Stage In The Sky

Yesterday, on April 5^th 2025…I got married to a woman I found on a Dating App! In my last two posts, I detailed the many failed attempts I had with women I met online. But by the grace of God…I knew Julia was wife material and it didn’t take years for me to figure it out. Let’s talk about it.

Hopefully this will encourage others to be patient, trust in God, and use your best discernment. I’m 38-years-old. Julia is 30. Good men and women are out there. We’re just rare and not many qualify for us, if I may be so bold to say so myself.

Points Discussed:

1. Who is Julia – My Future Wife
2. I Chose Not to Play Two Women:
3. She’s Not a Stereotypical Black Woman
4. I’m Not Compatible with A LOT OF WOMEN:
5. Dating by Your Own Rules:
6. The Art of Conversation:

Who is Julia – My Future Wife

I found Julia’s Match.com profile on May 5^th 2024, while I was still talking to Crystal. If you’ll recall from my failed Matches, Crystal was the single mother who originally ghosted me, but came back after a month to see if she could make things work with me.

However, even after Crystal came back, she was giving me the same Communication Issues that Sonia gave me. The kind where I sent a simple “how’s your day going?” text at 5pm and Crystal waited until 11am the next morning to respond and gave no apology or explanation as to why it took so long.

And yes…people…that did take too long. We’re talking about hours from 6pm all the way up to 10pm where a modern day woman saw my text message and didn’t see fit for one minute to get back to me.

“What makes you think you deserve an explanation or apology, Rock?”

I don’t think I “deserve” it. But ladies, if you want to give someone the impression that they’re important to you, or that you’re interested in them…that is what you do! You respond sooner than later. It demonstrates that regardless of what you got going on in your life, you’re really interested in making it work with this person.

And if you have a legit reason as to why you didn’t get back to them sooner, you explain yourself because it shows that you don’t want the other person to move on or think that you’re not interested. A simply “sorry” demonstrates compassion and consideration, it shows that you’re aware of how they might feel about you not responding.

If you don’t…you risk demonstrating the opposite to the person. That’s you’re inconsiderate. That you’re not interested. That you don’t think this person is important. That you think they should just wait and be thankful to hear back from you whenever you do.

I say you “risk it” because everyone is different. Maybe some men don’t mind either way and that guy’s the perfect match for you. I’m not.

After going through this nonsense with Sonia, I wasn’t about to tolerate it from a woman who already ghosted me before. So, while I was still technically talking to Crystal…I went back to Match.com and kept looking.

It was a Sunday afternoon on May 5^th, 2024. I had just come back from my first trip to New York City and Philadelphia. And I came across the profile and photo of this 29-year-old in sexy teacher glasses. Julia was a business major working in the Orlando area.

First impressions, there were a lot of green flags just from the wisdom of her profile pic. From her glasses, her pose, her choice attire, and that smile, I could discern a lot about this woman.

The most important one was, “she looks like she’ll be pleasant to deal with.”

And yes…by pleasant, I mean easy.

She doesn’t give the impression that she’s a “bad b****” or a “boss bae” who cares about being strong, fierce, and independent. She comes off as soft, feminine, and every other stereotype of the “girly girl” that I grew up in the 90s to love and appreciate.

I even saw the wisdom in her wearing the Happy New Year 2024 placement. It tells me the photo is recent, so I didn’t have to wonder how old the picture was!

Mind you, I’m not sure how analytical and discerning most men are, ladies…so don’t be bothered by my deductions. I’m sure most guys aren’t going to be looking for all these clues to figure her out from the get-go. I’m just built different and my time is valuable.

And with me being 37, I also like that she was only 29-years-old, the youngest I’ve matched with in a long time. So, she’s still of child-bearing age, no children, she’s black and beautiful.

Julia would later admit that she was talking to some other guys when I first reached out to her, but it didn’t take long for me to beat out the competition and get her full attention. (Apparently, Julia wasn’t looking for a drug dealer)

It was my ability to conversate, asking the right questions and responding with complete sentences and levity, essentially deep correspondences instead of surface level small talk.

For instance, she said I was the first guy she talked to who dug deep and asked follow-up questions about her father. I guess other dudes didn’t care enough to pry. The questions I asked demonstrated that I wanted to know who she was as a person. She appreciated that.

I Chose Not to Play Two Women:

Remember…I found Julia’s Match.com profile on Sunday May 5^th 2024. At that time, I was still technically talking to Crystal, the single mother from Orlando who ghosted me, came back, and was now taking her sweet-ass time texting me back as if a relationship with me was no big deal.

For three days, Julia and I were sending messages back and forth. I enjoyed our conversations and was starting to warm up to her. She seemed to have a good head on her shoulders. She was wise and cautious in the beginning. And she was definitely kind and considerate. She wasted no time responding to my DMs and text messages. Things were good.

So, lo and behold…as I’m getting to know Julia, Crystal finally responds back to me. I hadn’t heard from Crystal in over three days.

By that Wednesday, May 8^th, Crystal sends me this message, “Hey! I was thinking about taking the drive out to Tampa to come see you this weekend. Maybe we can grab some lunch and go shopping for those clothes to improve your swag. Lolol.”

This was tricky. I had only known Julia for three days. Whereas, aside from the month where she ghosted me, I had known Crystal for a few months.

I know a lot of guys would’ve been like, “Bro…you’re not in a committed relationship. You’re just in the talking stages. You can keep talking to both of them. No reason to limit yourself to one girl if you aren’t even exclusive yet.”

Maybe…lol, but I’m just not built like that. Even with all the Manosphere and Red Pill content I consume, I’m not the “they’re doing it, so we can do it too” kind of guy. I don’t think that’s being a “nice guy”…I just believe in being a “good man”.

For Crystal to drive two hours out of her way just to come see me while I barely had any feelings for her and was pouring my hopes and anticipation into another woman…I wouldn’t like that if it was done to me. So, I wasn’t about to do it to Crystal.

After taking an hour to deliberate with a heavy heart, I responded to Crystal and said: “Hey Crystal. So, no lie…if you sent me this on Sunday, I would’ve been like, ‘that sounds great!’. But on Monday, a new girl just started talking to me. I’m gonna give her a shot and see where it goes.”

Surprisingly, she responded back in a timely fashion. Also, surprising, she seemed to appreciate my honesty and wished me well with this new girl. We ended things amicably, so I walked away with no sour feelings toward Crystal. I hope she finds someone.

She’s Not a Stereotypical Black Woman

So, let me tell you a little bit more about my beloved Julia.

Based in the Orlando area, Julia was a 29-year-old HR manager for a blue-collar company. She’s a 2^nd generation Haitian-American in a traditional household with a Christian upbringing. As the 2^nd eldest of seven siblings, Julia had to serve as a mother figure for her younger siblings, the youngest being ten when I met her, and two of her younger brothers being disabled.

So, it was interesting. If I had one positive thing to say about Single Mothers, I do think that being pushed into motherhood prompts a woman to change what she’s looking for in a mate, as opposed to the responsibility-free woman straight out of college who prioritizes pleasure, looks, and fun.

With Julia…because she had to be a mother for her younger siblings, bathing them, feeding them, and taking care of their school needs, I believe this taught her to prioritize values in a man that would make for a dutiful husband and devoted father. It also instilled her with qualities that I find endearing, like self-sacrifice, serving others, being compassionate and caring.

And on top of all of that…she’s kind. When she talks about having to take care of her siblings, she did so with such love and grace. She didn’t make it sound like it was a burden.

However, by the time she met me…she admitted that she was willing to make a change because she had given most of her life to putting on the cape and being a Superwoman for her siblings.

Anytime they needed something, she’d drop whatever she was doing to help them…and by 2024, that was starting to affect her mental health. She recognized the need for a change. It was one of the first things we discussed on Match.com.

I titled this sub-heading “She’s Not a Stereotypical Black Woman”…because it’s true. Heads-up, I’m about to attack the stereotypes…not Black Women, but the stereotypes. So, if you’re already offended, you might want to stop reading now, because I’m about to go in.

“Nah-uh, Rock! You can uplift your wife without bashing black women!”

Again…it’s the stereotypes I’m bashing and I’m clearly doing it because I think it needs to be done. (seriously, it’s why Kevin Samuels was needed)

One of the first things I told my dad that Julia had working for her, is that she wasn’t indoctrinated by generations of “systemic cultural issues” that’s plagued the relationships between black men and women in America. Her parents were in Haiti when LBJ’s “Great Society” plan ruined the dynamics of the Black Family forever.

That’s important because TOO MANY people tend to rely on the excuses. Like this Instagram Reel of a white man asking Clarissa Shields if she could use her headphones on the treadmill, and a black comment said “You know what else is inconsiderate? Slavery,” as if that makes it okay to be rude and inconsiderate as black people.

When you point out what’s wrong or why black people aren’t getting together, they’ll hit you with every reason in the book as if to say, “this is why I am the way I am, so shut up and deal with me.”

Instead of focusing on “I recognized that this happened in the past, but this is how I’m going to change.”

Julia was raised with traditional Christian values when it comes to the roles of men and women. She understands that a man’s role is to protect, provide, and lead. Her role is that of a helpmate, to support my leadership as head of our future family. I didn’t brainwash her. I didn’t manipulate or coax her to think and understand this.

She knew all of this before I even met her. This is important because, believe it or not, I don’t want to “lord over” my woman. Contrary to the popular opinion, there is a reluctance even in good men to be the male leaders God calls us to be when you’re trapped in a world that demonizes anyone who dares to tell a woman what they can or can’t do.

Especially, black women. Recently, Phylicia Rashad did, as God calls on women to do (Titus 2:3), by admonishing young black women for their indecent and promiscuous ways. And even SHE is getting hate and bashed. Can you imagine the difficulty of a black man trying to talk to them? Can you imagine the difficulty of trying to teach them without constantly being hit with accusations of being “patronizing” or condescending or misogyny or that I’m grooming her?

So me to find Julia…who blows every stereotype about modern women out of the water in that she listens, she’s soft, feminine, graceful, assertive when she needs to be, but generally soft spoken…I’d be an idiot to pass on her. Also, she loves the traditionally masculine traits that so many deem toxic, like my competitiveness and the drive to work hard and constantly improve.

And culturally…we see eye- to-eye on how a lot of popular black culture is trash, like today’s hip hop and the dating culture.

With her being a black woman and talking about this openly of her own volition…that is a huge Green Flag for me. Trust me when I say, finding someone like Julia regardless of her Christianity or Conservative values, who isn’t going to cape up for the “Sisterhood” or act like I’m criticizing her as an individual just because I’m criticizing the culture…that is rare!

During one of our first dates, Julia mentioned how in Haitian culture, one of the biggest problems with the people is that black people tend to be jealous of each other. My jaw dropped when she said this.

It’s like, she was speaking my exact thoughts. We agreed that the main ones holding black people down are other black people. No…we’re not “self-hating blacks” nor do we “wish we were white.” We just got good common sense like a lot of black people who can see what’s going on.

Furthermore…we’re American! Being black doesn’t confine us to only liking one genre or voting for one party or dressing and talking a certain way. We can listen to whatever we want and vote however we want because we were emancipated in the 1860s. Being black doesn’t make us a slave to anything. We’re free to make up our own minds and like what we want.

Lol, I say all that to say…Julia’s favorite singer is Celine Dion. Hahaha! I thought that was so charming. She also likes some hip hop, the Backstreet Boys and rock music like Breaking Benjamin and Nickelback. Bro…she’s perfect!

I was going to create a subheading on how there’s no need to grab a passport and support the Passport Bros movement, but I think I’ve made my case. There are still foreigners and second-generation Americans who come to this country and still haven’t been infected by Feminism and Progressive Ideologies. I found one.

On Christmas night 2024, Julia watched Eddie Murphy’s “Raw” for the first time and she was shocked to see a lot of the issues we’re facing today were prevalent back then. Heads up, the clip below has cursing in it.

There’s a part where Eddie Murphy is talking about vindictive women wanting to take “Half” in a trivial divorce, so Eddie aspires to get an African “Bush” woman (Unfufu) who isn’t corrupted by American woman.

“Hold up, Rock! So, basically, it sounds like you’re saying you just want a subservient woman who always agrees with you?”

Why would I want a woman who’s always disagreeing with me?

Not to mention, and this is super important to keep in mind…what if I do have a proven track record of simply being right?

Think about it, ladies! Would you want to be with a man who’s constantly wrong about everything? About you? About what you want? About how to lead the family? About how to raise the kids? About how to provide and protect the family?

Wouldn’t you want to be with a man who’s demonstrated the ability to think things through, have back up plans, and then proves himself by following through?

Leading me to my next sub-heading…

I’m Not Compatible with A LOT OF WOMEN:

In one of my Youtube videos, a commenter asserted that I have an INTJ Personality. That link goes into detail, but I have this fun image of paradoxes below…because it really does describe me to a T.

At my age, I’ve discerned that it can’t be easy for most modern America Millennial woman to be with a man like me. I am judgmental. I over-analyze. And I don’t blindly follow the herd or give into popular trends because I know they’ve been dictated by the cool kids.

I also don’t self-deprecate or diminish myself just so the people around me don’t feel inferior. We’ve all seen “that guy” who constantly belittles his own accomplishments to appear humble, even though we all know he’s the best. Yeah…I don’t do that.

Donovan Sharpe said long ago, “A lot of women are simply looking for someone who’s just as messed up as they are, so they can feel comfortable about where they are in life.”

And of course, I don’t take the man’s words as Gospel…but personally, it does explain how women can “say” they want a high value man and yet find themselves in relationship with dudes have nothing going for themselves.

When ladies see that lost 178lbs, or that I published my own novels, or that I’ve read the entire Bible twice, or that I’m a virgin who resisted temptation, drugs, and stupid cultural vices just to fit in, or that I hit the two different gyms 6x a week…If you’re not raised to admire that level of hard work and discipline, I can come off as intimidating or even full of myself for even recognizing how far I’ve come.

And no, I don’t lead with any of this or brag about it in every conversation. But if you ask me what I got going on or what I did over the weekend, it might make you feel like you’ve wasted yours.

Furthermore, I believe in male headship as outlined in the Bible. That right there probably eliminates about 95% of modern American women. And part of me gets it. Men do need to prove themselves worthy of being followed before they can be made husbands. But once they are husbands, God calls wives to submit to his leadership. (Ephesians 5)

Why is this important?

Because for the last decade or so, a lot of modern women have been influenced by Feminist led TV, music, and movies to reject the idea of following any man’s lead. Women are taught to be “strong and independent,” and to be the leaders themselves, as if being a follower is weak or beneath them. Snow White’s Rachel Zegler said as much in the video below.

Unless the man is paying you as your employer, a lot of women are repulsed by the idea of being in a friendly or romantic relationship where they see the man mainly calling the shots. Even if his direction was where she wanted to go anyway, there’s always this need for her to feel like she had a hand in the decision making process.

“Why is that a bad thing? Why can’t men stand the fact that a woman has her own opinion or say in a matter?”

You’re missing the point. If the path he chose is the same path you would’ve chosen anyway, why is it so important to you to make sure that he “knows” that he’s also doing it because you say so. Women will say it’s about cooperation or making sure we’re a team…but I think that’s just garbage to conceal their sore egos.

Because if the roles were reversed and my girlfriend/wife did something that helped me and she didn’t get my opinion on it first…I wouldn’t give an ish! Who cares if she didn’t discuss it with me first. I’m just glad she knows me enough to hit the nail on the head.

And that’s the key. If you’re with me, yes, the Bible does call wives to submit to your husbands, but it also calls Husbands to live with our wives in an understanding way (1 Peter 3:7). Which means, he’s going to know and understand you, often before you having to say a word.

“No, Rock! You just mentioned how communication is important. My husband and I talk to each other about every decision that’s made in the home.”

Fair enough…but also my point. Clearly, I wouldn’t be compatible with someone like you. And that’s alright. I’m glad you found someone who works for/with you.

“No, Rock. Julia will need to be the same in order for the marriage to last an…”

Again…Julia is not like other stereotypical women. I’m not compatible with those women. Even in my real life jobs, unless it’s something that I’ll need a company credit card, my employers love how I don’t just wait around, harass them for approvals, or ask a bunch of questions on how to get a job done. Maybe they would if I botched a project or failed to complete tasks…but my track record is strong. It’s the same with Julia.

In college, my professors assessed me perfectly when he said, “Rock’s the kind of person where, all you need to do is tell him what needs to get done. And then get the hell out of his way.”

From planning the trip to Philadelphia, our wedding, or our honeymoon in Vegas, Julia will tell you that I’m top of things. I talked to her about what she wants, and then, for the most part…I’m leading the way to make it happen.

She doesn’t even want to know the details of the honeymoon itinerary because 1) she trusts me, and 2) she loves surprises. (whereas I hate surprises and will research the hell out of everything).

Another reason why this is important, is because if he loves you and wants you to be happy…nine times out of ten, it’s going to be painful to have to tell you, “no.” He wishes he can say yes to everything you want and ask for. So, if he has to tell you no, you need to believe that it wasn’t easy for him to begin with.

To compound that difficulty with attitude, obstinance , and a refusal to follow…means I can’t do my job in leading the family. So…we’re not compatible.

Dating by Your Own Rules:

Trust me when I say the internet has no shortage of rules about what you should or shouldn’t do. There’s this Instagramer who opines that you shouldn’t talk to your girlfriend every day because she won’t miss you if you do. In that same video, another person disagrees with him. Who’s right and who’s wrong?

My advice: the only wrong answer is the one where you’re pretending to be someone you’re not. Remember my Dating Bio from a couple of posts ago? I said:

“I’m the affectionate, lovey-dovey type. I like texting to let you know I’m thinking about you. Or sending a meme every now and then. I hope to find someone who’s the same or even more affectionate than myself. Hold my hand. Nestle up close to me. Reach out for a hug. I know that sounds cheesy or whatever. But those little things are worth more to me than anything you can buy.”

If that doesn’t sound appealing to you, it’s all good. Keep it moving. But if that is the kind of relationship you want, I’m your man.

And sure enough…believe me when I say Julia is the perfect match for me. Ever since our first date, our chemistry, our affection has always been the kind I always wanted. I don’t need to tell her to do this or that. She just does it. She’s a girly girl! She likes to cuddle up with me. She likes kisses. She likes PDA (which I’m still too self-aware of)

But the key to all of this is that I didn’t have to teach her anything. I don’t need to tell her when or how to text me, her communication is exactly what I’ve been looking for. I believe I attracted a woman like Julia because my own communication has always been up front and honest about what I want.

Seriously, how many other 6’3, 240-pound black dudes are out there admitting they’re the “affectionate lovey-dovey types”? …and he’s straight?

The Art of Conversation:

Brace yourself, I get cerebral with this one.

A common piece of advice given to Men is that you shouldn’t be having a lot of text exchanges with a woman. Uncle ABL opined in the video above that you should prioritize setting up the date after you match with her and hold off on all the convos until ya’ll meet up.

Maybe Uncle ABL’s advice makes sense and works for a lot of people. But I am a very busy man and my time is valuable. Seriously, the actual money I’d lose by sacrificing time spent going on a date would be more than the restaurant bill.

Thus, it makes more sense for me to pose a series of elicit questions to figure out if she’s even worth the date. Meaning, you want to ask questions designed to have the other person tell you what you want to know.

“Well, Rock! Isn’t that the point of all questions?”

Yes, but what exactly do you want to know about the person? Asking about her favorite movies and interests can only go so far. Finding out whether she’s loyal, supportive, or has good habits and a lifestyle that suits you…lol, even if you just directly ask the person, chances are they’ll either lie or tell you what they think you want to hear.

So, instead…you ask questions that present scenarios that don’t exactly put them on the spot. For instance, “Tell me about your best friend. How long have you been good friends? Where did you two meet?”

There’s a saying, “Show me who your friends are and I’ll tell you what you are.”

Doesn’t necessarily mean you are “exactly the same” as your friends…but you can make some deductions about why they’re your friends or why you choose to hang around them.

A real-life example, I have a Christian co-worker who complained that she keeps going out on dates with guys who also claimed to be Christian. But all they cared about was sex.

I told her to use my foil-proof question of, “If the world says it’s okay to do something and even has parades for it, but the Bible tells you that God sees that thing as an abomination, which way do you sway? Do you choose God’s way or the world’s?”

My coworker laughed and said, “But, Rock! I’d lose about 90% of the guys if I asked them that.”

People might think being straight forward and cutting to the chase is a sign of desperation…but I don’t. My longest relationship in the past has only lasted 3 months because I have the conversations too many people keep putting off. Thus, they end up in a years-long relationship that should’ve ended from the get-go.

“But, Rock! Why rush everything in the beginning?”

Is that rushing? I think it’s a matter of opinion based on your intentions. If you’re prioritizing getting laid over finding a person who’s compatible for marriage…then yeah, trying to find out the truth about who she is would be rushing it, because it’s not that important in the beginning.

But if you’re waiting until marriage to have sex (as we should), then getting laid and having fun would be considered “rushing it” while asking deep questions should be at the forefront.

Why not? I’m not saying interrogate the person or speak to them as if you’re rattling off questions from a clipboard. Just talk! This is where your courage should come out. I’m talking about the courage to be authentically yourself even if others in the past thought you were lame.

With intelligence, you’re able to discern not just what they tell you, but also what they refrained from telling you. Why didn’t they mention something? Is it something they’re ashamed of?

Even if they use the argument of how something’s “none of your business” to explain why they didn’t tell you about it…it’s interesting how they thought something else WAS some of your business, but this particular thing isn’t.

Here, you’re learning how she thinks, her rationale, or how she attempts to justify herself. These aren’t “deal breakers,” but things to be mindful of.

As a good rule of thumb, it’s better to present yourself as “interested” than go to great lengths to prove you’re “interesting.”

If the person you’re talking to isn’t asking questions to find out more about you, that’s a red flag. It doesn’t necessarily mean they’re “not into you,” but it could be a problem in the sense that they expect to just sit back and be taken care of without putting in any work themselves.

Furthermore, when you get answers…don’t just take them at face value but dig deep! Seriously, when I get a girl’s number, our first conversation can sometimes last for hours. It’s a give-and-take, a show-and-tell. NOT A COMPETITION!

That last part is important, ladies! If he’s trying to impress you with his experiences of having hiked across the Rocky Mountains, maybe don’t respond with how your visit to the Pyramids was more impressive.

Seriously, I saw an Instagram reel last year that had a grown man with his baby daughter. They’re on a luxurious train through some picturesque landscape. And the caption read, “Taking my daughter to see the world so she won’t be impressed with your big-headed sons.”

And while some people thought that was funny, applauding the father, a lot of the comments recognized that the father’s efforts are actually reducing that future woman’s chances of finding a suitable match.

If you raise a woman to have such lofty standards, or a high benchmark of what to expect from a man…you’re cutting out a lot of good men who will likely disqualify themselves. Not to mention the pool of men who are qualified will likely have more women to choose from than your daughter. So now, she has to compete for him. Congrats, champ.

Even before the first date, I tended to ask deep open-ended questions like, “where do you see yourself in three years,” or what are you trying to get out of life? And the trick to all of this is to remain cool and lighthearted, coming off as if there’s no wrong answer here. I’m smiling, smirking at their jokes that I may not find funny.

Earlier, I admitted that I’m judgmental. So, how can I be judgmental and yet come off lighthearted as if there’s no wrong answer? I use plenty of emojis and try not to abuse the “lol”…though, dropping one before a stern statement does the trick.

It’s just a Southern charm. I think a lot of protestants are taught to be this way at an early age, because we’re trained to go out and preach the good news. The best way to do that is to present yourself as open and accepting even though you’re internal core is firmly rooted in the Truth.

Alright…this post is way too long and I’ve rambled on enough. Hope I explained how I found and vetted little Mrs. Julia from an online Dating App.

The next one will go into detail about how I knew she was “the one”. I mean it hasn’t even been a full year yet and I’m already married to this woman! How’d that happen? Stay tuned.