If you Google the show, the main criticism you’ll see is that the men of Love is Blind Habibi were supposedly “Toxic, Controlling, and Abusive” towards the women. We have to talk about it.
I had to give this point its own post because it’s a nefarious “high school” peer pressure tactic that’s been going on for years. What’s the tactic?
If you can convince people that something is bad, basically giving it a label like calling it racist, toxic or oppressive, it encourages others to 1) not follow that person’s example, 2) it discredits everything they do, and 3) it prevents others from openly liking/sharing/or commenting about how much they agree because they’re afraid of being labeled a bad person too.
Thus…it makes sense why they’d call the Men “toxic, controlling, and oppressive.” They don’t want other men to do what they did, and they want other women to believe that they’re being oppressed when really, they’re not.
For example, they absolutely hate it when housewives talk about how much pleasure they get from serving their men and taking care of the families over pursuing a career and being “strong and independent”. Let’s talk about it.
POINTS DISCUSSED
- They Hate Having to Choose
- Refusing to Accept Responsibility for Your Choices
- If You Choose the Man, You’re Rewarded with a Husband
- Do The Men Have to Change to Women?
- You Don’t Have to Change if You’re Already Prepared for Marriage:
- True Female Empowerment is a Mindset
- You Can’t Tell Her What to Do, She’s a Free Woman
They Hate Having to Choose
If you haven’t noticed by now…the women who tend to make these claims are usually the type who don’t like it when they’re faced with the choice of being with the man that they want…and having to let go of something they wished they could still do.
In their eyes, that’s not fair. They think the man should have no say in what he wants in a wife. You can’t say you want a woman who’s in shape. You can’t say you want no tattoos. You can’t say you want a woman who cooks and cleans.
You have to tolerate her attitude, what she chooses to wear and accept her friends, and if you don’t, you’re called toxic and controlling.
Ironically, this is actually a shaming tactic that’s designed by the self-perceived victim to control someone else. Which is why you need to recognize those who are always making themselves out to be the victim and leave them alone. Because in today’s culture (unlike the 90s where we were told to grow thicker skins), being a victim gives you power to grandstand and tell others what to do.
In Love is Blind Habibi…the Men don’t beat their women. They don’t curse them out. Instead, they respectfully and plainly state what they will or won’t accept from their wives.
The WOMEN then have a choice. There isn’t a gun to their heads. They aren’t being dragged out and stoned for not submitting to men who are not their husbands. But the choice is simple. If you want to be with the man, you can’t do what he said he doesn’t accept.
For example, the couple of Ammar and Karma.
From the very first date in the pods, Karma mentioned that she liked dancing. Ammar, arguably the best-looking guy there, who’s kind and mature, respectfully made it known, “I don’t like this.”
Ammar could’ve lied. This is what a lot of American men do. They keep things like this to themselves and act like they love everything about the woman, just to string her along so he can get laid and have some bedroom fun, all while knowing that he’s never gonna marry a woman like that. As they say in the Red Pill Spaces, “she’s for recreational use only.”
No, I don’t condone that attitude, but I’m just letting you know that this is how a lot of American men think. You can be spare that by requiring marriage before having sex with him, but that’s your call ladies.
Ammar was looking for a wife. He knows there’s no way he can accept his wife dancing in front of other men, so from the get-go…he made it clear, “I don’t like this.”
So…for this couple to work, one of two things had to happen. Karma either needs to stop dancing, or Ammar needs to accept that she’s going to continue dancing.
This is the perfect case of what happens in millions of relationships around the world. Men want this, but Women want that. Who’s going to relent? Who’s going to follow who? Who’s going to sacrifice doing what they want in order to be with the other?
Refusing to Accept Responsibility for Your Choices
The answers to those questions are the reasons why so many are still single. And instead of blaming themselves and taking responsibility for the fact that they made a choice, they blame the person who didn’t accept them.
I’ve been guilty of that myself for years. In the past, I’ve chosen not to continue relationships with women who “claimed” to be Christian but they were also feminists who rejected the Bible Scriptures that clearly say Men are supposed to be the heads of our households.
We both had choices. The women could choose to submit to the Scriptures, or I could choose to reject those scriptures and submit to what she wanted.
I chose God and rejected the woman. That’s what we’re supposed to do (both men and women) as followers of Christ. That’s why worldly women see Godly men as Red Flags.
Either way, I blamed those women for not living the way I believe God calls us to live. But I accepted responsibility and the consequence: that it would take me longer to find a wife than most of my lukewarm Christian counterparts who have no problem with premarital sex or 50/50 partnerships.
And that’s the thing…when a man does put his foot down and sticks to his preferences, his values, that’s when words like “toxic, abusive, controlling, and oppressive” conveniently come out of the woodwork. Because I didn’t submit to her will or accept her way of life. I just walked away.
“So, you never called a woman abusive and controlling for not living the way you think she should live?”
No…I’ve called them foolish and unwise, but I’ve always respected their freedom to choose. Ammar did the same. Karma did not. Allow me to explain.
After Ammar made it clear on several dates that it was impossible to marry a woman who chooses to belly dance, Karma was faced with a decision. The video clip below reveals her decision.
That’s right. Karma chose her passion of belly dancing over marriage to Ammar.
I can understand how a certain type of woman and clearly all the Feminists would see Karma as an inspirational hero. The woman who chose “freedom” and her passion over the man of her dreams! A story like hers gives strength to the millions who are single, alone, and pursuing their own self-fulfilling goals.
And to be honest, part of me respects Karma for her decision as well. As I’m going to talk about in my next post, I don’t believe that just because you’re a woman you have to choose a man or marriage over other goals and aspirations.
At the same time, you have to accept the consequences, the results of your choices.
Belly dancing and living life to the fullest sounds great when you’re in your twenties. But if you aren’t prepared to keep that same energy for the rest of your life, then you’ve squandered your youth, your beauty, and fertility and it’s nobody’s fault but your own.
During the reunion show, when Ammar was asked if he thought he was “being controlling.”
Ammar answered, “No. I don’t think that’s controlling. I think that’s leadership.”
Karma demanded an apology from Ammar, but why? If you saw the clip above, then you know that Ammar wasn’t disrespectful. He didn’t curse her out. He didn’t “force her” to do anything she didn’t want to do (except make a choice). He respectfully shook her hand and left her alone.
Karma was clearly still bitter about the whole situation, which tells me she hasn’t accepted responsibility for the choice she made. Instead, she resents Ammar for forcing her to make that choice to begin with.
Do you see how childish this sounds? Does anyone really believe that she chose Belly-Dancing over marriage to Ammar just because likes dancing that much? Or…did she choose dancing just to prove a point.
“I’m a free woman!”
Alright. Enjoy your freedom.
If You Choose the Man, You’re Rewarded with a Husband
“Hang on, Rock! You could say the same thing, vice versa! Because if you men choose the woman over what you weren’t willing to accept about her, then you’re rewarded with a wife. So, this subheading is stupid.”
No, it isn’t.
There’s a reason why the focus is on women here. Because between men and women, it seems women are the main ones having a hard time dealing with the consequences of their choices. You can just go to Tiktok or Youtubers like this one where older women are constantly complaining that they’re old, single, and childless.
And for that, you can blame the ones who coddled and lied to you, because they think making you feel good is more important than telling you the truth.
If you choose the man over the “freedoms” you enjoyed as a Single Woman, you will get a husband. Take my wife for example. (me proposing to her in Philly December 2024)
Even while we were still dating, my wife had to make some hard choices between me and her family. I made it clear that if we were to get married, I don’t want certain members of her family living with us, even if they fall on hard times.
I know that sounds awful and selfish of me…and you’d be right. When it comes to wanting my own nuclear family over a huge extended family where you have to plan for and take care of everyone else…I am selfish. I wish I was a give-you-the-shirt-off-my-back kind of guy, but I’m not. As a 38-year-old man who’s lived alone since I was 21, I knew myself well enough to know what will and won’t work for me.
Again…I could’ve lied and told her what she wanted to hear just so I wouldn’t lose her. True story, I know a woman who married a guy, hoping to have children, and it wasn’t until after they got married that she found out he lied about wanting kids. And because she doesn’t believe in divorce, she’s now stuck with a guy who lied to her.
I’m not that kind of guy. Not to mention, if you met my wife…she’s such a darling (a true lady deserving of chivalry). I’d sooner throw myself in front of a bus than break her heart, so it was important that she knew the truth about me, my views on headship, my love for God, and how I plan on raising our family way back before we developed feelings for each other.
In the end, my wife had a choice. And I thank God that she chose me. Believe it or not, she appreciated my selfish desire to prioritize our future family over extended family members (who will never NOT need something).
And the reward for choosing me is a faithful husband that will prioritize her wants and needs. As long as God keeps me alive, this woman will never be without my love, affection, laughter, time, wisdom, resources, and effort.
No one on earth will ever be as important and there’s not a day that goes by where I don’t make it my mission to prove she’s made one of the best decisions of her life.
Do The Men Have to Change to Women?
“Well, did she force you to make any choices when it comes to changing who you are?”
No, but I asked. Believe it or not, I asked plenty of times if there was anything about me or my lifestyle or my habits that she wanted to change, whether it’s my clothes, the way I talk. Anything.
She said no. Nothing major.
“SEE! She accepted you as you are!”
First off, IF there was something she wanted me to change…let’s say she wanted me to stop boxing or writing books and essays…if I wanted to marry her, and she had a good reason…like her brother was killed by a boxer or something, I’d choose her and give up those hobbies.
It wouldn’t be easy. I might not like it at first. But big picture, what’s my goal? Because I’ve been boxing and writing as a single bachelor for the last eight years. It’s fun. I enjoy it. But getting married and starting my own family has always been 10x more important than becoming a bestselling author.
Secondly, and probably most importantly, I was already living my life in preparation for marriage. Let’s go ahead and give that a sub-heading.
You Don’t Have to Change if You’re Already Prepared for Marriage:
For all the ladies screaming, “See! She didn’t ask you to change anything!”
Yeah, why would she?
If I’m already the kind of man she’s always wanted, if she entered my world and saw that everything was already prepared for her to ease right into it, why in the world would she ask me to change anything?
I’m in shape. I own my own home (pic above). Student Loans are paid off. Jeep is paid off. I don’t have any children. No crazy ex-girlfriends. I don’t have a body count, so I’m clean. I’ve never been cheated on so I’m not dealing with a lot of baggage.
I have a strong relationship with God. I love my family. I got a network of reliable associates. Several mentors. Worked a law firm for over 15 years. No dogs or cats. I have passions and hobbies, and I don’t play videos games religiously.
What about any of that would you want to see differently?
You want a man who drinks? There’s plenty of those guys. I’m not one of them. And I don’t hate you for having that preference.
You want a man with a boat? There’s plenty of those guys. I’m not one of them. And I don’t hate you for having that preference.
The dogs? Even there, there’s a strong argument as to why a lot of men don’t want “Dog Moms.” It’s the same reason why we don’t want Single Moms with children. We’ll have to share your love, attention, and priorities.
“So! What’s the problem with that?”
It’s not a problem. But if you were to ask a man if he prefers a woman with a dog or without the burden and responsibilities of a dog, unless he has a dog too…he’d likely say without a dog.
If you were to ask a man if he prefers a woman who’s fit and in shape over a woman who’s overweight with loose flabby skin…he’d likely say fit and in shape.
If you were to ask a man if he prefers a woman who goes out dancing with her girlfriends on the weekend over women who don’t…he’d likely prefer a woman who didn’t.
Preference, is the key word.
Men like me, the 90s kids who were raised with the old-school mentality of how it’s our duty to protect and provide for our wives and children…we spent our 20s working hard to get out of college debt. A lot of us worked hard, saved up, and sacrificed all in preparation WITH OUR FUTURE FAMILIES IN MIND.
Is that how women spend their 20s? Is that how they’re encouraged to live by the culture and mainstream media? Generally speaking, are modern women coming out of college and working hard to make 6-figures so they can protect and provide for their future husbands?
Are they “saving themselves” and rejecting the bad boys to reward the good men with their youth, beauty, and fertility? Or are they racking up huge debts by prioritizing fun, traveling, and experiences?
Don’t get me wrong, I know there are a lot of women who were raised by traditional women to prioritize getting a man and serving the family (heavily in the Latino culture and intact Christian families). But I also had a close female friend who legit said, “I don’t want to lose weight to attract a man. I want to lose weight for my own sake, to change my lifestyle.”
“So? What’s wrong with that, Rock?”
Well, what’s wrong with a woman wanting to lose weight so she can look good and attract a man?
“She shouldn’t do it for men! She should do it for herself!”
And that’s the problem. Men like me worked on ourselves, improved ourselves, and made changes in our lives not just for ourselves, but to attract a future mate. Anyone who says, “I’m only doing this for myself” needs to be prepared for the logical conclusion that the only one who’ll accept you…is yourself.
Meanwhile, my old female friend is now horrendous obesity. And you can straight up Google “Before and after feminism” to see shot after shot of women who looked absolutely gorgeous before they drank the Feminist kool-aid and deliberately changed to make themselves unappealing to men, all under the guise of “I’m just doing this for myself.”
My point is, my wife didn’t ask me to change anything because I already lived my life in consideration for what she or any other woman would want in a husband (no lie, she had a list). I didn’t squander my youth, strength, and energy.
Did you?
True Female Empowerment is a Mindset
All that said…again, I’m not saying that Women MUST always choose men over their own wants and desires. Just accept the consequences of the choices you make. And that doesn’t mean the consequences are always be bad. It’s all about your mindset.
For instance, true story. For over fifteen years, my dental hygienist has been a 50+ year old woman who was born and raised in Iran. We’ll call her Shadi.
Shadi lives alone. She’s never been married. Never had any kids.
For over fifteen years, Shadi would ask about my love life, hear my dating stories and was finally thrilled to hear I had gotten married. When I asked about Shadi’s love life…this is what she told me.
“I was in love once. Almost got married. But it didn’t work out. I had to choose between him and taking care of my parents. So, I chose to take care of my parents.”
Of course, this hits close to home…because she’s essentially who my wife would be if she chose her family over me.
But here’s the thing…Shadi didn’t bash the love of her life. She didn’t say men were evil or curse the world for having to make a choice.
Shadi is well into her golden years. You can tell she has no regrets. She was happy to have chosen her parents. She loves her niece as her own child. She’s constantly telling me of adventures she’s gone on with her friends, like to Niagara Falls and Italy.
My point is…You can indeed make a choice, accept responsibility for that choice, and still be happy. It’s all a matter of perspective.
If you let society sucker you into thinking you’re a victim, or that men are mean and controlling because they forced you to make a choice instead of living by some rules you made up in your head, then, yeah you’re probably going to be bitter and resentful…instead of acting like a grown-up, looking in the mirror, and placing the blame on yourself.
“But at least she’s a free woman!”
You Can’t Tell Her What to Do, She’s a Free Woman
That’s a dumb thing to say if you want to get married. I’m sorry. I’m tired of sugar coating it.
But if you look up videos of Karma on Youtube, you’ll find thumbnails where other women praise her for her claims of “I’m a free woman.”
Okay cool. I hope you’re prepared to carry that same energy well into your golden years like Shadi. At least with Shadi, her reasons are a little more noble than wanting to dance in front of other men.
What’s noble about Shadi? Self-sacrifice! Shadi sacrificed being with the man she loved, not for “herself,” not for “freedom,” but to serve and take care of her parents. She gave up marriage for the sake of someone other than herself.
Is that what Karma’s doing? By choosing to belly-dance, other than her own happiness, who is Karma choosing to serve and take care of? (which is ironic, given the hatred women claimed to have for the dreaded “male gaze”)
“Hang on, Rock! You’re a hypocrite! Didn’t you admit to being selfish by not wanting to house your wife’s extended family? What sacrifices did you have to make when it comes to getting married?”
Have you already forgotten those couple of paragraphs listing all the things I did in preparation for a wife and marriage? Do you think those things were easy? Do you think they were just handed to me? Or do you think it took a lot of hard work and sacrifice to be able to afford my own home, pay off my vehicles, student loan debts and lose 178lbs to stay in shape, looking GOOD for my future wife.
Not to mention the years, and I mean YEARS of loneliness, of having to sacrifice relationships with beautiful women because they didn’t believe in waiting until marriage to have sex. That wasn’t easy. I felt like a fool. Like I was the only one on the planet following the rules.
That was sacrifice and I didn’t just do it to spare my future wife of the heartache and stress of having to deal with potential children by another woman, or any STDs, but also out of my love and obedience to God, who calls us to wait until marriage to have sex. If I wanted to, I could’ve disobeyed and had sex with my girlfriend back when I was 27 to become a father sooner than later. But no…that was sacrifice!
Because here’s the deal…you are right. When you get married, you are no longer as free as you were when you were single. And to be honest…that’s kind of the point, biblically, socially, and biologically.
S. Korea is a window into the future when it comes to what happens when Women don’t get married and have their own families. They start to pressure the government to step up and take the place of what should’ve been the responsibility of their husbands.
Furthermore, I think too many people have it twisted when it comes to Men. They act like, just because we’re calling the shots as the head of our families, then we’re still “Free Men” who get to do whatever we want even when we get married and become fathers.
Again, it depends on who you marry. If you marry a freeloading bum…yeah, sure you have a point.
But for men like me, we’re sacrificing just as much, if not more, by putting our lives, our time, our effort and energy on the line every day to bring home a paycheck and give it away for the ones we love.
We can’t go out with the boys and have fun at the bars, because we have to get up at 5am the next morning. We can’t curse and say all the things that pop into our heads, because we got kids looking up to us copying everything we do. We can’t buy that hot rod or the latest PS5 games because our kids need school supplies and clothes.
My time is no longer my time. And you know what? That’s what I signed up for. Men like me crave purpose and having loved ones who depend on us, not just for money and resources, but emotional support, wisdom and guidance, yeah, you better believe I am motivated more than ever before to do my best.
I was a “free man” for over 18 years, but if you read the book of Ecclesiastes, you’ll find that even King Solomon, one of the richest, most handsome, wisest men who ever lived found futility in living just for yourself. Meaning, it was pointless.
So, if you think husbands are “Free Men” because they have this perceived power you wish you had, you’re wrong. And if you “know of husbands who don’t take care of the family and they really are free and selfish,” then guess what…those women MADE THE WRONG CHOICE in marrying those men.
The whole crux of this essay is empowering women to 1) Make better choices and 2) take responsibility for their choices.
Instead of calling men toxic and controlling because they refuse to accept you the way you are, how about you look in the mirror and realize that the only one you can control is yourself.
This is no different from, if you want a job but the job has certain requirements that you lack. You can point and scream at the job for not accepting you the way you are, or you can work on acquiring those qualifications.
The employer isn’t toxic and controlling for posting those requirements, but it’s his place of employment. Just like no one is forcing you to apply, you can’t force him to change those requirements. If you did, that would be a bit toxic and controlling of you, wouldn’t it?
Alright…in my next post, I’m going to finish up with the last part of my 3-part essay about Love is Blind Habibi, where I highlight the Top 3 couples that dropped so much Red Pill Gold. Stay tuned!
Stage In The Sky 