Stage In The Sky

Long ago, I remember hearing Beyonce sing the lyrics, “I can have another you in a minute” as she describes leaving a contentious boyfriend for someone else. This is an example of someone who has an “Abundance Mindset.” The question is: Can you afford to have it? 

I just finished watching this amazing video from Medium Man (see above) where a 40-year-old man explains that he chose to marry his ex-wife because he had a Scarcity Mindset. Meaning, he married her because he was afraid that this would be the only woman he’d ever have a chance to marry.  

Medium Man talks about it around the 3:59 mark, and asserts that men need to have an Abundance Mindset when it comes to women. But is that wise? Let’s talk about it.  

POINTS DISCUSSED: 

1. What is the Scarcity Mindset? 
2. What is the Abundance Mindset? 
3. Red Pill Advice Given to Men: 
4. What Are the Odds? 
5. Embrace Your Reality:  

What is the Scarcity Mindset? 

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard accounts where good people stayed in relationships with people who were abusive or treated them like garbage, both men and women. 

And when you ask, “why didn’t you leave?” The reasons/excuses usually range from financial, to emotional dependency, that they were scared, or that they had nowhere to go…but at the risk of oversimplifying the issue…I think it all boils down to the Scarcity Mindset. 

As it relates to Dating, this is the mindset where you stick with a person or you pursue a relationship with a person, because you don’t think you can do better, no one else will want you, and thus, you’re afraid of being alone. I’ve been guilty of this myself. I think it’s a very reasonable concern. 

What is the Abundance Mindset? 

On the other side of that coin, is the Abundance Mindset.  

This is seemingly put on full display with a majority of people you see on Social Media, where they’re passing on good options for some of the dumbest most trivial reasons…as if they have all the time in the world and so many options to pick from. See the examples if you think I’m just making this up. 

Example 1 

Example 2 

Example 3 

I’d argue that a lot of modern women have an Abundance Mindset, because for a time, that is their realty. If you dump a man on Monday and you’re able to get another one to take you out for the weekend, it makes sense why there’s no sense of urgency or need to commit to a decision about the man you want. In your eyes, that man is a dime a dozen. 

This is why a lot of Red-Pilled Men think Online Dating is a waste of time. This upcoming video breaks down how disproportionate it is for Men to get messages or even a like on the dating apps, while women get way more in comparison. 

So, generally speaking, it makes sense why Men would have a more Scarcity Mindset while Women have a more Abundance Mindset. When Beyonce sang, “I can have another you in a minute,” she wasn’t kidding. Most men cannot say that. 

Red Pill Advice Given to Men: 

When Medium Man makes his arguments as to why Most Men should have an Abundance Mindset when it comes to their dating options…I understand what he’s trying to say…and yet, I don’t think the Abundance Mindset is the answer. 

Medium Man says, “the easiest way to deal with a combative woman is not to deal with her at all. If you start dating this woman and she is not your cup of tea, leave. But a lot of men don’t do that because you live in a Scarcity Mindset.” 

I agree with what he’s saying. But I simply call that “Self-Respect”. Self-Respect and having an Abundance Mindset are not the same.  

I’ve seen PLENTY of women drop good men because they have so many options to choose from, while still allowing themselves to be hurt and taken advantage of by the Tyrones and Chads, who are also abundant in their lives.

Don’t get me wrong. If you’re rich, if you look like Brad Pitt or Idris Elba, or if you have a track record of women constantly approaching you, hitting on you, then yeah…it’d make sense why you’d have an abundance mindset. 

If you have that charming confident personality where you have no problem going after dozens of women with no sweat off your back, then yeah…it makes sense why you’d have an Abundance Mindset. That is your reality. 

However, for the average man, like the one in Kendra G’s video…our reality is not like that. I’ve written essays (like the one above) explaining how mainstream culture has ruined the way Men used to approach women. Thus, the average men don’t. 

And even social media will show us contradicting advice like these two examples. Video 1 is of Gym Girls talking about how they want to be approached. While Video 2 is of Gym Girls talking about how men shouldn’t approach at all.  

The Average Man see this and airs on the side of caution. This means that we get fewer opportunities to go out on dates or to meet women, thus, our opportunities are indeed scarce. 

But despite the reality, should we as men simply trick ourselves into thinking we have an abundance? Is that the confidence Men say that women are attracted to? Don’t get me wrong, I understand that desperation and a lack of self-confidence isn’t appealing. I get it.  

And yet, I worry that we as men might fall into the camp of delusion that we often accuse women of. Can we afford to play those games, and will it really pay off? 

What Are the Odds? 

When Content Creators give people the advice of how you need to live an Abundance Mindset, I think more people need to ask themselves, “What are the odds?”  

Here, you gotta be super honest with yourselves. You have to know yourself. You have to analyze yourself, which means acknowledging your history of dealing with people based on your lifestyle. It also means keeping in mind whether or not the advice you’re getting is applicable to men like you.

Let’s start with the men… 

When it comes to “abundance,” as a resident of the Tampa Bay area with its many beaches and a gym on every corner…trust me when I say there is no shortage of smoking hot women all around me. The “Odds” of me seeing an attractive woman while I’m out and about are extremely high.

Now then, what are the odds of me approaching one of those hot women? What are the odds of them approaching me? What are the odds of them finding Me attractive?  

What are the odds of these women being Bible practicing Christians? What are the odds of them having conservative values? What are the odds of them waiting until marriage to have sex? What are the odds of them not being single mothers? What are the odds of them having a pleasant personality? What are the odds that they’ll like my personality?

Remember, the point of these questions is whether it’s reasonable for you to have a Scarcity or an Abundance Mindset. In considering these odds, I don’t think it makes sense for me to have an Abundance Mindset. 

It isn’t because men like me are ugly or that no women want us, it’s because I refuse to accept “just anything”. Which means, the odds of me finding the kind of woman I want to marry in these immoral times are very low.  

It doesn’t mean the kind of woman I want doesn’t exist. But I have to consider, what are the odds of me finding her, approaching her, and getting to know her sooner than later? 

Even with the guy in the Kendra G Video, around the 12:35 mark, he describes the kind of woman he’s looking for as a 40-year-old man making $90 a year in Tennessee. He claims that he wants a woman between the ages of 22-28 and her race doesn’t matter. 

I don’t think that’s an unreasonable ask. But what are the odds of him finding that? 

In the Red Pill Spaces, a lot of men say that young women love older men. And of course, we all know older guys who are with younger women in their mid to early 20s. This is a funny example of a 40-year-old with 23-year-old, so it most definitely happens. But what are the odds?  

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When it comes to long-term relationships leading to marriage, what are the odds of a 40-year-old man finding a beautiful, single, childless woman in her 20s who’s also marriage-minded and willing to settle down at the peak of her sexual marketplace value? 

What are the odds that this woman would desire a 40-year-old over someone her own age? What are the odds that she’s not gonna care what her friends and family think of her dating this older average-looking nine-to-five man?  

I’m not saying it’s impossible. I’m not even saying it’s not likely. I’m just asking, “what are the odds?”  

Let’s go to the women… 

I mentioned earlier that you gotta be honest with yourself. You have to know yourself to truly acknowledge the odds. With the ladies…as respectfully as I can say this, I think they struggle in this department because they often conflate a man’s desire for her body with his desire to marry her.

Meaning, just because he wants to sleep with you, it doesn’t mean he wants to marry you (or even have a friendship with you). And because a lot of women don’t understand this, it leads to an overinflated ego about what they think they’re worth. 

For example, if a woman is a 4 in the looks department, but she sleeps with a guy who’s a 9, she runs the risk of assuming that she herself is a 9. Thus, she won’t give anyone else who’s actually on her level a chance because she thinks she can do better.  Hence the term, “49er” to describe someone who’s a 4 but thinks they’re a 9.

All that, mixed with endless male attention, as well as her so-called friends gassing her up with lies about how she’s totally amazing and super beautiful and deserves the world…you can’t blame ladies if they struggle when it comes to discerning the truth.  

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This reel is the most in your face example of that. She pops a lot of men’s balloons and claims that she only likes gorgeous men. Dude, look at her. I’m not trying to be insulting or disparaging but what are the odds that “gorgeous man” is going to find her attractive and forsake all others just to be with her? 

I’ve seen so many women talk about how a man needs to make six figures, be over six feet tall, and be good looking. This next clip is just one of many where an older woman wants a man who makes all that money and will take her throughout Europe. 

The guys are trying to tell them that the odds of finding the kind of man they want are slim…and her response is, yeah but, “there are guys out there.”  

She may be right. However, what are the odds of her finding that guy? Can she afford to wait? Is time on her side? 

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that women should just settle for the first guy who asks her out or shows her any love and attention. I’m not even saying that just because a guy treats you right, you’re obligated to stay with him and marry him. 

But I am saying that an Abundance Mindset coupled with a woman’s ignorance about what their desired man wants in a wife…it’s hurting a lot of women. 

Not to mention, even if you do struggle with discerning the truth about your metaphysical reality, you can always fall back on your lived history. Meaning, what kind of men do keep attracting? Are these the kind you want to marry? Why do you think you keep attracting those types? 

For instance, if you say you want a good God-fearing man who’s all about family and moral values, what are the odds of you attracting a man like that while you’re covered in tattoos, colored hair, dressed like you go to the strip clubs and your social media is filled with thirst traps? 

If you’re out and about, what are the odds that a good Christian man will see you and think to himself, “She looks like the type of person I’ll want to take home to the family.” or “That’s the kind of woman I’ll bring around to company events.”? 

Embrace Your Reality:  

Why is this important? What’s the point of this essay? 

I think when you’re young, deep down, everyone hopes they’ll end up with the man or woman of their dreams, even if that dream isn’t realistic and the odds are slim.  

I would say you should “accept” your reality, but the thing is, you can change your reality by changing who you are or improving yourself to increase your odds of getting what you want. But even there, you have to be real with yourself and ask, “are you willing to put in the work to get what you want?” 

I used to weigh 378 pounds (yep, that’s me). And while you do see examples of women going for dudes like Big Pun or Notorious BIG, it was pretty obvious that the smoking hot ladies you see in the music videos weren’t attracted to them because they were fat. It was because of their fame, fortune, or the charisma of their personalities, all of which, I lacked. 

Thus, early on in my 20s, I had to come to terms with the fact that I did not qualify for the kind of woman I desired.  

When I lost all that weight and built myself into something from nothing, for the first time in my life, I was getting all kinds of attention for women and even found myself in a love triangle when I was 26, something I never expected after years of feeling like I was big ugly monster.   

Did this mean I had an Abundance Mindset? Absolutely! I haven’t had that many committed girlfriends in my lifetime, but it’s not because “no woman wanted me,” it was because of my Abundance Mindset.  I’ve NEVER been afraid to walk away from a woman. I don’t give a damn how hot she was. One of my exes once told me that one of the main things she liked about me was that “I don’t put up with ish.” 

But that Abundance Mindset didn’t last forever. I’m not going to lie to you and act like I was always on top of the world. By the time I hit my early 30s, the fear started to creep in. Because of my lifestyle, my Christian faith, and the fact that I was always working, I wasn’t meeting a lot of women. And the women I did encounter, weren’t attractive. Viable options were scarce!

For months, I’ve been working on an essay about my success with Online Dating in 2024, but the main reason why I felt like I had no choice but to go back to the dating apps…was because I Considered the Odds and embraced my reality.

I’d love to meet a woman while I’m out and about. Or at the gym. Or at some work or social function. In 2023, I joined a whole new church community in the hopes of finding a beautiful, single, childless woman and alas, I found none.  

In February 2024, I was 37-years-old. My taste in women is still smoking hot, young, fertile, conservative and Christian. My goal has always been to get married and have my family. What are the odds of me continuing to do the same thing and finally meeting someone?  

As much as I resented the idea of going back to Dating Apps, I had to look at my life and recognize that since the age of 30, the only viable options I had have been through dating apps. I calculated the odds and discerned that I couldn’t afford to keep waiting and hoping. 

But even on Dating Apps, you still run into issues with the Abundance Mindset. When you match with a person who’s attractive and has the qualities you’re looking for, because there’s so many options, you run the risk of asking yourself, “Is this the best I can do? If I commit to this person, will I miss out on someone even prettier?” 

What shook me from the Abundance Mindset?  

Wisdom derived from my Christian faith. I know who I am. I am not compatible with most modern progressive women. The name of the game is no longer “find the sexiest woman you can get,” it’s find an attractive woman who you respect, a presence you can enjoy, someone you can trust with your thoughts, feelings, and the lives of your future children, and someone who will trust in you to lead as the head of our family. 

And when I found that woman, it was my “Scarcity Mindset” that compelled me to get down on one knee and ask Julia to be my wife last December.

Why did I have a Scarcity Mindset? Because I knew there aren’t many American Women like her. And before ladies get upset, listen to what I’ve said. I’m not saying the most women aren’t cooperative or that they have an unpleasant presence. I’m sure there are men out there who like you just the way you are without having to change a thing. But what are the odds? 

From my experience, I am not compatible with most of them. The odds of me finding a woman who can acknowledge how different I am, appreciate it, respect it, and admire it are slim.

Women like Julia are “scarce”. It’s not that “I’ll never find another woman.” It’s that I’ll never find another woman with her personality, our chemistry…so cute and adorable with a banging hot Cross-fit body. 

I love her. I’ve never met anyone like her, which is why I don’t blame men when they doubt how much we truly get along. Even when we argue, we laugh and smile, so it doesn’t look like an argument, it feels like we’re flirting. 

Seriously, I can’t tell you how many guys have warned me about how difficult and hard marriages are. I’m not saying they’re wrong, but they’re comparing me and Julia to them. Which, again…is a dumb thing to do. 

I remember Julia recently told me, “I like that you don’t judge me.” 

And I started laughing as I said, “Oh no no no, sweetheart. I absolutely do judge! Seriously, I’m the king of judging people and I openly encourage everyone to do it. The cool thing about you is that I have judged you and discerned that you’re a good woman, worth marrying.” 

“Rock! You act like Julia’s not like the rest of the women and that your marriage will be so much better than everyone else’s! I think you need to check your ego and…” 

Easy…I don’t ask people for their unsolicited advice, they just give it. And when they do, just like with most conversations, I don’t feel a need to tell them how wrong they are because 1) how does that serve me? 2) only time will tell, and 3) I notice people tend to cast doubt on what I’m saying just to protect their own track record of making bad decisions. 

I’m sure my marriage will be replete with all kinds of difficulties and challenges. And yet…I smile as I type this…Challenge accepted. If I’m wrong about Julia and my assessment of her, I’m willing to accept and live with the consequences. Ladies and gentlemen…I like my odds with her.  

So, to wrap this all up when it comes to Abundance vs Scarcity Mindset…no matter what, you gotta be honest with yourself and embrace your reality.  

If the kind of person you want to marry is scarce, then you need to keep that in mind when you find them. This doesn’t mean you gotta act desperate or break down and crumble when/if things don’t work out.  

But it does mean you shouldn’t be so quick to let go, thinking to yourself “you can find another them in a minute.”