly men who sleep around and have their way with women. If there were less men like that, all would be better, right? Personally, I’d love it if the top 20% got married and made themselves unavailable to other women. I think most Guys would give a collective “thank you”.
The reason why people are more critical of Women when it comes to the Hook-Up Culture is because the consequences of pre-marital sex are greater for women. What do I mean?
Well, Women are more valuable to a society than men are because one man can breed with ten women to create a village with very little risk to himself or time in between reproduction. But in a village where there’s one woman and ten men, when the woman gets pregnant, she’s not able to have another man’s child for at least nine months. It takes a toll on her body. And if she doesn’t survive the pregnancy, or the third pregnancy, or all her offspring also happens to be boys with no girls, that village will die out.
Then there’s Birth Control. One of JustPearlyThing’s major talking points is how “Birth Control” has really done a number on our generation because it allowed women to be less selective about the men they choose. Meaning, once upon a time, women placed a higher priority on a man’s virtues, how responsible he was because it translates well towards being a good father and a faithful husband.
Thus…a lot of ladies of my generation don’t value the same things our mothers and grandmothers valued when it comes to choosing who they have sex with. I’m sorry ladies. I know there’s a lot of men who are dogs out there. But if you really want a good man and monogamy, you have the power by choosing the ones who 1) marry you first, 2) treat you with love and respect, 3) won’t lie to you, 4) and are genuinely kind to you.
Why am I pushing marriage? Because “commitment” to my generation is about as fickle and inconsistent as everything else with our culture. Any man or woman can say they promise to stay committed to you then break up to you whenever they want. And yes, the same can happen with no-fault divorces, but MEN generally have a lot more to lose when it comes to divorce. So, marriage is a woman’s safest option. But of course, there are a lot of women who want the “benefits of marriage” but none of the conditions themselves.
If Women have sex with the jerks, douchebags, and assholes, it encourages men to act like those guys just to get in your pants. Check out this young lady’s profound logic of letting the Chads and Tyrone’s smash, while making the “Good Guys” wait to have sex with her.
Brittany Renner has a notorious reputation for being a gold-digger and having PLENTY of male sexual partners. In a recent appearance with Andrew Tate and JustPearlythings, Renner noted how it wasn’t fair that she’s seen as damaged for her sexual past, while Andrew Tate is seen as high value for his. She says it’s a double standard and she’s right. But it’s not like she never knew it existed.
Women have been complaining about these double-standards for years and while the mainstream’s done it’s damnest to try and break down the stigmas, there are some “social constructs” you just can’t change. Andrew Tate explains that Men are respected for going through things and surviving, while women are “shamed” for going through things and surviving.
And Content Creator, Kendra Davis expounds on that point masterfully in this video.
In speaking about Brittany Renner, Kendra opines, “You didn’t go through anything and survived it. You initiated it. And I’m tired of women acting like it was something that they had to do to learn life, so how dare anyone shame them for it. No. You all preferred to be whores.”
Kendra argues around the 7:30 mark that “Women intrinsically know that they are not to be whoring. Women know! We know that sleeping with a bunch of dudes lowers our value in the eyes of those men.”
Women know that…and Men know that. That’s why mothers and grandmothers used to (or still do) try to encourage their daughters not to get involved in all the hype surrounding sexual liberation. That’s why…to be honest, it’s difficult to feel sorry for these ladies.
Just recently, I tried to watch an A&E docu-series called “Secrets of Playboy” where a bunch of older women have come forward to expose Hugh Hefner as this oppressive womanizer. They talked about how they were misled, manipulated, and lied to. Even here, it’s difficult to care, given all the crap we get when we TRY to tell women the truth.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure all kinds of seedy stuff went down at the Playboy Mansion. It’s not that we don’t believe these ladies…it’s more like we suspect you “enjoyed it while it lasted”. It’s like the mob wife who’s swept off her feet by the glitz, glamour, and prestige of dating a gangster, but turns around and paints herself as the scared victim when the Feds start closing in.
“But, Rock! There are good women out here. Why don’t the good men focus on the good ones instead of the women who are clearly into bad guys?”
We do. Unfortunately, as I’ll discuss in my future posts, a lot of good women who don’t engage in the hook-up culture have still bought into other issues plaguing my generation, like being overweight and calling it body-positivity, or thinking you don’t “need no man” you merely want him. So, you’ve adapted this “Strong and Independent” mentality that repulses a lot of good men.
“Well, maybe if you good men made yourselves more appealing or just as enticing as the top 20% of men, women would be more inclined to follow your lead instead of going after the Chads and Tyrones.”
I would believe that…if there wasn’t the overwhelming evidence of women having babies with some of the most broke-ass scrawny hood dudes you’ve ever seen. Because I’ve heard this before, that Women seek out the men with the most money and resources, a concept called hypergamy. But I think there’s more to it than that.
As Andrew Tate put it, when a woman’s at her peak sexual value (age 18-23), a lot of them have “zero interest in monogamy”. (clip @1:14:52 of Andrew Tate’s interview) From mere observation, Hypergamy seems null and void with Women going for these “ain’t crap” dudes because:
- Women like sex and care more about a man’s looks when they’re young.
- The men are easy. Meaning, he already lusts for her so there’s no reason to work on impressing him or improving herself to be with him.
- The men are convenient, being in same location, living situation, availability, easy access for the sex.
- The Man’s lack of moral standards makes her feel better about her own amoral views (self-love, no shame, giving into your feelings)
- Birth control and contraceptives reduces the concern of being selective about who you choose to let inside of you…which, in turn, increases the risk of unplanned pregnancy because they’ve already proven to be irresponsible by having pre-marital sex to begin with.
Unplanned pregnancy is a major factor in the deterioration of families and, arguably, might lead to the collapse of civilization since more people will depend on the government to take on roles traditionally taken care of by the family. And if the government they keep voting for is weak, prioritizing feelings, tolerance and acceptance instead embracing pragmatism, a strong military, borders, and law and order…well, it doesn’t surprise me that countries like Russia and Indonesia are passing “outlandish” laws to start policing morality.
I already discussed Russia’s laws to ban the distribution of materials promoting homosexuality, gender changing, and pedophilia. Indonesia went a step further by straight up criminalizing all extramarital sex and cohabitation between unmarried partners.
Awareness and understanding. Understanding doesn’t mean, “change who you are because I said so”. It means, now that you know what’s going on…it’s on you. If you continue to engage in the hook-up culture and have sex before the commitment of marriage, you’re going to reap the consequences. You have no one to blame but yourself.
For women, I get that it’s easier said than done to simply stop having casual sex. It’s a risk. You risk being alone or missing out on the guy if you don’t put out. But also, you risk being used (pumped-and-dumped) by that same guy if you do. Which is why I encourage people to abandon all these stupid movements and go back to the Bible. With God, in following his commandments, even if you don’t get what you want in this world, you have the hope of a better life in the next.
Not to mention, there’s more to life than sex and marriage. The trick is to find that thing that brings you the most joy in this world. For me it’s writing. For others, it’s music, or photography, or yes…traveling. But again, whatever you choose to do, remember that the choice is yours. Own it. You’ll face struggles and difficulties no matter what you do, but at the very least, you’ll find peace in knowing no one else did this to you.
Kevin Samuels once had this interview where a woman said, “I believe there’s someone out there for everyone.” So he asked, “then why’d you give a child to another man?”
Insert all the excuses, I was young. It was an accident. He manipulated me, etc etc. It’s all nonsense.
Save sex for marriage. Not only will it increase the chances of granting the blessing of a child to the man who loved you enough to give you his last name at the altar, it’ll help you avoid the “abusive relationships” formed during those emotional attachments that come through sex.
It’s like when you were a teen and you depended on others to give you a ride to and from places. Sometimes you end up putting up with the person’s abuse, having them treat you like crap because you’re dependent on them giving you a ride. That’s what sex is to a lot of people. And they swing from one ride to another, never truly owning their own vehicle…always just a passenger.
I encourage you to exercise discipline and patience. Good things do come to those who wait. Have a standard. Live by that standard and require your mate to have standards as well. You’re more valuable than you think. Don’t give yourself up so cheaply. Just because a man will sleep with you, it doesn’t mean he’ll marry you.
And one last thing…an epiphany that’s really key to the rest of the posts I’m going to make. When it comes to love…even if I was granted one wish where I was promised the most beautiful woman in the world…I wouldn’t want her if she didn’t want me.
For me, love really is more about what I can give another person, more so than what she can give me. That’s why I don’t understand the possessive man. I get jealousy. I understand wanting to be favored by a woman, to have he see me as the number one guy in her eyes. But if I love her, I wouldn’t want her to be with me simply out of obligation, or because she feels she has to be.
A major talking point in today’s Manosphere and Red Pill communities is how “marriage isn’t about love.” Kevin Samuels used to say that as well, and I strongly disagree with all of them. Jesus Christ named “love” as the second greatest commandment there is. Because I love her, I’d want her to be happy, even if it means letting her go so she can go be with the one she loves more than me. I’m not saying it wouldn’t be painful to let her go. But it’s like what Sarah Reynolds said about us Sigmas…we really do love the most deeply.
P.S., I’m talking about girlfriends, not wives here. All marriages are worth fighting for and when you commit yourself to another before the eyes of God through the covenant of marriage, it’s more than just about your happiness. It’s about following that first commandment Jesus mentioned in loving God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind. In a Christian marriage, you stay faithful even during the slumps where you’re not happy, because you’re choosing to put God first (Matt 22:37). And according to God, the only permissible reason for divorce is if someone committed adultery, not because “you’re no longer happy.”
Thanks for reading and be on the look out for the next entry, Tinder and the Dating Apps.