Stage In The Sky

You know what I miss… the novelty of missing someone.

It’s so peculiar, really. With my imagination and memories, I need only think of someone and they’re there. Sometimes, I even have conversations with them as I walk down halls or prepare for the gym. And if they’re alive, thanks to smartphones and social media, they’re only a few clicks away. I see what they look like. I see how much they’ve changed or stayed the same.

So when I’m reunited with acquaintances, I honestly don’t feel much. We say, “we need to get together sometime…” but the truth is I never really felt that they were gone. Even the ones who truly are gone. I see them. As clear as I see the screen in front of me.

So then, why do you feel alone sometimes, Rock?

Well…just because I can think of them, doesn’t mean I want to or think its good for my peace of mind. Sometimes, I’ll think of an old love lost, and it hurts. Sometimes, I’ll consider a co-worker who has moved on and it makes me wonder if I should move on too. I’ll think of my peers, they’re growing families, their parties, their vacations, and it makes me wonder if I’m missing out on life if I don’t do those things too.

That’s why I’m a workaholic. To keep these detrimental thoughts at bay, I turn my mind to production. Dark care rarely sits behind the rider whose pace is fast enough.

So then, you’re alone because you choose to be.

Yes. And while I know man’s not meant to be alone, and it’s usually followed by negative context…I honestly believe that its in the depths of my solitude that I learned so much. When you’re surrounded by others, there’s so much to pull you out of your own head.

But when you’re alone…truly alone. You’re afforded the opportunity to think. To read biographies, philosophies, and events that aren’t directly related to you. This world is so huge, there’s so much that’s happened, and by the time you graduated college, I think most people know but a small fraction of it.

Well, Rock. You can have friends, be married, and kids and still learn those things.

I never said you couldn’t. The path I walk isn’t, or shouldn’t be an affront to the multitude of those who walk a different path.

Well, you’re talking like you’re so different and better than everyone else. I think you’re just so full of yourself. You need to pull your head out of your own ass.

And be like everyone else? Dare I ask?

YOU ARE LIKE EVERYONE ELSE! Everyone has these thoughts. There’s nothing special about you.

Just a quick question, by that logic, do you think that nobody is special? Not even your significant other, your daughter, your mother, Martin Luther King Jr., Shakespeare, Voltaire, Alexander the Great, etcs?

So, you’re comparing yourself to Voltaire now?

I see…so, what do you want me to think? Let’s be honest, what are you really getting at here?

I want you to get over yourself!

Why?

Because you’re full of shit!

So?

So, what?!

Why does it bother you?

Because I’m sick of people thinking they’re so better than everyone else.

lol, you want me to get over myself. Your answer to why is because I’m full of it. And it bothers you because people think they’re better than everyone else. At what point, did you see me mention how better I am than others? If anything, I acknowledged a great deal of pain, of self-loathing. The one sample of self-acknowledgment is that I’m afforded time to think, which you so eloquently pointed out, is no big whup because anyone can be afforded time to think.

Okay, so what’s your question?

Why do you think, that I think I’m better than everyone else?

So you’re saying you don’t?

That’s what I’m saying.

Well you sure talk like it.

*cries self to sleep*

“Rock. Missing someone isn’t a novelty, it’s a misery.” 

I’d say its a lot like love. Love can be something grand and happy and joyous…it can also be pain.