Stage In The Sky

I had a conversation with Marisol…the 34-year-old Atheist on my boss’s old radio show. I said I’d be willing to date a woman as young as 18, not that I’d prioritize dating someone so young, but that I was willing to. She was shocked. 

That’s when Marisol said, “wouldn’t you like a woman with more experience, and someone you had more in common with? I mean, don’t you like intelligent women?” 

The thing is…more and more, intelligence is starting to sound like a subjective matter. A career bank-robber can have intelligence to successfully pull off a heist but is incredibly stupid when it comes to thinking the law won’t catch up with them and they’ll have to serve time.  

In regard to Marisol’s question…this is going to sound extremely vain, but it’s my honest thoughts and I don’t particularly think I’m wrong.  

My ex-girlfriend, the single mother who I dated when I was 27, who I call Alice for the purpose of these essays. I always say that she was one of the most intelligent women I’ve ever met because she nabbed me. I am a difficult catch because I have standards, I’m very self-aware, reluctant, and quick to pass off a woman’s attempt at flirting as just “her being nice”. I suck at recognizing indicators of interest and when I am interested, I’m so straight forward and honest that it seems to scare off a lot of ladies who interpret it as desperate. 

I knew Alice was intelligent because she had a goal. Her goal was me. I’m not saying that to brag or to say a woman should have me as the center of her universe…but a year before I even knew she existed, she was texting others about me, asking about me. I know because she showed me the texts with the timestamps. Not gonna lie, that actually helped me. Because as arrogant as some people thought I was, I really wasn’t sure how good-looking or desirable I am. I didn’t know if I was ugly, or I’m so good-looking that most ladies think they don’t have a chance so they don’t even try. (and yes, a girl has told me that she originally thought I was outside of her league when I was in high school)  

Alice was intelligent because she was beautiful. Men don’t look at a woman from across the room and think to themselves, “wow…I bet she’s really educated.” No. The very first thing that makes us interested in wanting to get to know you is how you look. When a woman takes care of her beauty, knowing when to accentuation her assets, knowing when to advertise to the man you want…this takes intelligence. It’s far more intelligent than those who think they shouldn’t care what a man (or society) thinks about the way they look, depending on what you want as an individual. 

Alice was intelligent because…when she found out about my passion, that I’m an author going by the name of Rock Kitaro…she Google’d me. This all happened during our very first conversation. She found my Amazon page and praised me for my accomplishments, asking about the process, about my stories, wanting to know more. The point being, if someone tells you what they’re passionate about…and you want to be a part of their world, the fastest way to their heart is an expression of your approval and admiration for that passion.  

Because of all that, I was willing to date a single mother, willing to deal with her baby daddy, willing to deal other strenuous circumstances. None of that mattered to me. I wanted Alice. And if being with Alice mean dealing with everything that came along with her, so be it.

I literally called her up and her to be my girlfriend 4 days after our very first conversation. We hadn’t even been out on a date yet and I was asking for her commitment. She said yes. I knew she would. Which is another thing…for me to ask Alice to be my girlfriend and go out on a date with her…I knew without a shadow of doubt she’d say yes. We were that transparent with each other.  (not a lot of mystery and intrigue as some would have you to believe that’s what men want)

Now perhaps Alice spoiled me. Hahaha! Because she was my first “official” girlfriend since high school and so, more or less she set the standard. There’s only one other woman who met that standard, making her my second girlfriend, and that’s it.  

“Wow, Rock! Sounds like you really have a big ego.”  

The point is about “intelligence.” My bank-robber analogy was to illustrate that I believe intelligence is about having the knowledge and wisdom to get what you want. But intelligence alone isn’t always enough. It’s the answer to the question of, “if you’re so smart, then why aren’t you rich.” The answer is, “because I’m not willing to do just anything.” 

It’s the same as with me currently being single. I am “so smart” and if I wanted to have a girlfriend right now, this very night, I could make it happen. All I’d need to do is drop my standards, put myself out there, basically be someone I’m not if just for a single night and throw all caution to the wind. Despite my being smart enough to do all this, I don’t want to. I’m not willing to. So, I won’t.  

Alice didn’t have to bend over backwards to get me. It was her personality, being herself, that led her to making the right moves. The intelligence helped, but without her personality which involved the courage and willingness to actually go after what she wanted…she wouldn’t have nabbed me.  

In the past six months since I started online dating, I’ve matched with a lot of “smart” women, we’re talking doctors and nurses here. But the intelligence I believe they had came in the form of their careers and education. In that arena, they were/are very intelligent. But when it comes to nabbing me…no. These ladies were not intelligent.  

“Well, what about you, Rock? Maybe you weren’t intelligent enough for them!”  

The thing is…it’s not just me. I don’t believe those women were intelligent enough for a lot of men they say they wanted and probably will match with. I say that for a number of reasons. Number one, and this harkens back to what my dad told me long ago. He said men in our family don’t chase. Women chase us.  (that might sound arrogant, but factually speaking, I’ve failed at every woman I “chased,” while the relationships I’ve engaged in, it’s usually the ladies who came after me)

I mention that because of all the ladies I swiped right on and sent messages to, ladies I was clearly attracted to…none of them responded back or matched with me. The only ladies who matched with me are ladies who approached me first. Meaning, they sent the first message or liked my profile, by which we started our conversations. 

This is important because it says, “I didn’t seek you out. You came to me.” And don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful to those ladies. I had some good conversations with a few, and even got some numbers and came close to meeting up with a couple. But if you seek me out, knowing that I’m up front about things like my Christianity, priorities, and waiting till marriage to have sex…essentially the whole “what about you, Rock” argument is invalid. From what I’ve seen, I believe these ladies sought me out because on paper, I am husband material, the type they dream of marrying and starting a family with. 

However, the intelligence these ladies seemed to lack was their inability to be coached. I’ll let D’Nieka Marie explain. (Click here to see the below video in full)

When it comes to “Intelligence,” a lot of ladies around my age range seem lack wisdom when it comes to letting a man, especially a traditional conservative man like myself…lead. Meaning, they’re very competitive and almost masculine. I’m 35. If I matched up with a woman who was 22 or younger, I don’t think I’d get as much doubt, push-back, or second-guessing. I think that when ladies are closer to me in age, they have every reason to doubt, based all that “experience” they’ve accumulated and I now have to dismantle. But a woman much younger than me is more likely to give me the benefit of the doubt that maybe I know what I’m talking about and have greater experience when it comes to people and situations.  

What I mean by “dismantling” through her experience, it’s mainly pertaining to our compatibility. If she’s too set in her ways, how’s that gonna work? And I know you could make the argument of, “if your personalities don’t gel, then she ain’t the one. Don’t try to change her.”…but big picture, I don’t think that’s the best solution for society as a whole. In this, I do blame the modern culture. Because for generations, men had a lane. And women had a lane. And in modern culture, especially with my generation, they’ve been trying their hardest to make women more like men, and men more like women.

The difference is…most men aren’t changing lanes. We’re men and prefer to still act, behave, and embrace what we’ve always wanted as men. The masculinity, the burden of performance, to protect and provide for our loved ones and be her knight in shining armor. This is what most men want at their core. Yes, some haven’t matured to that level yet, which is why it makes sense why women would be more attracted to older men for stability and marriage, while they’re mainly having fun with the responsibly immature men who’s still figuring himself out.

What modern culture gets wrong by pushing Women to be more free and their definition of “empowered”…which essentially means detaching yourself from a code of standards to do whatever you want…is that they aren’t warning ladies of the consequences of their actions. As men, we know the world doesn’t give a fuck about our issues. We’re told to shut up and get over it. …so for the most part we do. Which is why you see those Tiktok videos of men hitting the gym, focusing themselves, and building something.

My main point in all of this, is that for the most part, Men want women who act like women. When it comes to “intelligence,” and intelligent person would ask themselves what does the other person want and am I that, or can I provide that?

“What about Men? Why can’t they ask what women want?”

(added point 2/7/2022) As I was voice recording this essay, I asked that question out loud and surprised myself with an answer. The truth is, a lot of men DO think about what women want. Why do you think any man dreams of being rich and famous? When I was 20-years-old, I was a 378-pound glutton. My main motivation to hit the gym, work out, and lose weight was women. I asked myself, what are the chances an attractive woman would be interested in someone who looks like me at that weight. Yes, there are some women who go for the B.I.G, Big Pun types, but not most. So to increase my chances, I changed. I worked on myself and after four years of hard work and dieting, I got down to a solid 220.

Men also think about “what women want” when it comes to our seeking higher salaries and being able to provide. There’s a common notion that you might have noticed on Instagram. On Instagram, most women advertise themselves, their beauty, their bodies…some men might do the same, but the next time you’re on, you’ll notice that most men advertise their lifestyles, their business, their material things, places they’ve been, or what they’re involved in. A lot of women advertise their lifestyles and material things too, but I’d wager that’s mostly in competition with other women.

Also…this is going to sound a little harsh, but do you really know what you want? By and large, do most people truly know what they want in a spouse or wife? And yes, generally speaking, I believe most men of a certain age do know what they want in a wife. Problem is, if we’re open and honest about it and it goes against what popular opinion is pushing, we’re called misogynists and sexists. So the truth gets buried and pushed aside. I think an intelligent person would recognize that this is going on. Check out this sistah:

The lady in the TikTok Video basically criticizes and says “men are looking for women they can groom and that’s being a predator”. Bo dismantles her argument, but I’m going to jump in and say, that yes. “Men do want women they can groom!” …unless the woman is already groomed and raised to be a good wife for me.

We all have different tastes and personalities. SO…if you find a guy attractive and want to be with him, but your personality isn’t the type he’d like for a wife…either you have to change (be groomed) or go away. And when you go away, how silly is it to then complain and shame the man for being “predatory”? This is classic gas-lighting. Making it sound like somethings wrong with you for wanting what you want, when IT’S ALWAYS BEEN THIS WAY. Just because modern culture decided they wanted to shake things up, doesn’t mean we’re all on board.

And if you’re response is, “Well, then you just need to die out.” …we’re fine with that too. At the end of the above video, Sofie and Bo point out that men like me who are picky might die alone unless we accept what’s out there. And honestly, I’m prepared for that outcome. This is how important “peace of mind” is to men like me. Matt 6:33 teaches us to seek first the kingdom of heaven. So dying alone isn’t so bad when you know there’s a better life than this one. Not saying it’s going to always be easy being alone. But it’s far better than being in a contentious relationship where you absolutely abhor your spouse’s character, a character that hasn’t changed and was the exact same way when you met her.

I believe in relationships, we are “equal in value, but different by nature.” As long as we see eye to eye on core values and morality, it’s okay that we’re different, that we have different strengths and weaknesses. It’s okay that we have different hobbies and interests. The point is to complement each other, not compete. Which is why I used to make this face when a lady would bring up a friend and say, “Rock, you’d like this girl. She’s a writer too!”

So when a woman finds themselves challenging me on every single issue, almost like it’s a competition of who knows more, who’s smarter, who knows best…it tells me this person isn’t too bright. If a woman thinks that because she likes to argue, a man does too…she’s sadly mistaken. And even when it comes to being challenged, I don’t think I’d mind that so much IF they knew when to acquiesce, when to concede, when to back down, or simply admit that they’re wrong. 

 Honestly, I’ve been in so many conversations where I know the other person is wrong and I simply don’t call them out on it. I literally think to myself, “pick and choose your battles. That point they’re wrong about isn’t that important. It’s all good. She’s still cool. If anything, it’s cool that she’s open and talkative with you.”  

Seriously, everyone’s always so quick to say men have “egos.” But from what I’ve seen, I’ve encountered some of the most headstrong ladies who are 1) smart, 2) well educated, 3) got their careers, and 4) claim to be Christian…yet their egos will simply refuse to allow them to let go. Trust in your man. Trust that he knows what he’s talking about. Trust that he won’t lead you asunder. Let him teach you. Compliment him. Thank him. Give him credit and ask him to tell you more. An intelligent woman knows when and how to cater to a man’s ego. 

Hahaha! No lie, I was watching this video yesterday and you’d be surprised at how many men actually agree with this guy.  

I don’t know if a man’s ego is more important than a woman’s. But between the two of us, which of us values things like strength, confidence, and leadership more than the other. Sometimes, our egos, our confidence comes from within. And when it comes to choosing between strife, struggle, and having to prove ourselves on a daily basis, versus support, positivity, praise, and encouragement…men like me choose the positives.  

And don’t worry. I practice what I preach. One of the ladies I matched with was truly incredible, working as a surgeon. And in almost every conversation, I truly did praise her, not to fill her full of hot air, or even to intentionally cater to her ego…but more so because I was truly impressed and thought that her work was so amazing. And every time I complimented her, I was met with some form of “it’s not that big a deal” and all kinds of self-deprecation.  

At one point, she literally told me to stop complimenting her. And of course, that’s a problem for me. Because I like to give compliments. Not a good fit.