I often wonder if some black people fantasize about the times of Slavery before and after the Civil War?
Heads up, I’m going to say a lot of things in this provocative essay that might be deemed insensitive or disrespectful. You don’t have to read this. I bow humbly when I say my intentions aren’t to offend. Picture this as me giving a dissertation in the center of some 18th Century university. I have the floor and I’m about speak theories. They may be stupid. They may be wrong. But if there’s one thing I’ve gotten use to in my old age…in saying stupid, wrong things, I’ve come out better enlightened by all those who are so eager (too eager) to correct me. Let’s begin.
In 7th Grade…I wasn’t a good person. All of middle school was a jungle, but 7th Grade was the worse. In 2010, I discovered “Worst,” a manga about a fictional high school filled with delinquents who liked to fight. I think the reason why I was so drawn to those stories was because it reminded me of my own middle school. It felt like my entire class was a gang and honestly…it was ridiculous.
In 7th grade, I cultivated a reputation that I’m not exactly proud of…and yet it served me well. I barely passed, and the main skills I learned was to lie, cheat, and get my way. It was fun at first. But then, it got terrifying. Heads up…I use profanity in this one and this is a long read. Might want to bookmark.
So let’s back it up for a second. Let me take you all the way back to 1999. Think Limp Bizkit’s “Nookie” or Juvenile’s “Back that Azz Up” and you got it. In 1999, I was living in a place called Augusta, Georgia. This is like Atlanta’s more down-south distant cousin, spread out with a lot of woods, flannel, 3XL shirts, and its own state of mind. Here, the culture wasn’t dictated so much by New York or Los Angeles, but by South Park, Power 107 and Y105. This was the true Dirty South. And they were proud. This song was our 7th Grade Anthem.
And the racism…Don’t worry, this isn’t to complain. I don’t know about the other kids, but at thirteen, I never knew the racism was racism. Is self-segregation racist? Because that’s more or less what happened. It’s like if you were born in the sweltering heat of Africa before you knew what air conditioning was. You just accept it as a way of life. We didn’t complain. We truly co-existed. Some blacks were racists against whites. And some white kids were racists against blacks. I had two white kids throw a big ass rock that almost hit me in the back of my head, but instead banged against the dumpster. Almost like a prison, in fact, a lot like a prison, everyone seemed to stick to their own.
Except if you were in my class. The arrow is pointing at me.I’m not kidding. If there was any racism from my classmates, none of us showed it. The blacks got along with whites and vice versa. Like I said, we were like our own gang and we took care of our own. I think that’s one of the reasons why we had so much fun. Team 7B’s Ms. Thompson’s class was the place to be. Even other kids were trying to get transferred to ours.
You see, middle school was a place where money doesn’t matter. No one was driving cars. No one had a job. You’d think this’d give us room to focus on things like grades and studying…but for us guys, all we cared about was our reputation. Whether you were a punk, whether you were cool, a baller, a wanna be gangster…or whether you could fight.
All my life, I believed that Jesus Christ was the son of God. Two years ago, I was told something different. I was told that Jesus was not only the son of God the way I think of a father and his son…but that Jesus Christ was God himself in the flesh, that Jesus Christ and God are the same person.
In this essay…I’m going to break down my pursuit of the truth. And mind you, everything I’m about to reveal is just my interpretation of the scriptures. I could very well be wrong. However, as a Christian, I believe it’s my responsibility to learn and make a decision about what I believe is the truth. Thus, when I stand before God, it won’t be with this indifferent attitude of “…well, I heard this and that…But I’m not sure what I believe.”
On that note…before you begin, I encourage you to pray. Remember, it’s by the grace of God that we receive our understanding.
Just to give you a little background about who I am. I’m a black 33-year-old Christian Conservative born and raised here in the States. I’ve never been to any Christian College or Theocratic School. I’m not a member of any church or congregation. I have no denomination. That isn’t to slight organized religions. I know God loves assemblies. I’m just a man who decided to pick up the Bible and read it cover to cover. To learn for myself why things are the way they are? How did it come to this? Is there any hope? What should I do? What is right? What is wrong?
So why am I questioning who Jesus Christ really was?
Because of a Lutheran.
Haha, so…at the age of 30 (in 2017) and having already read the Bible once in its entirety, I made up my mind to find a wife, a woman who also endeavors to do what’s good in God’s eyes. That’s easier said than done in today’s woke secular culture, unless you’re part of a congregation. I am not.
I attend the Jehovah’s Witnesses Memorial every year, but I couldn’t attend their meetings on a regular basis because it reminded me of the turmoil of my youth. They study these articles in magazines called “Watchtowers,” where a lot of the substance is about how to be a better Jehovah Witness. Since I’m not a Witness, I felt like an outsider. Alone, despite surrounded by others. Continue Reading
First off, I want you to know that I in no way take these labels too seriously. You’re about to read about personalities, stereotypes, Feminism, and Red Pill Philosophy that may sound offensive, as if I’m saying one is better than the other. I’m not. Different does not mean better.
Discovering the Sigma Male – We’re Not All Betas and Alphas
Growing up in my teens, one of the biggest frustrations was that my own peers had a difficult time understanding me. This is important to any youth…because we barely understand ourselves. When everyone around you seems to behave similarly, fitting in with the culture and trends, where everyone seems to have their own little clique except for you…you begin to think, “Maybe there’s something wrong with me.”
In fact, most people used to describe me as happy and friendly, always smiling and laughing. They’re not wrong. At the same time, they had no idea about the amount of anger and resentment I had pent up. Every year, I had a different best friend. If I wanted (needed) to, I could blend in with whatever scene I was part of. Whether it was hood/goths/ anime geeks/Save By the Bell pranksters/or Drama Club techies.
I never wanted to shoot up the school or anything like that. Just always had a chip on my shoulder to graduate and get the fuck up out of my parent’s house as soon as possible. I love my parents now, but back then…let’s just say it takes mental effort to fight back all the hate and focus on the good times. Back then, leaving the nest was my number one goal. My focused mission…And if you read my essay about the time my mom tried to have me arrested, it should sum it up.
Ever since I was a kid…it was very difficult for me to ignore the truth.
“Rock did you have a good time?”
No.
“Rock, are you happy to see us?”
No.
“Rock, you should focus on the positives!”
I can do that…but that’s not what you asked…Sounds mean and heartless, doesn’t it. But those were literal answers I gave to grownups when I was just a child. Back before I had any concept of tact or sugarcoating…telling people what they want to hear.
If it’s the truth and you asked for it, I think a piece of me really does die inside when I have to come up with some pleasant positive response while skirting about the honest truth. And worse…if you go about doing this all your life just to make others feel good when the responses you give are far from the truth, do they really know who you are? Do they really know the truth about you? Or is it, that so many of us don’t want people to know the truth about us?
When you die and they describe you to others at the funeral…wouldn’t it piss you off to hear how far off from the truth they are? Last year, an associate passed away and I experienced such a case. I’d hear others describe him as such a happy person and they couldn’t understand why he died. That may be the truth as they knew it…but I saw a different truth. One that left me with little questions when I heard he had taken his own life.
During my sophomore year in high school, I truly was a pathological liar. In an upcoming essay about Sigmas, you’ll get a better grasp of why I was like this, but I can tell you there’s a lot of credence in the phrase, “it takes one to know one.” I was a pathological liar, thus, I understand what it means to lie and why people do it.
“What do you mean you were a pathological liar? I thought you were dropping truth bombs as a child? So what happened?”Continue Reading
Last August, I wrote a tribute about a girl I had a crush on in the 8th Grade who died. Six months later, her family discovered the tribute. Their response was…incredible.
Patricia Griffin – Sophomore Year
Last year, on August 18th 2019…I woke up on my birthday and was compelled to write about a girl I had a crush on in the 8th grade. Patricia Kay Griffin. It was inexplicable. She was never my “official” girlfriend. I hadn’t seen her since before 2005, and I don’t think I watched or listened to anything that would trigger my memories of her…but over the years, all too often, this girl comes to mind.
Patricia died in 2008. I didn’t find out till years later when my thoughts and curiosity prompted me to do a search. Sadly, I found her obituary. She was only 21 when she passed and I think that’s what I hate the most, aside from her being one of the good ones, a kind-hearted loving person. She was so young. It’s impossible to see her and not feel inspired, energized, encouraged to get up off my ass and do something with my life. I loved her. It’s just one of those things.
I poured out most of my memories of her. How we first met. The embarrassing blunders. The truth about what she meant to me. The truth about what I “thought” had happened to her. That was six months ago.
Then, a few weeks ago. On a busy Tuesday night in the middle of February, I was multi-tasking on a number of projects when I just happened to check my G-mail and saw two new messages with the name “Patricia” in the heading.
I suspect the only men not affected by this are those who are already in a committed relationship, men who don’t care how others see them, or men who don’t know what’s going on in the world. For the rest of us, it really is like… “What did you expect?”
Kezia Noble
If anyone “feels offended” or “feels uncomfortable” by something you did or said, it can be used as a weapon against you, regardless of intent. By now, most men who have witnessed the MeToo Movement and the Kavanaugh debacle should be aware of this. No, those situations weren’t just about feeling uncomfortable, but involved more serious allegations…but enough’s enough.
Most recent examples are Jim Carey flirting with a female interviewer, when she says, “is there anything you haven’t done.” and he says, “Just you. That’s it. We’re all done.” They went after him for that.
Lavar Ball was giving a live interview where a female interviewer says, “Alright, lets switch gears” and Lavar says, “You can switch gears with me anytime.” They went after him for that. If she never made that awkward eye gesture, this wouldn’t even be a thing.
Chris Matthews recently resigned from over 30 years of television for, among comparing a Nazi comparison, telling a GQ columnist in 2016, “why haven’t I fallen in love with you yet” as she was getting her makeup done.
We’ve seen this go on for years. If the answer is “just don’t watch the news,” the question becomes, “then why are they showing it to us in the first place?” Are there real scumbags and sexual perpetrators out there. Absolutely. I can’t stand them. The guilty ones deserve all the jail time they get. F**k em. But you know what happens when the wave of outrage gets washed over the innocent men…We adapt and overcome.
“How is it getting washed over innocent men, Rock?” Continue Reading
lol, had to share. I edited this video a couple years back. It’s what happens when my love for kpop choreography collides with my affinity for metal. The song is “Coming Down” by Five Finger Death Punch. The performers are many you may not remember, and plenty of those you already know.
Let me begin by saying this is just a theory…I’m open to the fact that I may be wrong. You’re more than welcome to tell me how ignorant or clueless I am. At the very least, it’ll cheer you up if you’re alone on Valentine’s Day!
It is my opinion that we as human beings have an ability to sense how others are feeling. It’s called empathy. We can tell when someone else is happy, or sad, or when they’re afraid or angry…And I also think that without even saying a word, we can sense when another person is attracted to you. It’s an electricity that flashes at first sight and usually takes a few seconds of acclimation before we can hold a conversation without sounding like gushing children.
The Dark Side of Sexual Tension – A Theory By Rock Kitaro Date – February 13, 2020
But that attraction is still there until something kills it…like me saying something stupid or doing something disturbing. I think when we’re younger, this skill isn’t so refined. We have a general sense, but it can be misconstrued with someone just being nice or kind to you. It takes years or experience to hone and refine it.
But once you’ve stumbled and been through enough trial and errors, you’re good. People will try to gas-light you and say it’s all in your head, that nobody’s thinking about you or call you self-centered or narcissistic…and it may be true depending on who you are, because the skill level varies from person to person. But once you’re confident in your ability, you have to stay strong in your confidence. You have to know you’re good so when people doubt you, it doesn’t even make you mad or cause you to second-guess yourself.
You know the truth. Just keep it to yourself. Because if others find out that you know…well, there’s the reason why we have blinds and closed doors. They want their privacy. And even if they’re not so good at containing their emotions or subduing the tells that giveaway their feelings for you, they still value their privacy.
All that said…he’s my theory: Sometimes, People will mentally make an enemy and hold animosity towards another person they’re attracted to, due to a personal conflict in which it’s a problem to be attracted to that person. They either deny the attraction. Secretly entertain the idea of indulging in scenarios they never talk about. Or they self-project, as if it’s the other person who’s sending out all the signals while they themselves are innocent…almost like a defense mechanism. The self-projection is either to protect their self-esteem, their goals, their own sexuality (such as same-sex attraction), or to protect the relationship they’re already in. Maybe even more. All because they haven’t come to terms with how they feel about the other person.
Here, we have a man named Yung Joc. He’s a rapper, but now driving a ride share service to make legit money, an honest living. In the backseat, you have a couple of females making fun of him. They’re saying things like “what happened? You fall off?” Meaning, you failed in your rap career and you’re no longer popular.
Now, this might sound “funny” or a trivial thing…but this is a huge problem. Especially in the black community, these are things people don’t like to talk about because some are afraid it’ll make us look bad in the face of other races.
Two things. One, consider all of our black men who are in prison for things like selling drugs and committing crimes just to pay the bills. Secondly, consider the our young black boys (children) who are raised in single-mother households, struggling to get by and having to resort to selling drugs…just to keep the lights on. T.I, Jay-Z, even Outkast are some rappers who talked about doing this in their younger days and guess what…a lot of young black children look up to these figures.
Why do you think they go down this route? Is it really because they can’t get a job? Or is it because getting a job at McDonald’s might get them clowned by their peers? This needs to stop. Respect and reputation means everything to a man. It just does. Continue Reading
I’m not kidding. If there was any racism from my classmates, none of us showed it. The blacks got along with whites and vice versa. Like I said, we were like our own gang and we took care of our own. I think that’s one of the reasons why we had so much fun. Team 7B’s Ms. Thompson’s class was the place to be. Even other kids were trying to get transferred to ours.
