Every time I watch videos about dating today, I realize just how backwards this whole scene has become.
The above video sparked these thoughts: a guy talking to a therapist who’s giving him dating advice that basically boils down to, “Change who you are, so you can attract the kind of woman you don’t even want.”
Yeah… no thanks.
There’s a bigger conversation here, especially for Christian men who are trying to live right. Not the guys gaming the system or using religion as a loophole. I’m talking about the brothers who genuinely want to do what’s good in God’s eyes and still keep running into walls in the dating world.
So, let’s talk about it. Points Discussed:
- Loudest Criticism: “Church girls are just as bad”
- Christian Women Still have a built-in Standard that Atheists Don’t
- Christian Dating Cuts Through the Stupid Modern Games
- If She’s Living by the Bible and You Aren’t — That’s Not Fair
- A God-Fearing Woman Won’t Fight You
- Men Have Egos for a Reason
- Be Careful Taking Dating Advice from Women
- If You Don’t Have a Mentor, You Still Have the Bible
- If You’re Single, You’re Still Useful
- The Truth Solomon Already Told Us
Loudest Criticism: “Church girls are just as bad”
Let’s be honest—a lot of Christian women (and men) are Christian in label only.
They say things like “God is in my heart” and “I love Jesus” but they refuse to pick up the Bible to find out how God calls us to live and reject the instructions that go against how they really want to live.
Pearl Davis has practically made a whole platform attacking Christian women. She acts like every church girl is fake, manipulative, or lukewarm. And, as much as I think Pearl is preaching this out of spite, she’s not wrong about the lukewarm wave.
Plenty of women say “I’m Christian” while living by whatever the culture tells them and they give Christians a bad name (same as Christian men who are players).
Trust me…I’ve written ad nauseam about the Girls Who Claim to Be Christian, the Women who Reject Submission, and even the ones who claim they’re “Spiritual but Not Religious.”
But here’s the thing—and this is the key to the whole conversation:
Christian Women Still have a built-in Standard that Atheists Don’t
If someone claims to be Christian, that means:
- She knows there’s a God.
- She knows there’s judgment.
- She knows her actions aren’t just “vibes” or “self-expression.”
There’s accountability. Shame. A spiritual conscience. Even if it’s barely there, it’s something. And that alone puts her miles ahead of the “I had to trust my feelings” crowd.
If you’ve ever dated women with zero accountability, you know exactly what I’m talking about. These are the ladies who put themselves first and say things like “it’s what my heart was telling me,” or “I had to be true to myself.”
God-fearing Women aren’t perfect. We all stumble. But at the very least, a Christian Woman is going to feel conflicted.
There’s going to be some kind of shame, guilt, or contrition, an inner struggle between right and wrong. That’s far better than a woman who feels nothing or very little when she’s inconsiderate, rude, ungrateful, and disrespectful.
Deep in the heart of a God-fearing woman, she’s going to want to be better.
We all have weaknesses and sometimes, all that woman needs is a loving companion who can lend her the strength she needs…as opposed to the bad boy who enables her to make bad decisions and indulge in sinful behavior.
Christian Dating Cuts Through the Stupid Modern Games
One of the main reasons why I was prompted to write this is because, in the original video…the guy mentions how his Female Therapist was encouraging him to conform to what women want. But the kind of woman who would want him to be that way, isn’t the kind of woman he’d want.
This is very similar to Liberal Women who are complaining that most men are Conservative.
Dating outside the faith is full of “If you do X you’re a simp” and “If you don’t do Y you’re sexist, toxic, and controlling.” Both sides calling each other names. Men want this. Women want that. Neither side is happy.
It’s gotten to the point that some men don’t want to be referred to as “real men” anymore, because they believe that’s just code for, “he does whatever she wants.” (like pay her bills and take care of her kids from another man)
This is the beautiful thing about putting your Christianity first when it comes to dating. Because the question becomes less about what the man wants or what does the woman wants. It’s more about: What does God want? How does God call us to live?
The Apostle Paul already wrote the blueprint in letters to the Corinthians (1 Corinthians 11 3), Colossians (Colossians 3:18-19), and the Ephesians (Ephesians 5:23). There’s an order:
Christ → Man → Woman → Children
You don’t have to invent a new formula. You don’t have to guess. If she doesn’t agree with that order, then she’s not the kind of Christian woman you need.
Easy… I’m not saying “she’s not a true Christian.” That’s not my place to say.
But I am saying she may not be at a place in her Christian journey where you need her to be for marriage.
“But that’s not fair! How can you say that I can’t be in charge in our family just because I was born a woman? That doesn’t make sense! Whatever happened to being judged by the content of their character?”
Last Friday (Nov 7, 2025), I had a real conversation with an intelligent Atheist who knew a lot about Catholicism. He criticized the Bible, much like you, when I brought up my stance on how Women aren’t supposed to be Pastors. He said the exact same thing.
He said, “That doesn’t make sense! How can God discriminate against half of the human population like that based on gender?!“
I told him a couple of things.
- We as Humans…we’re not supposed to lean upon our own understanding.
To say God is wrong and what we think is better is to say that we know better than God himself. And for that, I’d direct you to one of my favorite conversations God had with a human, in the book of Job where he asked Job, “Where were you when I laid the earth’s foundation?” – Job 38:4
- There are plenty of teachings in the Bible that I don’t personally like.
I personally don’t like the idea that a lot of people might be forgiven after a long life of sin and debauchery only to repent and turn to Christ when they got all the fun out of their system. But that’s not my call. Christ repeatedly trains us to accept that it’s God’s choice as to who he chooses to show grace and generosity to. – Matt 20:1-16
- We as Humans…don’t have to obey
God gives us free will. There’s a funny saying that “God’s not going to drag you to heaven kicking and screaming.” God’s not forcing me to live by Bible principles. That’s something I choose to do to the best of my abilities.
And no, it’s not because I’m afraid of going to hell. I was raised as a Jehovah’s Witness. They don’t believe hell exists. I do. But I’m just saying…fear of punishment and self-preservation wasn’t what prompted me to obey.
It was my trust and faith in God that his ways are infinitely better than man’s. The choice is yours.
If She’s Living by the Bible and You Aren’t — That’s Not Fair
All that said, fellas…if you want a Christian wife, you need to actually be a Christian man.
When I prayed for a wife, I didn’t just say, “God, send me a godly woman.” I also prayed:
“Make me a man worthy of her.”
Think about it. If you raised your daughter to be kind, good-natured, and soft-spoken, would you really trust that woman with a man who was inconsiderate, irresponsible, selfish, drunk, abusive, can’t control his emotions, and incompetent?
Do you think God would send a man like you to a woman from his flock? That’s a question I used to ask myself all the time.
If you want her to live by Bible standards, you have to do the same. More so, even, because we as men are called to be the leaders of our household.
If our family is out of control, if our kids are unruly and disrespectful, that reflects on us as Husbands and Fathers.
A God-Fearing Woman Won’t Fight You
This is a huge benefit of dating (and marrying) a Christian Woman. If a woman truly loves God:
- She’s not trying to be a girlboss.
- She’s not trying to dominate you.
- She’s not trying to compete with you.
Even if she knows more scripture than you, if she loves you and sees you striving, she will submit. She knows her role is to be a helpmate, not a rival.
And no, that doesn’t make her weak (as the culture is trying to indoctrinate you to believe). That makes her wise.
I know there are some married Christians out there (especially in the black community) who will say, “Oh no. Your wife’s gonna fight you on every decision. That’s her job. To push you, to challenge you, to…”
I disagree with all of that. We as men don’t have to accept that. In fact, Proverbs warns us about being with contentious and quarrelsome women. (Proverbs 21:19)
Ladies, if you choose to say “I do” to your Christian husband, then you’re choosing to trust that man with his ability to lead and walk with God.
Ask questions, sure. Remind him, sure. Encourage him to have faith, absolutely! But marriage doesn’t have to be this contention covenant of endurance that TV or even your own dysfunctional family has led you to believe.
Whatever you’re basing your idea of marriage on, I encourage you to look at that husband and wife and ask if they truly are Bible practicing Christians?
“So, basically, you’re saying the best benefit of dating a Christian women is that they’re easier to control. Because you can just throw the Bible at her to justify that she has to do whatever you want her to do.”
If you want to sum it up with that level of cynicism, you can. But there’s a couple of things to keep in mind.
The first point, as I alluded to earlier, it’s less about what I want and more about how God calls us to live. I promise you…if the Bible instructed me as the Husband to submit to my Wife’s Authority and Headship…I would.
Do you understand? It’s not about us doing what we want. It’s about us doing what God wants.
That’s why I think it’s super important for Christians to lead by faith when it comes to dating. Talk about God on the first date. Weed out the lukewarm Christians and observe who’s really walking the walk.
And secondly, regardless what you think, in America you can’t force someone to marry you. It’s her choice.
When my wife CHOSE to marry me, she understood that this meant she was CHOOSING to follow my leadership and authority. Trust me…we’ve had plenty of conversations and I’ve been upfront about my beliefs from the get-go.
At the end of the day, she still decided to marry me. She didn’t have to. If you read the essays I linked earlier, you’ll find plenty of other women who rejected me, because I guess I’m the only Christian in America who won’t sweep the Scriptures about submission under the rug.
“Why bring them up at all? If you’re dealing with a Christian woman like you say, what’s the point? Don’t you understand how controlling that sounds? It sounds like your need for control is more important than anything else when it comes to how the Bible calls us to live.”
Ladies, I understand that you might think it’s a tactic of control and oppression for a man to ask you where you stand on such issues, but ask yourself something… “Would it really bother you if you had already accepted your role as a helpmate?”
It didn’t bother my wife. It’s not like the topic was the first thing that came up on our dates…but when it did come up, and it was scary because I didn’t want to lose her, I was relieved to hear that her parents had already raised her to fulfill that role.
And this is what I’m talking about when I say a God-fearing woman isn’t going to fight you on such issues. It isn’t just my wife. Almost every married Christian woman I know understands that her husband is in charge.
Men Have Egos for a Reason
People act like all ego is evil, but try imagining a break-in while you’re home with your wife and kids. Even if everyone survives and nothing happens, you as a man will probably feel that sting of helplessness if they have guns and you don’t because protecting them is your role.
That feeling has a purpose.
It pushes you to be a protector and provider. To think ahead. To stay vigilant.
A good woman will encourage and appreciate that — not fight it.
Be Careful Taking Dating Advice from Women
Back to that therapist in the video — The guy was taking dating advice from a female therapist.
I’m not saying women can’t give insights, but let’s be real:
The Sisterhood is strong. Even outside the feminist extremes.
When I broke up with a single mom at 27, the first thing my mom said wasn’t “Are you okay?” but:
“You could have helped her.”
She cared more about how the single mom could have benefited from me than what I wanted in my own life. This is why men need solid male guidance.
If You Don’t Have a Mentor, You Still Have the Bible
The Bible is God Himself talking to you:
- Old Testament → what already happened
- New Testament → what’s happening now
- The Gospels → the good news
- Paul’s letters → how men and women should live
Everything is there.
If You’re Single, You’re Still Useful
Paul said in 1 Corinthians 7 that singleness has purpose. So, if you’re single now:
- Build your finances
- Stay in shape
- Strengthen your faith
- Keep moving toward your purpose
Matthew 6:33 says: “Seek first the kingdom of Heaven and all things will be added unto you.”
Not seek women first.
Not seek status first.
Seek God.
Proverbs 31 women are rare — scripture literally says so. But if you live with God first, you’ll either:
- Eventually find one,
or
- Find fulfillment serving God even without her.
Either way, you win. This point goes out to my brothers and sisters.
Trust me, I was single for seven years after I committed my life to Christ. There were at least a dozen times I could’ve had a girlfriend by just throwing “Christianity” to the backseat.
But by the grace of God, he’s blessed me with the strength and enough to keep my mind busy and off of “that which I lacked”…which was love, affection, and companionship.
So, until you find a man or woman that you trust enough to give your hand to in marriage…just keep praying. Everything I have…I prayed for.
And the cool thing about that, is that God gave me way more than I asked for. (it’s not like I predicted I’d ever work for a law firm or own my own home at the age of 31, or a home this beautiful).
The Truth Solomon Already Told Us
Lastly, keep reading God’s word the Bible. Read it every day. Not just on Sundays.
Remember the words of King Solomon in the Book of Ecclesiastes. All the pleasures in the world—success, fame, riches—are meaningless without God.
Look at celebrities: they have everything and feel empty. Meanwhile, ordinary believers with ordinary lives feel richer than tech CEOs.
Because they serve Jehovah.
Because they have purpose.
Because they have peace.
And at the end of the day, that’s worth more than anything you can swipe for on an app.
Stage In The Sky 