Stage In The Sky

Despite the inflammatory title, it is a legit question that I ask with love and kindness. Because I have a great deal of compassion for the ladies of my generation…especially the ones who think “if I don’t have sex with him, I’ll lose him.” 

As always, I must disclaim that I’m not talking about ALL women. There are a lot of women who understand what I’m about to say. I’m trying to help those who don’t. Also, it’s to help the Good Men out there, not the Pookies and Ray-Rays who have no intentions of getting married, yet they still expect sex from you. 

Because I think this topic is a HUGE reason why a lot of women may find Good Christian men intimidating. They’ll say we’re lame, boring, or that they’re naturally attracted to the bad boys. But in truth, I suspect they’re intimidated by Good Christian Men who live by God’s standards because, without sex, they honestly don’t know what else they can offer a man. Thus, they have little to no power over him. Let’s talk about it.

Ladies, the truth is, yes…men do want you for your bodies. It’s not the ONLY reason why we want you. But it is the carrot at the end of the stick that prompts us to want to get to know you if we’ve never even met. You can call it shallow. You can say beauty is on the skin deep or whatever else you want to shame men into ignoring what we see with our own two eyes. But at the end of the day, what’s reality telling you? 

Here’s some more truth, while Men may want to have sex with you…that doesn’t mean he wants to marry you. Right now, you can find countless compilations of Women complaining about all the men just using them for their bodies. Pumped-and-dumped. For “recreational-use only,” they say.

The obvious solution is for ladies to simply require marriage from a man before she gives him the sex he so greatly desires. But why aren’t they taking this route? You could say it’s because Women love sex just as much as the men do. There may be some truth to that.  

But in this essay, I’m going to explore some other reasons why I believe a majority of Millennial women who grew up in the past 30 years will be reluctant to wait until marriage to have sex. And don’t worry, I come with solutions.  

Points Discussed: 

• Sex Gives Women Power over Men 
• Were You Raised to be a Husband or Wife? 
• Things You CAN Bring to the Table other than Sex? 
• Are Modern Women Willing to be Helpers? 

Sex Gives Women Power over Men? 

There’s a popular saying, “Women are the gatekeepers of sex and Men are the gatekeepers of relationships.” 

If that statement is true in this culture where most people expect to have sex before you get married…it stands to reason that women have most of the power in the beginning of the relationship, with the exception of the top 2% of desirable guys that every woman wants. 

“What do you mean, Rock?” 

Well, most men, if they see you at a bar or some social event on a Friday night. If you’re single and dressed to impressed, that man is going to approach you and try to woo you over. He’s working to impress you.  

This may not be the first guy you picked. He may not be the future father of your children. But he’s working. He’s doing/saying whatever it takes to make you feel good enough to let him “smash”. It’s the woman who has the power to say “yay” or “nay”.  

If it’s a nay, he might continue to work for her, showering her with affection, giving her gifts, inconveniencing himself for her sake. This could go on for days or weeks. Some people call it simping. 

That’s power. I suspect most women are aware of this…and they’re reluctant to let that go. Why? Because it makes them feel good. It’s a constant source of validation, reminding them, enforcing the idea that they are the prize and it’s the men who should consider themselves lucky to even be spared an ounce of attention.

I think it’s also the main reason why Hollywood and music has become 10x more sexualized over the past 30 years. The lyrics of female rappers are replete with sex and how good their cat parts are. TV shows don’t even need to have sex scenes, but you have shows like “Titans” making sure every male character is having sex with some woman.

I think this is intentional to encourage young men to pursue sex above marriage, families, or God. Why? Because it’ll mean women stay in power. Women make up a majority of consumers. So if you can control women, how they think, their emotions, and what they perceive to be cool or desirable, then from a corporation and political standpoint, then you can essentially control this country. It’s all about dollars and cents…and from Satan’s vantage, it’s about turning people away from God and salvation so they can be destroyed just like he will be.

Why am I starting the essay with this?  

For starters, ladies, you need to know that a lot of men will do or say whatever it takes to get in your pants. It’s called game! A lot of men will pretend you’re interesting, pretend to respect you, all up until the moment you’ve given them what they wanted. Waiting till marriage can help you avoid those guys with relatively little emotional damage, because even if they dump you for a woman who will put out, you won’t feel so used because you haven’t given them your bodies. 

Secondly, when you have a culture of men prioritizing women to the point of worshiping them just for their looks, it leaves little incentive for the woman to be a better person. Like acquiring patience, kindness, empathy, cooperation, and how to help others. Traits for a long-lasting relationship?

If she runs into a guy like me who won’t tolerate the bad behavior, she can take to Tinder and easily have another guy by the weekend, a guy who will deal her crappy personality just to hit it and quit it.  

Ladies, I’m telling you this because you should know…for all of you who say, “All men are trash”…we know…it’s your taste in men that’s trash.  

There are good men out there who will love you to the day you die if you weren’t so heavily influenced by social media and all these messed up TV shows to find the bad boys attractive, to think that drama and unpredictability is fun, while responsibility, virtue, and stability is boring. 

Again, I must point out that I’m not talking about ALL women. But there’s a terrible saying from Donovan Sharpe that goes, “Women stop maturing when they realize guys want to f**k them. They only start maturing again when they realize they aren’t getting the sexual attention they used to get. But while they’re getting all that sexual attention, there’s no reason for them to grow up.” 

Sadly, that even goes for a lot of Christian ladies who have their eyes on worldly men who don’t care about what the Bible says. And because they’re afraid of losing that one guy, she will forsake what the Bible says and think, “if I don’t give him sex, he’s just going to go on to the next woman who will.” 

Again, I don’t say all this to be disparaging. But if you weren’t aware, now you are. The same can be said of “Christian Men” who think they had to “adapt to the times” instead of holding fast to Christ’s standards. There is a great pressure to give in to the world to receive something as basic as love and companionship from another.  

But we must hold fast. Recall that Christ spoke how God provides for the birds of the air and the beasts of the sea. He knows what you need and he will provide. (Matt 6: 25-34) 

Were You Raised to be a Husband or Wife? 

Everyone’s culture is different, but my brothers and I were taught from childhood to be gentlemen to our women. To hold the doors open, to compliment them, treat them with respect. Never hit a girl. Buy her flowers. Don’t cheat on her. Don’t break her heart. That’s how we were raised. 

I know there’s a saying, “Chivalry is dead and women killed it,” but I don’t think that’s true. Just like there are men and women will never abandon Bible principles, I will never not be a gentleman to women. I will, however, stay away from the Queenz and Boss Baes who don’t appreciate it. And instead, I’ll gravitate to the ladies who do. 

Ladies…this is important because it gives credence to the saying “You are who you attract.” If you want a good man, but you keep getting into relationships with men who take advantage of you with no honor…it may be because you yourself lack honor. Maybe… 

When I was a teenager, I was raised with the belief that “dating” is to prepare you for marriage. You date with intentions, not just to “have fun” or get laid, but to see if you’re compatible with this woman to the point that you can see yourself spending the rest of your life with her.  

Contrast that to what modern American Women are being taught. I tried dating apps for a year in 2021 and almost every profile had a woman emphasizing “fun,” new experiences, and traveling the world, over things like marriage and family. 

I see movies, songs, and TV shows encouraging women not to care what men want or what we think. Hence you see all these blue-haired, tatted, pierced, overweight ladies, almost going out of their way to NOT look beautiful. 

I think I know why this is happening. Despite all the talk about female empowerment, I strongly suspect the leaders of these movements are pushing the young, gorgeous ladies to ruin themselves so they can be just as miserable and undesired as they are. 

It’s the complete opposite of Titus 2: 3-5. It’s sabotage. Instead of ladies admitting they were lied to when it comes to Feminism, or that they wasted their lives in fruitless and frivolous pursuits, they want to take down as many as they can with them, so they aren’t the only ones suffering and alone. This is just a theory. 

Other theories are jealousy and competition. Those who were lied to expect men to desire them no matter how old or what they look like. And when they see that men of all ages are still attracted to young, fit, and feminine women it makes them bitter. 

Ladies…this isn’t entirely your fault. I understand the ego because it’s a masculine ego. Last month, I read a comment from a Woman who admitted she didn’t like the Bible because she doesn’t like the role God assigned women. Because she thinks Men have the better (preferable) role, she thinks God placed a greater importance on men than women. 

I understand where she was coming from because I’ve seen the way Hollywood has pushed the notion that “the future is female,” that women should lead, that there shouldn’t be a head of the household, that everyone is equal and the same. If you were raised to believe all that, it’s understandable to hate the idea of serving the man you’re supposed to love for better or worst, despite being so willing to serve your boss or employer. 

“Well, Rock! How would you feel if you felt inferior to the woman you’re with.”  

I’d probably feel emasculated…That word is traditionally used for men; to deprive a man of his male role or identity.

The female equivalent of that is Defeminized. But you don’t hear that word too often because Hollywood has tricked our generation into thinking defeminized is a good thing. Except, they don’t call it defeminized. They call it female empowerment. 

Things You Can Bring to the Table other than Sex? 

If not sex, there are a lot of women who can say things like, “I can cook. I can clean. I pay my own bills. I own my own home. I have my own car. I have a career. I have an education.”  

I don’t want to disparage that. Fellas, I know many of you will say “we don’t care about any of that” but there are some things you just gotta accept about our modern times. It’s not against God’s laws for her to possess these things (feel free to correct me with scriptures if I am wrong). 

Even in Titus 2 3-5, while it does say that women are to be “working at home” it doesn’t say that she is only supposed to work at home, as if that’s the only place she should be. It’s saying that when it comes to the home, women should be the curators, so to speak (Proverbs 14:1). 

What I would encourage my ladies to do is to simply think about the kind of man you say you want. A good man like that probably already has an education for the field he works in, he has a home, his own car, if he’s of a certain age, he likely can already cook and clean for himself.  

So, what does he lack? What can a girlfriend or wife offer a Good Man that he can’t do for himself, with the exception of sex. In this video, I talk about what AI Girlfriends expose about modern relationships and theorize a truth that’s so basic it’s almost silly. 

Companionship. Love and affection. All we want is for a woman who genuinely cares about us. Not what we can provide her. Not how we can help you. But a woman who sees us, appreciates us, respects us, and demonstrates her willingness to be there and help us. That’s it. If you give him that, he will provide, protect, and cherish you. 

But here’s the problem…In this arena, actions do speak louder than words. A woman can say that she loves me or that I’m the most important person in the world to her. But by her actions she can demonstrate greater affection for her friends, place greater importance on her job, her pet, her other family members, or even another man just by the way she acts. 

“So hang on, Rock. Are you saying that you expect a woman to make you her everything? That we’re supposed to make a man the center of the universe when you aren’t even married yet?” 

Not right away. But biblically speaking, Genesis Chapter 2:18-25 tells us that God made women to be a helper for Men. Again, I know that’s not what modern women want to hear. And no, I’m not saying that’s the ONLY reason why Women were made.  

Ladies…being a helpmate for men, finding out what his goals, what his mission is, and seeing if there’s a way you can help him accomplish all that, that is priceless. Whether it’s his goal to raise a family, build a business, teach and minister others…if you know who he is and what he’s trying to do with his life, making his goal, your goal…that’s the helper God intended you to be. 

I once told a girlfriend this, back in 2016: “While it’s true that all men are hunters, and a lot of men do like the thrill of the chase…some men are builders. We aren’t off in the woods chasing the girls who are frolicking here and there playing hard to get. The women we fall for are the ones who are right there with us, helping us build to the point that we come to depend on them, as if we can’t do without them. Those are the ones we get married to.” 

In the beginning, however, interest is everything. 

Just recently, I saw an awesome documentary about David Beckham on Netflix. David talked about when he first began his courtship with Victoria, the Spice Girl and there was a peculiar moment. Beckham talked about being on the phone with Victoria for hours at a time. Some people found it strange.  

Beckham asked the producer, “You never done that? In the beginning of the relationship, you just talk for hours together on the phone or in person?”  

The producer said no.  

I knew exactly what Beckham was talking about. Every one of my exes, in the beginning I’d talk to them all night over the phone. My last girlfriend messaged me through Facebook. I thought she was attractive. I got her phone number that night and after a four-hour conversation, it end with me asking her to be my girlfriend. It was that simple.  

Because in that conversation, she DEMONSTRATED a strong interest in me. It’s one thing to ask, “Hey, how are you?” or “what’s going on with you?” but it’s another to ask specific questions tailored around details the person already told you.  

For instance, if I say, “I’m an engineer” and then you just gloss over that to ask “what do you like to like to do for fun?” It sounds like an innocuous question, but really, it comes across that you don’t care about what I am. You’re just looking for something that you find interesting, ie…what’s in it for you? 

“Well, isn’t that what men do?”

No! Ladies, if we’re out on a date with you, we’re already “interested” in you because we think you look hot. When a Good Man asks questions, he’s not thinking about “what’s in it for me,” he’s thinking about, “can I tolerate this person? Can I deal with her? Will she be a problem? Will she be a good mother to our children? Do we have the same values?“

It doesn’t matter if she’s the CVS check out girl, a cosplay enthusiast, or a high profile attorney. It really doesn’t. And as much as Feminist want to be mad about that, as if this is some injustice, one would think you’d be more relieved that we really don’t have this great expectation of you as that Barbie Movie would suggest. We don’t need you to be extraordinary.

My ex-girlfriend respected and appreciated my commitment to wait until marriage to have sex. When she learned I was an author, she asked about it. She asked about what went into being an author, the process, my inspiration, my stories. She commended me on reading the entire Bible, and even though I didn’t want to…she asked me to pray on the phone so she could hear it.  

That was love…she didn’t offer me sex, though we both desired it. But during that relationship, just from her strong interest, the communication, the thought, consideration, and care she had for me was wife material.

I’m not saying every couple has to be like this. But I will say there’s a greater onus on Women to demonstrate their love and affection for the man they want, than it is on men.  

Why? Because of tradition, ladies! Men still want to be men! Masculine strong beasts! Knights in shining armor! We are romantic, yes. But as I’ve said in plenty of essays, there’s nothing more rotten than realizing you’re more affection and romantic than the woman you’re with. 

That’s why there’s so many strong silent types who refuse to even cry around a woman. They suffer in silence out of fear of losing the respect of their strong and independent modern women. And they eat our hearts out when they see other men blessed with their soft-spoken, sweet, angelic wives that any man would feel comfortable being emotionally vulnerable with. It’s a luxury not many have, mainly because men feel like they can’t do better, or that they have to take the shitty personalities with the hot body. 

Why is this important? Because if sex is off the table until you get married, proving yourself a source of positive encouragement and inspiration will be invaluable to him. Making him smile in conversation. Being a confidant he can trust. Letting him know that he isn’t alone in his values and the way he sees the world, that you see eye to eye with him…that’s priceless! 

You know how people keep harping on how there’s an epidemic of male loneliness…part of that is because a lot of men think they’re alone in just the way they think. They’re not. There are a lot of good women out there who appreciate men like them and even agree with their views on chastity and male headship…with God’s will, these women just have to let it be known. 

Love is less about what others can do for you and more about what you can do for others. I know this because Christ said the greatest form of love is for one to lay down their life for another. Stands to reason those other great forms of love deviates from you, doing for others. (John 15:13) 

One more example of the “positivity” you can bring to the table. The example comes from this scene in “The Godfather 2,” after young Vito Corleone was fired and all he brought home to his wife was a pear…the strength and power of Vito’s wife turned that bad situation into such a happy occasion. Check it out: 

Are Modern Women Willing to be Helpers? 

Now…given everything I just said, that what Husbands are just looking for positive, sweet, nurturing helpers. Are you willing to do that? 

Allow me to call attention to this video. Here, we have a brutally honest women who admits that she was raised to have this masculine energy that seems to conflicts with her husband’s. Those are her words. 

What I appreciate about this video, is that the husband flat out admits exactly what it is that he’d like his wife to do. Long story short, the husband talks about how he worked his butt off to butt off to have the most financially successful month in his career, bringing in $17k for the month.  

But instead of his wife congratulating and celebrating him, she had an attitude of, “Good, do it again next month.” So, the husband confesses that he’d appreciate it if she demonstrated a little more love and affection, to kiss him on the neck and tell him how great of a job he’s doing.  

Ladies…that’s not easy to admit. No man wants to be the one to tell their woman how much he’d like her to be more affectionate. It takes a great deal of strength to be that honest, and it’s likely because he wants the relationship to work. But even after he admitted all of this, the wife says she was not willing to do that for him. And that…broke my heart. 

This is partially his fault for marrying such a woman. She’s always had that masculine energy. However, once you know the problem, are you willing to change? Once you learn the truth, are you willing to change for the person you claim to love? 

“Rock, you can’t expect people to change. This is how they were raised. Women, especially black women were raised to be tough, strong, and independent because they had to be. They had to be more masculine than our mothers and grandmothers because a lot of us grew up without the protection and guidance of a man. So yeah, we are strong, tougher, and we may not be all lovey dovey. This is who we are, and you can’t expect us to change.” 

Right, so here’s where I call bullshit with a capital BULL. Think about your jobs, careers, and education. Women are constantly talking about how they’re outperforming men in these arenas. You’re really going to sit there and tell me you didn’t change who you were, or work on yourself in order to succeed and get what you want in those fields? For your customers? Your fans? Your teachers? Your boss? But you’re not willing to do that with the man you vow to spend the rest of your life with, to love in sickness and in health, to death do you part?  

Furthermore, I call bull because despite all the calls of equality…the same ones who’ll say “you can’t expect women to change,” they’re demanding that Men change for women. How many “Men aren’t Economically Attractive” articles do we have to read where Men are blamed for the decline in marriages because we men don’t make as much as women want us to make, to provide the lifestyle that…wait for it…WOMEN WANT! 

So, for the sake of argument, let’s say you do find that economically attractive man that provides the lifestyle you want, will you change for him? If the answer is no, then you’re the reason why there’s a decline in the marriage rate. If the answer is yes, then guess what ladies…you’re answering that YOU CAN CHANGE if you wanted to. 

I used to weigh 378lbs and had a jeri curl. I saw that women prefer men who were more athletic and in shape. So, I changed. I worked on myself. And throughout my twenties, I worked to get out of debt so that I could provide for a future family.  

Do you really think men like me are going to sit there and accept masculine women and the excuse of “this is just the way we were raised?”  

If you want something, just like with your careers and education, you’re going to have to work at it.  

If you recognize that you’re a loud, assertive, controlling person who doesn’t know how to put others before yourself. If you can’t even remember the last time you sacrificed anything to help a man. If you can’t remember the last time you complimented a man or went out of your way to show appreciation or demonstrate how impressed or fascinated you were…start working on it.  

Again, everyone is different. Even when it comes to personalities, everyone has a preference. But if men don’t find your personality appealing, you can change if you want to. Or…you can accept that this is who you are, this is who you’ll always be, and I’d probably pray for the strength and endurance to live a long and productive life even if you’re alone. 

Proverbs 31:10-31: 

The Woman Who Fears the Lord 

^{10 [d]} An excellent wife who can find? 
    She is far more precious than jewels. 
11 The heart of her husband trusts in her, 
    and he will have no lack of gain. 
12 She does him good, and not harm, 
    all the days of her life. 
13 She seeks wool and flax, 
    and works with willing hands. 
14 She is like the ships of the merchant; 
    she brings her food from afar. 
15 She rises while it is yet night 
    and provides food for her household 
    and portions for her maidens. 
16 She considers a field and buys it; 
    with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard. 
17 She dresses herself^[e] with strength 
    and makes her arms strong. 
18 She perceives that her merchandise is profitable. 
    Her lamp does not go out at night. 
19 She puts her hands to the distaff, 
    and her hands hold the spindle. 
20 She opens her hand to the poor 
    and reaches out her hands to the needy. 
21 She is not afraid of snow for her household, 
    for all her household are clothed in scarlet.^[f] 
22 She makes bed coverings for herself; 
    her clothing is fine linen and purple. 
23 Her husband is known in the gates 
    when he sits among the elders of the land. 
24 She makes linen garments and sells them; 
    she delivers sashes to the merchant. 
25 Strength and dignity are her clothing, 
    and she laughs at the time to come. 
26 She opens her mouth with wisdom, 
    and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. 
27 She looks well to the ways of her household 
    and does not eat the bread of idleness. 
28 Her children rise up and call her blessed; 
    her husband also, and he praises her: 
29 “Many women have done excellently, 
    but you surpass them all.” 
30 Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, 
    but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. 
31 Give her of the fruit of her hands, 
    and let her works praise her in the gates.