First off, we all know that there are indeed people (black men) out there who deliberately use their platforms and messages to attack, belittle, and degrade black women. We know this. Anyone can pull up a clip and use it as an example. But that’s not what we’re talking about.
Just a reminder, with these failed matches posts…this isn’t exactly advice. It’s just the brutally honest look into the world of an average 9-5 Christian man who went looking to find a wife. Some of it is hysterical. But hopefully there are lessons you can gleam.
Recently, Eboni K. Williams, a popular internet figure and former Real Housewife, created waves by announcing to the world that she chose to be a Single Mother via IVF.
That’s right. You read it correctly. She didn’t end up a single mother by mistake. She didn’t “choose the wrong guy.” She wasn’t the victim of some deadbeat or a guy who ended up cheating on her which led to her outcome as a single mother.
Eboni K. Williams willingly chose to bring a child into this world without a father. This is a problem.
Recently, the Daily Rap Up Crew hosted Dr. Umar to discussed culture and relationships within the Black Community. Dr. Umar opines that Black Women have every reason to be angry at Black Men. Let’s talk about it…
Dr. Umar’s Points:
Black Men Should Only Be with Black Women
Black Women Can’t Talk to African Men the same Way the Talk to American Men
Black Men are Responsible for Single Parent Households
Black Men are Responsible for the “Poor Selection”
Black Men Don’t Provide for the Community
My issue with his points boils down to this. If Black Men are responsible for all that, do we also have the power and authority? Can we force others to do things against their will? Can we drag someone by the scruff of their neck or block them from entering a strip club? Can we go into homes and confiscate all the rap music and take it outside to burn them? Are we allowed to kick down doors and stop unmarried people from having sex?
I take this personally because I see what’s going on in the “Black Community”. We see that it’s getting progressively worse. WE KNOW that the main problem is the lack of families and the epidemic of single-parent households where children aren’t being raised with strong fathers in the household and the subsequent lack of Christianity…but exactly do they expect us to do?
I was tricked! I was misled! They lied to me! Everybody makes mistakes! They gave me false hope! Deep within these statements is an acknowledgement that so many try to detach themselves from. If you were fooled…that means you were a fool. It means You messed up.
This is important to point out because if you don’t, you’re essentially saying there’s nothing (or very little) you could’ve done to avoid your situation in life. The purpose of this essay isn’t to belittle people, but to empower them. Not the social justice way where everything hinges on how everyone else treats you and whether or not they accept you…but to give you greater control of yourself, strengthening you to believe that whatever happens to you, is because of you.
Step one to change is awareness. This means calling out all the lies and helping you acknowledge the truth. The truth doesn’t always sound pleasant. So if it sounds like I’m “attacking you,” please believe that it’s out of love that I write these things. But when it comes to single mothers and children being born out of wedlock, this issue is something I find myself deeply passionate about.
And of course, I know have to tread with caution. I think a big reason why the harsh truths about this subject isn’t talked about so openly…is because it would mean criticizing a lot of people we may know, love, and care about, especially in the black community. A lot of us were raised by strong single mothers. Our sisters and cousins are single mothers. We’d sooner hurt ourselves than intentionally cause them pain, such as talking about this touchy subject. But if we don’t talk about it because we’re so afraid of hurting people’s feelings…how will things ever change? Do we have any right to complain when none of us lifts a finger or says a word to point out what we need to be doing? So here I go…
If you’ve never been in a fight…how do you know how well you’ll react or what you’ll do? If you’ve never practiced or taken a single self-defense class, but step into the octagon against a trained Martial Artist, do you think you’ll win that fight?
“Well the answer is simple, Rock. I wouldn’t step into the octagon!”
Too late. You were born. You exist. Whether you believer it or not, you are on the battlefield. Life is full of victories and losses.
How many times have we heard something along the lines of, “You shouldn’t have to go outside without worrying about being profiled, or experiencing racism, getting kidnapped, being stalked, fearing for your life, worrying about your child going to school, fearing a bombing, fearing a mass shooting, getting raped, or being abused.”
“But, Rock. People are just saying you “shouldn’t” have to…”
Here’s the thing…Who told you that? Who told you that you should be able to do whatever you want, go wherever you want, and nothing bad should ever happen to you? Is it in the Bible? Are there conditions to it? Let’s put a pin in that for now. But keep it in mind as we begin.
If you’ve never been in a fight, but face off against a trained Martial Artist, you’re going to get wrecked. Why? Because you’re vulnerable to all kinds of attacks. You don’t know how to defend yourself, or how the person’s gonna attack, or what to do when you’re getting hit.
I’m not attracted to unnecessary drama and conflict. If you project the image of someone who has an attitude or constantly confrontational, you’re going to attract people of that nature. It’s as simple as that. And believe it or not, there are people who would prefer the thrilling emotional roller coaster ride of an unstable relationship, as opposed to a stable (predictable) peaceful one. Even if they don’t realize it.
You attract the energy you put out. I know this sounds nice and catchy, but I don’t think people really understand what it means. This here essay is inspired by some of the most beautiful women I see on Instagram and Youtube videos like the one below…They aren’t celebrities. Just people blessed with beauty. And yet the attitude they project make them so unappealing in the eyes of men like me.
“It’s just a performance, Rock. These girls aren’t like this in real life.”
You’re talking to an artist. With every decision we make in creating our art, there’s always a reason why. There’s always a motive. If you think I’m overthinking it, I can just as easily say you haven’t thought about it enough.
The energy they’re putting out is sex. Like all they want to do is get sex. And if you put out that energy, guess what kind of men you’re going to get. Men who only want sex. And then they wonder why the men they’re attracting have a tendency to sleep around on them.
Growing up, some of the most unpleasant experiences I had with the opposite sex came in the heat of an argument where there was usually a lot of yelling, accusations, and name calling. There was a lot of attitude, malice, and resentment. Feelings were hurt. I’d usually walk away and want nothing more to do with the person. Of course, tempers would simmer and we’d usually talk it out and come to some kind of resolution…but as a sane rational man, I didn’t enjoy those heated confrontations. They weren’t pleasant.
So why do some women think displaying such attitudes will attract a good man? Who told them that this is what men want?
Put it this way, if you posted photos of identical twin sisters…which do you think a good man would go for, the photo of the twin who’s projecting a fierce “sexy” attitude…or the identical twin who’s smiling like she’s happy to see you? Which would you choose? I’m sorry, let me reiterate. Which would you be more likely to spend the rest of your life with?
And if you’re the type of guy who’d be like, “I’d still hit the one with the lion. She looks like fun.” Be real. Ask yourself, “which are you more likely to approach?” Especially in today’s MeToo society.
Last weekend, I watched a documentary about the history of Blood and Crips in America. Between that documentary and the scores of scorned females posting comments on Derrick Jaxn’s facebook page that are super critical of today’s Black Men, I had to post this video because it offers a different perspective that’s not exactly the most popular.
He’s talking about his personal experience. But I think it’s interesting to think about.
Stage In The Sky 