Gladys Vandelay – The Initiation (Revenge Fiction)

Posted by Rock Kitaro on July 8, 2019
Posted in: Paramour Letters. Tagged: , , , . Leave a comment

The Initiation

In the U.S., I heard there was a march on Washington D.C., a women’s march where prominent figures of influence and fame gathered in solidarity. It was a rallying call to address key issues women faced in society. Of their grievances, I understood they called for things like reproductive rights, gender equality, health care reform, equal pay, and an overall acceptance towards the right of a woman to do and be whatever they wanted.

I’m not sure if this movement was promulgated by the Swords of St. Catherine or not, either way, I couldn’t help but feel conflicted in so many ways. In the United States, women have so much control, so much power, so much influence. We can say what we want. Do what we want. There are obstacles sure, but the trials and tribulations makes us ten times stronger than men. I embraced them.

And if the women of America are ten times stronger than men on the basis of that logic, then I can tell you from the bottom of my heart and with the utmost sincerity… The women fighting in the Middle East are a hundred times more powerful.

In many countries, women are still treated like cattle, like currency, like a bartering chip between families. I’ve seen women stoned for exposing too much skin. I’ve seen teenage girls beheaded simply for reporting they were raped. I’ve seen entire villages beating on women for walking without a man’s supervision or daring to take off her hijab in the scorching sun.

In Saudi Arabia, there’s a practice called Wahhabism by which groups of clergy men literally patrol the streets like wolves to surround and attack anyone they deem violators of their sacred laws. They were given carte blanche to determine for themselves what’s consider blasphemy or treason. Women are their main targets.

Here, women need the permission of men to marry, divorce, educate themselves, seek employment, or even open a bank account. That’s just to name a few. And God forbid any woman was caught driving, though I heard they recently ‘laxed on that law. The punishments ranged from mutilation, stoning, death, and on occasion, crucifixion.

Saudi Arabia was my first stop when I came to the Middle East. An underground activist tutored me and the three other protégés on the customs. My blue eyes and blonde hair would have made me an eyesore by which the wolves would be driven to a frenzy. Thankfully, I was able to fully take advantage of the abaya and niqab, black robes that would conceal my fair skin. Additionally, I darkened my face with foundation and used brown contact lenses.

Initially, the plan was to spend five days in Saudi Arabia before smuggling ourselves north into Jordan. But one of my comrades, Shelly, she saw a group of men raping a student in an alley outside our loft. Shelly attacked. The ensuing battle was loud, bloody, and attracted the Wolves of Wahhabi. That’s when I intervened with my trusty Dragunov sniper rifle. The bodies we left in the streets roiled the public for months.

We were long gone by time the police raided shops and homes with impunity, but I learned very fast that all actions had unintended consequences. The public demanded justice and the government gave it to them. The student who was raped was publically beheaded. Her entire family was stoned in the middle of a town square.

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2007: Wonder Girls, Wheesung, and the Rise of Modern KPOP

Posted by Rock Kitaro on July 3, 2019
Posted in: About the Author. Leave a comment

wonder girls 2

As much as I was completely floored by Big Bang’s breakthrough release “Lies,” they weren’t the only musical acts throwing down in the latter half of 2007. There was an explosion of new artists stepping to the stage, artists like Younha, Supernova (Choshinsung), K. Will, Battle and F.T. Island.

But as well as some breakthroughs that completely caught the world by surprise.

At the time…sad to say, I was too wrapped up in the sound of Big Bang to fully appreciate the significance of the Wonder Girls. With this memoir, I really want to go in chronological order when it comes to how I discovered them and what my impressions were at the time…however, I’d be remised if I didn’t mention the impact of the Wonder Girl’s smash hit, “Tell Me.”

The Wonder Girls released “Tell Me” in September of 2007 and stayed number one on the charts for seven weeks. Almost every time I clicked on a broadcast of a music program, I’d see some Korean celebrity singing or dancing to snippets of that song. Everyone was into it! Even Big Bang when they made appearances on variety programs. If you heard the song, it’d be stuck in your head all day long. There’s no avoiding it. Sorry.

I have nothing against the Wonder Girls…but I just wasn’t a fan of that sound. In upcoming chapters, you’ll see that I’d eventually come to respect their artistry and their story. Because they definitely had some adversity, losing a member, gaining another. Not to mention, they had competition when Girls Generation stepped out onto the scene and it’s not like the Wonder Girls were about to back down.

Nevertheless, in late 2007, the Wonder Girls took the throne when it came to female musical acts. I got into Kpop due to DBSK. But I know a whole generation of ladies who credit the Wonder Girls for bringing them into the fold.

Hailing from the same label as megastar Rain, the Wonder Girls were instrumental in building JYP as one of the top three entertainment agencies, surpassing DSP in my opinion, to put them right up there with SM Entertainment and YG. Without the Wonder Girls, JYP wouldn’t have achieved this feat with Rain alone. And without the Wonder Girls, another up and coming group wouldn’t have stood a chance on the congested battlefield of rising boybands. A group by the name of 2pm, but I’ll save that for later.

The reason why I credit late 2007 as the beginning of modern k-pop as we know it was due to its diversity and a stepping away from the early 2000 sounds reminiscent of Nsync’s “Celebrity” album, the imitations of poppy dance hip hop songs that relied on an overpowering beat like Usher’s “Yeah”.

In late 2007, you saw greater creativity from the artists. It seemed like people were looking for the more toned down, chilled rhythm and beat that still got you up and moving. It was the introduction of electronica. More songs like Ne-Yo’s “Because of You”.

In particular…two musicians struck my fancy, and in so many ways made life more bearable for me. One of those artists is probably the most underrated singer in all of Kpop history. His name is Wheesung, also goes by the name of Real Slow.

 

XII – When Big Bang became Kings

Posted by Rock Kitaro on July 1, 2019
Posted in: kpop. Tagged: , , , , . 1 Comment

Big Bang 2007 3

Ladies and Gentlemen, what I’m about to share with you is truly an honor. I witnessed the changing of the guard when it comes to the Korean music industry. Back then, DBSK was still the kings of Kpop. But in so many ways, they left their kingdom, vacated their throne. They ventured out to Japan in an attempt to carve out a new empire there.

Then…out of the blue. On Thursday August 16, 2007, Big Bang released their mini-album, “Always”.

I’m telling you…I’ve never heard anything like it. It was two days before my 21st birthday. Before I saw their live performance, I heard every song on that mini-album. The above video is a live performance of “Lie.”

Lie…would go on to become one of Big Bang’s signature hits and even won 2007’s song of the year award. Every track was fire, don’t get me wrong, but for me…the song “Always” was the best of 2007.

I remember that Friday night, I was closing as a Pizza Hut delivery driver. I know most people think of it as a crappy job where drivers have to go into seedy neighborhoods and deal with rude people. But the area in which I worked was an upscale part of the Tampa Bay area. We’re talking gated communities. My customers were Buccaneers and Tampa Bay Lightning players. My point being, the neighborhoods were mesmerizing with breathtaking landscapes and beautiful lightning.

I replayed “Always” again and again to a beautiful night. Nothing went wrong because the song kept me in a mellow, “its all good” mood. That’s the effect “Always” had on me. Just be cool and relax.

I was very pleased. It’s been one year since they released their first album and you can tell Big Bang had evolved. Each member had changed up their style and improved their performance, but none more so than Taeyang. He sheared off his braids, thank god, in favor of a stylish hat, making it iconic the same way Michael Jackson did with his hat.

Taeyang 2006 2taeyang-background-1

More than that, his voice…Dude…In my chapter about Big Bang vs the Pretty Boys, you’ll notice I never made mention of a particular song called “My Girl.” It’s Taeyang’s solo and to be honest…I think I could’ve sung that song a lot better than him. It’s very garden variety and doesn’t leave much to aspire to.

But once I heard him sing in “Always” and “Lies,” it’s just incredible the transformation he undertook. I remember seeing the documentary about his trainee days where even YG praised him for his relentless work ethic, to practice and improve on his skill. And I saw it. He improved so much. Hahaha! I knew it. I knew these guys would take it to the top. I was witnessing the rise of Big Bang, the new kings of kpop.

X. Anime Rock – Uverworld and Orange Range

Posted by Rock Kitaro on June 27, 2019
Posted in: kpop. Tagged: , , , , . Leave a comment

Bleach D-Technolife

Heads up, in this chapter, you’re going to read a lot of personal details. Because it’s during this time in which I really started to grow.

In April of 2007, I began my six-month leave from film school in order to really find out who I was and what I wanted to do with my life. During this time, all I did, almost every day was work at Pizza Hut. That’s right. All I did every day was drive my 1999 red Oldsmobile Alero and deliver pizzas.

I couldn’t have done it without video games, WWE…and anime. Haha! By then I had my own one-bedroom apartment, friggin, finally. No more sharing spaces or coming home to half my bottles of water missing. But this also means that I’d have no one watching me really pig out on all the pizza and wings I could eat every night.

I don’t want to get into how much of a glutton I was. I have other essays for that. But the point is, when you have no direction in life…entertainment gives you something to look forward to.

With the WWE, it’s a continual story line by which you have something to look forward to every week, twice a week. I had just bought a PS3 and was getting down to some Marvel Alliance. I was also jamming out to a Korean hip hop group I just discovered called “Epik High,” with hits like “Fly” and “Paris”.

But the main thing that really put a smile on my face was an anime called “Bleach”.

That’s right, if we have any Bleach fans in the house. Their first season had a catchy theme song for their opening. It was called “Asterisk” by Orange Range. In May of 2007, I remember a lot of blazing hot days listening to Orange Range. My car broke down so many times, Tire Plus became kind of a hangout for me.

Orange Range

The thing about Orange Range that appealed to me…oddly enough was the rapping. They didn’t do metal music like Dir En Grey, nor did they have a heavy-handed edgy sound like Miyavi. It was just rock. They had three vocalists that could sing, rap, and blend their voices. Honestly, I thought that was just so cool.

Mind you, I’m not a rapper. I don’t pretend to be an expert in hip hop or the art of the flow. By then, I’ve come to notice that almost every group has rappers in which one is bass-heavy, and the other is lighter, or more sharper in tone. For instance in Big Bang, you have TOP with his bass-heavy voice, while G-Dragon is sharper. The Korean hip hop group Epik High was the same. You had DJ Tukutz providing the music, Tablo was the sharper, lighter tone, while Mithra Jin had a deeper voice.

Orange Range was the same, except they didn’t just have two. They had three, one bass-heavy, one-middle range, and one high-ranging. A good, clear example of what I’m talking about is with this gem, “Kirikirimai”.

At :10, you have the middle range

At :17, you have the high range

At :26, you have the low, bass heavy rapper.

“Viva Rock,” “Chesto,” and “Twister” were other favorites. It’s peculiar and I’m ashamed to say, I never cared to look up their background or memorize the member’s names.

Perhaps it was because as soon as I discovered Orange Range, it was just a matter of days before I learned about Uverworld. I know that sounds like a diss to Orange Range, but believe me it’s not my intention. Orange Range was awesome…but Uverworld blew me away.

In watching “Bleach,” once you get past episode 25, they have a new theme opening. It’s a song called “D-TecnoLife” by Uverworld.

No lie…I played that song so many times that I can literally sing the lyrics and sing it well.

Knowing Yourself vs. Accepting Yourself – A Theocratic Essay for Millennials

Posted by Rock Kitaro on June 23, 2019
Posted in: About the Author, Food for Thought, religion. Tagged: , , , , , , . Leave a comment

20180322_211604Today’s sermon spoke volumes to me. The teacher talked about being alone with God. His theory takes the example of David when he was but a shepherd, alone with God, developing his gifts, his sense of self. The only man in the Bible who was said to have a heart after God.

It was a good sermon that spoke volumes because it confirmed and encouraged my own thoughts as a Millennial Christian doing his best to live a life that’s good in the eyes of God, despite the enormous amount of pressure we face.

The older generations don’t get it. How could they? To be born and lived a majority of your life before the current age of technology…they think we have it good, but we don’t. They look down on us for complaining because they think we have it better, but do we?

I’ll never forget the conversation I had with my boss (mid-fifties) last year, where he opined that we (Millennials) have it good because in his day, he actually had to approach women and ask them out over the phone or in person. Whereas today, we have online dating with so many options.

I told him, it’s because there’s so many options that we are indeed stunted. Think about it. Once upon a time, people were only limited to the communities and the people they knew existed. If someone asked you out, you had a choice between him or one or two others. Now, you have a choice of between dozens if not hundreds.

What this does, is makes a person reluctant to commit until they’ve “found the one”…which in today’s hook-up culture makes them susceptible to sleeping around and decreases their ability to pair-bond.

It’s because we live in an age where the entire world is connected. No longer are most born and raised in a single community with very little contact with outside cultures. People think that this is all a blessing for us Millennials…but is it?

By the time I was 23, I found something that I could do for the rest of my life. Something I’d be content with. Something that would afford me the opportunity to start and raise a family. The opportunity to worship God to the best of my ability while doing that which I love the most, which is writing.

Recently, I told all of this to an older co-worker, in his 60s. And he squinted with mild disappointment. “But still, Rock! You’re young. When I was your age, I was doing all kinds of things, exploring the world, experiencing what else is out there. I mean, this job…It’s what I’m doing now, because I’ve done everything else. It sounds like you’re content.”

I nodded… “That’s right. I am.”

And I confess, it took some strength to hold back from lashing out at this man. I’ve known him for about 8 years and respect him as my elder. So with restraint, I calmly explained:

“I think that’s the problem with our generation. You hear so much about how the birth rates going down, people aren’t getting married, depression is on the rise. People just aren’t happy. And I think it’s because of attitudes like that.

“Don’t get me wrong, if that’s who you are, go for it. But not everyone has the same desires as you do. I think when we impose upon people these expectations that they should go out and see the world, or experience this or that, it makes them sad. 1) it’s not who they are and now they feel like something’s wrong with them, that they’re lacking in some form or fashion. And 2) you’re putting pressure on them to do something they just can’t do. Sometimes they have other obligations, other responsibilities, or more importantly, it’s just not who they are.”

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The Tragedy of NRG (First Generation Kpop)

Posted by Rock Kitaro on June 21, 2019
Posted in: kpop. Tagged: , , , , , , , . Leave a comment

NRG 4

While I was getting my metal fix listening to Dir En Grey, my hunger for good kpop, that mellow, that yin to my yang, never ceased. By early March 2007, I had replayed H.O.T, DBSK, and Big Bang songs as much as I could…but I needed something new.

Back then, I was part of a kpop forum where users had threads of their favorite groups and singers. I believe it was called z-degrees.net. And one particular thread had a massive collection of kpop discographies. We’re talking every album ever produced before 2006 was here for the stealing. Pretty much what it was. But at the time, in my 20-year-old mind, I didn’t see it as stealing. I saw it as sharing.

Light yagami laughing

Anyways, I discovered that my legendary H.O.T., had produced more than just the five albums I originally found. They produced a soundtrack called Age of Peace, OPT. Of course this was a treat for me. Because it was rockin, reminiscent of their “Iyah” album. But I also found out that the lead singer, Kangta, wrote a song for a rival/contemporary group called NRG, titled “Sad Rain.”

The song struck a chord with me. I can’t say that it blew me away from the get-go, but it definitely lingers long after you hear it. So I sought out NRG to see what this band was about. And lol, it was the next video I saw that hooked me.

Hahaha! So let me explain. Because if you’ve read my memoirs up to this point, you’ll find a contradiction with me. I’m not keen on groups imitating one another. I don’t like the idea of everyone cashing in on a trend. I respect creativity, the pioneering of treading into uncharted territory.

However, I will say that I’m in favor of artists of all walks of life, whether you’re a writer, painter, sculptor, actor, or musician…if you admire another artist, imitate them and then go a step further in the pursuit of doing better than what they did…I can applaud that. Sort of like how Michael Jackson admired James Brown and Jackie Wilson, imitated them, and then went on to do something better. No lie, I had a huge debate in my class about this back then.

The problem with today’s music is that there are too many who are merely content on doing exactly the same of their contemporaries, following the same formula, comfortable with that niche without the courage of showing any individuality that might separate them from that which they set out to copy in the first place.

Goes without saying, H.O.T was the first of its kind when it comes to kpop music that blended rock, rap, and dance pop elements. Next to them came Sechskies of DSP Entertainment to give H.O.T. a run for their money. Then, it was NRG.

Despite how much I absolutely loved and played out “Messenger,” it was hard to look past the thought that NRG was still merely an imitation of H.O.T. Not a cheap imitation by any means, but an imitation nonetheless.

That was…until I heard their third album and the song, “Face”

The thing that separates NRG from H.O.T and the other bands is their rap and the intensity of their songs. Their third album in particular…my God. “Face” is from their third album, but there’s another song that’s 10x more significant.

You gotta understand, NRG was a boyband, a kpop group on paper. But their music, their lyrics, their rap and blended genres…Just listen to this song and you’ll see what I’m talking about:

NRG “Guwoh 003”

Unfortunately…tragedy struck this group just after the release of their third album.

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Col. Jake Buchanan – The Hopeless Commander (Short Story)

Posted by Rock Kitaro on June 13, 2019
Posted in: Original Stories, Paramour Letters. Tagged: , , , , , , , , , , , . Leave a comment

Wherever Col. Jake Buchanan goes, he has to register as a sex offender.

His ex-wife used a website that catered to married people looking to engage in affairs. When hackers broke into this website and exposed the thousands of adulterers, the wife divorced Jake and convinced their children to tell the courts that he had molested them. He spent six years in prison. His life was ruined. But he still loves her. He still loves his little girls. That’s why Jake’s a Paramour.

After Gladys defects from a deadly society of Feminists, they send wave after wave of mercenaries to hunt her down. The Paramours have tracked her location to the snowy wilderness of Alberta, Canada. They have to find her before its too late. But even when they do…it’s not like Snow leopards are known for playing nice.

Hopeless Commander

Jake Buchanan – The Hopeless Commander
By Rock Kitaro

“There was this girl. Her name was Jamie. I knew we went to the same school. I’d seen her around campus, but it wasn’t till my sophomore year that I found out we stayed in the same housing complex. She was just across the hallway.

“The first time we spoke, it was like magic. Pretty eyes. Long sandy blonde hair. She had such a sweet smile. It was contagious. But she smoked. That was kind of…I’m like damn, dude. Haha! Don’t let those good looks go down the drain. But to each his own, I guess. I didn’t judge.

“It’s like a moment you see in the movies, boy meets girl. Except it’s the next-door neighbor. One day, when we were walking out at the same time, I introduced myself. I remember my voice was shakin’ like crazy. But she seemed smitten. You know, her cheeks lit up bright red. We talked about this, that, and the other, and it was cool. I thought we hit it off.

“Then I went and did a Google search on her. I know people might call that creepy or whatever but, I dunno. I just wanted to know more about her without asking all these invasive questions. I didn’t have the ‘right’ to know. But still, I wanted to know. I clicked on the images tab and scrolled down to find her. And that’s when I was floored, man.

“I found a shot of her in her bathroom, like a webcam. Turns out this girl was using Backpages to hook up with sugar daddies in Denver. I couldn’t believe it. She seemed so clean and pure. Like if you talked to her, you would have never guessed that sex was something she was even into. I know that sounds stupid because everyone’s into sex. But that’s not the impression she gives off.

“Weeks after I found out, I kept it to myself, but it was just by coincidence that we ended up having the same class. Her world seemed to revolve around environmental studies. She was all up in arms about that pipeline the government wanted to run through the Indian Reservation. Again, my point being, prostitution is the last thing you’d expect. And the truth is, I was madly in love with this girl. Like, heads over heels man.

“One night I came home from a long shift of delivering pizzas. And I saw her crying on the steps. Someone had beat the shit out her and it pissed me off. Seriously, , her face was all swollen, black and blue. The neck hole of her shirt was all stretched out. I could see scratch marks on her shoulders. Man…Just thinking about it again, it’s like setting me on fire, you know.

“I asked her what was wrong but she wouldn’t tell me. She just said she wanted to be left alone. So I did, at first. I left her alone. But, I couldn’t just go in and rest easy knowing the girl of my dreams needed help.

“Bout a half hour later, I went back out with a bottle of water and she was still there. She let me treat her injuries. I had like, gauze and Neosporin or some shit.

“The way she looked at me, it was like a puppy I just took in from the freezing rain. I tried to get her to open up and tell me what happened but she wouldn’t. She just said she was going through some things and everything would be alright.

“And that’s when I messed up. It’s like…a thousand voices in my head was screaming ‘NO!!!’ But that one voice in my heart said, ‘Do it, she needs help!’ So I did.

“I went ahead and told her that I knew she was on Backpages. She didn’t deny it. If anything, she seemed relieved.

“I told her that I thought she was ten times more precious than she probably knew. I told her how impressive her dissertation was. I told her I learned more from her than I did the goddamn teachers. I said she was beautiful, smart, and full of so much potential. There are better ways to earn money. Whatever she was being paid, I guaranteed her it was pennies to the fucking dollar of what she was actually worth!

“She cried. And I cried with her. I would’ve given her a hug right then and there. It was cold outside. I should have wrapped her up in my arms and told her everything was gonna be alright. But I didn’t. I thought, that would be taking advantage of her and I didn’t want to do that. It just didn’t seem right.

“So, I helped her up and escorted her to her apartment. I never entered in with her. But what I told her was, ‘Jamie…I stay right there. If you ever need any help, if you ever need someone to talk to, just let me know. You have my number. I barely sleep. So just call anytime.

“And she smiled as I thought we were cool. I told her good night and went to my own apartment thinking, you know, I did something good. I was proud of myself. Not only for consoling her and imparting some sense of self-worth into this individual. But of my restraint, my discipline in not thrusting myself on her in such a vulnerable state.

“Well…as you can imagine. No good deed goes unpunished. About a week later, I was called into the Dean’s office. Jamie accused me of rape and sexual battery. Obviously, she had the bruises to prove it and there were neighbors who testified to seeing me with her the night in question. I was evicted. Expelled. Spent two years in prison and now I have to register as a sex offender wherever I go. No one will hire me. I’m fucking terrified to even look at a girl. Essentially, my life is ruined.

“I never got the chance to face my accuser. She didn’t have to show up for trial. I never saw Jamie again after that night. I couldn’t ask the questions that would eventually go on to torment me for years. Like, why? Why’d she do it? Was she ashamed? Did she think I’d go out and tell everyone she was a prostitute? It really got to the point where I thought about killing myself. Out here. Out on these mountains. All it would take is one jerk of the wheel to end it all. Death would have been sweet. That’s honestly how I felt.

“But that’s when Jake found me. I honestly do think he was sent from God because that very morning, I had made up my mind to fucking end it. I was leaving the pharmacy with oxys when I saw Jake on his Harley. He was parked next to me looking all badass and what not. I thought he was talking on his phone when he said, ‘God has a plan for you.’

“I stood there in place, frozen, stiff as a board. He said, ‘consider the words of Joseph. In Genesis chapter fifty, do you remember?’

“Joseph, poor Joseph, his brothers had sold him into slavery. His master’s wife falsely accused him of taking advantage of her. Then he spent years in jail because of it. But throughout it all, he never lost faith in God. God granted him the power to interpret dreams, helping him gain favor with Pharaoh, prompting his ascension to become the second most powerful man in Egypt. Thanks to Joseph, Egypt had prepared for a famine, which saved the lives of thousands. Hundreds of thousands!’

“But one mustn’t forget the hardships he endured. One mustn’t forget the trials and tribulations he faced. And what did he say? In Chapter Fifty when his brothers feared his wrath, when his brothers feared that one day Joseph would exact the vengeance they felt he was so justified to take? He said: ‘As for you, you meant evil against me. But God meant it for good. To bring it about that many people be kept alive as they are today.’

“Everyone has their trials and tribulations, my friend. Remember Jesus Christ, who was persecuted and died for our sins. Know that the world accepts what is there’s, but as for you, because you are no part of the world, but one claimed by Christ, they will persecute you. Have strength. Be strong and ever faithful in the word of God.’ That’s what Jake told me back in the parking lot of a pharmacy.”

…

Trent recounted his experience with tearful repose. We all gave him a standing ovation, an ovation worthy of his ordeal, his pain and recovery. After concluding the meeting, I saw everyone out, locked up the church, got on my Harley and drove north along the majestic Front Range mountains of Colorado Springs.

Trent was but one of hundreds in our support group. It was just for men. It had to be. In my day, men were taught to be strong, tough, and durable, but we still had emotions. When our fathers and father’s fathers told us we couldn’t cry, that we couldn’t appear weak, we knew. We understood what it meant. They were trying to make leaders out of us. Preparing us to protect and provide for our families. If the leader is weak, incapable, too yielding, it trickles down.

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VIII – A Foray into Dir En Grey (Japanese Metal)

Posted by Rock Kitaro on June 9, 2019
Posted in: kpop, music. Tagged: , , , , , , . Leave a comment

Dir En GRey 3

By December of 2006, I was looking for something new. Something that matched my rebellious attitude, my angst towards college, my resentment for the superficial, something to keep me going.

*disclaimer: If you hadn’t read the intro, the following is a personal memoir about my 13-year journey of exploring Korean and Japanese music

I remember…I was working on a project for my DVD Studio Pro class when I came across the “Obscure” music video. I used it for my assignment. The first time I heard about Dir En Grey was actually when I got into MySpace in the summer of 2005. One of my first long-distance friends was this girl out of Utah. On her page was an image of Toshiya, the bassist. Apparently, she had a crush on him. A lot of women were crazy about him.

Dir en GRey Toshiya 4

The images of Dir En Grey looking like zombies, really didn’t entice me to go and listen to their music. At the time, I was very much into Miyavi’s sound, which was edgy, but had a more upbeat positive vibe. Fast-forward to the fall of 2006, when the nostalgia of being in college and out from under my parent’s roof wore off and I was now staring the “real world” directly in its corrupt and wicked face…I was ready for mother-effin Dir En Grey.

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Remaining a Virgin in Today’s Hook-Up Culture (A Theocratic Essay)

Posted by Rock Kitaro on June 8, 2019
Posted in: About the Author, Food for Thought, religion. Tagged: , , , , , , , , , . 1 Comment

Sexualtemptation

When I was 20-years-old, I made a vow before God to remain a virgin until I get married. For the longest time, I used to think this was the dumbest decision of my life. It wasn’t until recently that I discovered that it was in fact the best decision of my life.

For those who don’t know, a hookup culture is one that accepts and encourages casual sex encounters, including one-night stands and other related activity, without necessarily including emotional bonding or long-term commitment. It is generally associated with Western late adolescent behavior and, in particular, American college culture. However, when it comes to Millennials, this behavior has carried well into our thirties, mostly thanks to apps like Tinder.

The purpose of this piece isn’t to belittle the world. It’s to encourage my brothers and sisters who haven’t given into the world. I’m talking about the ones who endeavor to do what’s good in God’s eyes, to put him first, while sometimes feeling like…what’s the point?

man overlooking city

Right now, I’m seeing a lot going on in the news when it comes to the abortion argument, the right to choose, a woman’s body, and where does life begin. I’m hearing these arguments and it feels like…it feels like I’m an alien who’s only visiting the planet earth. This isn’t my home. I’m seeing calls for a sex strike, pro-choice feminists pushing for women to forego sex to champion their cause.

The thing is…once upon a time, I used to be like them. Once upon a time I called myself a feminist. I called myself a Democrat. I used to admire Obama. I was so happy to at last have a black president. I believed in the LGBTQ cause and the greater push for equality and inclusion. I believed in acceptance and tolerance.

In a perfect world, there wouldn’t need to be a push for equality and inclusion. But alas, this world is not perfect. That is the reality. The reality is, the United States is a conglomerate of different cultures. The reality is, a lot of those cultures clash, they conflict. What’s acceptable to you and your ilk, might not be acceptable to another’s.

To say that they’re wrong and you’re right…I’ve heard these arguments before. I asked long ago… “Is there no right or wrong, only popular opinion?”

And many said there is a right and a wrong.

When I asked, “Based on what?” (says who?)

Many said it’s based on the Bible. Others said, it’s based on the community. If the community says it’s okay to fornicate and indulge in immorality, while the Bible shows that God views such actions in a bad light…what do you do if you’re a God-fearing Christian? What do you do if you’re a God-fearing Christian with a homosexual inclination? In my case, specifically…what do you do if you want to get married, but you’ve made a vow before God to wait until marriage, while living in a culture where sex seems to be a pre-requisite to marriage?

As I rise from the precipice overlooking the city, I can’t help but think, “Why did I ever make that stupid vow in the first place?”

I remember…

In 2006, I was 20-years-old. I wasn’t a super religious. In fact, I hated it. I harbored so much resentment to religious organizations due to the guilt trips they used on people. They’d tell me, “if you’re not part of our religion, then you’re part of the world.” This false-delimma fallacy was the epitome of my hate and rage. But still…I don’t think I ever blamed God for that. Just the people. It’s strange, but in my heart of hearts…ever since I was a kid, I always believed that Jehovah God was a God of logic and reason.

Either way, I never completely turned my back on God. I just needed time to find my way. I needed time to forgive and forget the past. But during that time…in 2006, I ended up missing the Memorial of Jesus Christ’s death. That’s one tradition, one practice I truly believe in.

Jesus Christ died for our sins that we may be forgiven and have the hope of everlasting life. At any point, he could have gone the route of Satan. He could have seen all the sexy ladies and indulged. He could have gotten a taste of power and took control. He was beaten, spat on, and crucified by worthless humans that aren’t but a breath from God’s nose, while Jesus Christ was there since the beginning, who aided in creating the heaven and earth.

How could I recognize that Jesus Christ did all that for us…and not honor him by attending a memorial service? In 2006, I missed that service. And on that night…I closed my eyes and prayed for forgiveness.

Looking back, I’m sure I had no idea what I was doing. But the words came straight from my heart. It’s how I felt. And in that moment, I swear I felt God’s presence. There was nothing special about me. I’m not Jewish, not from God’s chosen people. I was just a black film student in the midst of my sophomore year, but I felt God’s presence. And I said:

“Jehovah, please forgive me. I swear on this day, that if you forgive me, I promise that I’ll wait until I get married to have sex. I’ll keep my virginity until then…”

In that moment, I felt I was forgiven. I believed it in my heart, right then and there. Thus, the vow was official. I was uplifted, and relieved, and glad.

But still, Rock…why make a vow of chastity in the first place? You could have made a vow to do anything. Why that?

It’s a valid question. Which takes me back to one my opening paragraphs about the ladies going on a so-called sex strike. You see…the thing was, back in 2006, I weighed 378 pounds. I always wore this oversize blue vest to cover up my man-boobs. I saw how detestable I was to my classmates…I believed I was a monster. I believed I was the ugliest man on earth and no woman in her right mind would ever want to be with me or ever see me as desirable.

So in short…in 2006, making that vow of chastity was something I thought would be the easiest thing in the world to keep. Hence…it’s easy to go on a sex strike if you believe in your heart that nobody wants you in the first place. Of course, I could be wrong about the feminist on that account, but speaking on behalf of myself, that was my reason. I believed I was forgiven by God, and I thought that vow would cost me very little.

Hahaha! Was I ever wrong. Because flash-forward 5 years later…whelp. Solid steel and sex appeal, my boss calls it. After years of busting my ass in the gym, cutting down on food portions, discipline and commitment to bettering myself with this intense drive that I carry to this day, I ended up losing 178lbs for my 6’3 frame.

The vow I made when I was 20-years-old, suddenly became very difficult.

– Click to Continue Reading

VII. Big Bang vs the Pretty Boys

Posted by Rock Kitaro on June 4, 2019
Posted in: kpop. Tagged: , , , , , , . Leave a comment

Big Bang 2006 5

I know…the title of this chapter is enough to spark some disgruntled looks. If you’ve heard of Big Bang before reading this memoir, it might sound confusing. But as someone who’s been into k-pop since nine months before they’re first release, I can tell you that they’re debut was anything but an actual Big Bang.

Let’s start from the beginning.

By the fall of 2006, I had just turned 20-years-old and DBSK was still my favorite kpop group. H.O.T. would be the greatest in my book until about the year 2014. But H.O.T. disbanded back in 2001. Se7en latest album was awesome, but it was DBSK that actually got me into kpop with their hits “Rising Sun” and “Triangle”. In September of 2006, they released their third album, “O” and their music video was phenomenal.

I was glad to see they hadn’t lost their touch, having spent so much time trying to make a name for themselves in Japan. The choreography was on point and the song was fire. While I was super psyched to hear from them after some time…there was one problem that I couldn’t overlook…aside from their use of the World Trade Center collapsing as b-roll…The title song, “O” was the only song that I liked on the album. The rest, was garbage. Especially their follow up hit, “Balloons,” which if you saw, you’d see was very bubble-gum poppy with the video super focused on the visuals.

Back in film school, we had a word for albums like this. “Duds”. An album everyone thinks is going to be the bomb, but makes no explosion. That’s not to say it didn’t do well in Korea. It was the highest selling album in 2006. But part of that started to breed resentment in me. That they’re fans would just accept anything. Or maybe I’d gotten spoiled from uncovering albums from artists that had already been released, one after the other. While, with DBSK, I now had to friggin wait for God knows how long for their next album to come out.

And when it comes to the fans…dude. I’ve been referring to these boybands as groups…because that’s what they are to me. However, in Korea, they’re called idol groups. And it’s not hard to see why. DBSK had the largest fanbase of all the groups, probably the whole world. I think at one point, it numbered around 500,000. They were called Cassiopeia. That’s the name of their fan group.

I was a fan, but I never would call myself a Cassiopeia. Why would I?

After listening to just “O”…a single song on an album of eleven tracks, I was left with more to be desired.

It was around this time that was also listening to Se7en of YG Entertainment. And as you’ve learn from the end of the last chapter, I stumbled across a video of a pair of YG Trainees dancing. It was G-Dragon and YongBae.

After that…I saw on the Youtube sidebar a pre-debut song G-Dragon put out. It’s a remix of Maroon 5’s “This Love”. And dude…I’m telling you. Back then, I didn’t know how far he’d go. Only that he was by far the most talented artist of our generation. I recognized all of this from just one listen to this song. He was only 18-years-old at the time and he wrote all of his own lyrics.

“This Love” by G-Dragon was amazing. It’s one of those timeless songs that never gets old no matter how many times you hear it, no matter what year it is, no matter what the trends are. The song, the style, the vocals, everything works.

Coincidentally, it was just like when I discovered DBSK. I saw the video of Yunho before learning he was the leader of DBSK. I saw videos of G-Dragon and learned he was the leader of YG’s up and coming 2nd generation group following in the steps of 1TYM. That group went by the name of Big Bang.

Big Bang 2006 3

The first video I saw of all five members was “LaLaLa.” I’ll let you listen first before hitting on some key points.