Just back from my cousin’s graduation in Colorado Springs. It was a blast. I’m well aware of my flaw in the sense that I don’t know how to relax, but I somehow managed for five whole days. That’s five whole days without checking my e-mail, facebook, or twitter.
On the day of my return, I was itching to get back to Tampa. It’s like…that vacation was my very own halftime…now I’m about to begin my 3rd and 4th quarters. I have so much work to do. Over the course of June and July, I plan on releasing seven e-book of my first novel “The Three Kings of Ybor”. That’s one e-book of well over 50 pages every other week. And I need to do it all before September 1st. Because on September 1st…I just might be overseas…Here’s hoping.
So as much as I love my cousins, aunts and uncle, I couldn’t wait to get back.
But on the flights back…something occurred to me. Maybe that’s why I try to avoid being around people. Because they always seem to remind me of what I’m missing. Almost everyone was with someone. Everyone had someone to talk to. Someone to call. And when we got back to Tampa, there were people waiting for them…reunions.
And as I sat back, waiting for the baggage claim conveyor belt to bring out our luggage, I saw these heartfelt reunions, the affectionate embraces. The longing made evident by the sheer joy on their faces. I wasn’t envious. I didn’t loathe their presence. But I confess…I became aware.
I thought of the people I knew in Tampa. I wondered if anyone missed me. Did I miss them? If I suddenly got on another plane and took off without a care for the destination or what lay ahead of me, would they “long” for my return.
Hmph…Foolish thoughts. Selfish thoughts. I smile as I relaxed in my seat and continued taking in the sights of hugs and kisses. People aren’t that bad. If I wanted to be welcomed, I would’ve told everyone about my departure and reminded them about my arrival. But I intentionally avoided doing those things because I didn’t want anyone to miss me. Why? I honestly still don’t know.
Then I laughed out loud at how stupid and weird I am. I know who’s waiting for me upon my arrival. My awesome Chrysler 200 is waiting for me. My cool apartment that I cleaned spotless before I left, was waiting for me. The law firm where I conjure up stories is waiting for me. My writing and research is waiting for me. “Welcome Rock! By all means, go nuts” they tell me.
hahaha! I’m not sure if this personification is just the beginning of a long life of isolation…but I’m tired of worrying about future relationships or lack there of. Those detrimental thoughts drag me down and I can’t afford to carry them with me. I’m not everyone else. I’m Rock. It’s difficult not to compare. But thankfully, I have a strong line of mental defense.
At my cousin’s graduation…the salutatorian got up at the podium and talked about how you shouldn’t compare yourself to everyone because there will always be someone better. And the people applauded.
I didn’t applaud. I wanted to say… “It’s probably that thinking that kept you from being valedictorian…Whether she was being general or not, it’s not a message the future generations should carry with them. Till the day I die, I will always strive to be the best at what I do. Like a fine wine, I will keep getting better.”