Five days before Christmas, I learned that my 26-year-old cousin was shot and killed. This person wasn’t just any cousin. She wasn’t just any family member. Ever since she was a baby, she was like a little sister to me. And apart from her surviving sister, I don’t think I ever loved anyone more than Autumn.
This video was recorded two days after the funeral. The pain, the grief, the torture was fresh and for some reason…it just felt important to get my thoughts down. I already wrote pages before the funeral, but it was important to me to capture the visuals, the voice…the raw emotions. Mainly because of the pain.
I know people get crap for airing out their dirty laundry or taking to TikTok to cry it out. For me…when I write these essays or record these videos, it really is just how I breathe. My thoughts are hardly ever the popular opinion. My perspective almost always ruffles feathers.
So, 70% of the time, I’m watching what I say. I’m holding back how I honestly feel. And the sad thing about doing all that, is when you do that, people don’t really know me. Other than those who watch my videos or read my essays, with the exception of my dad and possibly my older brother, no one knows the real me. And if no one knows the real me, am I really alive? Have I really lived? Do I really exist?
That’s why I’m doing this. Because I exist.
Stage In The Sky 
Rock,
I will pray for you and your family in this loss. I don’t really know what to say when someone suffers something like this. I will leave it in Paul’s words,
13But I do not want you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning those who have fallen [b]asleep, lest you sorrow as others who have no hope. 14For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so God will bring with Him those who [c]sleep in Jesus.
15For this we say to you by the word of the Lord, that we who are alive and remain until the coming of the Lord will by no means precede those who are [d]asleep. 16For the Lord Himself will descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of an archangel, and with the trumpet of God. And the dead in Christ will rise first. 17Then we who are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And thus we shall always be with the Lord. 18Therefore comfort one another with these words
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Thank you, for those kind words!
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I am so very sorry for your loss, Rock. Deepest condolences, and a prayer has been offered for your family.
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Thanks Ms. Els!
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I have no words Rock. It’s just hard. I will pray that God will make some headway in peoples lives who knew and loved her.
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I appreciate it, Mr. Gary. Relying on God to help overcome the pain, is pretty much all I trust right now.
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