8 comments on “My Struggles with Attraction – Dating Outside Your Race

  1. The hardest box to escape from in life is the “others expectation” box. I sure know about that. I could really put you in a bind because I know a gal your age who sounds just like you in how you process information and tackle issues and loves the Lord first (single and your age). She just hates being “set up”

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  2. As a nonwhite Hispanic I find the topic of colorism interesting. I’ve observed that colorism exists in all racial groups in the world, even in European ones. I can understand what you’re experiencing.

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  3. Black men jumped this hurdle decades ago. You should just find you a nice non-black girl and marry her already. Nobody would blink twice at that. No one will be calling you a bed wench. Guaranteed.

    I don’t know how yet another “black chick’s just aren’t as attractive” article is beneficial. At all.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I hear ya, Ms. Els. I haven’t read that many (or any) black chicks aren’t as attractive articles, to be honest. Also, this might be a difference between men and women…but as a guy, I’d prefer to hear the honest truth about why women don’t seem to be interested in me so I can make the choice of 1) accepting that this the way it is, or 2)decide whether I want to work on myself to make myself more appealing. But that’s just me.

      I can tell you that personally, this was definitely beneficial TO ME when it comes to me accepting myself. I could suffer in silence for the sake of sparing anyone’s feelings…but to be honest, I’ve done that long enough and I don’t think it’s healthy. And when asked by other black women as my dad’s wife asked…I now have a clearer, more honest answer so I won’t “hate” the question any more. I can break it down for her if she really wants to know the truth.

      Also, your use of “nobody” clearly isn’t true or else I wouldn’t have talked about the shaming I have had to endure. In my video I’m about to record, I’m going to go in deeper about that. Nevertheless, thanks for reading. Believe it or not, you’re one of many black women I had in mind while writing this. I thought about what you’d might say. Which, hopefully goes to show how much I care about and respect your opinion. But at the end of the day, I had to do this.


  4. For the record, I don’t find your preference offensive. Nor does it upset me. I actually suspected not long after reading your writing that you were probably more attracted to white women. However, I took you at your words that you seemed interested in possibly settling down with a black woman.

    I believe everyone has a right to their preferences, regardless of what they are. To be honest, I have a strong suspicion that even if you went out with the fitness gal up there (Tiana?), that unless she turned out to be something really special in intangible ways, you would find that when the rubber met the road, kissing her would be like kissing your cousin. Because you are much more sexually attracted to white women.

    I don’t think that means you “hate black women”. I don’t believe that at all. I don’t take it as a personal affront. Not even a little bit. I actually appreciate the beginnings of your honesty, and I am sorry for you that it took so long for you to accept it. You could have been married with three beautiful kids by now!

    I think you should just shut the door on considering black women and get on with your life. It’s too short to stay on the hamster wheel you’re running on trying to convince yourself that, “Yeah, I could date and marry a black woman if she was attractive enough!” You don’t need to do that.

    That said, I do believe that there is some serious toxicity between black men and black women which colors a lot of this, but that isn’t your fault. Live your life in a way that honors God and gives you peace.

    Best to you as you continue your quest for a godly life and marriage.

    Liked by 1 person

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