Let me begin by saying this is just a theory…I’m open to the fact that I may be wrong. You’re more than welcome to tell me how ignorant or clueless I am. At the very least, it’ll cheer you up if you’re alone on Valentine’s Day!
It is my opinion that we as human beings have an ability to sense how others are feeling. It’s called empathy. We can tell when someone else is happy, or sad, or when they’re afraid or angry…And I also think that without even saying a word, we can sense when another person is attracted to you. It’s an electricity that flashes at first sight and usually takes a few seconds of acclimation before we can hold a conversation without sounding like gushing children.
The Dark Side of Sexual Tension – A Theory
By Rock Kitaro
Date – February 13, 2020
But that attraction is still there until something kills it…like me saying something stupid or doing something disturbing. I think when we’re younger, this skill isn’t so refined. We have a general sense, but it can be misconstrued with someone just being nice or kind to you. It takes years or experience to hone and refine it.
But once you’ve stumbled and been through enough trial and errors, you’re good. People will try to gas-light you and say it’s all in your head, that nobody’s thinking about you or call you self-centered or narcissistic…and it may be true depending on who you are, because the skill level varies from person to person. But once you’re confident in your ability, you have to stay strong in your confidence. You have to know you’re good so when people doubt you, it doesn’t even make you mad or cause you to second-guess yourself.
You know the truth. Just keep it to yourself. Because if others find out that you know…well, there’s the reason why we have blinds and closed doors. They want their privacy. And even if they’re not so good at containing their emotions or subduing the tells that giveaway their feelings for you, they still value their privacy.
All that said…he’s my theory: Sometimes, People will mentally make adversaries and hold animosity towards another person they’re attracted to due to a personal conflict in which it’s a problem to be attracted to the person. They either deny the attraction, secretly entertain the idea in indulgent scenarios they’ll never talk about, or turn it a self-projection as if it’s the other person sending out all the signals while they themselves are innocent…almost like a defense mechanism. Either to protect their self-esteem, their goals, their own sexuality (such as same-sex attraction), or to protect the relationship they’re already in. Maybe even more. All because they haven’t come to terms with how they feel about the person.
Mind you, this isn’t always a reciprocated attraction. Meaning, the dark-side of sexual tension doesn’t exclusively apply to two people who are mutually attracted to each other. Sometimes it’s one-sided, in which only one of the two people involved is attracted to the other.
However, one thing the person is never ignorant to, is the fact that for some reason another person inexplicably hates their guts. And it’s always someone from the outside watching who’ll tell you… “Yeah. He or She likes you.” I suspect there’s a number of unfortunate murder victims who have fallen prey to this. Of course, this is just the extreme. In most cases, it’s usually just relentless antagonism that may or may not lead to HR getting involved.
For example…Brittany is a young woman in her 30s. She’s married to another man, but she’s attracted to me. Instead of coming to terms and accepting the fact that, yes she’s attracted to me, yes I’m good looking guy but it doesn’t matter because she’s in love with her husband and will never leave him…she’s secretly she entertains the idea of being with me. Thus, the internal conflict ensues because she’s rightfully feels guilty and bad.
And instead of getting a grip, acknowledging what she’s feeling, and finding a way to get better, in her mind she makes me the enemy.
Sometimes this results in a cold treatment where she’s obviously cool and friendly with everyone else, but noticeably cold and condescending to me. You’ll notice these types of people when even the worse co-worker can throw jokes at her, but the moment you say something that comes nowhere close to as bad as what has previously been said…she’ll treat you as if you just insulted her dead mother.
Sometimes, words aren’t even involved. I’ve been in plenty of situations where I’m meeting someone entirely new and right off the bat, they let off this bitchy attitude as if I had pushed them off their bikes in some former life. But there’s a reason for this. I’m not narcissistic, I swear.
In my case…the reason why I personally get this treatment from some women of a particular culture…it doesn’t even have anything to do with the fact that they’re in a relationship or married. They can be single and still unleash this dark side of sexual tension.
They’re sexually attracted to how I look…but some ladies hate me because my personality and lifestyle tells them that they will never come close to having sex with me. Because these days, sex leads to relationships and not the other way around. And of course, just because a man has sex with you, doesn’t mean he’ll commit to you. Hence, an abundance of single-parent homes.
Believe it or not, I’m hated because I have no game in the hip hop sense. I’m very straight-forward and honest (which is comical depending on who you are). I’ve got very little hood and street in me. I don’t do drugs. I got my life together and a lot of people are looking for someone who’s just as fucked up as they are. Meaning, if they think you’re too good for them, they’ll resent you for it. I don’t go to bars or social events like festivals and parties…so essentially, I’m boring in their eyes. Some ladies hate that I have virtues and morals, not loose or casual when it comes to sex and promiscuity. And if you stop right there, it may have you scratching your head…until you realize that I’m not just talking about women.
Sadly, men are guilty of unleashing this dark side of sexual tension on a more dangerous level then women. Ever since I was 23 and set out to be an author, I’ve done so much research, read biographies, studied cases involving murder, rape, kidnappings, and disappearances (I write mysteries).
While women can be guilty of the attitude, the disrespect, and in some cases going so far as trying to get you fired…men, being the stronger more testosterone driven of the species, physically act out on this tension. I’ll even go so far as to suggest, this is probably a big reason why pedophiles and jaded men kill their victims while saying things like, “I loved them.”
So when I say that some women hate it that I have morals and virtues, it’s the same as when some men hate that a woman was raised properly with standards. Again, death and rape are the extreme cases of this dark side of sexual tension, so let’s dial it back.
The reason I was prompted to write this essay was because I experienced something interesting recently. Two ladies. Lovely ladies. I can sense they’re both attracted to me. One is married. The other is a bit younger and currently unattached.
It’s like I said in the beginning, when the attraction becomes obvious, it hits like a flash in which a person’s body has to work almost in overdrive as quickly as possible to mask those feelings of attraction and just be cool.
The married woman had that reaction when she saw me. And I had the same…until I saw a wedding ring on her finger. That’s one Biblical principle I find the easiest to adhere to. If a woman is married, I don’t care how drop-dead gorgeous she is, I’m not even entertaining the idea. I believe that’s a gift from God, really. I can still view her as beautiful and not be attracted to her. My cousins are beautiful. But I’m not attracted to my cousins. Get it?
Believe it or not, there are some men that exist in this world who are able to resist temptation no matter what’s thrown at us. EVEN IF it gets to be too bad, I wouldn’t see that woman as my enemy, but simply remove myself from her world. Badda-bing, badda-boom.
However, this married woman, while friendly at first during our every encounter…started to act differently. Avoided eye contact. Stops laughing almost immediately when I walk into the room. Makes it a point to make sure I see her presence known when I’m around another group of friends. And when I do say hi, she responds quickly.
I don’t blame her for behaving like this. And maybe saying she sees me as “her enemy” is a bit hyperbolic, but you get what I’m trying to say. I think her marriage should come first and if she has to treat me like this until she gets a grip, I understand. She’s not like a close friend or anything. I’ll be fine.
Compare that, however, to the younger single lady who’s attracted to me. I felt it the moment we first met and I was kinda dealing with things trying to purchase my first home, so it’s not like getting a girlfriend has been a priority lately. Every time I see her, her face lights up with a smile and makes it a point to stop what she’s doing to give me her undivided attention, so much so that I felt guilty for passing up a chance the first time she did this…but the next time, sure enough she paused what she was watching and took out her earbuds when all I came to do was throw something away. I did talk to her. Learned more about her, a little background information to work with.
This lady doesn’t see me as a bad guy as of yet. There’s no conflict in her. The moral of the story is that jealousy and the dark side of sexual tension will only rear its toxic head if the person isn’t confident and secure with who they are and how they feel. That’s why I get along tremendously well with older women and married women who…its not even a question in their mind, the idea of cheating on their husbands or seeing if they can do better or have a little fun on the side. And I don’t want to get too religious here, but Christian women are a bit better at this because they have someone to answer for the gross sin of adultery.
So that’s my theory, y’all. What do you think? Am I completely out of my mind, or does this potentially answer a lot of questions?