Stage In The Sky

First off, we all know that there are indeed people (black men) out there who deliberately use their platforms and messages to attack, belittle, and degrade black women. We know this. Anyone can pull up a clip and use it as an example. But that’s not what we’re talking about. 

POINTS DISCUSSED:

1. Black Men Are a Problem too 
2. Is Social Media Promoting the Stereotypes or Exposing Reality? 
3. The Epidemic of Baby-Momma Culture 
4. Why Black Men Are Afraid to Tell Women the Truth 
5. Mad at Black Men for Dating Outside Their Race 
6. Black Men Are Rejecting Black Culture, Not Specifically Black Women 
7. Is White Culture Simply Better than Black Culture? 
8. Black Women are Attacked…by Other Women 
9. Epilogue. My Compassion and Understanding 

I originally titled this post, “Are Black Women being Bashed, or are they Rejecting Constructive Criticism.” Because that’s what we’re talking about. We’re talking about the notion that no one is allowed to criticize the “stereotypes” associated with Black Women. I say stereotypes because we know they don’t apply to all Black Women. Not my wife. Maybe not you and your sisters. But they exist for a reason.

“Alright, so let me stop you right there, Rock! How can you say that no one is allowed to criticize black women when THAT’S ALL YA’LL DO!!!” 

Who’s “ya’ll”? Your brothers? Your black friends? Your father or sons? Do they speak up? 

And when they do speak up, do you take it constructive criticism, as information you can use to help get what you “say” you want? Or do you take as them “bashing” you? Or as someone trying to control, oppress, “manipulate you.” 

Which is odd, because I noticed it’s only called manipulation or bashing when it’s something that requires change or improvement, but “empowering” when it’s something encouraging you to indulge in what you already wanted to do. 

(heads up, there’s a lot of hyperlinks to Instagram reels, videos, and Scriptures used as evidence to my points. Feel free to take your time, bookmark this one, and keep coming back later. Because it’s a lot) 

Black Men Are a Problem too 

If it makes you feel any better. The stereotypes surrounding Black Men are a problem too. There’s a growing hash tag/trend on Social Media called “Black Fatigue”.  

Plainly put, White People are tired of all these unruly dysfunctional black people acting a fool in public, attacking others, stealing, coming out of the house dressed like they just woke up, loud and causing a scene. 

From the mob of blacks fighting on Carnival Cruise, raiding stores, casually stealing, pretending to have mental health issues, and attacking the weak, to aggressively manning the Frontiers Airline desk…it’s just awful and people are tired of saying nothing out of fear of being called a racist. 

That’s why you have this woman in Minnesota who was able to raise over $700,000 on Go-Fund Me after allegedly calling a boy the n-word. It’s tribalism. Blacks tend to stand by and support criminals regardless of their actions, so some White people feel like it’s time to do the same. 

And of course, even black people are tired of these ghetto blacks. We used to try and separate ourselves by saying “We’re black people and those other blacks are just ninjas.”  (see Chris Rock stand-up on it)

But the problem is, as Jason Whitlock pointed out, “too many black people spend a lot of time and energy defending the ninjas.” And by defend, we mean they spend 80% of the conversation bringing up every reason in the book to justify, explain, or get you to understand the behavior, instead of spending more time encouraging them to stop the behavior. 

The common defense brought up is slavery and systemic racism that took place during the Jim Crow South. 

And no matter how much you try to encourage people to let go and move forward, they simply refuse to because: 

• Victimhood gets you free things (Handouts/Welfare)
• They’re afraid the Herd will Ostracize them (Sell out/Uncle Tom)
• Echo Chamber (Everyone around them has the same opinion)
• They’ll have no one to blame but themselves (Accountability)
• It’ll Mean Their Loved Ones Lied to Them (Indoctrinated by parents and teachers)
• They’ll need someone to direct their hate and anger (if not white people, other blacks)
• They’ll lose their sense of purpose and identity (what will you do now?)

And of course, there is the theory that some black people simply can’t escape their victim mentality because of their IQ and Cognitive Skills. But I’m not sure we’re ready for that conversation yet. 

If you treat White People as if they’re all racist and out to oppress you, it makes sense why they’ll want to “get the hell away from away” from you as Scott Adams suggested. And I don’t blame them. 

After 17-year-old Karmelo Anthony stabbed Austin Metcalf and was GIVEN close to $500k in Go-Fund Me Money…I think the whole country collectively just started saying, “Enough is enough. You ni**as are a problem.” 

When I see clips of Black people acting out, followed by comments of people responding with, “The Usual Suspects” or “Always the Watermelon People”…or “I’m sick of the 13 percent” or “Blacktivities”…I’m not offended.

This clip is taken of a brawl during a bond hearing between black people, and there were comments talking about how it looks “just like in the zoo.” Not offended. If you’ve ever seen gorilla fighting in the zoo, it does indeed look like what happened in the brawl. Don’t like it? Don’t brawl!

When people talk about the “angry black man” stereotype, or how they’re worried about black people bringing down property values when we move into the white neighborhoods… you really can’t blame them. 

The above video is extremely difficult to listen to. You can get mad and call him a racist and maybe he is. But a lot of people share his sentiments, including a lot of black people (like Ofc. Tatum). And Instead of getting mad at white people for their reasonable thoughts on the situation, I’m more upset at all the black men for causing the situation.  

Not to mention, I don’t take the racist comments as a personal attack, because I know they aren’t talking about Black Men like me. Ladies…I know they aren’t talking about people like me, so I’m not offended.

Thus, when I hear Black Women talk about black men being broke, with no jobs and a bunch of baby mommas, you’ll get no push-back from me. Those broke ninjas do need to get a job and take care of their babies. You could call that bashing…or some much needed constructive criticism.  

Is Social Media Promoting the Stereotypes or Exposing Reality? 

When you see that 12-foot tall high-calorie Bronze Statue someone put up in Times Square, there were a lot of comments of stereotypes being ascribed to it. Just to name a few: 

• “Even the statue has an attitude.” 
• “Why it look like she’s looking for her kids?” 
• “Statue is called where’s the child support, the light bill is due?” 
• “The statue is about to ask you where you were last night.” 
• “That statue has six children by five different men.” 

Obviously, these comments are all offensive and insulting. And they should be…of the stereotype.  

But as you can see in the video above, there are just as many black women who are also appalled by the statue. Why? Because it’s just one more thing (out of the hundreds of videos out there) keeping the masculine unattractive stereotypes alive. 

And there’s a difference between “Promoting” the stereotypes and simply exposing what’s happening that’s “feeding into the stereotypes.” The Statue and all the ratchet rappers twerking and promoting horrible behavior, that’s promoting it.  

When you see videos like this one below of a bunch of black women who just got their diplomas and decided to “turn up” during their graduation by dancing like this…who else can you blame for feeding into the stereotype if not black people themselves? 

Again, you will have Black People justifying the behavior, saying there’s nothing wrong with them simply celebrating. The problem is, we’re allowed to have opinions. To you and yours, that might seem fine and dandy. But to other people, it looks low-class, ghetto, and trashy. 

“Well, they shouldn’t think that! It’s our culture and we’re free to celebrate however we want!” 

Correct. And other people are free to think whatever they want. The choice is yours. Be mindful of how your perceived or embrace the stereotypes and own it. Either way, the world doesn’t owe you understanding or acceptance. The only one you can control is yourself and what you choose to do.  

And before anyone gets mad at the content creators for pulling out their phones to record it… I’m glad they did. Because without it, 1) we wouldn’t have evidence to back up our claims and 2) if you don’t want it exposed, DON’T GIVE THEM ANYTHING TO EXPOSE!  

That’s like saying, don’t film me as I break into this car.  

No…how about, we just don’t break into the car. 

The Epidemic of Baby-Momma Culture 

For the purposes of this essay, I’m going to focus on the reasonable criticism a lot of black men have when it comes to why not dating stereotypical black woman. 

I’m never going to stop talking about this because I truly believe fatherless households is the biggest issue when it comes to: 

• The Criminal Behavior 
• The Lack of Respect 
• No Fear of Authority 
• Lack of discipline or Work Ethic 
• No dignity about how to act in public 
• Harboring anger and envy towards other races 

The mainstream doesn’t like to talk about this, I think, because they’re afraid of Black Women. Over 90% of Black Women vote for Democrats. You don’t want to upset them, almost like a parent who doesn’t want to tell their child not to eat too much candy because you’re afraid they’ll hate you. 

So, when these conversations come up, Feminists and even Black Men like Boyce Watkins and Dr. Umar like to put the onus on men. Boyce Watkins literally said, “First, we have to start with men first. I truly believe that if you show up and you are a true leader as a masculine man, women will follow that.” 

Sure…a good, traditional Christian woman would.  

But is that what most 14-34 year old black women are? What happens when you show most of these Democrat-leaning Black women the Scriptures that talk about how Wives are supposed to submit to their husband’s authority? You think they’ll follow him if he’s simply a masculine leader? 

Unless the laws allow (and encourage) Men to control women and force them to do what we want them to do, Men cannot be blamed for the autonomous actions or decisions of women. It’s not about whether men or women should start to change first. Everyone one of us should start with ourselves as individuals.

Women pick and choose who they open their legs for and whether they want to give birth to the baby. If we tell them that they should marry before they carry, and they choose to have sex and give birth out of wedlock anyway…what else can we as men do? 

“What about the men who conceived with them?! Why aren’t you blaming those men!?” 

I’m sorry, but unless your argument is that Women don’t have the cognitive ability to make good decisions (like minors), Women must be held accountable for indulging in men who they didn’t require marriage from first. The kind of men who 1) others told them to avoid, 2) lack responsibility that they can see for themselves, 3) and not married to you.

Not to mention the Perpetuating Cycle of Women who don’t feel they need a husband because they didn’t grow up with their fathers in the home. Then you have celebrities and unintended role models like Naomi Osaka, Keke Palmer, and Halle Bailey. All successful young beautiful women. All of them ended up as Baby Mommas. 

You’re trying to tell me there were no responsible marriage minded men they could’ve attached to? Is that what we’re supposed to believe? When Halle Bailey got with her baby-daddy who’s also rapper, we’re supposed to believe she thought a relationship with him would lead to a stable marriage?

Even Rhi-Rhi herself, is a Baby Momma. The father of her children is the rapper ASAP Rocky and they’re not married. Maybe Rocky is in the household now, but without the stability of marriage, how long will that last? 

And lastly, let’s not forget about the women who want to be Single Moms by choice. Eboni K Williams immediately comes to mind. Another is this woman below who asked Steve Harvey if it would be selfish of her to willingly have a man’s child but without marriage and while retaining all legal rights. 

Seriously, thank God for the video evidence. Because without it, even I’d have a hard time believing. Or as one woman stupidly opined, “No woman wants single motherhood. This isn’t something we wanted to do.” Which “sounds” right…but it isn’t. 

Here’s the truth that people don’t like to admit…the kind of black man who would be great fathers and devoted husbands, they aren’t the type to just put up with any kind of behavior. They know they don’t have to. 

Let me break that down for a moment, because this is important.  

The kind of men (strong leaders) that young black boys and girls can benefit from, is a Black Man who has the strength to resist temptation, to reject the herd, and he isn’t a slave to the trends of what it means to a Man. 

That Black Man has standards. Some men don’t, which makes those kinds of men easy to women who want to live and do “whatever they want as long as it makes them happy”. Because those men aren’t going to judge you or give you any kind of push-back for your Feminist/Queenz ideologies.

That kind of man isn’t going to marry a black woman just because the culture said so. That man is free! He’s going to pass down that “freedom” (Christianity) to his children so they don’t grow up thinking they have to be thugs, rappers, athletes or have a little ninja in them just to be accepted and have some kind of identity.  

As long as he rejects the world and honors Christ, he is accepted.

Let us continue. 

Why Black Men Are Afraid to Tell Women the Truth 

When a Man speaks up on “why” he dates outside his race…instead of accepting his opinions and realizing that he’s just revealing his preferences and what it takes to be with a man like him…a lot of Black Women simply see it as an “attack.” 

Even men like Boyce Watkins repeated this common counter-point here, which is, “If you want to date white women. Go ahead and do it. But you don’t have to bash black women on your way out. Black Men are always talking about how black women do this and do that. No, the black women you chose do that.” 

That’s wrong. We didn’t choose them. And that’s the point. 

The main reason why everyone keeps bringing this up, is because Black Women themselves keep bringing it up. From Tiktok to panel shows to viral Podcasts, Women are constantly asking why, why, why do “all these black men end up with white women?” 

Are we allowed to answer? 

In order to answer, we have to explain. And instead of listening, too many perceive it as bashing.  

And trust me, it’s not about the “delivery”. You could use the softest most sugar-coated language possible. But after two lines, Black Women tend to get defensive. And if you’re trying to be nice and soft-spoken, that makes it easier for them to cut you off, interrupt you, and go on the counter-attack. Such as:

• “Is this another black woman bad essay? 
• “Oh, you wish you was white!” 
• “You must hate yo momma.” 
• “You’re a self-hating black.”  
• “You look like you date white women.” 
• “You have internalized racism (you’re racist and unable to see it) 
• “You corny and lame. I like a dude with a little street in him.” 

Men are typically hit with SIGN Language (Shame, Insults, Guilt, and the Need to be Right), which often escalates into a loud abrasive expletive filled tirade that most men are simply not mentally and emotionally equipped to deal with (which is why we miss Kevin Samuels). 

For instance, this video has Myron Gaines talking about why Black Women rank at the bottom in terms of attractiveness. It’s not easy to hear. It sounds like an attack. But a lot of men agree with him and everything he mentions are things that Black Women can in fact change if they choose to (like being in shape, being soft-spoken, polite and kind). 

No one wants to be accused of “attacking” black women, so a lot of Black Men who grew up in predominantly black communities where Women run the show, these guys just stay silent and put up with the cultural behaviors that they really don’t like. 

And in the midst of that silence…they don’t say anything. They just leave. And end up dating other races. Like the women who actually value the 9-to-5 men over the Scammers and Drug Dealers. (feel free to jump to 12:59 to see which ones love the 9 to 5 men). 

Mad at Black Men for Dating Outside Their Race 

This explains why you have decent grown Black Women like this one who’s shocked, frustrated, and confused as to why a Black Man is marrying a white woman and describes her as his “peace”. 

In the above ChishaZed’s video, this black woman who we’ll call “Auntie” relays a story of a young well-to-do black man who’s about to graduate college, coming into a barber shop where others congratulate him on all his accomplishments. 

The Young Man is about to get married. The fellas praise him. But there’s just one problem. The Young Man’s family has an issue with the fact that his fiancée is a white woman. 

So, let’s stop right there and call it out. It’s not that this Young Man was so eager to “bash” black women. The ONLY reason why he’s talking about it, is because his BLACK family has a problem with the fact that she’s white. 

Let’s continue. 

Auntie goes on to explain, when the Young Black Man was introduced to his white fiancée’s family, everyone was married. They have a really good home. They do things together. They communicate. It’s just a good energy and a good vibe. 

Auntie says, the Black Man claimed that he never knew “this side of life.” 

Auntie says, the young man’s Black Family always had a bunch of baby momma drama, a bunch of fussing and fighting at barbecues, the drunk uncles and the drunk mommas. His people are always on welfare and always scheming and such. They’re ghetto.  

The Young Man “loves them, but he doesn’t love it.” 

Auntie says, the Young Man describes, “Being with my white fiancée and her family is like putting on headphones when you’re in a chaotic room to drown everything out. It’s peace. That’s what his fiancée and her white family is to him.” 

That’s when the Auntie says she realized, “Black women and the black side of the family, they are the noise.” 

Now, I imagine that’s pretty heavy. But if you listen to Auntie, you can tell that this young man isn’t out to attack black women. He’s talking about the culture. 

And yet, @17:45 in…Auntie in the video asks: “Why in the hell are we always so targeted? We as Black Women are consistently here to protect everybody, but there’s not a damn person out here protecting us. And the first person that will attack us are men.” 

In listening to Auntie, she’s not ghetto. She doesn’t sound like the kind of woman who would contribute to the “noise” that men are talking about…and yet, she takes it as a personal attack.

This is a huge problem that hits at what Shameka Michelle talks about in this panel discussion. Shameka opines that it’s not so much about “defending” each other, but black people are more concerned with “looking bad” in front of the other races. Pride and ego.  

My response is this: Sometimes love looks like hate. Sometimes open rebuke and constructive criticism looks like an attack. (Prov 27:5) 

I get why Auntie and ladies like her would be upset and disappointed. She’s out of touch. But the biggest issue is inability to listen, understand, and take it as constructive criticism is what’s stopping them from getting what they say they want. 

It harkens back to Paul Pierce’s recent comments on a podcast, where he was asked why it seems a lot of Black NBA players get with white women. Again…he was asked! (he’s not just bashing black women out of the blue) 

Paul Pierce states, “Maybe they (white women) appreciate more. And they apologize more.” (see for yourself below) 

“But Rock! I know plenty of black women who have no problem apologizing or showing their appreciation for their men. You guys are just generalizing!” 

That’s correct. We as a society are constantly generalizing. We didn’t create the stereotypes. It sucks that others perpetuate it. But, the only one you can control is yourself.  

If you know Black Women have the stereotype of being unfriendly, loud, uncooperative, and unapproachable…you can combat that by being more friendly, smiling more, soft-spoken, and cooperative. Your call. 

Getting mad at others and telling them to disregard what experience and observation has taught them only works on those who already don’t like to think for themselves (let’s be honest). 

I see a lot of talk about how Black Women are the most educated and career driven. Which is great, if it’s true. Well, being with the kind of man you say you want also comes with requirements. Just like you have a standard for what it takes to be with you, Men also have standards (requirements). 

The problem is, a lot of black women feel entitled to that man without fulfilling the requirements. Their reasons why don’t matter. You’re not entitled to understanding. You’re not entitled to acceptance. And you’re not entitled to have every Black Man withhold themselves from other races just because you say so. 

The sooner you understand that you have to work for everything you want in this world (including love, romance, relationships, and marriage) the better off you’ll be. Instead of buying into the notion that you can behave however you want, and Black Men simply must accept you because they’re black too. 

Think about it…do you really think that Young Man was accepted by his white fiancée and her family just because he walked up and said “you owe me!”? Or…was it because he worked hard, treated people well, and showed his potential for something great? 

Not to mention, again…women are telling on themselves. Thanks to Social Media, we have living proof that some Black Women really hate for men to be happy. 

Here, you have a woman who openly admits that she likes it when Black Women date white men, but she can’t stand it when Black Men date white women. A lot of Black Men have theorized this for years, but they’ve been gas-lit into thinking that’s not true and the black man is just being insecure. 

Black Men Are Rejecting Black Culture, Not Specifically Black Women 

Earlier, Boyce Watkins opined that “it first has to start with us as Black Men. We have to be the masculine strong leaders and the women will then follow.”

When Anton Daniels (also on the panel) is asked about how to change the culture, he said what a lot of men have been thinking for years, “We can’t change it. It needs to die!” 

There are Black Men who have stayed in the communities and they’re doing their best to try and help, but nowhere is it written in the Bible that because we’re black, we have to stay in the “bucket” with the rest of the crabs and die too.  

Instead, the Jesus tells us that our family, our community isn’t based on race or ethnicity, but by our desire to do the will of the Father. (Matt 12:46-50) It doesn’t matter if you’re black or white. If you’re striving to put God first, you are my community. You are my culture. You will be my wife.

That isn’t to say Christians can’t go into the ghettos to preach and minister…but when it comes to marriage and trying to start a family, it’d be extremely foolish to marry a non-believer or raise your children in a community where they’re surrounded by kids raised in a single-parent home. 

Over 70% of black children are raised in fatherless homes. Thus, it’s reasonable to not want to raise your children in predominantly black communities unless you have no choice. 

I’m pointing this out, because between men and women, it seems women are more likely to stick with the Black Community. Some will say it’s out of loyalty, to grandstand on some moral high ground about how they’re better than the Black Men who have abandoned ship. 

But the truth is, just like Black Men are criticized for dating outside their race…Black Women are also criticized for not following the herd/sisterhood/community. They created terms like “Pick-Mes” to shame women from being that kind, submissive traditional woman that men want. 

And when they see Black Men with White Women, that disappointment isn’t just because they’re rejecting black women, it’s because they’re rejecting the community and culture. 

Is White Culture Simply Better than Black Culture? 

“Just say it, Rock! You think white culture is better than black culture!” 

Generally speaking…Yep, that’s exactly what I think! The below Instagram reel is a ten-year comparison of South Africa before and after White People left it. 

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by The West Revival (@thewestrevival)

There are some black people who prefer the inner cities where there’s graffiti on the walls, bass-heavy music bumping for cars, kids walking down the streets with their pants down, and the pungent odor of marijuana in the air.

Am I wrong because I prefer gated communities where the streets are clean? Where I can breathe fresh air, with curated trees, landscaped aesthetics. Where I can jog down the sidewalks without getting held up, robbed, or targeted by someone thinking an easy mark? 

“Rock, that’s not all black communities! You’ve been watching too much TV or something. There are plenty of black people who live in clean gated communities and can go for jogs without any fear.” 

Then clearly, I’m not talking about whatever community you’re referring to! And you know it! Let’s stop acting so stupid in these conversations! You know exactly what I’m talking about.  

Can you make those same statements about New Orlean’s 7^th Ward, or Chicago’s O-Block, or the streets of Baltimore, Memphis, Compton, South Central LA, Detroit, or Liberty City Miami? Every major city in America has its good parts and the parts we warn tourists to stay away from. The parts we try to stay away from are the black parts of town.

And please…blaming white people doesn’t work anymore. Even if you bring up anything they did that affected us in the past, we can still choose what we do today.   

More and more people, both black and whites, are opening up with honest conversations about how much better it is to be a part of the “white neighborhoods”. Even some of the most pro-black celebrity, athletes, and entertainers all live in upper class white neighborhoods (like LeBron James and the BLM founder). 

Black Women are Attacked…by Other Women 

I think I’ll leave it with this. Because I do think Black Women are constantly being attacked, but by other Black Women.

Some attacks are blatant. Like the pregnant black woman who was jumped and beaten by her own “friends” at her baby shower. Or this Black woman who was run over by her friends. Or this Black Woman who attacked Zion Williamson’s baby momma.  

We can talk about the black sprinter who attacked another black sprinter in front of her with a baton. Or Tamia Taylor who was killed on her birthday on a Tennessee River Cruise. Or the killing of Shanquella Robinson who was jumped by her black female friends on a trip to Mexico.  

“Oh, so you not going to bring up all the black men who abuse they wives and girlfriends!?” 

That’s kind of the point of my essay. Accountability. For those women to be wives and girlfriends, it means they chose to entertain relationships with awful men. Even Cassie Ventura isn’t completely innocent in all the freak-offs she did with P. Diddy. 

“Nah-uh, Rock! Sometimes we don’t have a choice!” 

Another way to say that is, “you didn’t know what to do?”  

And if I tell you what you can do, will you listen? Or will you get defensive, take it as an attack, and claim that I’m bashing you? 

There’s always a choice. Always.  

Epilogue. My Compassion and Understanding 

I also want to say, that I get it. A lot of people don’t understand that millions of black boys and girls had no choice in being born into broken homes where, from day one, they’re taught to see themselves as victims, and thus, everything they do is justified or it’s because the world owes them. 

This is no small thing. Take this little girl for example. I’ve seen that one and other videos where little children are attacking cops and calling them pigs and racist. Where do you think they got that from if not their parents just downloading all the hate and prejudice into these little children? 

When outsiders tell these kids that not every white person is racist, or that most cops aren’t out to kill them and the world’s not out to get them, I think they subconsciously have to reject all that because accepting the truth may lead to realization that they’ve been lied to, that their parents set them up for failure, or their culture might be inferior to other ethnicities. 

With compassion, I’m here to tell you that the world doesn’t owe you. And that’s alright because you have potential and coming up the hard way will make you 10x stronger.  

You have the power to choose your own path. That is true “independence,” where you’re not waiting or relying on someone to give you an apology or justice or fairness or equality. You simply pick yourself up and start working for everything you got.  

Leave the hate, spite, and animosity behind. Don’t pass it down. Yes, others might bring that negativity to you, but you don’t have to perpetuate it. Yes, you might still experience racism, but you don’t have to be racist yourself just because it wasn’t fair that they did it to you.  

Leave it to God. Christ will return and destroy all wickedness. You can either fall with the wicked, or endure with the righteous, having suffered with the hope that’s been poured into our hearts. (Romans 5: 1-5) 

So, everything I said, while it may hurt and sound incredibly offensive…I encourage you to take it as constructive criticism. You can’t change the past, but you can control how you move from here on out. If you need help, start here and keep reading