Last August, I wrote a tribute about a girl I had a crush on in the 8th Grade who died. Six months later, her family discovered the tribute. Their response was…incredible.
Patricia Griffin – Sophomore Year
Last year, on August 18th 2019…I woke up on my birthday and was compelled to write about a girl I had a crush on in the 8th grade. Patricia Kay Griffin. It was inexplicable. She was never my “official” girlfriend. I hadn’t seen her since before 2005, and I don’t think I watched or listened to anything that would trigger my memories of her…but over the years, all too often, this girl comes to mind.
Patricia died in 2008. I didn’t find out till years later when my thoughts and curiosity prompted me to do a search. Sadly, I found her obituary. She was only 21 when she passed and I think that’s what I hate the most, aside from her being one of the good ones, a kind-hearted loving person. She was so young. It’s impossible to see her and not feel inspired, energized, encouraged to get up off my ass and do something with my life. I loved her. It’s just one of those things.
I poured out most of my memories of her. How we first met. The embarrassing blunders. The truth about what she meant to me. The truth about what I “thought” had happened to her. That was six months ago.
Then, a few weeks ago. On a busy Tuesday night in the middle of February, I was multi-tasking on a number of projects when I just happened to check my G-mail and saw two new messages with the name “Patricia” in the heading.
I suspect the only men not affected by this are those who are already in a committed relationship, men who don’t care how others see them, or men who don’t know what’s going on in the world. For the rest of us, it really is like… “What did you expect?”
Kezia Noble
If anyone “feels offended” or “feels uncomfortable” by something you did or said, it can be used as a weapon against you, regardless of intent. By now, most men who have witnessed the MeToo Movement and the Kavanaugh debacle should be aware of this. No, those situations weren’t just about feeling uncomfortable, but involved more serious allegations…but enough’s enough.
Most recent examples are Jim Carey flirting with a female interviewer, when she says, “is there anything you haven’t done.” and he says, “Just you. That’s it. We’re all done.” They went after him for that.
Lavar Ball was giving a live interview where a female interviewer says, “Alright, lets switch gears” and Lavar says, “You can switch gears with me anytime.” They went after him for that. If she never made that awkward eye gesture, this wouldn’t even be a thing.
Chris Matthews recently resigned from over 30 years of television for, among comparing a Nazi comparison, telling a GQ columnist in 2016, “why haven’t I fallen in love with you yet” as she was getting her makeup done.
We’ve seen this go on for years. If the answer is “just don’t watch the news,” the question becomes, “then why are they showing it to us in the first place?” Are there real scumbags and sexual perpetrators out there. Absolutely. I can’t stand them. The guilty ones deserve all the jail time they get. F**k em. But you know what happens when the wave of outrage gets washed over the innocent men…We adapt and overcome.
“How is it getting washed over innocent men, Rock?” Continue Reading
I’m not attracted to unnecessary drama and conflict. If you project the image of someone who has an attitude or constantly confrontational, you’re going to attract people of that nature. It’s as simple as that. And believe it or not, there are people who would prefer the thrilling emotional roller coaster ride of an unstable relationship, as opposed to a stable (predictable) peaceful one. Even if they don’t realize it.
You attract the energy you put out. I know this sounds nice and catchy, but I don’t think people really understand what it means. This here essay is inspired by some of the most beautiful women I see on Instagram and Youtube videos like the one below…They aren’t celebrities. Just people blessed with beauty. And yet the attitude they project make them so unappealing in the eyes of men like me.
“It’s just a performance, Rock. These girls aren’t like this in real life.”
You’re talking to an artist. With every decision we make in creating our art, there’s always a reason why. There’s always a motive. If you think I’m overthinking it, I can just as easily say you haven’t thought about it enough.
The energy they’re putting out is sex. Like all they want to do is get sex. And if you put out that energy, guess what kind of men you’re going to get. Men who only want sex. And then they wonder why the men they’re attracting have a tendency to sleep around on them.
Growing up, some of the most unpleasant experiences I had with the opposite sex came in the heat of an argument where there was usually a lot of yelling, accusations, and name calling. There was a lot of attitude, malice, and resentment. Feelings were hurt. I’d usually walk away and want nothing more to do with the person. Of course, tempers would simmer and we’d usually talk it out and come to some kind of resolution…but as a sane rational man, I didn’t enjoy those heated confrontations. They weren’t pleasant.
So why do some women think displaying such attitudes will attract a good man? Who told them that this is what men want?
Put it this way, if you posted photos of identical twin sisters…which do you think a good man would go for, the photo of the twin who’s projecting a fierce “sexy” attitude…or the identical twin who’s smiling like she’s happy to see you? Which would you choose? I’m sorry, let me reiterate. Which would you be more likely to spend the rest of your life with?
And if you’re the type of guy who’d be like, “I’d still hit the one with the lion. She looks like fun.” Be real. Ask yourself, “which are you more likely to approach?” Especially in today’s MeToo society.
As a grown man, I really hate pointing the finger at others when it comes to my own pain and sorrow. That being said, I’m not so stubborn as to ignore the reason if it’s due to what someone else has done.
If You Take Away Traditions…Christmas Blues By Rock Kitaro Date – December 27th 2019
This usually happens every Christmas and Birthday, mainly because I’m blasted with reminders of how the rest of the world is celebrating their traditions, how everyone seems to have someone, how everyone is living their lives and how completely different they are from me. God knows I pray for the strength and faith to keep my head up despite that which I lack, but I confess, it’s tough.
The reason why I gave this the title of “if you take away traditions…” because I really do believe this is an aspect of my childhood where my parents have failed me. As noted, I am a grown man. I sincerely believe in the concept of “from here on out, you’re in control of your life…” but at this point I’m not so sure if it’s possible for me.
The traditions that were removed from me as a child were the joyous holidays and family traditions that were pretty much celebrated the whole world over. Christmas. Valentine’s Day. Halloween. Thanksgiving. Birthdays…all of it came to an end during my childhood because my parent’s religion was against it. But I don’t blame the Jehovah’s Witnesses. I’ve just come to the conclusion that if you’re going to strip these things from a child’s life, you need to replace it with something else. Otherwise you’re left with an abysmal void.
When heinous crimes are committed by men who look like me…I understand.
To begin, I have to set a baseline in the opinion that as human beings, I believe we all possess the power of empathy. It’s one of our instincts where we can sense how another person is feeling. Whether they’re happy or sad. Worried or excited. But more than just emotions, we can also sense when someone’s happy to see us. Whether they’re attracted to us. Whether they got something against us, like resentment or some unspoken animosity or envy.
Some of us are better than others. Some of us ignore this ability. And some of us go to great lengths to deny what they’re sensing to relieve themselves of some form of responsibility, (ie…claiming they didn’t know or saying they didn’t want to assume anything).
Aside from this ability, we’re also faced with the obstacle of doubt. Meaning, even when you sense something’s wrong, or someone’s feeling a type of way…the disbelief of others takes it toll. Not to mention people will lie to your face about it. There’s the practice of gas-lighting where we’re sometimes made to believe it’s all in our head, that we’re making something out of nothing, or that we’re just projecting. And sometimes they’re right.
Empathy is a skill that takes years to hone and refine. It can be sharpened based on our experience with people, our trials and errors. And not just you and your circle of friends, but also people who come from all walks of life, different backgrounds, races, gender, and culture. And even when you acquire this skill, it also takes time and experience to trust it.
When I was a kid called “sensitive” and they were right. I was extremely sensitive and not in just the “hurt my feelings” kind of way…I could sense or detect how the people around me felt. They didn’t need to say anything. I just felt it. Which brings me to the point of this topic…
Last week, I came across a tragic article where a man, recently paroled, was charged with killing an innocent college student in Chicago. Basically, this dude tried to cat-call her, she ignored him while trying to walk to her car but this asshole went and got mad for being ignored. He put her in a headlock, raped, and killed her. This poor girl’s body was found by her sisters and campus security. The parents, being good Christians, put out a message of forgiveness.
But the killer…his appearance perpetuates a stereotype. This man was big, tall, and black. I’m big, tall, and black. Thus…I understand why people are afraid of people like me. You can read the article to find out the full details. But in my dismay, I wrote the following comment:
“This is one of the reasons why I don’t blame people, especially women, when it comes to being afraid of men like me…big, black, obviously stronger than most. You try to live by example to show others that we’re not all the same and you can be cool and relax around people like me…but then stuff like this happens on a seemingly regular basis. And then we wonder why women cross the street just to avoid men like me. Or why women clutch to their boyfriends just a little bit tighter when I walk by. Or the sound of doors locking when I’m approaching. I’m sorry for the family of the victim. It sounds like she did everything she was supposed to do and still got killed anyway. Thanks to men who look like me.”Continue Reading
I can’t remember the last time I literally wanted to track down the guy who disrespected me and punch him in the face. Ego, pride, and rage took over. All of them, grinning with clenched fists. All of them saying at once, “who do you think you’re talking to? Don’t you know what I can do to you?”
Yesterday, it was like that. I’ve been so careful to avoid putting myself in such situations. I smiled and presented the civility of a gentleman, but on the inside violent thoughts ran through my mind all day. Even on the treadmill, I thought of the toughest martial artists I follow on Instagram and kicking the crap out of all of them.
I knew it was wrong. I knew I shouldn’t be like that. I knew I should be more forgiving and simply put trust in God. But it really does feel good to indulge on thoughts of revenge. Ever since I was a kid, getting back at people who crossed me, brought me the sweetest pleasure. The greatest satisfaction in the world. I thought I had grown out of all that. But yesterday I was tested…and sure enough the lion is still there. It’s chained up, but it’s still there.
Then…as per usual, it’s like God sees me, like a Heavenly father watching a petulent child kicking cans because things didn’t go his way…and he sent me someone remarkable.
Last night, whilst grocery shopping at a family-friendly Walmart, an older gentleman with a soft voice greeted me with a brochure about Jehovah’s Witnesses. Right away, I smiled. Right away, I recognized what was happening. God was reaching out to me.
I really was pressed for time (it was getting late) so I had a hurried convo with him about religion as I finished shopping. And when I started loading up my car, he walked over and introduced me to his wife.
I couldn’t believe it. It was like a punch in the guts, me complaining and wallowing in my problems. His wife, his beautiful wife has been deaf her entire life. She lost her ability to see 14 years ago and He was only able to communicate to her by using his fingers to draw into her palm and bring her hand to his head and lips. It was such an endearing sight. I’ll never forget it.
Ironically…it made me even more angrier…at myself. The shame. What was I complaining about? This world is temporary. The problems of this world, ephemeral. Yeah, it’d be nice not to have problems and disputes come up in the first place, but still…compared to my brothers and sisters here and around the globe…God has been good to me.
I told the man that I’ll certainly hope and pray for the day she sees him again in the Kingdom of Heaven. Such faith…such commitment to another in marriage, this is valor. My greatest respect will always go to those who marry once and for the rest of their lives. Because this is my dream as well.
Perhaps, in the end this was just what I needed. Perhaps I needed such a reminder and that lion inside needed to be pricked. It could have been worse…the guy who disrespected me could have done it in person instead of over the phone. Even today, I feel like a different person. More determined not to let the little things get to me. As If I’m kneeling right there next to the lion, petting his mane and whispering, “…patience….calm…forgive them…”
Last month, I read an article where men were blamed for the decline of the marriage rate. Aside from the plethora of reasons raised over the past five years about how horrible we men are, this one had me taken aback…The complaint of the day is that “Men are not economically attractive.”
Godly Men Don’t Care About Money – A Theocratic Essay By Rock Kitaro Date – October 14th, 2019
And I know what you’re thinking…
“There are rich, Godly men out here. I’m Christian, and I care about money. I’m God-fearing and I care about money, so what’s good?”
Don’t worry. I’m going to get into it. We live in a society. We all need money to live comfortably. However, I encourage you to consider Proverbs 30: 8-9, and then watch this video to see what I’m talking about.
It really does make me smirk because I get it. If you’re a woman, you have every right to seek men of equal or greater economic value. Everyone has a right to their sexual preference. Go for it. Why not?
Just one question though…if you’re one of those women who were taught to put so much emphasis on your education to get that high paying job, then you battled it out for years to attain said job, and now you’re out here making that high five-figure or even a six-figure salary…what are the odds of you actually finding someone of equal or greater economic value…who also happens to be single, of good moral fortitude, and interested in someone like you? I say that with affection, I assure you. I’ve had to ask myself the same questions, given my own circumstances.
“Yeah? Well, maybe men simply need to get right. Men need to step it up.”
“Why should they?”
Honestly, if a man is loving life with his 40k salary, why should he “step it up” to make himself have equal or greater value just because someone else seems to care more about having a higher salary than him? Even when I was 27, my ex would constantly be on me to apply for other jobs in my company because they paid more. And when I’d tell her, “No, I love what I’m doing. I don’t think I’d be happy with those role.” she’d seem disappointed.
“Well, Rock. Maybe she’s thinking about a family and knows that you’ll need as much money as you can to raise them!“
That’s a valid argument. Truly, it is. I don’t blame her for making those kind suggestions when it came to my career growth. In fact, my own parents will tell you that it’s been my philosophy to work as hard as I could in my 20s to create a stable financial foundation for my future family…
But a lots changed in the past five years. My priorities have shifted. I picked up the Bible and cultivated a strong relationship with God. I learned the Truth that I feel compelled to share with you. But first things first…I got to get you thinking. If you’re not used to thinking, it’s alright. Take your time. There’s nothing to be ashamed of when you’ve been told your whole life what to think and how to think it. Baby steps. You’re reading the words of a rebel, the path I walk is narrow.
…
Have you ever stopped to consider why you’re doing anything that you’re doing? What’s the point? What are you getting in return? Why put yourself through such an ordeal? For what? I get that sometimes you have to do what you don’t want to do in order to succeed, but is it worth your peace and happiness? You only get 60-80 years and that’s it. We’re only tenants on this earth. When we die, we take nothing with us, except the deeds by which we will all be judged.
What I think it boils down to, is that women like the ones addressed in that video, are disappointed not because men are “poorer,” but because men don’t value the same things the women value. This should make sense because men and women are different, but alas…this is the reality the mainstream media is trying so hard to deny. And if they’re wrong about this…what else are they wrong about? If they’re wrong, then who’s right? Continue Reading
One of the coolest thing about reading the Gospels every night, is that it’s gotten to the point where I can literally say, “There was something about what Jesus said last night…” I just went for a walk on break and I smiled. Because his words were on my mind. And I love thinking about it!
It’s like having the most dependable friend in the world right here with me. Someone I can talk to and hear from every day. He’ll never abandon me. He’ll never betray me. He’s there when I’m down and out and he’s there in my triumph. Some one I can talk to, unburden myself, ask for guidance, and then receive it by reading the scriptures.
Honestly, I think that’s one of the coolest things about the Bible. My older brother said it best years ago. When I told him that I prayed every day. He told me, “It’s great that you talk to God, but don’t you want to hear what he has to say to you? Wouldn’t it be cool if he talked to you too?”
Last night, in Matthew Chapter 15, Jesus talked about it’s not what enters the mouth that defiles you, but what comes out of it, the product of the heart. I know I have all kinds of twisted and messed up thoughts. So I wondered if that meant my heart was no good. But in thinking about what he said and how he dealt with that Canaanite woman in the same chapter, I’ve come to the conclusion that…the fact that I have such impulses and horrid thoughts, but don’t act on them, that I restrain myself…it shows that clearly there’s more goodness in my heart than wickedness.
And all I can do is continue to try and get better. So that, doing what’s good to the best of my abilities gets easier and easier. #jesus#bible
Half of all marriages end in divorce, they say. Are they justified? Who decides? Jesus had some thoughts on the subject. It wasn’t until recently that I finally understood. lol, we humans think we’re so slick.
The Truth About Adultery and Divorce – A Theocratic Essay By Rock Kitaro Sept 1st 2019
MIKA – HAPPY ENDING
Remember who is the father of the lie. Keep in mind that lies are enticing because sometimes they tell us what we want to hear. The truth can be painful because it exposes what some of us wish to hide. But to God…there is no hiding. Even if you lie to others, even if you lie to yourself, He can see your deepest intent, he knows what’s in your heart. There is no fooling him.
So when you divorce your spouse because “you’re just not happy anymore” or because “he’s not the same person you once knew” or because “you don’t deserve to live the rest of your life in an abusive relationship.”…it’s in your best interest to acknowledge that God knows the truth. These are all convenient excuses our modern society accepts for ending marriages.
But how does God feel about it? What did Jesus say about it? Do you want to know? Or are you just content with how humans view it…especially if they’re telling you what you want to hear?
During Jesus’s famous Sermon on the Mount, he told the people, “Everyone divorcing his wife, except on account of sexual immorality, makes her a subject for adultery. And whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.” (Matt. 5:32)
What? I’ve read that scripture so many times, and I confess, I never truly understood it. How is it that a man who marries a divorced woman, commits adultery? How does a husband subject his wife to adultery by divorcing her? It didn’t make sense. Continue Reading
She Hates You Because She Likes You – A Romantic Theory By Rock Kitaro
Before you get the wrong idea and think that this is dating advice, let me clarify that it’s not. The following is yet another observational theory in which I explain a romantic phenomenon that’s been told since antiquity.
Also, warning! This is one of those blue-pill, red-pill moments. Once you read this, your thought process will probably never be the same. Your eyes will be opened and there’s no going back.
This is an idea that I came up with back when I was 21. I’ve said it to several friends but I had no idea the concept would apply to senior citizens. When my grandmother heard it just yesterday. She told me, “I gotta give it to you, Rock. You really are one smart dude.”
Let me explain.
My grandmother, in her late-70s, was telling me about a pastor at her church who seems to despise her. Always making backhanded statements and displaying a bitter attitude. She goes to shake his hand, and he doesn’t even make eye contact with her. He talks about her behind her back and even goes so far as to make esoteric statements in the middle of service, insults directed solely to her.
As she revealed her agitations, I couldn’t help but smirk. This is what I told her.
“If a person who’s attracted to you can’t receive your love…then they’ll settle for your hate. Because whether you love or hate the person, the thing they both have in common is that you got your object of affection thinking about you. And sometimes, that’s all we really want. All we really need is to know that our crush is thinking about us. So we’ll piss you off to the extent that you’re so angry you’re venting to others about us. Thus, mission accomplished.”
To be honest, it’s kind of why I get irritated (jealous) when girls I’m interested in complain about other dudes. I’m thinking to myself… “Come on, missy. That guy isn’t worth your thoughts.”
When I told my grandmother this, you could hear how impressed she was. Not just from the compliments but by her laughter. She was genuinely thrilled and proud of me for making such a revelation. No doubt, she’s heard the cliché of people “antagonizing those they actually have crushes on”…but in her long life of knowledge and experience, I don’t think she’s ever heard anyone explain why it’s like this.
This theory doesn’t apply to everyone, especially if you’re mature, content, of self-confident. However, everyone is susceptible of being on the receiving end of such abuse where you’re like, “damn dude. What did I do to her?”
Think back to when you were a kid. The plot of so many TV programs always showed it. From “The Rugrats” to “Charlie Brown” to freaking “Hey Arnold.” These TV shows had at least one or two episodes showing a girl or guy making fun or antagonizing another character who turns out to actually be in love with their victim. Is this healthy? Is it normal? I don’t know. Maybe I was just one of the lucky ones where the girls who liked me were intrepid enough to lash out and make me feel like was an evil monster that needed to be slayed, for the sake of the towns folk who were our peers and classmates. Continue Reading
Stage In The Sky 