Stage In The Sky

This one goes out to all the Christians who are trying to live by Christ’s standards, and they’re asked this question. Especially if you feel like you’re the only one following the rules and getting nowhere for your efforts.  

The question relates to what I’m looking for in a mate. The question implies that you will probably never find what you’re looking for because what you want is unrealistic and thus, you need to let go of these standards and get with the times. 

Even if you rephrase the question with the warning of, “you know the kind of person you’re looking for is rare, right?” There are still implications. If you don’t follow up with any kind of encouragement, it does suggest that YOU THINK I should look for something else. 

I was recently asked this by someone who’s near and dear to my heart. Hence, I had no problem laying out my desire to find a loving Christian wife. I told this person about my lack of success, despite my efforts. 

It’s not like I haven’t had plenty of opportunities to commit to women this year. There were several ladies I talked to and courted, but none were worth me asking them to be my girlfriend. They weren’t bad people. I just couldn’t visualize a future with them.  

I either wasn’t attracted to them, they were single mothers with too much baggage, they were too old (to bear children), or they were lukewarm Christians who don’t really live by Christ’s standards. 

“Well, Rock. What kind of girl are you looking for?” 

Someone pretty, in shape (I can do gym thick), positive, upbeat, and optimistic are the bare minimum. I’m also very affectionate and the mushy romantic type, so if you can match that, even better. 

To go deeper about the “pretty,” allow me to point out that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. What I find pretty, you might find unattractive. No, I’m not corrupted by Instagram models and expect to get with a 10 out of 10 model. But deep down, it is important to me from the beginning to find her pretty because I tend to ask myself, “can I wake up every day for the rest of my life to that face?” 

If the answer is no, I believe it’s wise to not sit there and try and trick myself into finding something attractive about her, because as time passes, I may end up hurting her feelings and doing damage if nothing comes to bear. I know fellas would say, “Rock, you’re not responsible for her feelings.” But if you’re with me, I can’t help but feel responsible.  

I speak from experience on this point. Trust me, I have taken chances on women I did not find pretty but I loved their awesome personalities. So, anyone holding their “you’re too shallow” cards can shove it. 

The lukewarm Christians and single mothers are the biggest regrets. Because very often they are the most attractive, they’re still young and fertile but…sad to say, I foresee a whole host of problems in getting with these ladies because it’d put me in the position of Solomon.  

For those who don’t know, King Solomon was one of the wisest men who ever lived. He was rich, handsome, powerful, and in the end, his pagan wives turned him away from following God. Solomon is not the only one. In the book of Numbers, Israel’s enemies used idol worshiping women to turn a whole generation of men away from the Most High. 

Thus, it’s important to me that the woman I get with knows the Bible and believes in living by Christ’s standards. I don’t mind teaching her the Truth if she’s open and willing. But is that what our modern culture’s teaching women? To follow a man’s lead and listen? 

No, this doesn’t mean I live like a monk or that I expect to only date virgins. I’m open to dating women who’ve repented from their 304 ways. The true test, however, is once you get with me you’re gonna have to wait until marriage to have sex because I believe all sex outside of marriage is immoral.  

Now…that right there, a lot of people cannot handle that. A lot of ladies are turned off when it comes to that, and I’ve seen plenty of accounts from Women who struggle with the same thing. Women like Crystal Hayslett (pic above) have detailed that they grew up in the church but had sex before marriage because if they don’t give it up to the guy they want, that guy will simply move on to a woman who will. 

When women hear how I have resisted this world and denied myself the indulgences that most engage in, I think they assume that I’m unattainable. Or at the very least, I’m not as easy as that other guy who also calls himself a Christian and will put it down on the first night. 

And of course, there are Christians who commend me with compliments that have a hint of, “I couldn’t do that! But good for you.”  

Even my ex-girlfriend who was a Jehovah’s Witness claimed that I was “intimidating.” She said that I’m more of a Jehovah’s Witnesses than most of the Witnesses she dealt with. 

What she meant by that was both flattering and sad. In so many words, she was saying “in this infamously strict religion where they don’t even celebrate birthdays and holidays, I was more holy and walked the walk than they were.” 

Deep down, when people ask me, “Do you think your standards are realistic?” It really does make me unbearably sad. At the risk of embarrassing myself, it makes me want to run to God and just fall to his feet, clinging to his robe and asking him, “Please, just take me far away from this wicked place. No one else is playing by the rules. It’s just me. I’ll always be alone.” 

Of course, it’s not just me. There are millions like me scattered about, but big picture, I wonder if we’re even 1% of the 380 million Americans. And I cling to God because the Bible is full of encouraging men and women who have gone through the same thing and were rewarded with God’s love and blessings. Elijah’s the biggest one who comes to mind. (see 1 Kings 19: 3-4) 

The person who recently asked me that question didn’t ask to be malicious. She does genuinely love and care about me, but she clearly doesn’t know God or enough about the Bible to understand that I’m doing exactly what I’m supposed to do. 

The ones who DO understand would not respond with, “do you think your standards are realistic?” 

Their responses are usually a source of strength and encouragement. They’d tell me that I’m rare and it’s a beautiful thing to have such strength and discipline. They’d commend me for resisting this world and encourage me to keep placing my faith in God.  

They’d say “it’s sad and unfortunate that this world has fallen so far. Your generation has it so bad with all of the wicked influence permeating the culture. But God sees you. He sees what you’re going through and he loves that you’re choosing Him over the world. As long as you endure to the end, whether you get married or not, you will be rewarded.” (Matt 6:33) 

BOOM! I’m not saying every response has to be like that. But such a response does DEMONSTRATE that the person I’m talking to understands. They not only understand the world we’re living in, but they understand God’s word the Bible. 

I think almost every person who’s asked me, “Rock, do you think your standards are realistic?” either had no clue about today’s dating culture, they don’t know God or what the Bible says on how we should live, or they’re the kind of Christians who believe in bending the rules because God will understand that they did what they had to do. 

Knowing this about those people helps me to keep from getting too offended. I understand them. I understand why they think the way they do. But it kills me that those same people lack the comprehension skills to understand me.  

Seriously, I really had one dude tell me, “Rock, me and several co-workers are under the impression that the reason why you’re single is because no woman wants you.” 

That person is an Atheist left-leaning Millennial of average height and average hobbies who fits right in with today’s immoral culture. He has no idea what it’s like to be a 6’3, 230lb Christian black man who doesn’t fit in with any Black stereotypes. 

And out of all the reasons he could’ve landed on as to why I’m still single, it never even crossed his mind that “Maybe, Rock has had ladies come after him. And it’s Rock who didn’t want those ladies.” 

I’ve found that most of my left-leaning ungodly peers think this way, where they’d rather assume the worse than believe anything that portrays a contemporary in a positive, or superior light. For instance, it could be that Rock is so tall, strong, and handsome (see below) that a lot of ladies are scared to talk to him because A) they assume they don’t stand a chance because most men who look like him go for hot black women (even though I’ve historically admired the girl-next-door types and date all races) or B, the existence of a man like him goes against the notion that “women are the prize, not men”. 

Nah, that couldn’t be all that, right? Who does Rock think he is? He’s not better than the rest of us. We’re all equals and the same as the Culture has preached! We need to knock his ego down a notch and say something like “he’s too full of himself. He’s arrogant. No woman wants him because of he talks too much. He’s judgmental. He thinks he’s better than everyone else. He thinks he’s handsome? Nah, he’s really ugly with his big camel nose and bulging pug eyes.” 

“But Rock, if you’re so strong and handsome, then why aren’t you like the hundreds of other Chads and Tyrones who have ladies throwing themselves at them?” 

How many of those Chads and Tyrones are living by Christ’s standards? How many of them believe in waiting until marriage to have sex? Everybody’s different. Some are fortunate and blessed and others, as I’m going to explain, are probably being used by God in some other capacity.  

How about you just give me the benefit of the doubt that maybe I know what I’m talking about? Can your ego and self-esteem allow you to believe that I am not being arrogant. That this isn’t hubris. I don’t know what it’s like to be you. I’m trying to explain what it’s like to be me.  

NOW THEN! Allow me to try and explain why the question of “do you think your standards are realistic” is so bothersome. 

First off, it makes my stomach churn when I hear it from so-called Christians who did not wait until marriage to have sex. This includes a lot of people I love dearly. It makes me upset because GOD KNOWS I could’ve had sex and landed a wife and kids YEARS AGO!  

My Colombian Paramour that I’m constantly bringing up was like that. If I had given into the hook-up culture, this woman who I still say is the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen could’ve been mine. But I denied myself and resisted her. THAT WAS NOT EASY! 

Like, just take a moment and appreciate what I’m saying. All you who talk about how you gave into the culture because you were afraid of losing that one girl or guy you wanted…I actually did lose a lot of gorgeous ladies. I did what you lacked the strength and discipline to do. That isn’t to slight you, but to help you recognize that I’m not a simp, I’m not a beta, I’m not a “Have Not” nor am I a weak soy boy who doesn’t have the motherf**king balls to stand up and resist this wicked world. 

I don’t need your pity. If anything, I need to have a greater compassion for you. Because all of you who gave into the culture and want to stand there and brag about the success of your sinful behavior make me sick. It doesn’t mean I hate you. I just don’t respect what you did. You have no right to stand there and talk about my standards when, if you had remained faithful to yours, you’d probably be in the same boat as me. 

Honestly, it is the most infuriating thing. It’s like if you and your peers take off in a marathon race. They cheat and take a short cut, making it to the finish line before you. And then they call you up while you’re still running to say, “Do you think you really think you have what it takes to even be in this race?” 

YOU JERKS CHEATED! I don’t want to hear a damn thing from you.  

All you Christians who want to stand on, “Oh, I didn’t know” or “I was young” or “I gave up my virginity before I became saved and knew any better” ….Spare me. Alright, just spare me. I’ve heard it all. I understand. I acknowledge that I need to work on my compassion. But just stand aside as I continue running this marathon of life. Can’t stop, won’t stop. 

Secondly, when you say “are your standards realistic”? Do you know that they ask the same thing of narcissists, entitled, and delusional people? 

This is a problem when it’s asked of Christians striving to live by the Bible standards, because it prompts us to question our faith. As in, “is my Christianity holding me back?” 

I already mentioned it in my AI Video where a CNN contributor named Liberty Vittert suggested that “Men should adapt to the times”…And I’m like, “No. The way of the times goes against how God calls us to live.” 

If more of my generation were living by the Bible standards, my standards would not be unrealistic. My standards would not be high. But when you’re the only one playing by the rules…it’s like if you’re on the freeway going the speed limit when everyone else is speeding. Of course, they’re going to call you slow. They’re not following the rules. You are. 

Lastly, I want to address the Christians who were extremely blessed to have followed the rules and got married after having waiting till marriage to have sex.  

What I’m going to say will sound like the cop out of all cop outs. It’s going to sound like a lack of accountability and I’m blaming everyone but myself. To which, I’d say…it’s on the individual to be honest with themselves when it comes to the question of, “Are you doing what it takes to find what you’re looking for?” 

This year, I can say I have. In previous years, I tried online dating sites. But this year (2023), I’ve joined a church group. I’ve gone to social events and dinners. I’ve gone to Christian singles mixers. I’ve put myself “out there” plenty of times this year and haven’t found a single viable option for marriage because of reasons I’ve already explained. 

And throughout this year as I attended functions in search of a wife, I ask myself, “what are the odds that no matter what I do, God hasn’t placed a pretty, single, young, and fertile woman in my path?” 

I know that sounds unbelievable. I know you want to tell yourself, “Well, Rock, maybe they were pretty, but your standards of beauty might be too high.” But trust me…if I showed you pictures of them it would dissuade you from that. From what I saw, all the pretty women were already married, barely graduated high school, or single mothers with multiple children. 

Why am I pointing this out? Because I’ve come to believe that God has a plan for me. It’s not just coincidence. There are people in my shoes who are blessed to have found someone. The fact that I’ve not despite my best efforts leads me to believe that, for the moment, God indeed wants me to stay single. 

Again, I know that’s a cop out. But it’s what I believe. He could be working on my heart and soul, refining my character to be a good husband for the kind of woman I say I want. He could be teaching me these lessons so that I can better understand and help others. I doubt I’d be writing this essay, seeking to strengthen and encourage others if I was no longer on the dating market.

Seriously, if I had given into my Colombian Paramour and gotten married at 25, I doubt I’d have produced so many essays, read the entire Bible twice, or put my focus on seeking the Kingdom of Heaven.

I’m reminded of the book of Job where he was covered with boils and lost his children, wealth, and property. Job had three incredibly persuasive friends approach and try to convince him that the reason why he’s suffering such misfortune was because of some sin he committed. 

The truth is, Job didn’t commit any sin to justify all that misfortune. Likewise, when you know you’ve done your best to try and find someone and you just haven’t yet…and when people come to you and blame you, claiming you’re not doing enough and that’s why you’re still single…dude just trust in God. Understand that those friends may mean well, but just like Job, they’re probably going to do more harm than good. 

God used Job’s pain and suffering to provide a powerful lesson that’s been handed down for thousands of years. I like to think God’s using me the same way to provide some powerful lessons to a generation who’s struggling to carry their crosses and follow Christ.  

I’m here to tell you to keep your head up. There’s still life in the ole’ boy yet! When people ask you if your standards are unrealistic, it’s gonna be tough. It’s going to prick at your heart and make you think that the only one holding you back is you. 

Right now, you’re reading the defiant words of a rebel. And believe it or not, this world is full of rebels. There are those who rebel against God’s word to be their own gods and decide for themselves what’s right and wrong. And then there are us who rebel against this world with clenched fists as the fires of temptation sears at our flesh and tears at our hearts. 

But that’s alright…we can take it. I can take it. We glory in our sufferings “because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4 perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5 And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.” – Romans 5: 3-5 

Take solace in Ephesians 6 when you hear such questions and arm yourself with the truth, righteousness, peace, faith, spirit, and salvation. Be strong, my friends. You got this!