It’s time we talked about the masculine egos on full display on the Pop the Balloon dating show. It’s so obvious it’s almost cringe. And believe it or not, it’s coming from the least likely of genders.
When it comes to “ego” and conceited behavior, men have been chastised and scolded for decades about it. Since the reboot of James Bond in the 90s, it kept coming up to describe him in which James just shrugs it off.
In “Casino Royale,” there’s a line where Vesper tells James to take the next elevator because there’s not enough room for his ego. *queue the fake laughter
Allow me to conclude this 9-Part Online Dating series by passing down the main lessons I learned to find a beautiful down-to-earth Christian wife after failing in my two priors stints.
In my previous parts, I explained why a man like me had no choice but to go back to the dating apps because the culture ruined the old-school ways in which Men Approached Women. I explained why Dating Apps won’t work for most people, primarily because of egos and an overinflated sense of value.
I explained how I “changed up my strategy” by being my authentic self instead of relying too heavily on Red Pill advice that’s designed to attract the wrong kind of woman. I revealed which Dating Apps gave me the best chances. I divulged my failed matches and how it didn’t work out with some beautiful prospects.
And lastly, I talked about how I attracted and recognized my wife when I found her. It didn’t take years to figure out she was “the one”. It took courage to be open and honest with her, which allowed her to demonstrate the qualities I was looking for in a wife.
So, as I wrap up this series about Online Dating, I just wanted to hit on a few key points to pass down if you were my sister or brother and you’re still looking for a loving, devoted spouse.
In my last post…I talked about why Online Dating didn’t work for me back in 2014. I made a lot of mistakes. I didn’t have the experience or the maturity. But ten years later…ya boy had learned. I was determined to do things a little bit different.
In this post, I’m going to discuss what I did differently in 2024 that led to me finally finding a wife. And if you stop reading and take nothing from this essay, take this: If you tell anyone that you’re online dating, they’re gonna give you advice about what to do or say. But at the end of the day, you have to be yourself.
I know dating coaches and bloggers don’t like to hear that. But you have to remember, you’re not trying to attract “just anyone”. You’re trying to attract the person who’s best suited to be your wife or husband. If you’re using it for hook-ups, “nothing serious,” or friends with benefits…this post isn’t for you.
I know…a lot of us Christian Men who are looking for wives aren’t having a lot of success being the “Good Men” we were raised to. So, so it’s easy to hear advice from Fresh and Fit or the Whatever Podcast and tell yourself, “Oh…that’s the kind of guy I need to be. Not this chivalrous gentleman opening doors and buying her flowers. I need to make her work for all that!”
Long story short…be yourselves, fellas. If you change/pretend to be someone you’re not just to get the girl, eventually the facade will fade, and she’ll see you for who you are. More importantly, as men, it’s our duty to lead.
Despite the inflammatory title, it is a legit question that I ask with love and kindness. Because I have a great deal of compassion for the ladies of my generation…especially the ones who think “if I don’t have sex with him, I’ll lose him.”
As always, I must disclaim that I’m not talking about ALL women. There are a lot of women who understand what I’m about to say. I’m trying to help those who don’t. Also, it’s to help the Good Men out there, not the Pookies and Ray-Rays who have no intentions of getting married, yet they still expect sex from you.
Because I think this topic is a HUGE reason why a lot of women may find Good Christian men intimidating. They’ll say we’re lame, boring, or that they’re naturally attracted to the bad boys. But in truth, I suspect they’re intimidated by Good Christian Men who live by God’s standards because, without sex, they honestly don’t know what else they can offer a man. Thus, they have little to no power over him. Let’s talk about it.
With this one, I want to make it clear that I’m not trying to hurt anyone’s feelings or bash anyone…but it’s something I’ve been in denial about for a long time.
Ever since I was a kid, I’ve been picked on, shamed, and made to feel bad for being attracted to white girls. And, shamed to say, I’ve struggled when it comes to finding the average black woman attractive. I’m not saying anyone’s ugly. I’m just saying that very often the attraction is not there. I wish it was, but it’s not. Brace yourself. I don’t hold anything back with this one.
Sometimes when more scholarly Christians toss around words like “Redemption” or “Sanctification” it can be a bit difficult to comprehend or understand what that looks like or what it is. What’s so appealing about it? Why should I care?
Seriously…when I was a kid, my parents used to talk about the “kingdom of heaven.” Then, I looked around the church and thought to myself, “No, Thank You!” That’s because I couldn’t understand what the Kingdom of Heaven was. Back then, they made it seem like “heaven” was this place where there was nothing but a bunch of stiff, pious, monks and nuns who don’t really do anything interesting.
It’s like being back in Advanced Algebra. When I asked when I would ever need to use things like the Quadratic Formula in real life? The teacher didn’t have an answer. And since I saw no benefit, I wasn’t motivated to learn. I didn’t care about getting better beyond that which was required to pass the class because…what’s the point?
I think it’s the same with concepts like “Redemption” or “Sanctification”. Now, to be completely honest. I was prompted to write about Redemption and encouraged by another website called, SigmaFrame. You should check it out, because Jack’s an awesome intellectual and the comments sections are always full of thinkers I’ve come to have a tremendous amount of respect for.
But after much reflection and ample prayer…I asked myself, who do I want to reach? Who’s my audience? Other knowledgeable Christians who are already striving to do what’s good in God’s eyes? I don’t think so.
Instead, my aim has always been on those who call themselves Christians but don’t know what Christ taught. I also target the agnostics who are on the fence, and the Christians who are indifferent towards the Truth because of terrible experiences they may have had with Christianity. If my aim is to help the layman to “embrace” the truth, I believe we have to talk to them at their level. So here goes…
To love someone, you must first love yourself. Because if you don’t love yourself, how could you ever love someone else? Sounds like a profound question. In fact, the notion of loving yourself sounds all good and proper. And yet, through mere observation…something seems off.
The first time I heard about this notion of “loving yourself” was when I was 23-years-old, back in January 2010. It was by a Scientologist from my acting class, an older Venezuelan singer in his mid-30s. I remember that night. He spotted me on the treadmill while driving by the gym. I ended my work-out and we talked for hours about philosophy, love, and life. I remember his name. Jessy Leros!
This guy, who was signed by Sony and went on to star in NCIS New Orleans, was kind enough to school me, turning on my critical thinking skills, teaching me that just because two ways are presented to you, it doesn’t mean you can’t create a third. And it was him who told me, “in order to love someone, you must first love yourself.”
He said this because, back then…I was still about 312lbs and had a crush on one of the girls in our acting class. I confided in him about my lack of confidence. She was gorgeous and I really was this big, fat, ugly black dude. You can tell just by looking at Jessy that it’s hard to believe he ever had that problem. But still, he insisted the key was for me to focus on myself. To love myself. Be confident in myself. To have greater respect for myself.
Even before talking to Jessy, there were other Scientologists in the class imparting a similar philosophy. The emphasis on “self” was one of their main talking points. They had a very enticing concept that was, “What’s true for you is true for you…” which is tantamount to self-acceptance. It’s a shortened quote from L.Ron Hubbard, the founder of Scientology, who says, “What is true for you is what you have observed yourself. And when you lose that, you have lost everything.”
Let me begin by saying this is just a theory…I’m open to the fact that I may be wrong. You’re more than welcome to tell me how ignorant or clueless I am. At the very least, it’ll cheer you up if you’re alone on Valentine’s Day!
It is my opinion that we as human beings have an ability to sense how others are feeling. It’s called empathy. We can tell when someone else is happy, or sad, or when they’re afraid or angry…And I also think that without even saying a word, we can sense when another person is attracted to you. It’s an electricity that flashes at first sight and usually takes a few seconds of acclimation before we can hold a conversation without sounding like gushing children.
The Dark Side of Sexual Tension – A Theory By Rock Kitaro Date – February 13, 2020
But that attraction is still there until something kills it…like me saying something stupid or doing something disturbing. I think when we’re younger, this skill isn’t so refined. We have a general sense, but it can be misconstrued with someone just being nice or kind to you. It takes years or experience to hone and refine it.
But once you’ve stumbled and been through enough trial and errors, you’re good. People will try to gas-light you and say it’s all in your head, that nobody’s thinking about you or call you self-centered or narcissistic…and it may be true depending on who you are, because the skill level varies from person to person. But once you’re confident in your ability, you have to stay strong in your confidence. You have to know you’re good so when people doubt you, it doesn’t even make you mad or cause you to second-guess yourself.
You know the truth. Just keep it to yourself. Because if others find out that you know…well, there’s the reason why we have blinds and closed doors. They want their privacy. And even if they’re not so good at containing their emotions or subduing the tells that giveaway their feelings for you, they still value their privacy.
All that said…he’s my theory: Sometimes, People will mentally make an enemy and hold animosity towards another person they’re attracted to, due to a personal conflict in which it’s a problem to be attracted to that person. They either deny the attraction. Secretly entertain the idea of indulging in scenarios they never talk about. Or they self-project, as if it’s the other person who’s sending out all the signals while they themselves are innocent…almost like a defense mechanism. The self-projection is either to protect their self-esteem, their goals, their own sexuality (such as same-sex attraction), or to protect the relationship they’re already in. Maybe even more. All because they haven’t come to terms with how they feel about the other person.
I’m not attracted to unnecessary drama and conflict. If you project the image of someone who has an attitude or constantly confrontational, you’re going to attract people of that nature. It’s as simple as that. And believe it or not, there are people who would prefer the thrilling emotional roller coaster ride of an unstable relationship, as opposed to a stable (predictable) peaceful one. Even if they don’t realize it.
You attract the energy you put out. I know this sounds nice and catchy, but I don’t think people really understand what it means. This here essay is inspired by some of the most beautiful women I see on Instagram and Youtube videos like the one below…They aren’t celebrities. Just people blessed with beauty. And yet the attitude they project make them so unappealing in the eyes of men like me.
“It’s just a performance, Rock. These girls aren’t like this in real life.”
You’re talking to an artist. With every decision we make in creating our art, there’s always a reason why. There’s always a motive. If you think I’m overthinking it, I can just as easily say you haven’t thought about it enough.
The energy they’re putting out is sex. Like all they want to do is get sex. And if you put out that energy, guess what kind of men you’re going to get. Men who only want sex. And then they wonder why the men they’re attracting have a tendency to sleep around on them.
Growing up, some of the most unpleasant experiences I had with the opposite sex came in the heat of an argument where there was usually a lot of yelling, accusations, and name calling. There was a lot of attitude, malice, and resentment. Feelings were hurt. I’d usually walk away and want nothing more to do with the person. Of course, tempers would simmer and we’d usually talk it out and come to some kind of resolution…but as a sane rational man, I didn’t enjoy those heated confrontations. They weren’t pleasant.
So why do some women think displaying such attitudes will attract a good man? Who told them that this is what men want?
Put it this way, if you posted photos of identical twin sisters…which do you think a good man would go for, the photo of the twin who’s projecting a fierce “sexy” attitude…or the identical twin who’s smiling like she’s happy to see you? Which would you choose? I’m sorry, let me reiterate. Which would you be more likely to spend the rest of your life with?
And if you’re the type of guy who’d be like, “I’d still hit the one with the lion. She looks like fun.” Be real. Ask yourself, “which are you more likely to approach?” Especially in today’s MeToo society.
Stage In The Sky 