This is in response to an amazing video of this twenty-eight-year old Single Woman who seems far more advanced in her Christian faith than I was at her age. But she’s bringing up some interesting points about how the Church communities are failing Single Women.
So, I encourage you to check out her video for the full context, but there were a couple of points I wanted to hit on. Because from the video, I don’t think she’s quite landing on the root cause of her problem.
Points Discussed:
- Other Women See Her as Competition
- Being Alone in a Congregation Makes You Feel Alone
- Going to Church as a Married Man Feels More Comfortable
- Is it Wrong to See Single People as a Threat?
- She’s Been on a Lot of Dates…
- Why Men Don’t Approach Women in Church
- What I Would Tell Her…
To begin, the main problem the lady, Siara, brings up is something I’m quite familiar with…loneliness.It was interesting to hear it from a woman’s perspective.
Other Women See Her as Competition
One of the most eye-opening points Siara brought up has to deal with the near subliminal ostracism she faces from other women. Married women in long term relationships might perceive her as a threat to their relationships. And other Single Women might see her as competition for the small pool of men to choose from.
That…was incredible to think about. Super grateful for the honesty. I’m going to put a pin in this topic for now, but I want you to keep in mind as I continue. Because I can see both sides and I’m not entirely sure a wife exercising caution is necessarily evil.
Being Alone in a Congregation Makes You Feel Alone
For those who don’t know…I’ve been attending a local church since this past June 1st, 2025…but it wasn’t my first time going to this church. I FIRST started going back in 2018…but after a few services, I quit for similar reasons th Siara brought up in the video.
This should be obvious, but in my opinion…so many people deny this to their core!
Or at the very least, people will blame you for feeling the way you feel and tell you stupid stuff like, “Change yourself,” or “Don’t feel that way, you have to feel a different way!”
It’s like…gee, thanks. Hadn’t thought of that.
As a Single Man going to a church, especially a large one where it feels more like a theater than an actual small community where everyone knows everyone…going to a church like that can make you feel 10x more alone than you actually are.
I remember once back then, as I was leaving the service and the mass of people were returning to our vehicles, I tried to strike up a conversation with a man who was walking with his family, about how great the service was.
And he looked at me like it was weird, as if no one’s allowed to speak to each other. It was rough. I know not ALL the attendees are like that, but ladies and gentlemen…all it takes is one to ruin an experience like that.
And maybe that was my bad because he was walking with his family? “But still, it’s church!” I thought.
But if you know me, then you know that unlike the stereotypical black man, I come off as a jolly green giant, especially over subjects that I’m happily passionate about. But still…they looked at me as if they had to be cautious.
On top of all that…I understand why Siara felt that abysmal feeling of being perceived as a threat and competition.
Those things are not “just in her head”. Plenty of out-of-touch individuals or short-sighted ones who have no clue will be quick to say, “I don’t think that’s what’s going on.”
But how could you possibly know for sure?
In 2018, I was a 6’3, 230lbs Single black man in a mostly white church. This is the Tampa Bay area, the white part of town. That’s not a complaint, it’s just an obvious reality and no, I don’t want to live in the black part of town.
I’m not going to get into the litany of insecurities I had to deal with when it comes to the idea of taking someone’s white daughter, but those issues still exist. A black guy dating a white girl still rubs people the wrong way.
After about a month of attending that church, I stopped and told myself that I wouldn’t come back until I was married. That’s exactly what happened.
Going to Church as a Married Man Feels More Comfortable
Flash-forward to June 1st 2025, ya boy Rock is now two months into his first (and only) marriage and I’m taking my wife to that same church.
The feeling of attending this church was completely different and it wasn’t because I had “matured” or “grown up”. It was because I had a wife. Let alone, a black wife who dresses well, no tattoos, is sweet, well-mannered, and speaks proper English.
Years ago, I wrote an awesome essay about the Top 4 Reasons Why I hate Attending Parties, and I think Church can be included in that. Without a companion by your side, or even a best friend who you can talk to when no one else wants to talk to…it eliminates that loneliness so many of us struggle with.
Is it Wrong to See Single People as a Threat?
Here’s where I do agree with Siara that this is a big issue when it comes to the Church.
If you watched her video, she calls out those who intentionally and deliberately ignore the Single People by excluding them, refusing to go up and greet them, and basically pretending that they’re not there.
It’s heartbreaking and tragic to see that…but is that the Church’s fault? Or Society’s?
And by Society, I mean Satan.
Ever since I got married, I have found that the Women around me (Single and Married) in my workplace and events are way more comfortable and friendly with me. Not in the “flirtatious” way…but you can sense that they’ve let their guard down.
They’re not worried about me trying to get in their pants. They know I already have a wife. They know that a woman like my wife has vouched for me, trusting me with her life and the life of our future children. I think, subconsciously, that really has a way of making everyone feel more at ease.
It’s unfortunate that Single People (especially Men) don’t get that Benefit of the Doubt. But it’s the reality we live in and again…that’s not the Church’s fault. That’s the society we live in. You know…the kind of society where you can’t even mind your own business on a bus ride without getting stabbed in the neck.
Thus, I do think it’s understandable for women to be cautious when it comes to bringing a Single Woman into their group that includes married husbands.
We may be Christians in the faith, but we’re still human. Temptations exist. And Christians have been known to cheat.
But that shouldn’t stop Christians from at least acknowledging the new person visiting their church.
Even with the couples I’ve met in my marriage group, there are unwritten things a lot of us seem to abide by. Men text and call other men. My wife texts with and calls the women in the group. I got no business going to another man’s wife and asking for advice or wanting to talk about something, and vice versa.
If you set clear boundaries with a reasonable understanding of the dangers at hand, I think you should be able to reduce those risks.
But I get it. If you don’t think you have the strength or faith in your partner to take that risk, then please…don’t risk it for the sake of optics or even what the Single Person thinks.
Your marriage should come first, and as a Single Person…like Siara, she should understand that and give these marriage folk some grace.
She’s Been on a Lot of Dates…
On that note…I am going to change the direction of the proverbial table lamp to shine it back onto Siara. I don’t know her. This was the first video I’ve seen of hers, but her Youtube channel does seem Christian themed with topics addressed in good faith.
Siara mentions that she’s gone out on many dates and done online dating.
Sometimes people say that and they’re not being honest. I’m choosing to take Siara at her word and assume she is.
I think that’s a problem and goes against her notion that the “church is failing Single Christian Women.”
Why? Because you had dates. You had opportunities. Christian Men and Christian Women are not in the same boat when it comes to this.
It reminds me of another Christian woman I was friends with last year who said, “I keep getting dates through online apps, but it turns out that they just keep wanting sex or they’re not really as Christian as I thought.”
So, I suggested she used my litmus test of asking them this question before they even go out on the date. The question: “If the Bible tells us that God thinks something is an abomination, but the world says it’s okay and even has parades for it, which way do you sway?”
The Christian friend said, “Oh my god. If I asked that I’d never get any dates.”
That’s exactly my point. You might find Christians (and Pastors) who disagree with me here, but I believe it is the smartest, most wisest thing for every Christian to lead with their faith when it comes to dating.
Talk about God on the first date. Rejoice and praise Christ. Speak about how you came into the faith. Even if you don’t get the date, you’re at least getting the opportunity to minister to someone. And if any of that talk repulses them or turns them away, then that’s not the Christian for you.
So, when Siara says she’s gone out on plenty of dates…it tells me she’s picking the wrong guys. And yeah, you could follow the logic that the “date is where you’re supposed to talk about all this stuff, not on the phone or through text…” yeah, how’s that going for all of y’all?
Because with most of the Christian couples I know, before they even went on their first official date, they had already done the ground work of deep conversations through text, phone calls, or platonic group events where other people were around.
Lastly…and this is something I really can’t blame the Church for.
Why Men Don’t Approach Women in Church
I blame Feminism. And the MeToo Movement. And #BelieveAllWomen. And all the other viral campaigns where the mainstream media has demonized the way Men used to approach Women.
One of the Main Reasons why I sought out a Church to attend in 2018 was because I was looking for a Christian wife.
Siara is 28 in her video. I was 30 in 2018.
If she and I were in the same church service and I saw her sitting by herself, even if she was smiling and exuding that glow of Christ as she enjoys the sermon…I still would not have approached her. She’d need to approach me first.
Trust me. In 2018, I saw PLENTY of smoke-shows sitting by themselves around me. But I’ve seen what’s been happening in the news. I’ve been falsely accused of sexual harassment. I’ve been called a creep when all I did was ask a woman for her number.
I’ve had my reputation run through the mud where every girl thought I was a creep before they even met me, all because another woman who couldn’t have me wanted to make sure that no one else would get me either.
This guy and his wife breaks it down beautifully in the video below. I have it queued up.
I can’t imagine how broken I would’ve been, even as a Christian, if I tried to talk to a woman as respectfully as I could, and they still accused me of being a creep or told someone that I made them feel uncomfortable.
That would’ve been awful and I’d probably hate the church, never to return. But still, I wouldn’t blame the church. I’d probably blame women. Just being honest.
For instance, I don’t blame the company I worked for back when a girl reported me for a joke she that felt was “inappropriate.” I blamed the Snowflake leftists and everyone who looks like her. You know the type. Glasses. Trump Derangement Syndrome. Overweight with an inflated sense of their looks, all while hating anyone who talks about working out, American pride, or traditional values.
“But Rock! How can you blame them? You’re the one who made them feel uncomfortable.”
And their solution was to tell on me? Why couldn’t they have tell me themselves? Were they afraid of me? Didn’t they know that I might get fired by reporting me? Did they care about that? Did they care at all about how calling me a creep and ruining my reputation would damage me?
“Well, did you care about making them feel uncomfortable?”
Did you really think I said something to intentionally make you feel uncomfortable? If you did, then it’s safe to assume you think I’m an asshole. If you didn’t, then you’re an asshole who’s just using the village to attack me because you don’t have the strength or courage to do it yourself or alone. (excuse my French, Christians)
“But, Rock. Siara is saying the Church has failed her. Not other Single people.”
Alright, consider this. Would she have made this video if a single Chad or Hunter came and introduced themselves to say hello and chat with her about the service?
I don’t think she would be blaming the Church for failing her if a man did approach her and she found a decent relationship with that man.
Her main issue was loneliness, remember. If you watch her video, she already explains that her faith is strong. Her love for Christ is not the issue. It’s loneliness and a lack of acceptance, feeling like she has a place in her church as a Single Woman.
What I Would Tell Her…
I would tell Siara, to again, lead with her faith. She knows the Scriptures. Lean into how the Bible calls us to live. Keep seeking first the Kingdom of Heaven and seek Jehovah’s guidance in all things and eventually, she will find someone. (it looks like she has, according to her latest video0
I know that’s not what a lot of people want to hear. I didn’t want to hear it either. It took 20 years since I graduated high school to finally get married. That doesn’t sound appealing. It’s tough. It really is.
But remember why it’s like that in the first place. This isn’t by God’s design. It’s because a wicked devil called Satan exists and is steadily making things difficult for those who truly desire to put God first and obey his commands.
That’s why you hear things like “put Christianity to the backseat when dating,” or “don’t talk about God on the first date”. In Satan’s world, yeah…that makes sense.
But when you’re dealing with someone with a true love and reverence for Christ, one who doesn’t just carry and think about God on Sundays but is constantly seeking out ways to serve Him every single day…1) you will find someone, 2) even if you don’t, you will find joy, and 3) even if you don’t, you’ll find fulfillment.
Remember the words of Romans Chapter 5: 3-5: “Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, 4 and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, 5 and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.”
And with that, I’ll leave you with this last video from a Christian I’ve been following, because man…he really is knocking it out of the park with his messages.
Stage In The Sky 