Recently, on an awesome post by Jack about the Failure of Christian Dating Sites, a Regular and I got into an interesting discussion about whether it’s a good idea to talk about “God” on the first date.
The Regular’s position was that the first date is not where you want to talk about God, faith, or your Christianity. You should prioritize just having fun and getting to know one another. It should be more light-hearted.
My position was that we should definitely mention God and talk about our first date. Not just because talking about Christ is something I actually enjoy and hoped to find someone who enjoyed it as well. But also because of my intent and priorities.
These are just two schools of thought, two different approaches. I’ve always been a big proponent of how there’s no “one size fits all” when it comes to dating so I’m not saying he’s wrong and I’m right…only that I’m right when it comes to what worked “for me”.
I’ve already written multiple essays about my approach with online dating. I’m now married. I can be completely honest with my wife and our chemistry is so harmonious that even when we disagree she’s fun and adorable.
My approach was to lead with my faith. I talked about God on the first date. And even before the date, I put all kinds of faith-based questions to her just to see where she stood on the issues.
The logic being…if she doesn’t even agree with what the Scriptures say on male headship, sex before marriage or homosexuality…it’s not going to work and I should probably keep looking for someone else.
I understand why the Regular and others like him would caution people from talking about God on the first date, especially during this day-in-age when so many see it as a “sensitive subject.” But as I said on the website, it’s all about priorities and intent. Are you dating with “intentions?” Why am I going out on this date? What am I hoping to accomplish by dating anyone?
Now, maybe my parents messed me up with their teachings. But ever since I was a pre-teen, my parents taught me that “dating is to prepare you for marriage.”
Crazy, right? Who goes out on a first date already thinking about what marriage would look like?
Now, I don’t come out and say all of this on the first date nor can I determine all this on the first date. But if God comes first…like a lot of us claim…then yeah, some form of theology has to come up. If not explicitly, then at least with little tests like, “Hey! Are you doing anything for pride month?”
“But Rock! Why on the first date? Why don’t you save that for the 3rd or 4th date?”
I’m glad you asked, hypothetical person. Leading me to my point about “priorities.”
Now, I get a lot of people might have a lot of free time on the weekends and afternoons. Kudos to them. That’s awesome.
But yours truly likes to work. I like to stay productive. Any time I go out on a date, or just take an afternoon or weekend off, I’m leaving money on the table, assignments I could have taken but sacrificed just to be on a date.
Do you know how silly it sounds to a person like me, to spend three evenings, three dates, three dinners, three missed job opportunities on a woman who doesn’t even believe in the Bible (as much as they claim to)?
I’m sorry, that just sounds illogical.
To me, dating has never been about fun and games. My goal is to get married to one woman, stay married for the rest of my life and raise a family with her.
No, I’m not saying it’s an interrogation to go out on a date with me. Alls I’m saying…is that if you can’t even check off box number one, which is just belief and obedience to God’s word the Bible…there’s no point in sacrificing my time, money, and efforts to go further.
But maybe I’m just different from everyone else, right? That’s more than possible…but when it comes to my faith in God…I’m not so sure.
I believe there’s a great many Christian Men and Women out there who are looking to get married, put God first, and raise their children to do what’s good in God’s eyes. But finding each other has become increasingly difficult thanks to this stupid worldly culture.
And let’s say you do meet someone who “claims” to be Christian too. What approach should they take? Wait a couple of dates before they get to the nitty gritty of their theology? Or be up-front about what they believe and how important Christ is to them?
It has me recalling a real life conversation I had with an office secretary, a church going woman who’s about 32-years-old. She’s also on the dating sites. She put on her profile that she’s Christian and God means a lot to her.
But she complained that when she went out on dates with these guys, she finds out that all they care about is sex.
So, I told her to use my Christianity litmus test: “If the Bible says a thing is an abomination, but the world thinks that thing is cool, acceptable, and even wants to hold parades for it…which way do you sway? Do you agree with the Bible or do you think it’s okay to accept and celebrate that which God finds abominable?”
That’s when the secretary laughed and said, “Oh, gosh, Rock! If I did that, I wouldn’t have barely any matches online.”
That’s my point. You might not have the flood of men DM’ing your inbox, but you will get the few who actually walk in their faith (Matt 7 13-14). I deliberately removed myself from consideration to a lot of women by emphasizing that God comes first and I live by Bible standards.
For a lot of people there goes their “fun”.
What do I mean? Well…I chose to wait until marriage before having sex. It wasn’t easy but in striving to put God first, I rejected the hook-up culture and chose to wait. It took 38-years. I’m not ugly. I wasn’t an INCEL. I just chose God over the world’s culture.
And out of all the Christians I’ve met, I’ve never found a dating prospect who could say they’ve waited. I’ve met plenty who said they were willing to remain celibate until they married me…but no virgins.
I’m not saying I’m the best Christian or anyone who had sex before marriage is beneath me…But I am saying that I have every reason to second-guess today’s Christians who don’t want to talk about God on the first date.
I suspect it’s really, “let’s not have God get in the way of what we really want to do.”
Or…“I’d hate to miss out on a chance to sleep with him/her if they disagrees with my beliefs. So, let me not say anything they might not want to hear.”
Because hey, if you have sex before marriage, God will forgive you, right? Everybody’s doing it. Everyone make mistakes!Nobody’s perfect! These are just the times. There’s a lot of pressure out there. Etc. etc. etc. (1 Peter 1:14-16) (1 Corinthians 6: 9-11)
Jesus Christ told us that the greatest commandment is to “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.” (Matt 26:37) That means God comes first, above family, above friends, and definitely above what we want for ourselves.
Am I obeying those Scriptures if I deliberately refrain from talking about God on the first date because I’m more worried about what another human thinks of me?
Mind you, I’m talking about myself here. You personally might not have my level of faith and spirituality, so I don’t want you to think I’m saying you’re a horrible person if you don’t talk about God on the first date. That’s not my place to say.
But for me…I can’t claim ignorance. I can’t pretend like Jehovah doesn’t exist or act like he doesn’t see my every waking moment. I honor the sacrifice of Jesus Christ laying down his life for me every day by choosing (which often means suffering) to put him above all humans to the best of my ability.
So yeah…striving to do what’s good in God’s eyes is one of the first things I look for in a date. Mind you, I said “striving”. I was never looking for someone who’s on my level. Just someone who’s putting forth the effort to try and has demonstrated their trust in me to lead them. Seriously, we read the Bible every night and literally just went to our first church service together.
So, in closing….if you have the time, resources, and money, sure…wait until date number three or four before you really dig deep and see if this person walks the talk. But if it’s date number five and you’re just now finding out that she thinks Abortion is no big deal…you got no one to blame but yourself.
lol, with that, I encourage y’all to check out the comments over on Jack’s site because there’s a lot of good perspectives and opinions that might sound more convincing than my own.
Stage In The Sky 