Here, I expound on the second of eight main points I’ve personally observed to help explain how one thing after another has sabotaged (ruined) my generation. And at the end of each section, I’ll try my best to provide a solution because, I know…these sound like excuses. But I haven’t given up. I still have faith.
1. The Hook-Up Culture (Non-Monogamous Dating)
2. Tinder (Dating Apps)
3. Cat-Calling and False Accusations
5. Brett Kavanaugh and Weaponizing Women
6. The Rise of the Manosphere
7. The Sisterhood
8. Leaving Christianity at the Door
I’ll never forget back in 2012, when a girl vying for my interest told me about Tinder. With a smile on her face, she said:
“Rock, have you heard of this app called Tinder?”
“No, what is it?”
“It’s a dating app that basically shows you the location of people in your area who want to have sex with you. You just pull it up, and if you check them off and they check you off, you can meet and have sex.”
She said this with a smile on her face. And I remember just staring at her like there was something wrong with her. This was BACK before I started reading the Bible. But again, my first reaction was that this was a dumb idea, but I couldn’t articulate why.
Years later, my boss said this on our radio show, “Rock, your generation has it easier than my generation. You guys have apps where you can find women and introduce yourself with just the click of a button. Back in my day, we actually had to walk up, talk to women and put forth effort to ask her out on a date.”
By then, I had seen enough to school him on some key issues he may be overlooking. Check out this clip and see what I mean.
In the above clip, the woman admits that she liked a guy, but GUESS WHAT…she impulsively rejected him out of this stupid fear of missing out, of wondering if she could do better, of wanting to leave her options open. She’s just one of millions who think this way. Remember my classroom analogy?
In my classroom analogy, we have a classroom with 20 students, 10 boys and 10 girls. We tell them, these are your only options. There aren’t any more classrooms. The 10 girls will probably want the top 2 hottest guys in the class, sure. But once the top 2 are taken, the other 8 will have no choice but to go for the remaining 8 boys who are still single.
Thanks to the hook-up culture, the 10 girls keep having sex with the top 2 or 3 guys, men who have no incentive to commit to any of them. Thanks to Dating Apps, it’s opened those 10 women up to endless classrooms. With Dating Apps, there are hundreds at her fingertips. I’ve even had ladies reaching out to me from out of state.
This has made the women of my generation very selective and not in the good way. I’ve seen videos of women rejecting men because of something as trivial as wearing a baseball hat backwards, or because he’s smiling too much. This link will take you to Courtney Ryan’s video of women just going through and rejecting men for just the dumbest ish.
Don’t get me wrong, Dating Apps have succeeded in bringing a lot of couples together. So, I can’t say that it’s completely useless. The problem is that there are way too many stupid people like the lady above with this “Abundancy Mindset.” That, paired with the hook-up culture, encourages women to not take the first guy who checks off everything she’s looking for in a good husband.
The women of my boss’s generation didn’t have so many options easily accessible. My mother got with my stepdad because he lived across the street. My boss met his wife because a friend set them up. Another boss got with his wife because they went to high school together. Couples got together and stayed together because their pool of options was usually limited to the community or circle of friends they rode with. At the very least, they weren’t so quick to dismiss or flake on them.
Ladies and gents, this easy dismissal of others has also made many more callous than previous ones. When you have so many options, a list of men and women who are ready and waiting to sleep with you, you become almost like a cold-hearted businessman firing people to increase your own profits. It’s not personal. You’re just doing what’s best for yourself, right?
Flaking on people, standing them up, or never returning their phone calls…you do this enough times, you become desensitized to hurting or disregarding others whether it was intentional or not. And trust me when I say, my generation is encouraged to be this way. They’re supposed to be all about empathy and feelings, but when it comes to dating, they don’t give AF.
Don’t believe me? Just check out “It’s Complicated” YouTube Channel, where a man conducts street interviews about today’s dating scene. After just watching two or three videos, you’ll see for yourself that there’s very little “what can I do for others” and more of “what can I get others to do for me.” Nothing wrong with that, right? You gotta put yourself first, right?
Because so many ladies have this “Abundancy Mindset”…a lot of Good Men are checking out of dating.
As you can see from the chart above, a lot of men see dating apps as a waste of time. As much as women like to say, “I want a man who’s confident.” Well…Confidence is knowing you’re worth a damn.
Confidence is self-respect where you know you’ve built yourself up. You know you’ve been hitting the gym. You know you’ve saved up and worked for everything you’ve got. Confident men aren’t going to just accept anything simply because “it’s all they can get”. What do I mean? I’ll put this clip here and see if you can guess.
In the video, it talks about how a lot of women are going for the Men who are 9s and 10s, even though they themselves might be a 5 or a 6. And because the Chads and Tyrones aren’t about to give up that easy sex, these 5s and 6s become delusional in thinking they are a 9 or a 10 just because they slept with the 9 or 10.
Thus, when these ladies encounter someone who’s actually on their own level in terms of attractiveness, because she had access to the 9s and 10s, she’s passing over all the Men on her own level because she thinks she can do better. She thinks that just because a man will have sex with her, he’ll commit to her.
Ladies, if this is your first time hearing any of this, beware. For the sake of sex, a lot of men will be with you and not like you as a person. That’s why these dudes will often:
- Cheat on you
- Have side-pieces
- Come through whenever they want “some”
- Ghost You After Several Dates and you let him Hit it
Those men who are 7s and 8s, I know society is doing its damnest to program these men into accepting the 3s and 4s who are overweight or single mothers. And in some cases, it’s working. But personally, if I don’t find you attractive, then I don’t want to have sex with you. If I don’t want to have sex with you, then there’s no carrot at the end of the stick that’s driving me to want to build a relationship with you.
The first time I ever tried online dating was with OKCupid back in 2014. I was 28. And almost immediately, I recognized the effect it was having on me.
1) The Pro is that it gave me hope. Because I don’t put myself “out there” by going to bars or social events, so I don’t have a lot of opportunities to meet new women. The Dating App reminded me that there are still beautiful single women out there. You just gotta find her.
2) For all the talk about empowerment and not wanting to be objectified, it was weird. Dating sites are where you’re literally scrolling through pages looking for a woman, like looking for pants in a catalogue. This took some getting used to for a Romantic like me. I never would’ve guessed finding my future wife would be like applying for a role on a job site. (see Steven Crowder’s Bit)
About Resentment, if I’m being completely honest. When Elliot Rodger went on his killing spree back in May of 2014, it pissed me off so much because as horrible as it was that he robbed seven people of their lives, he left a manifesto where he complained about being rejected by women. He’s perhaps one of the first to be labeled an INCEL (involuntarily celibate) as far as I’ve seen.
I remember it made me mad, because in truth, I understood his frustrations. When you’re rejected or girls don’t even respond to your messages because they’re so supposedly “overwhelmed” by the amount of men flooding their inbox, and I’m not even talking about hot women. I’m talking about the most basic average girls who wouldn’t even catch my eye if they weren’t presented to me on a dating site…to be rejected and ignored by the likes of them really made start to resent women.
Elliot Rodger could’ve done as James Demore did and wrote and published his thoughts and experiences to start a conversation about an issue that’s affecting a lot of men and society. Instead, he resorted to a shooting that forever demonized men who so much as complained about the same issues he faced.
I was told, “you shouldn’t take online dating personal,” but I did. Online Dating brought my respect for women down drastically. That’s not good. So after a few months, I deleted my profiles and stopped using them. Maybe I just wasn’t ready. Maybe I lacked the maturity or experience to be on the dating sites.
Then…seven years later, in 2021 my boss, the attorney convinced me to give it another shot. He even gifted me money for the first three months and called it the “Find Rock a Wife Fund”. I was 35-years-old.
I tried Bumble for 3 months. For those who don’t know, this is a dating app where Men can’t message the Women unless they both liked each other’s profile.
For three months, out of the hundreds of women I “liked,” only three women liked my profile. Just three. That’s alright though. It sucked, but I don’t think I took it too personally because 1) I didn’t message any of them and 2) I now knew the truth about this world as revealed through God’s word the Bible. Plainly put, Humans are stupid (easier to say this than to explain how we lack the Biblical wisdom that’s been passed down for generation).
At the same time I was on Bumble, I paid for Match.com and would eventually try E-Harmony. Honestly…Match.com was the best. I was surprised that I got a lot of attention. I had dozens “like” my profile and struck up “talking phases” with about five ladies. These ladies weren’t bad, just corrupted by some of the other issues plaguing my generation…like Feminism. They assumed because I’m black, I’m on board with all things left leaning despite my profile strongly displaying how I choose to live by Christ’s standards, not the world’s.
On that note, when it comes to dating sites, most of us don’t know what the hell we’re doing when it comes to advertising ourselves or what to put on our profiles. A lot of us just imitate what we’ve seen from others, failing to consider the fact that those “others” are not us.
It’s like, when you take dating advice from a “super hot” guy and he tells you what to say to women. Of course, those lame pick-up are gonna work for him. He’s hot. You try that same nonsense and she’ll call you weird.
It’s the same with ladies who only post photos of themselves with little to no details about who they are in their “About Me” section. That tactic might work if you look like Kate Upton, but if you look like Meghan Trainor, you might need to provide some information that advertises why you’re worth it.
This may feed into one of the main reasons why a lot of women use dating sites. I’ve seen plenty of videos where women have confessed that they don’t actually use it to get dates or find relationships. They mainly use it to boost their own self-esteem from all the attention and validation their getting from the dozens of men vying for their attention. It’s like a shot of instant Feel-Good Kool-Aid that they take in the morning and at night, especially when they feel like no one wants them in real life. Like, they went the whole day without receiving a single compliment or no male attention.
Truth is, no one really knows what anyone wants when we’re building our profiles. We’ve been told by cultural leaders and influencers that Men want this or that Women want that, but those people are usually not the average Janes and Joes just looking for a normal stable relationship.
Personally, I’m very up front. I reveal a lot about the kind of guy I am and what to expect. But according to a lot of people, I’ve been told that this is a bad thing. They say that a man shouldn’t reveal too much. That Women like mystery. That they like the thrill of the adventure of getting to know someone or pulling back the layers themselves like we’re a bunch of onions or something
Listen, if you’re that guy or the kind of woman who’s into that, all power to you. But at the end of the day, it’s always been my belief to just be yourself. If she likes mystery and vagueness, she’s not going to like me. I’d much rather find that out sooner than later, how compatible we are.
“But Rock. If you’re too upfront you might scare her off and…”
Good! Seriously, I don’t say that to sound callous or act like I don’t care. I just believe if you’re wearing a mask and putting on a performance from the get-go, you’re creating an illusion, you’re giving her an impression of someone you’re not.
And yeah, you could keep up the act to the point that even when she finds out who you are, she’s not gonna care because she’s formed an emotional attachment to you via sex. But that’s not the kind of guy I am. I don’t engage in the hook-up culture. So, either I’m going to get tired of putting on the act, or she’s going to see me for who I really am and say, “You’re not who I thought you were” before breaking up with me.
Not to mention, every girlfriend I’ve ever had…I got her by just being myself, hiding nothing, being up front and honest. And she was the same with me. I’ll never forget my dad asking me, “Well, Rock. How would you feel if your girl started talking wanting a family and kids, or how she was a virgin, or how many sexual partners she had on your first date.”
I told him, “Dude, I’d love that! I know that might scare off some other guys, but not me. I like people who like to talk to me.”
On that note…I have to bring up Think Before You Sleep’s recent video because it speaks VOLUMES about the kind of women I’ve met through online dating. I want to make it clear, that it’s not ALL WOMEN…but from my own personal experience these personalities seem to be exclusive to the women I met through online dating sites:
Around the 7:50 minute mark, the guy and girl (Divina) have a conversation for a mock dating experience, and just from that, you’ll see that a lot of people have very poor social skills. OR rather…they only have the social skills needed to get a specific type of man (hip hop oriented, f**k boys, Chads and Tyrones).
In the video, the guy asks Divina the Filipino a question and she keeps making every question into an argument, very stand-offish. She gives short answers before questioning why he’s asking the question. Things like “do you have a problem with that” or “why would you say that?”
These kinds of conversations aren’t romantic or pleasant. She doesn’t show an ounce of empathy, kindness or understanding…but clearly conveys she has a high standard and expects a lot if you want to get with her.
To be fair, a lot of men deserve some of the blame here. If Men complain that women have high standards and act all entitled, it’s because other men have enabled this behavior. I ish you not, at the end of the video the guy ends up picking this gold-digger over a yoga-practitioner who likes to cook and clearly has a more pleasant, down-to-earth personality. This guy was clearly looking for a hook-up more than a relationship and he’s going to pay the price for it.
Seriously, I don’t know about love languages or anything like that, but when a woman knows how to have a decent conversation and is open to telling me intimate details about herself so soon in the relationship…again, I know a lot of men might see that as a red flag or a turn off, but it’s actually the quickest way for me to draw close to her. She’s entrusted me with something. I’ll honor that.
One of my first committed relationships was when I was 27. It was with Alice (name used for these essays). Alice didn’t know me. She had only seen me in passing. But she knew I just had just celebrated my birthday and used that as an opening to send me an IM message of, “happy birthday.”
I had seen her before and thought she was a smokin’ hot. So, I engaged her in a conversation that lasted the whole night through text. In that very first conversation that she learned my penname, she Google’d me, found my website and Amazon page. And I learned that she was a single mother, aspired to be a realtor, and came from a Puerto-Rican/El Salvadorian background.
We had that first conversation on a Wednesday. I called her that Friday and said, “How would you like to be my girlfriend?”
She laughed and said, “Really? But we haven’t even gone out on a date yet.”
I was like, “I know. But we will.”
She answered, “I’d love to be your girlfriend.”
“Alright then. I’ll see you soon.”
On our very first date that Monday, I met both her daughter and her mother when I came to pick her up and it was cool. There was no awkwardness because she had already told me so much about herself that I knew her well. Alice and I had a great relationship. Even when we broke up, we reconnected years later and still hit it off as friends.
To this day I wish nothing but the best for her. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have any regrets. Alice isn’t the one that got away…but she’s definitely the one who could’ve been.
My point is…be yourself. Everybody is different. I agree with the notion of improving who you are to increase your chances, but not at the risk of destroying your authentic self.
Just because millions think the Kardashians are hot, doesn’t mean we all think that. You might be a down-to-earth Christian girl who’d rather be cozied up with your man on the couch than out dancing…but if you present yourself in a 304 uniform and post a lot of pics as if you live for the club, men are going to assume you’re about that life, a lifestyle they don’t want to be a part of, or one they can’t provide for you.
You might be surprised to learn that a lot of men are actually looking for chill, down-to-earth homebodies. If you’re only mimicking what some influencer told you, are you really you? One in a million? Or are you working so hard to become one of the millions?
Awareness and understanding. Now that you know what’s going on, let’s just put it this way, any woman “struggling” to find a good man on a dating app needs to take a serious look in the mirror, especially if your inbox is filled with well over ten guys.
If you like who you are and you don’t want to change…all power to you. If you think you’re worth it, that you deserve the hottest, richest, tallest guy out there, I get it. Go for it. But as they say in the Manosphere, we encourage you to be informed. Know that that the percentage of guys you’re looking for are slim and those guys usually have their pick of the litter.
If you keep passing on the good guys while giving your bodies to the Pookies and Chads until your youth and beauty fades…one day you’re going to wake up and end up like this lady.
Sure, some will cope by becoming cat and dog moms, drinking their nights away or using anti-depressants to get through the week. It’s just a sad existence that could’ve been avoided with a bit of wisdom. If people weren’t so hardheaded and proud.
I know our culture is constantly pushing everyone to “level up” and be “boss baes,” to never settle or be content…but I disagree. I’ve found something I like to do, and I wouldn’t mind doing it for the rest of my life. Men like me aren’t constantly looking for the next best thing or wondering if we could do better. When I find my wife, she’s all I’ll ever need.
All that said, dating sites are still a great way for couples to meet. It’s an awesome tool that reduces the awkward unwanted advances in real life. For those of us who don’t like to go to bars or social events, it’s the perfect way to meet others outside your circle of friends.
Sad to say…just like with the hook-up culture, Women have the most power and control when it comes to Dating Apps. Which is why a lot of Good Men see it as a waste of time since they aren’t getting picked. I’ll never forget a TV game show, where a couple came up and the host asked, “How’d you two meet?”
The husband was like, “Well, I originally messaged her on a dating site and six months later, she reached out to me and we went on our first date.”
Both the wife and the host had a look on their faces where you could tell they were thinking the same thing. That the wife was clearly with other men and when the others failed, she settled for him.
What I would say to the fellas on dating sites, is spare yourselves from putting in too much effort to getting her attention. A lot of women say they hate the casual “hey” or just a “wink”. But you gotta understand, we’ve been told that you women are supposedly inundated with so many men vying for your attention and your inboxes are flooded.
For us confident “Good Men”…speaking for myself, I’m not just messaging everyone in some wide spray of throwing Hail Mary’s and hoping it lands on someone, anyone. I picked you because I found you attractive you attractive and your profile speaks to me saying, “she sounds like wife material.”
All that said…it’s gonna be a while before I try online dating again. Mainly because I’m planning on joining a new church community soon. But if you’re asking, “where are all the good man at…” hopefully this post provides some answers as to why they’re leaving the dating apps.
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30s single womyn: Where are all the good men?
Okrahead: Right where they’ve always been…. back in your 20s.
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