We need to talk about how Christian Men are constantly being mocked and rejected by ladies who also claim to be Christians themselves. This is a problem.
By “Christian Men,” I’m not talking about the lukewarm Christians or those who are Christian-in-Name-Only. Those guys are fine. Women love those guys. I’m talking about the true God-fearing, Bible-Practicing Christians.
This essay is inspired by this video where multiple women criticize Christian men for being corny. One woman asked, “Why are Christian Men corny? Why don’t they have swag?”
POINTS DISCUSSED:
- She Wants a Thug in a Suit
- The Pressure for You to be a Little “Less” Christian
- They Claim They Want a Christian, But Not Really…
- We’re Not Supposed to Be “With the World”
- Why Hip Hop is a Problem…
- The Problem with Claiming You want a “Battle-Tested” Christian
- Christian “Church Boys” are More Charismatic than You Think
She Wants a Thug in a Suit
She claims she wants a man of God, but that they just seem too lame and they don’t walk like the other men do. She says they don’t have that swaggering charisma.
By “swaggering charisma,” we all know what she’s talking about. That edge. That slight hint of danger. The “thug in a suit.” A 50 Cent with a heart of gold. She’s talking about the stereotypes of someone who appears to be into hip hop, whether it’s a male athlete, celebrity, or entertainer. We can reasonably assume this, because we all know there are indeed charismatic men in the church (jump to last point).
Not to mention a woman plainly stated: “I wanted someone who probably sold drugs once upon a time, but they gave they life to Jesus.”
There’s nothing wrong with having a preference. Everyone’s free to desire what they want in a partner. But I do find it odd that she’s complaining. Surely there are all kinds of men, ex-high school football players and hip hop fans out there who are all replete with that charisma she finds appealing.
Even IN THE CHURCH, you’ll find men who leave their Christianity at the door as soon as they leave the building on Sundays, only to blast the hardest rap songs you’ve ever heard.
So, why make the video? Why is she targeting the ones who she finds “corny”?
The Pressure for You to be a Little “Less” Christian
Obviously, I have all kinds of theories ranging from:
- She wants what she can’t have
- She hates that she knows she doesn’t qualify for a man like that.
- To protect her ego, she has to make up a flaw to justify why she isn’t attracted to him so she doesn’t feel like she’s the problem for not wanting a Godly man.
What do I mean? Well…it’s not HER fault that she isn’t attracted to this man who exudes Christ-like qualities. It’s HIS fault for being bland, boring, and having no charisma. Ironically, these are often the same ladies who think Christian women shouldn’t have to work out, stay in shape, and make herself visually appealing to be attractive to a man. Nope…that’s still HIS fault for wanting a woman who’s pleasing to the eye.
This isn’t just to avoid accountability…but it’s also to help her feel good about her bad decisions. It’s why they belittle the good men and say they want the bad boy. They’ll say it’s because the good man doesn’t make her feel safe while the bad boy does. But that’s a cop-out. As if Good Men aren’t out here hitting the gyms or played football growing up.
They Claim They Want a Christian, But Not Really…
“Hang, Rock! What are you talking about? How does she not qualify for a man like that? If he’s the one who’s corny, why do you think she wants him but can’t have him?”
I’m glad you asked, and that’s what I’m going to focus on for the rest of this essay.
Because I think there’s something deeply Satanic happening. By Satanic, I’m not saying she isn’t a Christian or that she follows Satan. But I use “Satanic” to describe anything that stands to influence or pressure a Christian from obeying God.
Meaning, if the Bible tells me to not to do something, but you encourage me to go ahead and do it…that’s Satanic.
When it comes to that “Swagger” and charisma she claims she wants in a man…I understand what she’s saying.
But it’s kind of like how some women claim they want to be like Beyoncé, but they don’t want to put in the work it takes to be her, like all the sacrifice it takes to look fit and put on the best performance.
If you claim you want a Christian Man, you need to understand that he’s not going to walk “like other men do.”
We’re not supposed to.
We’re Not Supposed to Be “With the World”
At John 15, starting in verse 18, Jesus Christ taught us that if we were like “other men,” we would be accepted by the world because the world loves its own. But because we belong to Jesus, the world will hate us because the world hated Jesus.
And therein lies the rub.
A lot of people (not just ladies) aren’t as Christian as they think. And instead of humbling themselves to obey the word of God, which requires reading the Bible…it’s much easier to put pressure on practicing Christians, to get them to chill out. So, you don’t feel so bad about your own neglect and lukewarm attitude about following “the rules”.
It’s like being in school where everyone’s given homework…If NO ONE completed the assignment, you probably wouldn’t feel so bad. However, if a few students did, and worse, they talk about their homework openly, they’ll likely to draw ire and be sneered by those hoping the teacher forgets or never calls for their assignments.
“Hang on, Rock! You act like it’s not Christian to have swag or charisma! Where is that written in the Bible? Where is it written that Hip hop is bad? Or style and fashion isn’t good?”
Well…the Scriptures talk about purity and being wholesome. 1 Peter 1:14–16 tells us that we’re to be holy in all our conduct, since it is written, “you shall be holy, for I am holy.”
The word “holy” itself means “set apart.” So, if the rest of the world is indulging in sinful behavior and doing the opposite of “loving your neighbor,” then we shouldn’t be emulating them.
Why Hip Hop is a Problem…
When it comes to Hip Hop, there’s a saying that, “Hip hop is the art of making bad things seem cool.”
Even if that’s not what you personally believe as a fan of hip hop, unfortunately, that is the perception it carries. Of course, we know that “not all” rappers or people who embrace hip hop are criminals, thugs, and bad boys. Not everyone who dresses like a Magic City Stripper is actually a stripper. We get it.
The problem is, a lot of them are. By you dressing like that, it does come across that you think the culture is cool or you want to be part of it.
Think about it this way. When you see a bunch of black dudes dressed like the fellas in a Wu-Tang Video, does the words “love” or “happiness” come to mind?
When you see the boys from N.W.A. walking down the street talking about, “Straight Outta Compton,” do they look like they’re up to treat everyone with love, respect, and kindness? Or do they exude anger, resentment, and couldn’t care less about your comfort and well-being?
“Well, Rock! They have every reason to be upset and angry. It’s called Reality Raps. They’re talking about the systemic issues they’ve had to deal with when it comes to poverty, drugs, and police brutality!”
Let’s say I buy all of that. Let’s say I take your word and assume that by dressing like them, you just want to show support for their causes.
Should that be your priority? Is exuding anger, resentment, and rebelliousness more important than exuding peace, love, and harmony?
Ask yourself, “What’s more important?” Being associated with whatever your brand of hip hop stands for? Or being associated with our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ?
And of course, this is all assuming that I really do buy into the notion that people are only embracing hip hop and hood culture to show support. Truth is, I don’t buy into that.
Black Culture in America took a swift decline during the 90s when Hip Hop took over, the West Coast and East Coast beef between Tupac and Biggie. Yes, the music had a lot to do with it. But if we’re going to get deeper, I think hip hop truly began to spread because of two things. Fear and Women.
When it comes to Women, it’s exactly as the title of this essay suggests, women praising the bad boys and looking down on the good guys. As former Boxing Champ Bernard Hopkins once explained, when you walk outside and see all a guy pulling all the hottest women, it has an effect on you.
I’ll let Tupac tell you himself in this video below.
And when it comes to “Fear”…well, Gangsta Rap is a huge part of hip hop. The Crips, the Bloods, the Dope Boys, the street crews and gangs of New York…if you’re trying to be a good black boy, going to school and get good grades and you run into kids who look like gang members…it’s concerning.
And what I believe has happened, especially with the rise of Single Mothers and fathers not living in the household…a lot of men have subconsciously adapted the mentality of “it’s better to join them than be targeted by them.”
Even in the early 2000s, where gangsta rap faded in place of a brand of hip hop that favored money, sex, and materialism (Air Force Ones)…unless you joined the herd, you were still picked on for being lame and corny with them knock off Jordans. Again, you don’t want to be a victim, you don’t want to be rejected, so join them. Join the herd. Do what the world is doing.
Christians don’t.
True Bible practicing Christians can live in this world, they may wear good clothes, drive good cars, and they may even pick up some of the slang and lingo of the culture, but at the end of the day…we reject the world in favor of how Christ calls us to live. This means, he probably isn’t going to have that hip hop inspired swag and worldly charisma you’re so fond of.
The Problem with Claiming You want a “Battle-Tested” Christian
The thing that prompted me to write this essay…was a comment someone left on that video.
First off, it’s messed up and very telling that the ladies talking about how corny Christians are got over 50,000 likes. Implying over 50,000 people agreed with her sentiments. But then, someone left a comment that got over 3,000 likes and it stated:
“She wants a man of God that’s been battle-tested by the world. Not a church boy who grew up in religion.”
Over 3,000 people seemingly agreed with that statement. And yet, it struck me. It’s clever…as in, cleverly satanic.
The statement might sound innocuous, as if they’re saying she wants a strong, masculine, Christian who has the strength to fight against the world. That’s what every woman SHOULD want, right?
But why add that bit about how she doesn’t want a “church boy who grew up in the church”?
For those still scrambling for the pieces, let me help you out. All this is, is a wicked shaming tactic designed to influence Christian Men to leave the church, to go out and make mistakes, to do as the world is doing, and maybe you can come back later just to be able to say, “I’ve been there and done that.“
Even in the church, you’ll find no shortage of Christians who talk about how they found their Christian spouses only after they ran the streets and did whatever they wanted to do in their 20s.
All of this inadvertently sends the message to young up-and-coming Christians that it’s cool to run with the world and embrace sin, just for a time.
So, let me ask you something…what do you think is more impressive and good in God’s eyes? The one who strays from the flock to do whatever he wants only to come back later? Or the one who stays with the flock, resists the world through obedience to God, and endures to the end?
“But Rock, everyone stumbles. We all fall short. Even you. None of us are perfect.”
True, but encouraging Christians to disobey God, encouraging them to deliberately put themselves out there to “fall short” just so they can be seen as “Battle Tested” in your eyes…that is evil. Right?
Name one scripture where God encourages us to try out Satan, just to see what it’s like.
Name one verse where God calls on us to “dabble a bit” in sexual immorality or our own selfish human impulses.
Name one scripture where Jehovah encourages us to leave him alone, to leave Christianity at the door just to get ahead in this world.
Because here’s the truth, ladies and gentlemen. You can actually be “Battle Tested” and a church boy who grew up in the church at the same time. Allow me to use myself as an example.
When I was 23, I started taking acting classes down in Clearwater, Florida. Gradually, I learned that everyone in the class were all Scientologists or studying to be Scientologists. At that time, I wasn’t fully committed as a Christian, but I was raised in the truth to know right from wrong.
Scientology has a lot of enticing beliefs that would’ve served me well at the time. But after four months of learning what it was about, I rejected Scientology.
Why? Because I know Jehovah is a jealous God and we should worship no other. I believed that Scientologists worshiped L. Ron Hubbard so I chose to leave them alone.
You see? To say you want a Battle Tested Christian should imply you want someone who’s faith is strong enough to reject the temptations of this world. And if his faith is really strong and Battle Tested, then he’d also reject a woman like you who wants him to adapt the swag and charisma of the world.
Thus, to claim, “You want a battle tested Christian and not a church boy” is about as silly as saying you want an “Amazing teacher not a Harvard educated professor.”
“No, Rock! I think you’re being intellectually dishonest! You know good and well the ‘church boy’ we’re talking about are those who eat, breath, and talk about Jesus and all they know is their church community. There’s nothing wrong with wanting a man with more substance and experience. And yes, you can be a Christian who grew up in the church, still has faith, but also has a sense of edge or swagger to him. It’s not all about hip hop.”
I can agree with some of that…but again…why post the video making fun of the “church boys”?
“Why do you keep going back to that? Let’s say she did mock them a little in her tone. The point still stands. Women will always be attracted to what we perceive as strong masculinity, which can be exuded through his swagger and charisma.”
Alright, let’s say you’re right. Here’s a question. What’s more important? His faith and obedience to God, or his swaggering masculinity?
And yes, I agree that it is possible to have both, but again, which is more important?
If you say faith and obedience to God is more important, then I don’t believe for one second that anyone would then mock and belittle a man for it.
But because she did, with over 50,000 likes…I’m of the opinion that her priorities are messed up and she should be called out and shamed for it.
How many times have women used the argument of how Christian men still cheat on their wives and divorce them? How many times have women said that there’s more sexual immorality in the church than outside it? If they’re right about all of this, why do you think that’s happening?
It’s like I say, “If it’s true that you keep attracting men who have no honor, it could be because you yourself have no honor.”
Similarly, if it’s true that you keep attracting self-proclaimed Christians who aren’t as Christians as they think…it could be because you yourself aren’t as Christian as you think.
Christian “Church Boys” are More Charismatic than You Think
Lastly, let’s stop acting like there aren’t charismatic men growing up in the church. Anyone who truly grew up in a Christian Community, you know it’s just like any other community. You have your quiet types, your introverts…and you got your outgoing extroverts.
These aren’t just normal extroverts…they exude energy! Their love for Christ is like a radiating sun and it shines on everyone they meet.
It reminds me of this Reel of decent, pretty, young black ladies where the running joke is how they’re ready to ruin an introvert’s day – https://www.tiktok.com/@campusrushac/video/7425656648217169157
Pastors, missionaries, and anyone deeply involved in Bible groups and youth ministries are more or less trained to be sociable. Think about it. How are they going to be able to “spread the Gospels” as Christ commanded if they don’t have the social skills to connect and interact with others?
My point being, the church is where you’ll find some of the most charismatic amazing personalities you’ll ever meet! – https://www.tiktok.com/@thechadlife_/video/7370813274192891179
Problem is…they don’t have the kind of “swag” worldly people like. With a smile on their face, exuding the optimism and positivity…they’re perceived as corny or lame to the wicked. That’s exactly what’s going on.
It’s almost the same way a lot of people like to make fun of Chic-Fil-A employees. If you’re day is ruined by someone treating you with kindness and positive energy…sad to say, you’re the problem. Not them. I encourage you to talk to someone and seek help (seriously).
I’ll say this and I’ll leave it alone…if the kind of swag and charisma you’re attracted to requires me watching and learning from the Love and Hip Hop Shows, the Real Housewife Shows, or learning from those who were inspired by thugs, players, people who grew up and carry hood mentalities, and listen to rap that talks about killing ninjas, getting p***y, smoking blunts, and getting drunk…I’d encourage you to do some reflecting.
You should celebrate, admire, and be inspired by the “Church Boys” who have the faith and strength to reject the influences of the world. Or…keep doing what you’re doing. Find your thug in a suit. See if it works out.
Stage In The Sky 