Stage In The Sky

Last night, I got into a debate with an older woman about waiting till marriage to have sex. I told her about the peer pressure I faced and she sided with my old friends who encouraged me to have sex before marriage, saying, “well, I think they’re speaking to you from a place of practicality and common sense.”  

Before I begin, allow me to make some points about faith. What is faith? People have written whole books about it, but for this essay, I want to focus on this notion. “Faith is having a “belief in something not yet seen.” (Hebrew 11:1)” Faith is believing in something that hasn’t happened yet. It’s believing in something that has happened, but you weren’t there to see it for yourself. 

Alright…let’s begin. 

The older woman I conversed with is a 60-something year old widow I befriended at the gym last year. We’ll call her, Stella. Stella seems to have a good heart. She lost her husband about three years ago. We text from time to time, keeping each other’s spirits up. And while she does claim to be Christian, we’ve had several conversations where it’s made clear that she’s very liberal and loose with her Christianity.  

What I mean by that…is she’s one of those Christians who openly says things like, “I don’t see anything wrong with homosexuality” despite my having directed her to the places in the Bible where God makes it clear how he feels about it. I’ve invited her to this new church group I joined, but I warned her that we are true followers of the Bible. Our last Wednesday night meeting would’ve likely upset Stella because almost everyone in the room basically harped on Pride Month.  

So, last night, as we often do after our workout sessions, Stella and I sat in the gym lobby and struck up conversations about life. Somehow the topic of how it’s not easy to resist temptation came up. I told her about when I was 28 and had to face unbelievable peer pressure right when I was in the midst of committing myself to be a true Christian. 

During that time, I had two worldly friends who may have meant well…but I remember one night after work, we were in the parking lot, and they were just trying their best to persuade me to go have sex and get laid. To them, there didn’t seem to be a more pivotal moment for a man in his life than losing his virginity and gaining sexual experience.  

They knew I was a virgin who was determined to wait and they argued against it. I told Stella how it really felt like Satan and his demons had possessed these two to attack my faith because their arguments were so strong and convincing. They acted like it was dire, as if I didn’t have sex before I turned 30, then all hope was lost. That no woman would want to be with me or even marry me because they aren’t attracted to virgins or those who lack sexual experience. 

Given what I knew about the world, these “friends” made a lot of sense. And the fear of never getting married, of spending the rest of my life alone was incredibly real and hit close to home. That does happen. There’s a phrase for it. It’s called “lifelong bachelor”. I don’t want to be that, so what do I do?  

I choose to put my faith in God. I listened to my “friends,” but I told them, “I hear you guys. But this is what it means to have faith. I’m choosing to trust in God and believe in the Bible. It might not happen. I may end up dying a virgin, having lived most of my life alone. But either way, I trust that God knows what’s best for me.” 

Now…I know that sounds incredibly naïve to the layman. But remember what I said about faith. You don’t know what you don’t know. What I mean by that is sometimes what we want in a given moment, if we DON’T get it, we often think it’s the end of the world. As if we missed out and now our lives are ruined. 

But what if I told you that what God has in store for you is actually 10x better than what you wanted in the heat of that moment? Food for thought. 

After hearing my friends’ arguments, Stella said, “Well, yeah. I mean, your friends are coming from a place of practicality and common sense.” 

She said, “I mean, as you get older, you’re likely going to run into women who also have a level of sexual experience that you don’t have. So, they were probably trying to help you to be more practical.”  

Not gonna lie, her words pricked at my heart. That happens often when you converse with someone who “claims” to be Christian, but their ideology doesn’t align with the Scriptures. So, you aren’t prepared. And by “prepared,” I mean you don’t have your shield up ready to fend off those arrows designed to attack your faith (Ephesians 6: 10-20).  

With respect and a calm tone, I responded with, “No, I think my friends were speaking from a secular place of non-belief. What they were telling me makes sense if you don’t believe in the Bible. And they don’t. One was an agnostic and the other was flat-out atheist. But I understand what you’re saying. If you don’t believe in what the Bible says or have faith, of course you’re going to think it’s the end of the world if you don’t engage in the hook-up culture. But for those of us who do have faith, it’s definitely practical to trust in God.” 

I saw the look on her face and gathered that she understood the implications I was making. I wasn’t trying to be disrespectful, but I stand by my words. I think it’s important that she and other lukewarm Christians like her, they need to understand what it means to put God first. 

Let’s say you get married and you want to put your spouse first. You’re loyal to them, and you want to do everything you can to please them. If that spouse told you that they don’t like tattoos, but you really want to get a tattoo…are you putting them first by getting that tattoo? Or did you put yourself first? 

Here is where people usually say, “well, what kind of spouse would ___ or I wouldn’t get married to someone who has a problem with something like that…” Anything to avoid the truth. The truth is you put yourself first and did what YOU wanted despite knowing how your spouse feels about it. 

This is what a lot of Christians do. They claim they believe and put God first, but the way they live demonstrates the opposite. 

I do not believe it’s impractical to have faith IF you’re All-In. Meaning, if you’re one of those Christians who barely knows the Bible, who may go to church every other Sunday, or merely inherited your title of Christian from your family or culture, yeah…it’s understandable to think that you’re being impractical to “have faith” because you don’t really live by Bible principles. 

It’s like if you’re training to be a Mixed Martial Artist. Fighters don’t just learn how to punch, they also have to learn how to kick, how to wrestler, how to counter, how to get out of holds. If you only train to punch and get into the Octagon, relying, having FAITH in just your ability to strike…you’re probably going to get destroyed by a fighter who’s All-In, having trained in everything.  

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying every Christian has to be perfect, that they must know everything and be good at everything. What I AM saying, is that you can’t be a Christian who simply rejects or refuses to read parts of the Bible you don’t like.  

You can’t be a Christian who says, “I believe Jesus Christ is the son of God who died for our sins and preached love and forgiveness,” and that’s it. Because there’s more to it than that. And if you don’t want to find out, if you got more important things to do than to find out, guess what…God will see that, and he’ll remember your lack of interest. (Matt 7:21-23) 

If you ignore all the Apostles or even the Old Testament…yeah, that’s very impractical. Why? Because how can you say that you “believe” in Jesus Christ or God when you don’t even know who they are, what they like or what they don’t like? 

“What does that have to do with faith?” 

Knowledge is what helps strengthen our faith. The Bible is our knowledge. I believe that the reason why so many of my peers are afraid reading the Bible is because they’ll likely find out the truth about what God thinks of their behavior. Which also means that deep down they already know that what they’re doing is wrong. Which makes sense, given that God has imprinted his moral law in all our hearts. (Romans 2: 12-15) 

Ladies and Gentlemen, in my life, there were so many opportunities, so many chances to “get ahead” by rejecting what the Bible teaches and taking a short cut to success. I’m currently working on a post where I discuss two problems I had in which I prayed and God answered my prayers. It didn’t happen overnight. But through faith and loyal obedience, God blessed me in ways I never thought was possible.  

That’s what I mean when I say that sometimes what God has in store for you is 10x better than what you wanted in the heat of the moment. Good things really do come to those who wait.  

One way my faith paid off is in my lovely home. Six years ago, I never thought, I never imagined I’d be blessed with my own two-bed/two-bath condo that’s now worth double what I paid for it. A lot of my Millennial peers here in the Tampa Bay area are still stuck with roommates or trapped having to pay high rent, struggling to save up to buy their first homes that they can’t afford. 

When I was 28, I started praying every day that God bless me with a way to get out of debt so I could start a future family. All I wanted was just to get rid of these student loans. I never thought I’d be a 36-year-old homeowner with over $100k in equity, investments, and guess what…those student loans are paid off. That literally happened just this month (June 2023).  

We’re talking about eight years of God blessing me with the spirit of hard work, discipline, patience and simply making wise decisions. One of which was choosing to keep working at a law firm despite being severely underpaid for the service I provide.  

As I told my entrepreneurial older brother, “There are other things I benefit from by working at this law firm that go beyond just the paycheck. I’m an author. Working at a law office with printing services saves me money. Being able to go into their office 24/7 – 365 days a year is awesome. And more importantly, I’m able to benefit from the knowledge and experience of veteran attorneys who have their hands in all kinds of lucrative business deals.” 

It was my attorney boss/mentor who encouraged me to buy my first home when I was 33. It was his realtor sister who got me this amazing condo with a view of the water. It was just before COVID where everything got locked down. It was just before Biden was elected, inflation took flight, and bad policies prompted everyone to move to Florida, which in turn, raised the value of my home. 

And last April, it was my attorney/boss who encouraged me to capitalize on my equity to take care of all my debt. And that’s what I did. 

I know all of that might sound like it has nothing to do with religion or faith, but with respect, I disagree. These aren’t just mere coincidence, just like it’s no coincidence that every cell in our bodies was designed to form a fully functioning human being.  

In everything that happened, these people didn’t put a gun to my head. I always had a choice. I could’ve chosen to keep paying rent. I could’ve chosen to do nothing and stick with what I was comfortable with. I could’ve listened to my brother, demanded a raise which would’ve eventually led to my being let go by the law firm and thus, no advice, no connections, no resources that led to me owning my first home. 

But I prayed. I asked for God’s guidance and direction. And by his Holy Spirit, he blessed me with understanding and a capable mind to weigh out the pros and cons, assess the risks, and instilled me with the courage and confidence to GO FOR IT!  

For those of us who are ALL-IN on the Scriptures, who don’t just reject parts of the Bible we don’t like but see Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior…we are blessed. It is incredibly practical so long as you adhere to the Scriptures and obey. 

When it comes to sex and marriage…just like my faith led me to being debt free in my 30s, I have faith that the woman I hold out for will be 10x better than the immoral women I chose not to pursue. And if it’s not in God’s plan that I get married, I have faith that as long as I endure to the end, I’m destined for everlasting life in a world that’s 10x better than this one.  

One last point and I’ll let you go. But this whole conversation reminds me of a debate I had a few years ago with the Atheist on my boss’s radio show. She asked me if I “liked intelligent women.” The conversation came up when she heard that I wouldn’t mind dating someone as young as twenty even though I’m in my 30s.  

“Don’t you like intelligent women, Rock? Someone you can converse with and have a deeper connection with? You think you’ll be able to get that with someone who’s so young, who hasn’t lived life?”  

It’s similar to what Stella said in the gym, about how the older I get, the more likely I’ll have to deal with women who have had more sexual experience than myself. Of course, it’s more disheartening coming from Stella, given her age and that she claims to be a believer. 

Remember the theme? Practicality? Well, brace yourself because this is gonna sting. 

If Stella is right about women my age having more sexual experience, and if that’s a problem, doesn’t it make more practical sense to go for someone who’s younger than myself? Doesn’t it make more sense to be drawn to women who project an image of innocence and inexperience, a new flower, more so than those who appear to have withered the storm and survived dozens of seasons? 

I say it’s practical because, the Bible actually explains how women should be behaved. If you’re ALL-IN on Christianity, you’re likely not going to want a woman who isn’t living a Christian lifestyle. 

It’s also “practical” to adhere to the Scriptures when it comes to sex, because a concern that Stella and other ladies have raised is, “What if the sex isn’t good?” 60-something year-old Stella legit said, “You’re going to want a test drive before buying, right?”  

To which, I asked, “how do you know if it’s good or bad if your spouse is the only person you’ve ever had sex with? Like, what else do you have to compare it to?”

Seriously. Even if your first time didn’t live up to what you built up in your mind, is that God’s fault, your spouse’s, or your own? Why do you think you had those expectations to begin with? Would you have such expectations if you were committed to living a clean Christian lifestyle? 

I’m sorry. I know all this sounds super judgmental. But even there, with our culture’s obsession with “not being judged…” practically speaking, you wouldn’t have a problem with being judged if you KNEW you were doing the right thing. Judge not lest ye be judged right? Given how much I’ve sacrificed and had to endure in this world, I look FORWARD to be judged. I hope I get straight A’s, but I’ll be happy with just passing. 

And as far as intelligence goes…well, to a Christian, an intelligent woman is one who has faith, believing that a good man who would be a good husband to her exists, she hasn’t found him yet.  

The stupid one is one who doesn’t have faith, so she treats sex like it’s no big deal and gives her body to just anyone, thinking it’ll leads to a long-lasting relationship instead of trusting that God will take care of you, just as he provides for the birds of the air and the beasts in the field. I also think it’s intelligent to take advantage of your beauty while it lasts. But that’s for another essay. 

I believe it’s unwise and impractical to reject the Scriptures and shack up, giving the best years of your life to a man who won’t marry you, only for that man to leave you ten years later for a younger woman. And now you’re sad. You hate men. You blame society and the culture when all along, it was your blatant disregard for God’s law that led to your station in life. 

“But Rock! What about the Men!?”  

What about them? Honestly, feel free to go ahead and write about it in the comments. Because I’m not afraid to admit, that I really don’t give much thought to how the non-believing men live their lives. And it kinda makes PRACTICAL sense, given that I’m not interested in marrying a man. 

And also, you gotta understand, regardless of what the Men are doing…what are you gonna do?  

It’s the same with me. I see what the women are doing. I see what they’re going for and what they say they want. But I choose God and have faith in the Bible. Because that makes practical sense. The herd is jumping off a cliff. The herd is going down with the ship. What are you gonna do?